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StoicBlade
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The Last House on the Left (2009)
Worst, most pointless remake I have ever seen.
CONTAINS SPOILERS: The first half of the original was much darker and was actually relevant in the cynical, Vietnam era. In addition, the second half of the original was more creative and diabolical. Why anyone would desire to remake a movie about 2 girls being raped with absolutely no artistic or social merit is just pathetic. And worse they did it poorly. Hollywood took an intense and gritty film and white-washed it for the mainstream. And the final scene in the remake (spoiler) where the father lays the villain on a table and puts the killers head in an open microwave and the explodes the head was absolutely ludicrous. For a good revenge remake, watch "I Spit On Your Grave".
Alphas (2011)
Rehashes other shows who did it better.
I have finished the 3rd episode and I think this show is crap. It uses concepts from other shows (other shows who did it better). Some examples of other shows: throw a group of odd and quirky people together to fight a common cause (Leverage on TNT), you have good people with abilities and bad people with abilities, and the good people have to locate others with special abilities. The bad people go to a secret government facility (Heroes - Season 1). Government agents go out and investigate strange phenomenon or people with strange abilities (Warehouse 13 and Haven). All these shows are far superior compared to Alphas. Also, the Alphas are weak. One girl has heightened senses so she is a good investigator. The second girl and manipulate others to do her will. You have the cliché computer nerd who is always twitchy and hyper. You have an FBI agent who can become super strong for a very short time (like 5-15 minutes), but at least he carries a gun. The new guy has incredible space and time perception so he is very agile, can ricochet bullets, etc. and is one of the few cool characters on the show. At this point, 3 out of the 5 Alphas would die in a bar fight. Finally, I am not a big fan of the actor who plays Nina. I don't think she has the sex appeal to pull off a manipulator of people. Also, she seems more like a spoiled, rich girl who always gets her way instead of some kind of super human bad-ass. My recommendation is skip Alphas and try 1 of the other shows listed in this review.
Falling Skies (2011)
I am totally hooked on this show.
I do not understand why so many people are being so harsh regarding this show. Yeah, its basically "The Walking Dead", except with aliens...but I think this is a good thing. Unlike "V", this is a show that focuses on the survivors. Many reviewers have said that the characters are clichés. However, I would simply call them archetypes and I thoroughly enjoy watching most of the characters when they are on screen. It seems that many reviewers have based their opinions on the first 2 episodes. However, with so many characters, it takes time to get to know them. The show definitely starts off at a slow-burn. I think many people are having the same problem with this show as they did with "48 Days Later". Many people wanted to see a zombie horror movie. However, once they realized that the movie was a human drama and the zombies where more of a situation that humanity had to deal with, the reviewers whined that the movie sucked. "Falling Skies" is the same way. The show is not about aliens. The alien invasion is just the situation. The show is about the human drama that is the result of the situation. Watch more than just 2 episodes before you form an opinion. I think that you will enjoy it.
Signs (2002)
Overrated and a major disappointment.
I cannot understand the popularity of this film. Mel Gibson is mis-cast as the ex-priest. The acting is not great. Both, Gibson and Phoenix comes across as simple hicks. My favorite scene: When Phoenix equates an experience of almost kissing a girl who vomits to Gibson's discussion of signs and lost faith. Doh! An the aliens are some of the worst, rubbery costumed fakes that I have seen in a long time. The plot is slow and labored and the ending comes on too strong. On a final note, will someone please tell M. Night Shyamalan to stop appearing in his own films! It ruins the suspension of disbelief (he stands out like a sore thumb) and he is no Hitchcock. Leave the acting to the actors.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
Anyone over the age of 30 will know how bad this movie sucks!
I would guess that anyone who grew up with the original trilogy will suffer the same disappointment that I did when I viewed this film (along with The Phantom Menace). Some main points: 1)Hey George. Lay of the computer graphics. Go back to using models. They felt much more real and visceral. 2)Why does everything in the new trilogy look more modern and complex (even though this story occurs before Chapters IV, V, VI) then it does in the original trilogy. Those super sleek, shiny ships look out of place compared to the original M. Falcon and tie fighters. 3)The characters are way too serious. (Remember from The Empire Strikes Back that the young Obi-Wan had a reputation of being a problemed, rebellious student.) Now that we have the chance to see the young Obi-Wan, where is he? Ewan McGregor is way too straight-laced (he is normally a fascinating actor.) 4)Anakin comes off as a spoiled, whiny, jerk. We are supposed to see a character arc into Darth Vader, but let me tell you...Anakin doesn't have far to go. He is naturally unlikable. Finally, where is the humor?? The witty one-liners that Han Solo used to spout off and the bumbling of a naivé Skywalker.
George is really blowing it. One side note: I do really like the political story line, however the execution and characters suck.
Escape from L.A. (1996)
Worst Carpenter film of all time!
Wow, this movie sucked. It is basically the exact same thing as "Escape From N.Y.", but a real crappy, cheap version. The plot is a re-hash and the film contains some of the worst excuses of computer animated sequences that I have ever seen. Avoid and rent the superior "Escape From N.Y."
Conan the Barbarian (1982)
A very underrated gem...
This is an oft overlooked film. Good plot, James Earl Jones, humor, some nice romantic moments, social commentary on male bonding, and an amazing score from Basil Poledouris. I throughly enjoyed this film. A well made pop-corn flick.
The Last House on the Left (1972)
I do not understand the appeal. This movie stinks.
I have heard so much about this movie that I ran out a but the special edition DVD. After watching it, I sat there numb wondering if I had rented the wrong movie. The movie was horrible. Not nearly as disturbing as everyone says and the music completely ruins the mood. (The music is laughable.) The movie does have its moments in terms of shock value, however there is no real build up of climax of atmosphere. In addition, I was confused because I kept waiting for a "last house on the left". (The picture on the box shows two girls fleeing from a large, menacing, gothic house. In truth, it is a suburban house belonging to a middle class doctor.) Very misleading. Save your money.