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Prehistoric Planet (2022)
"And how do we know this?"
Made it about ½ way through the 1st episode and aside from excellent CGI, I kept asking myself this question over and over again:
"And how do we know this?"
There wasn't a shred of evidence presented that backed up anything Attenborough stated in the presentation, which would have made these events presented much more interesting.
Also, the anthropomorphizing of the animal life is completely unfounded and presented without evidence.
How do we know T-Rex swam or looked after its young?
What is the great big antler on the flying things head for aerodynamically?
How do we know the fledgling pterodactyls would nest on the cliff faces, without parents and crawl to the top of the cliff to fly off? Why not just jump where their nest was?
The questions just kept piling up with no answers or evidence.
This series have been far more entertaining and informative with this background information to substantiate the claims this show made, so I am left with the idea that this whole series is nothing more than wild speculation put to a dramatic story telling showcased by cgi to capture your imagination and sell it to gullible minds.
Won't be watching any more of it.
OJO
V--V.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
Lacks a realistic monster given the pedigree is draws on.
Sounds like a compelling plot with great potential for a good little B movie but fails miserably in the implementation with the lack of a good horror character that had some depth to it.
Why do they have to change ol' Drac into something he's not?
Turns out he's a grey gargoyle thing that isn't very human at all and given our societal boredom of monster movies, the star character was pretty lame in its usual presentation of nothing more than a animal hunt set on a ship.
There was no tension or build up that set the story and it just turned into another boiler plate monster movie with no interaction between Dracula and the crew as the Dracula wasn't human, which would have made for an awesome build up through the utilization of psychological horror as he moved about with the crew.
There's a reason why the original movie is still kind of scary and this movie reveals the reasons why.
Dracula on the ship should have been human, forming relationships with the crew, some humanity, vulnerability, as the original movie conveyed, setting him up as the horrific figure he is but instead they went with an aloof, super powered vampire that was just no better than any other monster hunt movie.
Not a complete waste of time, but could have been a great psychological thriller with some action and great jump scares.
One Day as a Lion (2023)
Just a stinker... Simmons should have known better.
Yeahup, just a stinker.
Lame plot, with no surprises, except for a dumb ending, comprised of unmemorable characters that behave in manners that are foolish and unrealistic, given that this isn't a comedy, although it seemed to start out like it was in the beginning.
There is nothing that would prompt me to watch this again and I feel robbed of my 1:27 minutes of life. Actually started to fast-forward through parts, which is never a good sign.
Grillo is a B movie star and probably just wanted more credits, screen time and a pay cheque but the big head scratcher is Simmons, as in 'What the heck was he doing in this?'. Must have needed a bit of rent or something.
Way too classy an actor for this stencher. He sleep walks through his lines and still shines in the movie, the little time he has in it.
Never figured out the film titles relevance and couldn't care.
Stay away from this, as it's Once Day As A Turkey.
Sense8 (2015)
Nause8ting. Too much sexual agenda in it.
Well, the 1st season was overly filled with the sexual agenda of the Wachowskis, but the second was just nauseating.
You'd better like gay sex and an in-your-face gay political message, pushy alternative lifestyles and we can't forget the trans political messaging as an underlying issue. I wonder where the Wachowskis got that from, eh?
If you're like me, you're fed up with this agenda being shoveled at you all the time in media now and this vehicle just works at you like a snowblower.
Totally put me off, especially the second season. In fact I started skimming past the overt political sex scenes and messaging, which was a lot of the 2nd season.
Oh, the plot?! Almost forgot about it.
Interesting idea but lost with all the above and the side, subplots of the main characters, again always devolving into sexual politics.
Lots of scenes were minutes and minutes way, wa-aa-aaaay too-ooo long, like the dance scene in the Matrix series, whatever movie it was.
Should be recut and all this above garbage, cut out. Make a great one season.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Another OTT Ridiculous Action Movie
' ' ' I give it 1, because after the backwards car chase, and the bar fight, I just gave up.
I don't mind a bit of suspension of disbelief, but well, I'm just tired of movies like this.
To see somebody racing backwards down a street, being chased by a cop, and he's a 20 something punk? Nope. Not happening. Not in your wildest dreams.
And the bar fight, with the unbelievable moves, that never miss, the watch dart into the neck?
If this kind of stuff is your bag, great, but I'm done with it. I can barely stomach the comic book movies, anymore.
I shut it off.
OJO .V-V
Gods of Egypt (2016)
Awful plot, bad CGI.
' ' ' Couldn't not comment on this pile of camel dung.
Why anyone would give this steaming pile 10 stars is beyond me.
Ridiculous story, without any grounding in backstory.
The 'world' is a big flat earth?
Horrible CGI, but better than the SyFi networks monthly serving of dreck. Horses seem to glide along the roads. The fearless quad trekking through the sand storm was awful.
They can't fly'em over to a desert for some of the real shots?
This cost $140 million? Good money poured down the Nile!
StarGate SG1 made better use of plot and tech available and it's 20 years old.
Shame on Butler and the rest, for showing up for a pay cheque.
Maybe passable fair for the 8-12 year crowd. Maybe.
∆ V-V
Road Hard (2015)
Funny movie!
' ' ' Yeah! One of the few movies I've had laugh-out-loud moments in, for years.
Carolla really nails the mid-life crisis moments of a career gone off the rails, slowly, inexorably, unexplainably, or really never having one, as one turns the corner in life to realize it ain't gonna happen. Every man will recognise Carolla's character, sack-kicks, the humiliation and smile to themselves.
The smoking/credit card scene is worth the price of admission.
They don't make movies like this anymore—Although they just did, eh?—as it's just a decent story, with good character development.
John Candy used do flicks like this, that didn't do box-office boffo, but were just good little flicks.
I think this'll do a lot better in rotation, than it did in the theatres.
It's for a different audience than your action-oriented fan but well worth the time.
SweetDoug
Growing Up in America (1988)
Prescient Beyond Words Consider The Missouri University Cry Bullies
In what should be required viewing for all potential student leaders, with leftist, liberal progressive, fascist tendencies, this film has the beginning and end of such rebellions.
I caught this in the early 90's. I was never a fan of that 60's BS, and to see burnouts like Hoffman, O'Leary, & Ginsberg commenting upon themselves was marvellous.
They got old. And they grew up.
They looked back upon themselves as anyone would to a bunch of juvenile whelps in their early 20's.
One guy, was literally laughing his face off.
Not to be missed, considering the times we live in, if you're at all interested in the history of the sucky-baby, fascist, leftist liberal progressives.
∆ V-V
Under the Skin (2013)
Tedious. Pretentious.
' ' ' Uggh
Pretentious, tedious bore of a film.
It's one of those films that bills itself as far, far more than it really is, but it's really nothing.
There is no plot. People will yammer on about 'depth' and 'subtext' and 'study' of society and all that crap and wicked artfag bs but there really isn't anything here.
It's a bad art-house movie, at best.
At worst, it's one big yawn that if you sit through to the end of it, hoping for some big turn of events, it not only never delivers, you'll realize it was a heap of crap to begin with, as the plot is virtually none existent.
Cocktail (1988)
It Leaves Wincing
Finally watched the movie as a memory of someone I knew, who had a part in a scene as an extra. I didn't even recognize them.
Just awful dreck. Cruise is his usual youthful Cruisesque acting, which in a venue such a this, you'll swear you've seen before somewhere.
Instead of a figher jet, it's a booze bottle, and there's not that much action either.
Plot's thinner than skimmed pea soup.
It's so bad that it leaves you cringing at the hideous 80's style of Cruise, with his painful effort to act as a showoff. Best leave this one to the dustbin.
Season of the Witch (2011)
Bad CGI, Lame Story, No Redeeming Anythings
The plot line is as thin as gas on water.
Essentially, a buddy/road flick set in the dark ages. Scoundrels are pressed into service after leaving the crusades for ethical reasons–I'm giving the plot far too much credit–and must transport witch who is responsible for the plague, to face justice.
And it gets wrapped up with a too predictable and too quick battle at the end.
Perlman looks like he's sleep walking through the thing.
CGI is just plain bad and overused. Shot in that wet, greyish-blue tone that just reeks of low budget.
Overall, would have made a great Sci-Fy Channel stinker that turned out to be surprisingly good, but considering the money and talent that actually went into it, unless you have the flu some day and it's on the only channel you get on the bunny ears, I'd skip it.
∆
V-V
The Running Man (1987)
Doesn't Hold Up At All, And Never Did, 20+ Years Later
The epitome of bad, schlocky, 80's sci-fi movies, it has a bizarre and unbelievable plot that's thinner-than-saranwrap, filled with low-budget, this-is-what-the-future-will-look-like, plywood constructions, awful techno-synthesizer music, skin-tight dance suit routines to fill time, while the story line is populated by unbelievable characters running around swinging chainsaws, shooting electricity, or napalm, that you just couldn't care about, even after an hour and half. Who wins? I don't know and don't care.
Skip it.
It doesn't hold up and never could, as it really shows its age after 20+ years.
Made at the rise of Schwartz's career peak, it's a bad story, filled with cheezy "Swartzenegger" lines that became his trademark, or rather, were his trademark. One or two is great, but not at the end of every scene.
This is the movie that spawned "I'll be back!" and of course, the great line, origins now long forgotten by the recent cultural pop generation, having just fallen into the cultural lexicon, Richard Dawson's, "Shee-Owtime!" There is a small nod to what one reviewer spent a while outlining, the prescience of the reality TV show and the surveillance society, but let's not give too much credit here. Everybody's read 1984 and can riff off of it.
Better to view "Last Action Hero" as watching him finish the Running Man show in under 3 hours, having been blown up, chainsawed, firebombed, and by the end of it, he's had a couple of clothing changes and looks like he just stepped off a magazine cover, not a hair out of place, to wander off into the titles with the hot latino chick, is just too much.
All of course, parodied in LAH, which failed miserably, but is now considered a rather good movie. I'm sure the viewing public did get the far more subtle idea, as did Hollywood, that while the movie was self-depricatingly making fun of Swartz and the movies he made, it was really laughing at the dopes who bought into the whole notion of the movies LAH parodied.
The Running Man is one of those movies that people back then, bought into, myself included.
But I was a kid.
I wanted to see it again, as I remembered watching it and thought it was okay, and now, found myself, quickly fast-forwarding through most of it, wishing for not only the 50 minutes I wasted some 20+ years later, but the hour and half and my $5 rental fee for the video tape, 20+ years ago.
As you will, too ∆ V-V
Mega Piranha (2010)
What An $#@%'ing Stinker!
This might come as a HUGE shock, but I've never even watched the movie! But after the last few movies SPACE has run up in Kanada, with titles like Megathis vs Megathat, just call it a hunch...
Tiffany?!? The chunky broad from Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus or was it MegaPython vs CrocoSaurus? I can never keep these celluloid gems straight.
It's the same plot as the rest of the crap! I know! How about MegaPiranha vs MegaShark Vs Crocosaurus!? The permutations of the fermentations are limitless!
Puh-leeze! I think I'm alone now, Tiffany, so just go take off your clothes again! But from 20 years ago! I think I'm going to be sick now, if I watch any of this movie.
Don't bother to thank me, but I think I just saved me and you 2 hours of our lives from fame whores like Barry and Tiff there, who just can't seem to have the personal integrity to fade into the sunset on their past glory.
No, these movies are not campy, or cool-funny. They are huge wastes of time, that good people get suckered into putting good money into and that's where their money goes to die.
Did you really need to read this to figure out this is one big, steaming pile, after you read the title of the movie?!
They should have donated their time and money on this monstrousity of a movie to a good starving orphans charity, rather than make this stinker.
Demolition Man (1993)
Did I See The Same Movie That Lot's Of Others Saw?
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra...
I've had a crush on this woman since she started in the biz. The perfect face, just gorgeous German beauty.
But even that can't save this movie.
Great comedy/action movie? Wow. Must be the other Demolition Man they saw as this one was not camp, as it was written to be good, but then again, maybe they accomplished what they set out to do? To give this movie even that bit of intellectual debate is to do it a service not worthy of it.
It's bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Dialogue is stilted and delivered like lead balloons and it's not funny. It's written like a film art student would write in college. You can see it coming a mile away.
Now what would be interesting is to write the sequel. Do you really think a man like Stallone would be able to live in that quasi Brave New World/1984 state? Or Sandra's character after she got a taste of what a real man was like? It would seem logical that Mr. Demo Man would turn into something more like Snipes' character. Make for a good imagining to save the first movie.
Ba'al (2008)
Get The Nose-clips For This Stencher!
I could watch Lexa Doig dust book shelves, so fortunately, not knowing she was in this monster of a movie, I was otherwise sparred the wasting of 2 hours of my precious life on this celluloid crap-heap of a flick. Although I doubt even she could have held my attention in this stencher.
Is this a fair review? Of course not. I actually only saw about 20 seconds of it! 18 seconds too much, I fear... Probably near the end, a scene that struck me as a bad rip from the Mummy movie, that looked like the angry-mummy-face-in-the-sand-storm scene. That's all it took, and I hit the "next-channel" button, musing to myself, like others have mentioned, that it had "Bad Sci-Fy Channel Movie" written all over it.
It was on "Show Case". I wonder what they would classify as a "Bottom-Of-The-Shelf-Case" movie on a Saturday night, if this was the event of the evening? The mind recoils at the possibilities...
When are we as a civilization going to man-up and just start culling our archives of this crap? Stick with the bank commercials, Lexa. At least there's a little dignity in that pay-cheque.
Sharktopus (2010)
No, they laughing at us, not with us.
Ah... This is a post-ironic movie or some catchy pseudo-pop-philosophy-catch-phrase that according to some, the awful stenchfullness of this movie, was... Deliberate? Uh-huh...
This obviously shows some intelligence behind Sci-Fy as this denotes some sort of self-awareness on behalf of Sci-Fy.
Mmm.
Never confuse correlation with conclusion, my dad used to say.
So if Sci-Fy is having fun making this movie, poking fun at all the other bad movies it's made, then we're all okay with it, right? No I'm not.
If they're actually making fun of themselves to make this movie, somebody better get a hold of the budget chief at Sci-Fy. And supposing that they ARE so smart as to try this post-self-aware "Let's make fun of ourselves!" gambit, what it really boils down to is that they're laughing at us, not with us.
How this crap gets made is beyond me. As a big Sci-Fy fan, I'd rather sit down with a libation and such on a Saturday Night--steeling myself for yet another sphincter clenching moment of discovering what's on, even though I make IMDb a regular stop after the ice cube tray for just such a reason as Sharktopus!...--just to take in at least the first 5 minutes of such a monumental stinker such as this pile of fecal matter, only to find a text crawl across the screen that amounted to, "Well, we were going to spend a pile of money on yet another bad movie, wasting people's time and most importantly, our viewing audiences, so instead, rational minds prevailed and we donated the money to charity and went home.
And this screen is shown for 2 hours.
I'd sit through the whole thing, rather than watch, "Sharktopus." Herkimer PS. I must admit to those that read this, that I haven't seen the movie. I did catch a few moments after I nicked it from PB, just to see, and promptly deleted it. If the movie moguls are worried about piracy, keep churning out abysmal films like this and they'll have nothing to worry about soon enough.
Rock Monster (2008)
Just don't: Don't watch it. Don't make another.
How do I describe this movie, that so many have so eloquently and poignantly done so, preceding me, using several syllable words, that I think only deserves singles? Like "Barf.
Plot is thinner than steam-on-a-window and the CGI is just bloody awful. (Anyone remember Alien where you didn't really get to see the monster? How'd it ever sell? Try the original Cat People for a real thrill...) How did this crap get made? It's right up there with other lame one in the Iraqi desert with the Chicotay begging for scraps after his gig was over in outer space, which I believe ran the night before on Space.
Oh, yeah, probably my Canadian tax dollars, hard at work! Herk
Hammer of the Gods (2009)
Dude! You saved me from a Thor head!
Sorry.
But it's Saturday night, and wondering what possible could be on Space... Oh no... Better check IMDb! And didn't unicornpeg2003 save me 2 hours of my life! Thanks Dude! Makes we wonder why I'm not writing movies and scripts, if crap like this can get made?! Seriously, the crap that gets turned out by SciFi, is just bloody awful. They could feed the starving children with the money spent on this and just put up a banner telling us this for 2 hours and I'd be happier.
And I need another few lines to complete this.
Herkimer Jerkimer
The Terminators (2009)
Bad. Really Bad.
You owe me 1.5 hours of your life, that I'm going to save you, with my sacrifice. Actually, I just fast-forwarded after the first 15 minutes, as the smell of badness was just overpowering.
The sad thing is, with sci-fi today, special effects are so cheap that even the bad movies can afford to have special effects that only 20 years ago, were spectacular.
This movie starts out looking good, for the reason above, then, with no more reason than the thinner-than-soup plot required, the cyborgs are rebelling and killing everyone.
It's not "The" terminator x many, but they're close enough, and the plot, that I'd be sending lawyers around if I was da Awnold.
Mix in a bit of Bladerunner with a moment of metaphysical realization about self, a bigger, badder, terminator that looks suspiciously like the original cyclon, well, the head at least, morphed with the new cyclons and the original terminator (even has the red eye...) and you've got some bastard robot of a movie script that should have been terminated before it's birth.
Hmm... Can't understand why this isn't being run on Space Channel over and over and over and over....
Herkimer