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chrisleate
Reviews
Horsemen (2009)
Warning: Almost contains a spoiler
This was one of those "clever" movies that had a twist at the end. The whole point in these films is the twist at the end. The twist in this film was obvious in the extreme but so stupid that you discounted it as being too dumb.
During the second half of this movie the only thought in my head was "please don't let this be the twist, please tell me that writers are more imaginative than that, please don't let me have to watch the second half of this movie only to find it was what I guessed after the first 20 minutes".
The moral message of it all is dumb and a bit tired for anyone who has watched enough American films. You could parody this entire movie and make the moral message play out like an episode of southpark.
You could probably have condensed the whole film into an episode of Steven King's short stories and it would have had a much wider impact.
Awful, just awful
Blowjob Adventures of Dr. Fellatio 7 (1998)
This Film has a number of continuity flaws and doesn't make sense
WARNING HEAVY SPOILER: This film is set in the castle of the villain of the piece, Dr. Fellatio. Dr. Fellatio is plotting world domination, he's built a cannon which will drain the world water supply and blast the entire planet with a substance reminiscent of wallpaper paste.
For some reason he insist on telling every detail of his evil plan to his scantily clad assistant (surely if she's been assisting him in building it she must know what it does already). At this point for no reason she gets down on all fours and performs a graphic and lurid sex act which has nothing to do with the plot, and if anything detracts from the main story.
After the plot has been set with all the subtlety of a rhinocerous in ballet shoes we are introduced to the heroes. The casting for this movie is incredibly strange too, there's a midget, 7 girls (who I assume were chosen for reasons other than their acting ability) some poor amputee woman who they carry everywhere and a donkey called "Colin the Wonder Donkey".
It's never really explained how they have discovered Dr. Felattio's evil plan but we join them at the point when they are entering the castle. It is also not explained how Dr. Felattio has been expecting them and set a trap.
The girls, donkey and midget are then taken to the torture dungeon where Dr Felattio tortures them in a sadistic and sexual manner, this scene is probably the longest scene in the movie and is very exploitative and unnecessary very reminiscent of the SS series or Salon Kitty / Salo.
The girls are then left in the dungeon while the Evil Dr goes to work on his spunkifier. Just like all these predictable movies they are left with a possible escape plan in the form of a door unlock button (just out of reach), a golf ball (also just out of reach) and an incredibly long bit of hose pipe.
I shan't spoil the rest of the movie as it's already quite bad, suphise to say I took it straight back to blockbusters where I had purchased it and swapped it for cum gargling dwarfs 3, a much better genre piece with a far more believable plot line. I'm giving it 2 stars for the papier mache castle that they managed to build on a very tight budget.