ZoZo13 Reviews

Real Murders: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2015 TV Movie)

Honestly? Just how OLD is this chick?

[1/10 · 18 May 2016]

I was in the mood for a light night without lots of drama and heartbreak. Instead, I got heart burn! Let's face it, we don't expect heavy drama or even great acting from the Hallmark Channel, but occasionally I will see a movie that is entertaining. This was not one of them.

Candace Cameron Bure is incredibly annoying, acting so childish with her little girl tics. She actually bounces when she walks! Her dialogue is worse, and nonsensical...cutesy to the point of nausea.

She must come cheap. I can't see any producers paying good actor salaries for anyone so ill equipped to act. Everyone else seems to be just as stilted in their roles. There is only one professional..a female detective who they have turned into a bitter, backbiting shrew. They must do it because Teagarden has to look smarter and better than the most intelligent person in this town.

How to improve the show?? Get this chick some adult education classes before she turns 40, which is very, very soon.

Murder, She Baked: A Chocolate Chip Cookie Mystery (2015 TV Movie)

Lightweight Cozy, but an endearing heroine

[8/10 · 11 May 2015]

The Hallmark Channel seems to be churning out a series of movies based on "Cozy Mystery" books. These are not Agatha Christie mysteries. They all seem to have a theme: a librarian, a baker, a garage-sale buyer, and I've heard there's also a gourmet chef cum detective.

This movie was shown with a few others including the librarian, so I didn't expect much. The movie, like the others. was lightweight, but one thing I really liked about this one.....the Heroine, a baker, has human feelings. She actually CRIES when she finds a body! Some others have friends and neighbors who get bumped off but don't shed a tear (unrealistic and cold). There are the usual cozy-type settings and cute things going on...mild romance, offering cookies to everyone, etc.

One thing had me wince.....Hannah has a bakery where the locals get coffee and pastries. One woman brings in her DOG and it sits at the table. Hannah walks up to it and feeds it a snack with her bare hands! I paid a lot of attention to see when she washed her hands. It didn't happen. Let's just say I found it a turn-off. The writers need to pay attention to details like this. Everyone in businesses where they handle food knows to wash their hands to avoid contamination and I wouldn't eat anywhere they had dogs inside the restaurant.

I did enjoy this mystery, though. It involved murder, no blood, was interesting and won't give you nightmares.

Master Harold ... and the Boys (2010)

Ving Rhames and Freddie Highmore are Wonderful

[5/10 · 14 May 2013]

My review may contain minor spoilers:

Yes, the casting decisions were right on! The wonderful Ving Rhames is Sam and Freddie Highmore is Hally (or "Master Harold") in what could have been a terrific movie. Unfortunately, the disjointed direction and script make this a somewhat confusing movie.

Hally is a sensitive young teenager who's bullied at school and abused at home by his alcoholic, racist father. They live in South Africa during Apartheid, so the viewpoints were pretty much normal. However, Hally has a friend in Sam. Sam is a Black worker in Hally's family restaurant. He's kind and patient. He has given Hally the only rare good childhood memories he's ever had.....like learning to fly a kite. There's a side plot that concerns Willie (Patrick Mofokeng), the other restaurant worker and friend of Sam. Willie is concerned with entering a Ballroom Dancing competition. Sam speaks to Willie about not beating his wife. So the movie deals with other forms of abuse.

When he learns that his father is going to be released from the hospital, Hally has a meltdown. He finally snaps and takes his anger out on Sam and Willie. What Hally does to Sam is ugly and demeaning. The last scenes between a dignified Sam and cold Hally are golden. The ending was predictable given the time and place.

I really wanted to love this movie. Both lead stars are terrific in carrying their roles. But the movie tends to meander too quickly in other directions and the filming is even messy. It could have been so much better!

Doc Martin (2001 TV Movie)

Martin Clunes as Doc Martin......Before the Series

[8/10 · 26 August 2012]

Before "Doc Martin" became a popular series, this movie came out to set the stage; somewhat.

Martin Clunes plays Doc Martin, but he is very different from the stuffed shirt, grouchy Doc in the series. This one is a "people person" and is married to a cheating wife (she has affairs with each of this 3 friends!). When he finds out, he heads to a little seaside village that he knew as a kid. We still see Doc Martin, but he drinks and smokes cigarettes, both the legal and illegal type.

As a side story, the village folk are plagued with an anonymous poison pen writer. The poisonous clues are put in "jellies," which to Americans look like molded Jello, and placed at the doorstep. The villagers point the finger at each other, then at Martin, until he saves a few of them and earns their trust. Eventually they do solve the mystery and unmask the culprit.

At least this part is true to the Doc Martin series to follow. This Martin stays in a suit, even when he's on a fishing boat. He's also a brilliantly smart doctor and able to save a life with makeshift tools. The villagers are quirky, sweet, and close knit.

Check out the hilarious scene where Doc is slicing into fish with glee and shouting at them. His cheating friends should be very thankful he only takes his anger out on the dead fish.

Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia (2012) Season 2, Episode 1

Sherlock Oozes Sexuality! What a pleasant surprise.

[7/10 · 13 May 2012]

I did enjoy "Scandal in Belgravia," mainly because Sherlock has some more human emotions. I'm not sure if it's sexual or mental attraction or both. Surely in this "Scandal" there's lots more sex, with a Dominatrix at the helm. She's not exactly pretty or even attractive but neither is Sherlock. However their scenes together with the soft touches just oozes sexuality! (No need for S&M or nudity....it's sexy seeing Sherlock touching a woman! This Irene Adler is a perfect foil for Sherlock, playing the game that he loves so much. She now has her secret info on a password protected cellphone (and a female Princess is involved).

SPOILER ALERT! DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT ENDING HINTS! Okay, you've been warned.

There's a lot of cat and mouse foreplay here. Lots of twists and turns. The ending can be confusing if you've only seen it once. However, Sherlock does rescue the Dominatrix in distress. Irene is told she will be executed. However, she hears a "sighing" phone nearby, and we see who the executioner is. He tells her to run. Later in his apartment, Sherlock smiles.

I Married a Mobster: Meet the Famas (2011) Season 1, Episode 4

Family of Unrepentent Criminals

[4/10 · 27 January 2012]

This series is often difficult to watch because most of the women who married a mobster claim to be innocent of their husband's activities.

This true story had me more than aggravated with the incredibly hard and foolish (I'm being kind) two women involved in the Mobster's life. He is connected to the neighborhood mobsters, runs a gambling house protected by them, and takes home bags of cocaine. The daughter dips into them and has money. The mother ignores the suitcases he stashes in their home and closets. Uh-huh. They were innocent.

When the NYPD and Feds crash in the doors and handcuff the women they are ANGRY! Uh-huh. They were innocent. The husband, wife and daughter are arrested. The husband refuses to name his mob connections and they are all convicted to years in prison. The wife voices her anger......at the FEDS! Both of these women are hard and ignorant....but not innocent. They deserved everything they got and never showed any sign of repentance over their involvement.

At the end the mother states that what they had to pay(prison terms), maybe they shouldn't have had the good life anyway. DUH! The so-called author of books about mobsters always seems to care more about these criminals than the innocent people who are killed and ruined by them. That's another downside to this program. We're supposed to feel compassion......for these criminals.

Miss Robin Crusoe (1953)

Amanda Blake before Gunsmoke

[2/10 · 22 January 2012]

Just before Amanda Blake was to become famous in her long-running role as Miss Kitty in "Gunsmoke", she starred in this poor take on Robinson Crusoe.

Miss Crusoe (Blake) hates men. So it's fortunate that she ends up on an island with only a female Friday as company. Both women look great with makeup and sexy outfits of course.

After they survive a Hurricane, they find two men on the beach. The older, heavier man is dead. But the gorgeous man with the great build (Nader) survives. There are silly events like Friday doing a type of voodoo fire dance to force the two white folks into a love scene. There's a scene where Friday goes to a sleeping Robin, touches her skin and hair, then the scene abruptly cuts off leaving us to question whether this was a love scene or just comparison of the two women.

I couldn't help but notice how Nader's pants practically disintegrate and what's left is quite revealing (especially when he runs!).

When the movie ended I was left wondering what happened to Friday.

This was a very low-budget movie with stock footage and few extras. They even used some of the same brown material to clothe the two women and some of the natives.

The Tudors: Moment of Nostalgia (2010) Season 4, Episode 1

Please kill her already!

[1/10 · 12 January 2012]

I've gotten used to a dark-haired, rock star Henry VIII. I've even dealt with all the soft core porn. When the series refocused on other things than sex, it was actually interesting. The sets, costumes and most of the actors are wonderful. Just tell yourself that this is a fictional drama.

However, we come to the episodes dealing with Kahterine Howard. Even ignoring history, this depiction of Katherine Howard had me screaming...."kill her already!" at the TV. Here Katherine behaves worse than a $10 prostitute from the first time Henry sees her alone. She giggles constantly like a 13 year old today. She is wanton in front of the entire court and visitors. She is unkempt, even when she becomes queen. She looks at all men as though they're red meat and she's a tiger that hasn't eaten in weeks. And I haven't even gotten to the episode where she meets Culpepper! Henry was still a king in need of another son. Historically, he was incapable of having sex with Katherine because of his painful leg and obesity. Here his leg has obviously healed enough for him to jump her constantly before (unbelievably) marrying her.

I can ignore all that stuff.....but I can't get beyond the most annoying depiction of a female in this series. so.....Kill her already!

Whitechapel (2009–2013)

Gritty and Wonderful Police Drama

[9/10 · 22 December 2011]

I was fortunate to pick up this program on my "free on-demand" cable program. I found it gritty and so different from the usual police drama with a cookie cutter plot.

Beginning with a Jack the Ripper copycat was a stroke of genius. The twists and turns kept me interested and involved in the drama. Two issues were going on: The new, obsessive-compulsive boss takes over and the detectives don't like it one bit. Plus the killings keep them on their feet and the focus is on thinking their way through the crime book of Jack the Ripper. Wonderful drama! I also like the character of the "ripperologist" who helps them out. I love the quirky personalities of the people involved and how they have to work together to find the real killer. Also a big surprise.

The second part about the Krays was a bit less interesting. I mean, how can you follow up after Jack the Ripper? But the drama was still there. I see that there will be another season in 2012. I sincerely hope they keep up the good work of tying in the historical element.

They could even have a copycat Henry the VIII! That would be very cool indeed.

Destination Truth (2007–2012)

Fozzie Bear turns Monster Hunter

[1/10 · 27 September 2010]

Josh Gates is silly and lots of fun with his equally goofy crew as they go around the world searching for monsters and ghosts.

Josh, a big man with a voice like Fozzie Bear of the Muppets, is a real ham. I think the show is fun as long as I don't attempt to take it seriously and therein lies one of the problems. The title implies that there's a "TRUTH" slant to this show. Of course there's no serious or even scientific stuff going on. Yep, they have cameras which they usually have on themselves. They have gizmo's that beep and buzz.....so do I.

The funniest part of this show is when the guys get scared and scream worse than the women. Can you imagine being in an abandoned outdoor place of worship in Taiwan and NOT seeing something moving?? Geez guys, they do have monkeys and other animals roaming around. It ain't ghosts! Oh well, that show was hilarious as was the one when the guys were in the water and saw something "Big" moving.

I Put aside any thought of it being serious and I think it's a fun show with exotic destinations. Otherwise, I'll just get aggravated.

Supernatural: Exile on Main St. (2010) Season 6, Episode 1

Get New Writers!!

[3/10 · 25 September 2010]

The main thing that made Supernatural a UNIQUE and wonderful show was the creative screen writing. If you've ever seen "Buffy" or "Angel", it was the same with these shows.

The main problem is that we've seen the story lines before. So what sets any show apart is when the main characters step into a storyline with humor or something other than the unrelenting fighting and whining. It's a needed break before they go on to the next monster hunt.

In Season 5 we had nothing but the dreariness of yet another Apocalypse (been done before in the before-mentioned shows). Okay. They start Season 5 with ......what???

SPOILER!! Dean has been living a year without Sam, who died. All of a sudden, Sam shows up at the door and no one reacts like normal except Dean. It seems that Sammy has been around for an entire YEAR!! Bobby knew too. Adding other characters as Sam's new crew of Hunters is really a mistake. Hopefully this won't continue.

Drop Dead Diva (2009–2014)

Brooke Elliott is a Delight!

[7/10 · 25 July 2009]

I rarely watch Lifetime because their programs, in my opinion, always seem like the same, lame, made-for-women schmaltz. But I have to state that "Drop Dead Diva" was so very good! We've seen many movies with this plot: two people die at the same time but one person's soul enters the other's body and has to live that life. Brooke Elliott is delightful as the plump woman who winds up with a thin, empty-headed, self-absorbed woman's soul. I love the way she discovers her new self after a tragic accident and is quite convincing. Elliott is so cute as she enters this new world as a thin soul in a plump body. Her laugh is contagious. Her pain is convincing when in a moment of clarity she finds out how other people suffer. The producers of this show so far have not made it too preachy (don't judge people by their appearance), or too lightweight (they don't spend too much time on the thin woman's life). If this program continues to focus on "Jane" in the here and now without lots of flashbacks on the other woman...they have a hit on their hands. I love the thin friend too. She's adjusted and accepted her friend in a new form.

Dance Your Ass Off (2009– )

The Title Gives You A Clue

[21 July 2009]

Yes, our society has not debased itself enough. This show is the Jerry Springer equivalent of the more popular and better done Dancing Shows. However, with morbidly overweight, incredibly annoying, bad acting people who DANCE!!. Please don't get me wrong, because I AM A PLUS SIZED FEMALE. However, it's insulting to see other women paraded like this. Well, anyone will do anything if they can get on a cable show nowadays. But to see the women in outfits that show every bit of flab is nauseating (the outfits would be revealing on a normal sized woman). No, they're not "sexy"!!! That's a myth. The fact that it's produced by a plus sized woman, or that they attempt to throw in a weight loss side issue doesn't make this show more watchable. Be ready to see 250-300 pound women jiggling, doing leg-splits in front of the camera, and attempting to make this attractive to the viewer. EEEEEEEEEEK.