psiguy Reviews

Xmoor (2014)

Don't waste your time

[3/10 · 5 October 2015]

First - and yes THIS IS A SPOILER - the film is a bait and switch. It's not about a killer panther, but a human killer. Thankfully they let you know within the first act, which means some viewers will make the wise choice to put something else on. It would suck if they paid for it and got swindled, but at least they could save themselves some time. I found it on Netflix and, unfortunately, decided to stick with it for the rest of the runtime.

Basically the whole thing is annoying characters making infuriatingly stupid decisions over and over. And over. And the events of the last fifteen or so minutes feel like they were drawn out of a hat - just completely random stuff lacking any trace of forethought.

So, don't waste your time.

The Little Traitor (2007)

Charming coming of age tale

[10/10 · 31 October 2009]

So many historical movies are just overbearing and a slog to get through. The Little Traitor really gives you just enough historical background for the events to serve as a backdrop for the primary story - an unlikely friendship between an Israeli boy growing up in Palestine and an English soldier trying to keep the peace.

Alfred Molina (Spider-Man 2, Chocolate, Prince of Persia) stars as Sergeant Dunlop, a kindhearted man who doesn't really fit in among his fellow soldiers and longs for home and the girlfriend he left behind. He encounters a precocious young boy named Proffy (Ido Port), who fancies himself a crusader for Israeli independence. He sees that Proffy, who has never connected with his father, needs a male influence and befriends him.

The friendship proves tricky for them both, as Dunlop's fellow soldiers are weary of the boy, and Proffy's friends end up seeing him as a traitor for befriending Dunlop. Dunlop and Proffy each grows through the adversity they face and end up stronger for it.

Molina is really fabulous in this classy, warm coming of age tale. Some might see it as a niche film for Jewish audiences only, but it tells an extremely universal story that I think would play well with anyone.

Road to Moloch (2009)

Thrilling horror short on a cinematic scale.

[10/10 · 28 July 2009]

Road to Moloch is perhaps the best short film I've ever seen. It tells the story of three American soldiers in Iraq searching for missing brethren. They find a half-crazy Iraqi who leads them to a cave where they find something more horrifying than anything they could have imagined.

It's a tight, thrilling film that looks and feels like a feature. It's reminiscent of some of Neil Marshall's work and is equally effective on a much smaller budget. Very impressive.

If you enjoy movies like Dog Soldiers, The Descent and Aliens, you'll appreciate this short. By all means seek it out.

The Action Hero's Guide to Saving Lives (2009 Video)

Like Last Action Hero, only it's actually funny. One of the best shorts I've ever seen.

[10/10 · 27 July 2009]

Patrick Warburton (Rules of Engagement, Seinfeld, The Venture Brothers) plays Ace Mulligan, the kind of action hero that unfortunately went out of style in the early 90's. Played perfectly deadpan, he tries to rescue a hostage from a criminal mastermind with more bravado than planning.

It's a very funny movie. There are some great gags and Warburton is hilarious. It probably runs 3 or 4 minutes too long, but that's not too bad as it is consistently amusing even if it gets just a tad repetitive.

It's a great looking film as well - directed as well as a major action film by Justin Lutsky and shot with style and flare by Jeff Dolen. It was apparently shot on red one digital cameras, which is hard to believe cause it has a very filmic look.

If you're a fan of the Naked Gun movies or 80's and early 90's action films - you'll enjoy this. Definitely one of the best shorts I've ever seen.

The 13th Warrior (1999)

Outstanding adventure thriller

[10/10 · 21 January 2007]

I really love this film. What a great combination of mystery, thrills, chills, and blood-soaked battles.

I understand some people having a problem with Antonio Banderas playing an Arab. He's a Spaniard - so he looks and sounds like a Spaniard. But I really think he gives a great performance here. He really makes his transformation from pampered Lothario to warrior compelling and believable. He has this great intensity that takes the action to a whole other level. The largely unknown supporting cast is also great. They feel totally authentic.

Without a doubt this is one of John McTiernan's best films. He was really on a role in the late 90's - which makes you wonder just what went wrong with Rollerball and Basic. Hopefully he'll return to form - cause few directors can move the camera as well as he can.

Beowulf & Grendel (2005)

Void of excitement

[3/10 · 20 January 2007]

Despite some breathtaking scenery - there's little entertainment to be had here. The filmmakers seem intent on humanizing the story - which I applaud them for - but that doesn't mean they couldn't have a little fun now and then. Even the fights - which are few and far between - don't do much to quicken the pulse. Even the bizarrely odd Christopher Lambert Beowulf had some excitement for Pete's sake.

Gerard Butler does little to help matters, delivering a fairly charisma free performance as Beowulf. And I guess he felt his Scottish accent was close enough to the Scandinavian brogue used by most of the cast. Sara Polley is absolutely grating as Selma - and makes no attempt at an accent whatsoever. At least Stellan Skarsgard lets loose from time to time as Hrothgar.

The directing is downright odd. Gunnarsson doesn't seem to know quite where to put the camera. Capturing action is not the same thing as directing action.

I know it may seem harsh - but I'm going to have to give this a 3.

The Descendent (2006 Video)

Best Student Horror Film

[10/10 · 26 October 2006]

I've seen my fair share of student horror films and The Descendant is by far the best. It's extremely well made and looks professional from the credits to the shockingly good special effects. Especially good here is the production design. The house feels as if it's slowly rotting from the inside out. It's like a mix of the dusty dilapidation of Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the cold sterility of Terence Fisher's Hammer films. Robert Glickert directs the film like an old pro, and it's just enjoyable to watch it unfold. Sometimes you have to struggle to follow or make sense of a student film, but Glickert guides the viewer with an expert hand. The level of skill on display is truly rare for a student film, and is unfortunately becoming increasingly rare for theatrical horror films.

Orca (1977)

Possibly the worst film I've ever seen.

[1/10 · 14 July 2003]

It's just complete crap. It's hard to describe. It's a Jaws knock-off, right down to Richard Harris wearing the same type of jacket Robert Shaw wore.

It's ludicrous. It basically makes the killer whale a serial killer, and makes the whale smart enough to locate people's houses. There is no character to root for, to reason to care. The whale footage is stuff filmed at Marine World, and you can tell. It's not scary, it's like watching Shamoo swim, then some quick cuts and someone's lost a leg! The only saving grace is the score, which is however completely out of place in this film. Do yourself a favor and skip this film. -JB

Half Past Dead (2002)

Fast, fun, action packed!

[10/10 · 27 November 2002]

Hey, Half Past Dead isn't Oscar material, but if you're looking for a fun action movie it's pretty darn good. Steven Seagal and Ja Rule star as prisoners who must save hostages taken at the new Alcatraz. Morris Chestnut is the baddie who has taken hostages to force a death row inmate to reveal the whereabouts of 200 million in U.S. gold. There are several good fight scenes and plenty of action. Seagal is good as always. This is a must see for his fans. It ranks above Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Ticker, The Patriot, and On Deadly Ground.

-JB