patphonic Reviews

Ahsoka (2023– )

How is this so boring?

[1/10 · 27 September 2023]

How did they get away with making Ahsoka so boring? 80% of this show she is sitting in a chair talking to her robot. Thrawn is more like a Star Trek character that wondered onto the wrong set.

All the different locations are baron and boring to look at. Baylen appears to be more interesting of a character than the shows namesake, unbelievable.

The cartoon Rebels had better writing than this dribble, and don't get me started on the space whales. Space whales?! So lame.

There isn't enough nostalgia in the world to make me care about SW as long as it resides in the house of mouse. One last thing, what is up with all of the Lord of the rings references?

So disappointing.

Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)

Throwing rocks.

[2/10 · 2 July 2022]

Six episodes just to see Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi throw rocks at each other for ten minutes. The lack of creativity is ASTOUNDING. What a missed opportunity.

The Book of Boba Fett: Chapter 2: The Tribes of Tatooine (2022) Season 1, Episode 2

Black Krrsantan!

[10/10 · 6 January 2022]

Black Krrsantan! Really enjoying this so far. There's lots to like for nerds who grew up with SW. If you're not watching this, you should be...........

Strip Nude for Your Killer (1975)

Sleazy, Trashy, good fun

[10/10 · 12 January 2020]

Strip nude for your killer isn't elevated cinema by any stretch of the imagination, it's not trying to be either. What we have here is some good ole 70s grindhouse cinema. Beautiful naked girls? Check, a faceless blade wielding killer, check, a plot twist that is impressing no one? Check.

Strip nude for your killer has got to be one of the better paced Giallo's out there. Lots of eye candy, with beautiful cinematography, this is a good one for Friday night movies with your pals. Highly recommended!

Detention (2011)

Not for horror fans.

[1/10 · 30 December 2019]

Utter garbage, do not waste your time or money. I will take future recommendations from the podcast that recommended this not funny slasher comedy with a huge grain of salt. Avoid!

3 from Hell (2019)

All these reviews from non horror fans?

[9/10 · 14 October 2019]

You'd swear some of these reviewers had never seen a rob zombie movie before, let a lone a horror movie. Is it zombies best? No. But it's a hell of a throw back to the chainsaw last house on the left drive in shockers of yesteryear . Its a goddamn miracle that a movie like this even gets made in today's extremely sensitive PC culture. I say keep em coming Rob.

RIP SID

Ma (I) (2019)

Are teenagers really this dumb?

[3/10 · 18 September 2019]

The parents are so naive and stupid, it makes the movie completely unbelievable.

The Collector (I) (2009)

Effective Midnight movie slasher

[8/10 · 12 July 2019]

The collector is a tight slasher, not too long, good suspense, innovative kills, and a good amount of gore. If you're into the genre, I would recommend it for a Friday or Saturday night horror flick with your friends.

Midsommar (2019)

A new cult classic.

[10/10 · 4 July 2019]

There are images in Midsommar that I don't think I'll ever be able to get out of my head. Its as colorful as a Mario Bava film, and yet its as hallucinogenic as a David Lynch film, and Midsommar above all else is an Ari Aster film. Aster's unique style of changing the tone about every 30 minutes is on full display here. If you are of the classic horror ilk, I'm sure you'll be thinking about this movie for the rest of the year as I am. The live on your phone generation might not have the patience to watch a slow burn shocker like this, and that's ok, they've got another Annabelle movie they can see instead. Midsommar is a must see in the theater, movies like this don't come around that often, enjoy.

Nightmare Cinema (2018)

Horror anthology for fans only

[8/10 · 30 June 2019]

If you liked Masters of Horror, then you're in for a fun ride with Nightmare Cinema. Its always a good time when directors don't have producers constantly trying to ruin their movie. Don't miss if you're a fan.

Baron Blood (1972)

The Baron deserves a better score.

[10/10 · 20 May 2019]

Baron Blood is one of my favorites of Bava's horror films. Baron Blood is more of a horror film in the traditional sense compared to Bava's other work. It honestly plays out much like a really good Scooby-Doo episode, and I don't mean that as a slight. You can expect more gore and creative kills in this late piece of popcorn fodder. Enjoy.

Of Unknown Origin (1983)

A major accomplishment in Canadian cinema.

[10/10 · 26 April 2019]

This movie is f**cking hilarious. If you've lived in a big city or have had to deal with vermin in your home, then you will be entertained at the frustration and torcher bestowed upon Peter Weller in "of unknown origin". Some good 1980s horror comedy. Enjoy.

Necronomicon: Book of Dead (1993)

Deserves a Blu Ray release

[10/10 · 12 April 2019]

This is a very underrated horror anthology from the days of video store rentals. A gore classic from Brian Yuzna with effects maestro screaming mad George. Im Suprised Vestron or Scream factory hasn't bothered to restore this gem for a proper blu ray release, considering some of the lesser deserving titles that have recently seen the light of day. Necronomicon: book of the dead is a must see for horror fanatics. I rented this several times from my local video store in the mid 90s, I should of kept it.

Deadly Class (2018–2019)

Television has surpassed the cinema...

[10/10 · 21 February 2019]

I really enjoyed the comic by Rick Remender, which usually doesn't bode well when they adapt said comic into a series. I have to be honest after watching the first two episodes, my confidence that this show was going to deliver was not very high. It was looking to be a tame version of the violence filled comic. 5 episodes later im thrilled thats not the case. This show has everything, its a must watch if you grew up in the 80s reading comics. Its filled with cameos and plenty of nostalgia. Highly recommend it, ill be patiently waiting to hear if a season two gets green lit. A must see.

Mandy (I) (2018)

"Another pearl wasted before swine."

[10/10 · 4 November 2018]

Most of the negative reviews seem to be coming from those who only like "jump scares" in their lame teen horror movies. "Mandy" belongs in the company of other great genre films such as "last house on the left" and "i spit on your grave". If you can view "Mandy" without the filter of your ego, you will experience a horrofying psychedelic piece of art. If you can't do that, go watch "happy death day again." This is a must see for fans of the horror films of the 70's and early 80s.

Return of the Living Dead III (1993)

A Gore Classic

[10/10 · 23 October 2018]

If you can get your hands on an unrated version of this film, then you're in store for a gore classic. Brian Yuzna doesn't disapoint with this effects heavy zombie flick, even though it deviates from the frachise. The best sequel since the original film. Must see for fans of the genre.