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Pálpito (2022)
Cliche telenovela absurdity
Really good premise with the heart swap thing, where are the feelings in the brain or in the marked heart etc but quickly descends into absurdity and pantomime.
Obviously everyone is dark (not black), moody sexy and foreboding being stereotypical Columbian so there is plenty of eye candy. As stated dark as in moody as in this version of Colmbia black people or anything other than white doesn't exist.
What is super annoying and completely makes the unbelievable ludicrous is the photography and I don't mean in a cinematic sense.
One of the characters is a photographer and it is important that we see her snapping away however somebody went to lazy foley sound library and selected "cheap camera sound deal". When she presses the shutter we hear the mirror click and the film wind forward however she is using a mirrorless DSLR. There is no mirror or film so every time I heard her taking a picture it bugged the living daylights out of me and jolted me out of an already thin reality.
Pretty people, latin bodice ripping silliness - and loud digital cameras.
Tomb Invader (2018)
The Appalling Yet Silly laughable Uninspired Movie
That is what The Asylum stands for. You can't hate their productions because you know what to expect and then realise the movie didn't meet your lowest expectations. You watch these movies as some noise in the background and to keep an eye out for some easter eggs to the real movies they ape.
It's a low-budget rip-off off the Tomb Raider franchise, no need to go into detail but I give it three stars for the Indiana Jones reference. The heroine here isn't named after the state of Indiana, this one is called Alabama. Not Iowa, or Georgia, Virginia or any other state that would have made sense - no the writers picked the first state in the alphabet and named her Alabama. That is a company that basques in putting the least amount of effort into their productions and you can't help but have a wee wry smile.
Bates Motel: A Danger to Himself and Others (2016)
Seminal episode.
The writing and camera work had this down, so much space for the actors to work in, seriously one of the best eps. Who saw Norma coming up with those responses to the situations? It's a beautiful thing when the writers dare to keep flipping you the mind finger. Towards the end when it went all Hitchcock, skewed camera work for Norman's state of mind, the mirrors and reflections, cutting to the symmetrical framing before the storm.
POSSIBLE SPOILER
The house shot dead centre, Norman in his robe shot dead centre then booyakha! Sheed hits the fan and Norman is the man or maybe woman.
This ep has pretty much everything, editor actors, camera and writing in perfect step. Perfect balance of the present with a nod to its roots. Damn good bit of Bates this.
Jurassic City (2015)
Excellent as you only need to watch 25 mins!
You have to give it one star if you don't have the strength to loose a chunk of your life torturing yourself for the full feature. However it generously delivers all it's low- expectations from the beginning enabling you to do something more useful like sort out your fridge or organise your toilet paper by different weights. The following is due to the fact that IMDb requires you to submit a minimum 10 lines, sorry in advance. 19 mins in there is some clichéd girl on girl action in a prison. The title sequence isn't bad, it matches the red of the tight short dress that the dark haired girl wears. There's a decent ironic analogy of Freud's structural model of the pschye captured through Altmanesque segues, actually there isn't I'm just fluffing out the 10 line minimum. Oh there are lingering shots of a woman's behind as she gets into a Jacuzzi. Sorry what was I reviewing again? It's already left my mind.
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Spaced - the rom,zom,com frontier explored
If there was any doubt that the "Spaced" crew were not sheer genius, then this film quashes that like a bullet in the head. This is hilarious, and one of the best examples of British comedic, nuance I've seen in a long time.
It's just a pretty usual scenario, 30 something Shaun (Simon Pegg) needs to do something other than veg out in the pub if he's to keep the girl (Kate Ashfield). Luckily or not, the walking dead barely recognisable from the pub regulars, or the shelf stackers descend upon his world.
What follows is a race against time for Shaun along with the brilliant Nick Frost as Ed to carry out the "big plan" in order to save himself and his loved ones.
Pegg has the small details of Londoners down to such a T that sometimes I was laughing at myself. Women will love it, the guys will love it and Zombies will definitely not be offended.
This film is Hackney on an early Sunday morning. All the important things are here, your local pub, your local drug dealer, your regular cuppa tea, and ya mam.
Finally something to erase the sad, naval gazing drivel of 28 Days later.
Classic.
28 Days Later... (2002)
28 days too long
28 days later and you'll be wondering why on earth you ever spent even 28cents of your hard earned cash to see this trash.
I was excited as it was British, horror and shot on digital.
My excitement soon turned to shame, and my horror was aimed fair and square at the poor technical production. Please, has anybody never told the editors the importance of saturation control and contrast? It's hard to be scared when the whole movie is so dark that only the huge pixels leap out in a very frightening manner.
You care nothing for the characters only wishing that they die putting you out of your misery.
The idea of rage and hate being a disease was wasted on this over-long MTV video desperately looking for an eighties rock track to give it substance.
When Christopher Eccelston finally arrives to save the day, even he can't save the film.
In the end all you think is so what? Been there seen that, only better on the Nintendo and with better characters.