Change Your Image
mrcool1122
Reviews
October Moon (2005)
Not just low budget, but low talent and low quality
Contrary to what most other reviews have said, this movie breaks absolutely no new ground, nor features anything near a high-quality execution. An unrequited love turns an obsessive admirer violent? Give me a break. The mere fact that the love is homosexual is hardly enough to provide an adequate twist, or to persuade someone to lower his standards enough to accept this film as watchable. Horrible actors stumbling over pathetically groan-inducing lines, uninspired cinematography and editing, and an agonizing hour of useless exposition all contribute to make it an extremely tedious experience. A low budget is no excuse for a lack of talent. As a romantic drama it ranks below the worst standards of television, with its extremely trite and overwrought love-triangle concept, and as a tense thriller it falls flat on its face by creating absolutely no tension. It fails both in concept and execution, producing an all-out stinker.
The Langoliers (1995)
About 5 and half hours too long...oh, and it sucks too
Holee crap. Never, ever have I seen a WORSE tv-movie than this. And I've seen a lot of made-for-tv-movies. The characters are irritating, especially the little blind girl. Clocking in at 6 hours (including commercials) in two parts, this movie wins the award for Slowest Plot Progression Ever. It took all the characters an entire hour to determine that a bottle of beer was flat and tasted gross. It only took me five minutes to realize how crappy this movie was. Throughout the six hours, we are treated to the same exact clip of power lines falling in the distance as "the langoliers" approach the gang's location and I wanted to kill myself.
Silent Hill 2 (2001)
Best.Game.Ever
Wow. This game embodies everything that horror movies should be. Oh sure, the gameplay leaves some things to be desired, but that's like criticizing a good movie because the video had poor picture quality. Enjoy this game for the imagery, the eerie sense of...scary things, and the plot. Yes, that's right: plot. This video game is plot-driven; not like Resident Evil which can be summed up thusly: We Have to Kill Things.
The sound effects and scenes are better-done than in any other comparable video game, and most motion pictures too. But, heh, the lines are pretty dumb and the voice acting isn't that great, but, hey, it's a Japanese translation so you'd expect it not to be that great of an exercise in dialogue.
If you're a horror-movie aficionado, even if you're not a regular gamer, try this game. Or, if you're sick and tired of the crappy crap that is put out by the gaming industry, try this! It's good!
And don't come crying saying it was "boring" or something. You obviously played this game for the wrong reasons.
Popcorn (1991)
It's dumb...and I love it!
Jill Schoelen (who is not Winona Ryder) is back from her oh-so-captivating performance in "Cutting Class" to bring us more absurdly hilarious "horror" in "Popcorn". This movie best falls under the "teen slasher" category, because lots of people get killed and nobody knows who's doing it and they're all trapped inside a movie theater and who's going out with who and oh my god who's my real father. The body count is relatively low, and most of the characters end up okay in the end, but the few deaths are done with panache and creativity, including a big fake mosquito through the heart and electrocution of a guy in a wheelchair. Nice! The mystery, when revealed at the end, is typical and disposable. Appreciate this movie for what it is: a series of terrible lines, meaningless violence, and just plain hilarity. Go rent this, and "Cutting Class", right now.
Nightwish (1989)
Worst movie ever
I have seen many a horror flick in my time, all of them absurdly bad, but none reach the depths that this piece of trash lowers itself to. This movie made me angrier and angrier as I watched it as I tried to wrap my head around exactly what this movie was about. Now, after I've seen it, I understand - sort of - what was going on and why, but the movie itself is just too confusing to be enjoyable when you're watching it. Yes, there are the customary scenes of gratuitious violence, one-liners that show the mind-blowing insightfulness of its characters ("The highway belongs to me...ME!"), and enough nudity to sufficiently distract us from the "plot", but still you'll leave this movie feeling alone and taken advantage of, like a puppy who isn't wanted anymore and is left in a box by the side of the road. Blech.