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Lazzaro felice (2018)
Italian absurdism is something I have probably not seen before
This movie starts with a premise, it leads you to believe it's going in a certain direction and that it has a story set in stone to tell, but it's actually quite subversive, in ways I will attempt not to spoil. I have to admit that I have always found Italian cinema to be extremely boring and at the same time self-congratulatory to the highest possible degree, but of course to every rule there are exceptions. The "play it straight absurdism" "genre" is something I thought the Italian cinema was not accustomed to, but this film clearly proves me wrong. I would not call it a master piece, but absurdism is not something anyone can pull off, it takes skill, you need to know what to do with the format, and I was surprised to see this piece pull it off quite nicely. Although not the most daring attempt, this movie is a worthy entry into world cinema's "Doing more than simply following trends" list.
Bir Zamanlar Anadolu'da (2011)
Drawn-out, vapid boring pretentiousness
There's nothing to say here, the movie isn't bad, it's well shot, especially the first hour or so done completely at night, which shows some technical skill but gives you a horrible eye strain. The problem still remains: there's just nooooothing here to watch! It took me a week to get through it because I was so desperate for something to happen but it would stubbornly refuse! Maybe turks can connect to it somehow, perhaps I'm missing the cultural tie that makes this a masterpiece in their eyes, but as someone who enjoys films from all times and cultures, I would say it fails to appeal to anyone outside Turkey, if that!
Teströl és lélekröl (2017)
Autism expressed finely
Thinking back about this movie I saw more than 2 months ago, I have to say that the portrayal of autism is spot on! I am autistic myself so I recognized the symptoms pretty easily. The girl's "condition" is never revealed, however, they did such a good job in depicting autism that the movie didn't need to do that. I watched garbage like "My Name is Khan" trying to make a big song and dance about Asperger's, but this movie was mostly about a love story, a very peculiar one, but one that resonates with a big portion of the population, and one that is very accurately done. I doubt you'll regret watching this, so I fully recommend it.
Leviafan (2014)
Snoooooze fest
I watched 35 minutes of it before I was bored to exasperation. Establishing shots, bad actors and bad acting and simply uncompelling drivel is all you'll find in this. Other reviewers talk about how it's a bleak russian drama about corruption and blah blah blah. I recommend Andrei Tarkovsky if you want something good (and russian), or this film if you don't know wtf you're talking about.
Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (2004)
The body horror is unmatched
I was shocked by the body horror in this movie when I first saw it a few years ago (perhaps more than 10) and it haunted my thoughts ever since. The acting is decent, good enough to maintain suspension of disbelief, with only a few actors being downright terrible. The story is horrifying and is presented in a compelling manner. None of the original movie's satire or commentary is preserved, this being a solely horror experience. The original film wasn't a masterpiece either, but at least it had a message you could get behind, some subtlety and humor. I love this movie exclusively for its fantastic, unmatched body horror and I can only recommend it for that. It's also short enough to qualify as feature length, so if you love and/or are disturbed by body horror, give it a watch, otherwise definitely skip it!
Yedinci Kogustaki Mucize (2019)
A bit overdramatic, but a good movie nonetheless
The acting was good, especially from the protagonist, with only minor issues on the part of the other actors. Like I said in the title, it tries a bit too hard to pull at your heart strings and it can get annoying. It's runs for 30-40 minutes longer than it needs to, imo, but other than that a pretty great movie, although not the kind I will think about for long now that I've finished watching it.
Temple Grandin (2010)
I finally get to learn more about her
I've known about this woman for a few years, from Stephen Fry's book, Stephen Fry in America, but didn't even knew her name. When I learned that there was a movie about her I had to watch it. It looks as though "TV movies" have really been above the rest in quality, lately (see also All The Way (2016))!
I was so hooked that I've watched the entire thing in one sitting and I will definitely check out some of Temple's writings when I have some time. Her form of autism genuinely seems like the way to understand both autistic people and animals, and the way they think!
The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)
The great kind of Woody Allen movie
There are 2 types of Woody Allen movies: boring ones about NYC couples and truly avant-garde ones with original ideas, well-executed and satisfactory all the way to the end! I was bracing myself for another goddamn NYC couples movie, when I learned that this was a Woody "flick", but I was pleasantly surprised to discover it's the Match Point/Blue Jasmine type!
Some idiot commented about a "completely unsatisfying ending", and while not wishing to spoil anything, the ending was perfect and he just has no clue what it meant (it's not even that deep, this time!)! I was actually very pleasantly surprised by the ending, just like with Blue Jasmine, Match Point and Crimes and Misdemeanors. The endings to these movies were NEVER afterthoughts and the entire movie leads up to them!
My Name Is Khan (2010)
Immature and overlong
It's trying to be a serious, dramatic Forrest Gump, but even though it's overlong, at almost 3 hours, it tries to do so many things that it flux them up. Whenever it's supposed to be serious it comes off as childish and it's gob-smackingly obvious that the director is as green as they come. The main actress aroused interest, she seems to hold her end, playing quite nicely a kooky, perky, free-spirited young woman and a desperate, angry, depressed wreck, so her acting arsenal is quite well stocked. The protagonist was ok, don't know much about Asperger's, so I can't pronounce myself, although the movie does mention at the start that they take some artistic license with the condition.
If it wasn't obvious from the score, I don't recommend it! There are great indian films out there, but this one approaches Bollywood quality too much, and that's undesirable.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
It's DEFINITELY not a hack job, but there's still not much to it
When I heard that this movie was coming out I immediately thought "Ok, obvious cash grab!", but NO! Let me assure you, this is not a hack job, the writers really had an idea, going in. This movie is so hard to describe, even for the majority of the runtime I didn't know what to make of it. It's the continuation of where the series left off, and it is trying to tie up loose ends (while creating others, naturally), but it has a lot of what I could only describe as "fan fiction vibes", and a big part of it is just Star Wars prequels levels of boring. No action, just talking. Until the almost end, the stakes are non-existent. Before the end there is a really fantastic action scene, one that could top any one from the previous movies, and you do get a feel for the stakes at that point, but it's not nearly enough to make this movie worthwhile. The story is nonsensical, for the most part, but the series accustomed us to that a long time ago anyways. Still, it makes even less sense than anything from before (what an achievement!). Keanu Reeves still speaks like he's talking to microbes on his chin and wants it to be a private conversation, so nothing has changed there also, in 20 years, but his acting is fine. They made Morpheus into a token black guy, with "urban" one liners (and quoting previous-movies Morpheus), which I didn't appreciate, but it's just an annoyance, something to pad out the movie to be 2h 30m long. I think my best summary would be "The Architect scene in the 2nd (or 3rd?) movie, stretched for about 2h, with 30m of OK stuff and the kick-ass action scene near the end. Also, maybe some nostalgia for Carrie-Anne Moss? Last I saw her in anything she was the mother of Shia LaBeouf (*shudders*)
Gangs of Wasseypur (2012)
5h of non-stop action!
This was my first bollywood movie (technically second, but the first one was unwatchable) and it did not disappoint! Everything was stellar, the acting, the cinematography, the music was pretty dope throughout! I know bollywood by reputation, and this movie has none of its traits. I'm not going to say it's a masterpiece, 8.2 is still an inflated score, but you will not be bored for 2 minutes in this 5h20m colossus, and in my book it is because of that unmatched by any other mafia film ever made. The Godfather is a snooze fest, and Scorsese's movies, while fantastic in their own rights, still had a lot of dead air. This is pure, undistilled action and just thinking about what it took to film all of it makes me a bit nauseous. Kudos just for that. I'm not even that big of a fan of action, I'm just perplexed by the sheer feat of achieving that! Story is engaging, characters are relatable, even though they're all complete REDACTED (another feat unto itself) and while the events aren't completely true, I still love learning the actual history that inspired them, similar, perhaps not coincidentally, to Gangs of New York.
Hiroshima mon amour (1959)
Last Year at Marienbad but stripped of anything intriguing or interesting
I saw Amour (2012) and wondered about Emmanuelle Riva when she was young. Turns out, she starred in movies where she speaks french like she's trying to teach it to her JAPANESE lover who's speaking french more naturally than her already!
There's nothing but boredom to be found in this movie, and I had to stop watching after 48 minutes. It's just nonsensical talk intertwined with insipid chatter and boring, idle conversation. Not to mention the dull exchange of dialogue.
Before Sunrise (1995)
1h41m of small talk...
I despise small talk in real life, why would I want to watch 2 teenage idiots having small talk for 1 hour and 41 goddamn minutes?! Who is insane or utterly boring enough to not only finish this tripe (I could only stomach 42 minutes), but to ask for seconds and thirds (unimaginably, there are TWO sequels)?!
Spartacus (1960)
Bog-standard "epic" movie from that period
Almost identical to Ben-Hur, but without all of the out of place christ stuff.
The 2 main actors are the definition of "wooden", and the totally forced and completely pointless and asinine "romance" between them is 45 minutes (at least!) of the movie spent watching 2 puppets trying to have a conversation or being very bad at showing any sort of recognizable human emotion.
This movie is NOT about the slave uprising, but about an inept love story between marionettes, conveyed with the emotion of a fly landing on a piece of bread. I cannot for the life of me understand why the movie couldn't JUST have been about the cool, historical stuff, but NEEDED a love interest tacked on for the historical person in question!
About the only character whom I could empathize with was Peter Ustinov's character: he was endearing, pragmatic, and most importantly an actual human being that I believe could have actually existed.
This movie suffers greatly from ALL of the usual annoyances that kept most movies from before the 1960's (a time when we saw the greatest revolution in cinema since its inception) from achieving greatness and posterity, chief amongst them being the horrendous acting which I have mentioned ad nauseam so far.
No (2012)
It's hard to be objective, given the subject matter, but saying that, I still think it's a pretty good film
Interesting how it was "shot" (probably just edited that way) in 4:3 and with those old, magnetic tape artifacts, really makes it seem authentic, without detracting from the enjoyment of the film, like a monochrome effect would.
Submarino (2010)
More of a 7.4 than a 8
There's this cyan filter over the entire movie, that is poignant, I suppose, but I would much more appropriately describe it as "disgusting". There is also no reason why the movie is called "Submarino", other than to confuse film catalogers who have also seen Submarine (also 2010)
Judas and the Black Messiah (2021)
I can't help comparing this to Malcolm X (1992)
But this movie was better structured, the characters were likeable and the story was way more interesting.
Remember (2015)
Predicted the ending 20 minutes in
I Predicted the ending 20 minutes into the movie because: that was the only interesting outcome they could have chosen, aaaaand we've all seen Memento. This is dumbed down, more boring Memento.
Promising Young Woman (2020)
Very bold!
The movie starts off as a sort of "classic" romantic comedy/drama but fortunately that is perhaps only a ruse, as we come to find out in the meantime. This film has the courage to do what most movies up until even today have failed so pathetically to do, adopt a most bleak and realistic view of a potentially real life situation where the protagonist doesn't always win just because they're the protagonist. I don't want to give anything away so I will simply end by highly recommending this film to anybody! I'm not such a big fan of most of the soundtrack, however.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988)
The Unbearable Length of (this) Boring (Movie)
Blah blah blah di blah this movie is boring blah nudity and not much else.
The Magnificent Seven (1960)
7 Samurai with extra steps
Yes, the movie wears its "influence" on its sleeve, but apart from a little "plot twist" that makes little sense and is the only thing different from the original movie, it's almost exactly 7 Samurai but not as good.
Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010)
It's a rollercoaster of... just about everything!
This documentary takes you through a whole bunch of events and aspects of the "main character" and you never know what's going to happen next. The end was very unexpected and "plot-twisty"... I guess? Main point is: I was expecting this to be boring, but it keeps changing, keeps coming up with new and unexpected turns that will keep you "in your seat" for the whole duration!
49th Parallel (1941)
A fantastic movie even by today's standards!
A great movie the likes of which I'd expect to see from the 50's or 60's, with a story told from an interesting perspective (that of the Nazis) and made DURING the Second World War! I've read about it in Stephen Fry's book Stephen Fry in America and I am really glad to have watched it because it turned out to be a hidden gem!
Hana-bi (1997)
Absolutely zero knowledge about filmaking and it shows!
Half of the movie is spent on the childish drawing of a tertiary character that wasn't characterized, is not important to the so called plot and we don't care about! Takeshi's acting is wooden, lifeless, emotionless, and the same can be said of his relationship with his wife that he's supposed to love and really (no seriously) care about!. The plot is non-existent, the movie is bizarrely edited so that you can't tell what's happening now and what is a flashback. The main character's occupation is uncertain throughout and he's always followed by some secondary characters everywhere he goes for unexplained reasons.
My biggest gripe is that this movie suffers horribly from "tell don't show"! Characters blatantly spout exposition at each other and it seems very amateurish! We find out that yakuza toughs are part of yakuza because they say "You know how we yakuza are", we find out that a guy's wife and daughter have left him because he says that to a different character with a blank, talent-less face when that character presumably ALREADY KNEW that and he's only talking for the benefit of the audience!
There are numerous scenes where nothing happens for a long time, for no reason. To give 2 examples, we stare for 20% of the movie at Takeshi's blank, un-moving face and at the end we're treated to a 5 minutes scene where a girl is trying to fly a kite. Just her, running back and forth with some very exciting music in the background!
In conclusion, I have NEVER seen such levels of not understanding basic film making techniques and amateurism. Safe to say I won't watch any of the director's other movies!
Midsommar (2019)
The wicker Man (1973) with extra steps
Basically a Wicker Man remake, but more boring and drawn out. This one's a bit more gory, but that's nowhere near good enough to make it worth it!
I'd still recommend The Wicker Man (1973)