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The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
How do people like this movie?
The two stars goes to the actors. That's it.
But seriously, how do people actually like this movie? I see what the film creators were trying to do, but it's not gripping. It's not chilling. The tension in the family doesn't come off as gritty and compelling, it's was just dull and lifeless.
The plot is exceptionally thin and half the characters were so annoying I just kept hoping they would kidnapped as well.
I guess if I can compare it to something as far as the hype verse the payoff, it would be the Blair Witch Project, which was a total disaster as well.
Do yourself a favor and don't go see this movie. Wait till it's free on TV and put it on as your about to take a nap. You'll thank me.
Unfriended (2014)
Laugh out loud terrible
Why was this movie so bad ... Well there's a lot of reasons ...
1) All of the characters are awful and super obnoxious people and you don't care about them whatsoever. Basically, they are all liars, cheaters and cyber bullies (which is a real problem), so it's not very clear if you are supposed to root for the killer or them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying awful people deserve to die, but in the spirit of a horror movie, I just didn't care at all when they did. This brings me to my next point ...
2) The story line is really dumb. I mean really dumb. I knew going in to the movie that it was going to be all computer screen based (which wasn't the part that bothered me) and I didn't mind the revenge part. It was the whole demon hacker from beyond the grave story line. As someone that works in IT, it was just painful. Which brings me to my next point
3) The people never had a chance. The demon Laura was set on killing every one of them and the characters were just there like cattle on a beef farm. At no point are you to believe that they will survive the night and every effort they make to get help never warrants any suspense for the viewer. Decent to good horror movies have SOME suspense. Not this one.
4) Only 30 seconds of the movie is scary (and not really). This probably bothered me the most. I can usually enjoy mindless horror movie if it's actually, you know, scary. But the scenes where people die last about 10 seconds each in quick flashes of video. Then it's back to more obnoxious yelling at each other and Mitch and Blaire private messaging each other. I was really hoping they would use the Skype video angle in more creepy and intricate ways, but they didn't. And don't get me wrong, I'm not into torture porn, but horror movies are supposed to be scary, that's why we like them.
5) It wasn't supposed to be funny, but it was. Because you don't care about these people, when Billy starts revealing all their secrets, watching their reactions was more funny/obnoxious instead of gripping and edgy. My friends and I couldn't help but laugh out loud a number of times, but we laughed loudest while watching Jess holding up her two fingers during the "NEVER HAVE I EVER" game. She was crying in a quiet, mousy way while the others were yelling at each other, but at the same time she looked like she was holding up a peace sign.
I could go on if, but those are my biggest gripes. I went in with low expectations and the movie didn't even meet those. If you are reading this, save yourself the time. So not worth 82 minutes of your life.
Black Swan (2010)
What a disappointment
The two stars go Natalie Portman and only Natalie Portman. Have to give her credit for all the hard work she put into this movie. It's a shame the director completely misused her talent.
This movie so one-dimensional, it's not even funny, just cliché after cliché. By the time the movie starts, Natalie Portman's character is a timid and fragile girl that's already insane. And throughout the movie all it does is get worse. There's no substance to the character at all. She has the same "I'm about to cry" expression on her face throughout the entire movie, which literally makes you hate the character. At first I wanted her to snap out of it, but after about 30 minutes, it was clear that wasn't going to happen, and soon adopted the attitude of "Whatever, this girl is super obnoxious, I bet she slits her wrists at the end"...And sure enough, not her wrists but close.
And OK, so this weak and fragile girl walks up to the director while in his office and says, I've come to ask for the part. He kisses her, she bites him and poof, she gets the part...Really? is that how it's done? The whole metaphor of Nina being the white swan at the beginning of the movie, but then turns out to be the black swan at the end was ridiculous to say the least. The white swan is supposed to resemble a virtuous, yet delicate lady, afraid of being seductive. But Nina was dark and crazy from the beginning.
I was really excited to see this movie because I thought it was going to be about a women who worked really hard to get the part of a lifetime. It sadly wasn't about that at all. It was about a crazy girl who happened to be dancer. I was hoping to see beautiful dancing and never once did I see any.
Safe yourself the time and don't see this move...
Never Let Me Go (2010)
Those who like this movie must have donated their brain.
OK, I really don't understand how anyone can watch this movie and like it. I have two reviews of this movie.
First: Are you kidding me? The whole premise of the movie was absolutely INSANE, morbid and just down right stupid! Because of advances of medicine (curing cancers, etc.), kids are now being raised as organ donors. Are we to believe that the world would be OK with this? That something like this could even take place? That every kid who was raised like this is just going to accept it? I mean throughout the movie I kept yelling at the screen "RUN AWAY YOU IDIOTS"...At least if a character in the movie did try and run away, we would have seen the consequences of someone trying to get out of their donation. But no, everyone walks around like an idiot stupidly accepting their fate. Come on, Really??
Second: OK, so I'm not totally "Mr. Literal". There are plenty of movies out there that ask me to suspend disbelief in order to enjoy the movie...Never Let Me Go was not one of those movies....I did in fact, while watching the movie go along with insane plot line, accepting its premise (just hoping it was get better). But even if you can do that, there's no getting around how utterly depressing this movie was. It's one depressing moment after another, climaxing to one final depressing moment (as she's looking at Tommy on his last and final donation). It was like the writer of the book/movie wanted to create a dark and dreary story about no hope, and doomed lovers. I kept asking myself, why would anyone want to write a story about this?
Oh yeah, the two stars goes to the acting. The three actors playing the main characters did a great job.
Overall this movie was stupid and as depressing as Angela's Ashes. Save yourself the time and go watch paint dry, you'll be more entertained.
The Last Airbender (2010)
Enjoyable like any other kids movie
I watched this movie with my nephew, and I just assumed it was going to be horrible...But to be honest I was pleasantly surprised...
Well first I should say...I have never heard of this movie or the series until tonight....After reading a few negative reviews, it seems that it didn't really do any justice to the original cartoon series....Lucky for me I never saw it and had nothing to compare it to...
It seems like the only people who can really enjoy this movie are those like me, who have never heard of it before and have nothing to compare it too...I went in to it totally expecting to be a simple kids movie and that is exactly what I got...I put it on the same level as Disney Cartoons or Pixar animations (i.e. A Toy Story, or The Incredibles).
Saw 3D (2010)
Such bad writing, what a disappointment!
OK this movie was extremely disappointing. From the plot, do the characters, to the acting to the three 3D, it was one poorly written premise after the next.
The first thing that was stupid...The opening trap...This one left me feeling the writers purposely set out to make it stupid and unbelievable. The scene opens with hundreds of people walking by the window with three people tied up (you only see two of them until the trap begins). The reason jigsaw puts them in the trap was just plain stupid (two guys manipulated by one girl), and must have taken 5 seconds to come up with...Also, does anyone honestly think in such a public place, no one would notice two people tied to construction equipment??? And then, the only attempt from the crowd to save them was one small women trying to bang the glass with a briefcase, obviously the glass wasn't going to break and so that was it, no more attempts...Really?? And not only that, but everyone was watching like it was some movie, taking pictures with their camera phone...I was literally laughing in the theater at how stupid it was...In the end, the only person who died was the girl, who frankly, out of the three, deserved it most, and you didn't care at all...
Second thing that was stupid and totally not believable....Bobby's character or the main character...(Bobby was a guy who lied about surviving a jigsaw trap, so he could sell books and lead a publicized support group of real jigsaw survivors) This again made me feel like the writers just gave up and used the first idea that came to mind...Why was it not believable? Because if someone had gone through a jigsaw trap, there would have been a police report a thorough investigation, all sorts of documentation about what happened, where it happened, people involved, hospital reports about his injuries...So how he can write an entire book, get it published, do book signings, go on TV, lead a support group; without having any proof other than fake scars is BEYOND ME...
Not only that, but the decision to make Bobby's trap about going through a house and trying to help out his colleagues is completely unoriginal...(SPOILER) After everything unfolded and everyone died, I was left feeling that writers didn't want to make anyone live because then they would have had to think harder about the plot...Besides the characters in the traps are so thin and meaningless to the other characters, you really don't care at all when they die because they contribute nothing to the story line anyway...
Third thing that was stupid...Hoffman's character....His motive the entire movie was revenge on Jill tuck for putting him a trap...(Spoiler) His character for the entire movie was nothing more than a thug...He just walked around stabbing people in the neck until he got to Jill...I mean how freaking stupid is that? Again, I was left feeling the writers had no desire to put anymore thought into the movie and said "Screw it, I'm done thinking about this movie...Let's just make him stab people in the neck and be done with it.."
Fourth thing that was stupid...Gibson's character...In the past, Hoffman saved this cop's life (told to the audience via flashback) but then brutally killed Gibson's attacker, Gibson reported him for excessive brutality and Hoffman held a grudge ever since...STUPID premise!! (Spoiler) The goose chase Hoffman puts them on was retarded and required no thought...He led them to a room and they all got shot by a sub machine gun.
Fifth that was stupid...The ending and Doctor Gordon's character....(Total Spoiler) It was always rumored before Saw 7 came out that Doctor Gordon was still alive helping out jigsaw...So I was really excited to see how it would pan out...Man, what a disappointment...You see him once in the survivor support group for about 30 seconds and then doesn't show up until the last two or three minutes of the movie, where he attacks Hoffman....The writers decided that a thirty second flash back was all that was necessary to explain his involvement with Jigsaw, after that, he puts Hoffman in the room from the first movie (where Dr. Gordon originally hacked off his own leg) and shuts the door...You don't see him die! And the movie ends...
(Spoiler) But wait, what happened to Bobby? Nothing, he goes through each trap, trying to save the lives of his colleagues, but fails them all...He finally gets to his wife in the last trap, fails at saving her, she is burned alive and the last time you see him on the screen is crying in front of the furnace that is burning his wife. Out of any character in the movie, I really wanted her to live because she did absolutely nothing wrong...
So again, this movie was such a waste of time...The plot on ALL LEVELS felt rushed and meaningless, completely unoriginal and POORLY written....Perhaps I held it to a higher standard because the first one was BRILLIANT!!! and the others good, but it's really nothing more than a mindless slasher movie...In fact, the only thing I can say good about the movie is the traps are pretty cool...There are a lot of them, and they're creative...
All that being said, I am glad I saw it... because at least now, I have NO DESIRE TO SEE ANOTHER SAW MOVIE...If they come out with Saw vs Freddy or Jason; I'm leaving the country.
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)
Worst Movie Ever Made
OK, really??? really??? Never in my life did I ever think I'd see a movie that was so bad, that it actually offended me...I just finished watching it and I literally feel like my body was violated. Since there is no word that means "absolutely terrible x infinity" I will just say it, this movie is absolutely terrible times infinity....I would have changed the channel but I knew this movie would make history...So at least now I can officially say "I saw the worst movie ever made."
How on earth did this movie get green lighted for production? The people who wrote the script, the people who provided the funding, the people who directed, produced and created this film, and the people who actually like it, all must have something terribly wrong with them. And every second of the day that goes by without the director of the film issuing a public apology for making the public waste their time and money on this pile of crap, makes me ever more mad.
This was by far and away the worst movie ever made! If anyone reads this, please save yourself from the most agonizing 2 hours (felt like 4) of your life...You'd LITERALLY, be more entertained if you and your friends sat in a room with wet paint and stared at it drying for 2 hours.