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Reviews
Hammer of the Gods (2009)
Could have been adequate
The biggest shame about this movie is that it could have been adequate. I love mythology, and too many people don't know that we owe the Norse gods Tiu, Woden, Thor and Freya for four days of the week, so I settled in for 'Thor: Hammer of the Gods'. I was surprised the man I thought would be Thor turned out to be Baldur (with a faintly Irish accent), and 'Thor' was a puffy stoner defensive lineman who can't even deliver a line like 'Here?! . . . Now?!?' but rather as 'here. Now,'
Some pretty good performances by said faintly Irish Baldur (pronounced by stoner Thor as 'Barndoor'), a gorgeous black Scouser as the evil older brother of blond Thor and redheaded Baldur, and the seer Freya, are lost against the cheesiest special effects this side of a community college movie project: I kid you not, Styrofoam-chip snow, wires they don't bother removing, and Fenrir, the wolf at the end of days, as a kinda cuddly CGI pangolin.
Eye-rollingly cheesy, but with a couple of million more quid and with ANYONE except the puffy stoner from 'Home Improvement' as Thor, it could have been good. OK, adequate.
Mulroney: The Opera (2011)
Mocking Mulroney Musically: what could be more fun?
To give non-Canadians, and sadly some Canadians, some background about 'Mulroney - The Opera's anti-hero, Brian Mulroney sold Canada to the US; we still feel the aftershocks with his GST (goods and services tax, now up to 14% on almost everything in some provinces), his suing his own country, his bribery, patronage and Cabinet scandals, all reduxed in the current Conservative administration.
But like many tragedies, it makes great opera.
Done dirt-cheaply, and alas the lighting and make-up show it, but with excellent singers (those dubbing wife Mila, Pierre Trudeau, and the angel and devil on Brian's shoulder stand out), clear Canadian diction and lots of fun, especially the Ron and Nancy Reagan segment, and when the devil gives up in disgust when even he wouldn't stoop that low. Colin Mochrie's Jean Chretien turn was amusing, yet all too brief.
I've been a fan of the librettist Dan Redican since his 'Frantics' comedy troupe days, and I enjoy his perspective, particularly here of Mulroney's early days, where the seeds of his sociopathic greed were sown. Alexina Louie is a Canadian composer of the fin-de-siecle 'blat and dissonance' school, but her incidental music and openly copied operatic themes (Wagner in particular) are perfect for this. Louie and Redican's first foray into opera is even better: find and buy 'Burnt Toast'. It feels a bit abrupt at < 75 minutes, and irksome when they didn't follow history, but Dan Redican as the deus-ex-machinal fauxstorian tells the truth at the end, and I suppose best that they leave you wanting more. There was spontaneous applause at my show, which was well-attended (and don't miss the credits). Can 'John A. MacDonald, The Musical' or 'Trudeau, The Ring Cycle' be far behind? I await their next collaboration.
Totally worth your time and $10 (or $10.40 US). Only in Canada, you say? Pity.
Cooking with Stella (2009)
Beautiful women, ugly story short of the mark.
There are two gorgeous actresses in this movie, a cooking tip I'll have to try, and lots of quirky Canadiana in the interiors. That was the joy of this movie.
Otherwise as has been posted, very bleak story about Canadian trust being portrayed as advantageous gullibility and Indian greed and corruption portrayed as universal, with a very weak story about someone like Lisa Ray playing a dedicated and accomplished diplomat being attracted to : Don McKellar!
As always, the yak-like McKeller speaks annoyingly and slowly like a stoned hobbit pondering the importance of everything he says in close-up. His character is even more loathsome: entitled, self-absorbed and useless to his bright wife, he can't cook and look after his own child at the same time. Fortunately they didn't even attempt to portray any chemistry between them, like oil and Ray + Mehta's only slightly better film 'Water'. At least there were little stings throughout the movie that the diplomat is expected to be the husband, i.e., male, but I was shocked with a feeble plot point about this accomplished character played by an actress with cancer whining about feeling fat in a sari was left in. She is literally left to fight her battles alone, and is portrayed as deserving what she gets as trying to be the bread-winning working mother. Both the writer and editor seem to be caught in an 80's or sub-continental sensibility, which is frankly repulsive to a 21st century Western eye.
I groan aloud when I see Maury Chaykin is in a movie, but fortunately his role was minuscule and completely overshadowed by the whispers of his hot aide-de-camp.
The passive-aggressive cheating servants corrupting another gorgeous woman as a PG 'Dangerous Liasons' was also difficult to watch: sometimes the plot tried to swerve into a genuine or touching moment, but quickly veered back into the venal. The ending is eye-rollingly bad: won't give away the non-surprise, but the long shot where the gorgeous, bright wife says an anachronistic 'I love you' to her useless hobbit husband is obviously a post edit and has no place in the story.
They could have made an Indian 'Eat/Drink/Man/Woman', with gorgeous people, scenery and food shots: but they didn't. A perfect opportunity to make a pretty and thoughtful film: fail. The film rolls from kitchen drama to political satire with some almost Bollywood video setups: it doesn't know what it wants, either. Mehta's films are always very polarised, obvious and ham-handed, and I gave up on them long ago, but I still feel obliged to watch Cancon as it sits there being awful in its own Canadian way. But for you, gentle reader, if you want to see a great little Canadian comedy/drama, go rent 1995's 'Blood and Donuts'.
And if I find out cooking fenugreek with tomatoes doesn't work, I'm reducing the stars to 3/10.
Sofie (1992)
Unending angst: avoid at all costs
Dreadful. Obviously given to Ullman on the strengths of her acting and connections with Bergman. Underlit even viewed and openly mocked in an art-house movie theatre, under-edited, and dreary.
A mawkish plot, as someone commented above like a Scandinavian soap opera, coming in at a sadistic and mind-pummelling two-and-a-half hours, when tale easily told in five minutes: downtrodden wallflower spurns the one she loves for an petit-bourgeois orthodox madman chosen by her racist parents, only to live a life of isolation, angst and mental anguish, rather like the movie audience. Physically painful to watch; do not attempt without clasping a fast-forwarding device in a death-grip. Irrepressibly drab and awful. Avoid at all costs.
Watchmen (2009)
Nihilistic, misogynistic, sadistic and more tics
Saved from getting a zero by the unintentionally funny giant blue man.
How this got the go-ahead, I'll never know, especially post-9/11. Screenplay adapted by a basement-dweller who doesn't get along well with children, women and anti-war protesters. Scenes which make light of superhero rapists (he's the Comedian! He didn't mean it! And she didn't mean it when she said 'no' the first twelve times! And then he shoots a Vietnamese woman just before she gives birth to his child! Hilarity ensues!). Even the choreographed gore of the prison riot is boring. Might have been better with 30 minutes cut out; couldn't be worse.
More proof it's written by an insecure male? What woman would say no to blue electric twin genius buff demigods who can make themselves any size? Now, *that's* an R-movie!
Avoid 'Watchmen'. Want tormented superheros? Go rent 'X-Men' or 'Man Facing SouthEast' instead. Hugh Jackman and 'Wolverine', we need you!
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (2008)
More musical 'fun with a message' from Joss Whedon
For 'Buffy' fans, "Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" is similar to the famous 'Once More With Feeling' musical episode, exploring familiar Whedon territory with some favourite Whedon stars: Nathon Fillion from 'Firefly', Felicia Day also from the last series of 'Buffy', plus Neil Patrick Harris and cameos galore: is the good guy good, is the hero the heroine with a day-job, and does the bad guy *want* to be horrible? Lots of fun, with some good music and clever, thoughtful lyrics and some surprising performances; you start believing! I lol'd at the groupies and the baddies, and stay around for the credits.
Available on I-tunes for purchase.
And yes, I know what a hammer is.
Five Gates to Hell (1959)
A movie to unwatch
I was against film censorship and film ratings less than zero until I saw the aptly named Five Gates of Hell.
As a previous critic noted, 'A shabby little shocker'.
When asked to name a movie I wanted to 'unwatch', this is at the top of my list. Oh, and just when you thought the sociopathic film couldn't be worse, there's Nancy Kulp(Miss Jane Hathaway from the Bev Hillbillies) with a hand grenade, and Neville Brand in oriental blackface.
If you're interested in the fates of women in World War II and Asian prisoner-of-war camps, I suggest you watch the Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC) miniseries 'Tenko'.
Hairspray (2007)
Travolta revolta
Hairspray was an excellent Broadway musical and a quirky original film, but this movie musical was a disappointment.
Travolta may have been able to dance in a fat suit, but his accent is truly revolting and distracting (to give you an idea, 'diet' is pronounced 'dot'), and his acting comes from the Renee Zellweger school of eye-crinkling and mouth-pursing. Two pivotal songs, 'Momma, I'm a Big Girl Now' and 'The Big House' were trashed to make room for another Michelle Pfeiffer number, who also sang poorly (surprising from someone who did her own songs for the Fabulous Baker Brothers). It's as if the producers were star-struck and got talked into making star-based rather than correct decisions.
James Marsden was a real treat to watch and listen to, Walken can do anything, and Blonsky was better a better singer than Winokur, although not as good an actress.
The romance is muzzled, but should have been central to the theme of discrimination.
Too bad!
Hopefully they'll remake it in another decade, with a real Hefty Hideaway female in the role of Tracy's mom; drag is SO pass/e (although Harvey Fierstein was FABulous, darling).
For the best of both worlds, watch 'Sugarbaby' and listen to the Broadway soundtrack of Hairspray.
Where the Truth Lies (2005)
Atom ain't
Sigh. More disturbing voyeurism from old Atom, but this time unintentionally funny. Cheap and cheesy sets (the mineral-oil rain on the Chinese restaurant windows), cheap and cheesy actors (a mugging Kevin Bacon, a lumpen Maury Chaykin and a Igoresque Don McKellar) and tired faux-noir kept my eyes rolling. It would take a hard heart not to laugh at the leaden foreshadowing then flashback with the lobsters, or Colin Firth mounting Kevin Bacon.
I had no trouble with the soft-core porn of the threesomes with the collegiate maid or the hookers, but his forcing us to watch his very specific philia makes me very uncomfortable: 'Exotica', for gods' sakes, one big director-and-the-schoolgirl wankfest, and now the polio girl and Alice in Wonderland.
I would LOVE to hear what Jerry Lewis thinks of this thinly veiled mess. Hmm, famous-in-the-50's Jewish nebbish plus suave straight (hah!) man: mix telethon-for-muscular-disease with Mafia, add hookers, and hilarity ensues.
I agree with another post that casting could have saved this movie. Colin Firth, whose career I've followed since 'Lost Empires' may stay, but Jodie Foster as Karen, Guy Pearce as Lanny, David Cronenberg as director, and (is that really Rupert 'Pina Colada Song' Holmes as the author?) Paul Haggis as script doctor to remove most of the Lewis-Martin in-jokes MIGHT have saved it.
2 out of 10 stars for the unintentional humour.
The Wind in the Willows (2006)
A British Classic Renewed
A quintessentially British classic, brought back for a new generation.
It's a pleasure to watch a new children's movie without dead parents or body fluid slapstick. The film is surprisingly close to the book, with saturated colours director Talalay seems to have been denied with her TV work.
Most of the casting is superb; standouts are Mark Gatiss as Ratty, Bob Hoskins as growly Badger and Oscar-nominee Imelda Staunton as the Barge Lady, with some surprisingly attractive Romanian weasels and underrated Canadian Mary Walsh as the unattractive bosom-rearranging washerwoman. Little Britain's Matt Lucas is a scenery-chewing disappointment as Toad, driving down the stars from 8 to 7; whenever he's on screen, despite his good music-hall turns with the songs, he jars us back to the 21st century.
Like most great stories, 'Willows' survives beyond its period-piece setting with a moral for young and old. Whether you subscribe to the id/ego/superego trio, or the class structure of the stupid rich Toad, proper Rat and afraid-but-brave homebody Mole, there's more to the tale than Toad's latest toy.
Children younger than 6 likely won't stand more than a few minutes of this, but nostalgic adults will enjoy watching this with school-age children who hopefully will ask for the whole story.
Merci Docteur Rey (2002)
A renter, barely
A black comedy with a parade of unlikeable characters, but with occasional touches of grace that kept me watching. Dianne Wiest, usually great in funny or funky roles, is squintingly annoying and unconvincing as the puffy diva mother, but Jane Birkin nails the egotistically insecure psych patient (her changing into a nice frock to meet the Diva is a visual pun.) Slavic-cheeked Stanislas Merhar of Gerard Depardieu's 'Count of Monte Cristo' is well-cast as the Diva's cruising son, and Bulle Ogier, almost unrecognisable from the tour-de-force Dominatrix in 'La Maitresse', as the opera director who cribs from a psych textbook is fun. Like the movie itself which swings wildly from murder mystery to farce, the language swings from English to French; subtitles on the DVD come in handy.
An extra half-star for the Parisian street scenes and Penelope's apartment. 5 1/2 stars
Institute Benjamenta, or This Dream People Call Human Life (1995)
The Emperor's New Institute
Pretension with a microbudget. Larry Miller says, 'art shouldn't wring its hands': I was so happy to have found this DVD after years of searching, but got weltschmerz instead of zeitgeist. Dreary, angsty, self-congratulating symbolism, and may I never see another antler, even an ironic pair.
I'm a fan of Mark Rylance's stage and most of his film work, but this is a clinker. It reminds me of another wankerish flick, Guy Maddin's 'Tales from the Gimli Hospital': same crummy film stock, same low-budget pretension, same deep need for the directors to use their audience as therapists. 'Institute' appears to have been shot with a videocam & bargain-basement special effects doubtless by the director brothers; it has the makings of an OK 4-minute video, but the occasional beautiful shot of Mark Rylance's beautiful mouth can't make up for the wanna-be Bergman antics. Nine, circles, hell, we get it. Sheesh. you don't have to hit us over the head with the cloven hoof.
Run, my friends, run far, far away. Rent 'Wild Strawberries' for the Bergman, 'Angels and Insects' for the Rylance, 'Excalibur' for the Orff, and 'Blood and Donuts' for the low-budget horror passion play that *works*: you'll thank me. Two stars for Mark Rylance's mouth's acting.
Malèna (2000)
Unpleasant Italian Dogville
An Italian 'Dogville'
From previous reviews, I was expecting a thoughtful war drama; instead it starts with some charming unrequited cinema-fueled fantasies narrated by an adolescent boy, and segues into the calumny, rape by the lawyer who defended her and prostitution of a mourning war widow, brought down by rumour, poverty and a pack of the ugliest draft-rejects, their wives and spawn you could find in Sicily.
After the war, she and her MIA-but-not-quite-dead amputee husband are reunited covertly by the boy who has been too afraid to overtly help her. The townsfolk who shaved her head and drove her out of her home show their shame at their treatment of her by giving her and her husband food that they refused to sell her when she was starving and alone.
A lot of the reviewers seem to have been voting for the gorgeous title character, and not the nauseating depiction of a country's devolution. Disturbing and thought-provoking, but in the pitying sense. I bet the writer is quite the nebbish in real life.
3 stars for the movie-fantasy sequences, and yes, the gorgeous tabula rasa star.
Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking (2004)
Melodrama and CPR
It's a pleasure to see the intoxicating Rupert Everett as the intoxicated Sherlock Holmes, but the pleasure soon ends. Built with 19th century characters and a 21st century psycho-babble plot line, there are plot holes and mineral-oil fog you could drive a coach-and-six through. And the anachronisms! Watson (Ian Hart) refuses to tell Holmes pertinent information to get back at Holmes' withholding (and thereby further the plot) and manages to outrun Sherlock's coach to get to a crime scene (what with his war wound from India and all) and perform CPR on a victim 50 years before even mouth-to-mouth was invented.
That said, hurrah to Tiger Aspect and the BBC for reviving the Holmes legend with gorgeous cinematography and a budget worthy of costume mystery; here's hoping they'll try again but stick to the beloved Conan Doyle stories, or employ a technical adviser to patch up the plot holes. ** 1/2 out of **** stars
Let's Be Happy (1957)
A minor 50's musical: in Edinburgh!!
A minor 50's musical with the unusual backdrop of Edinburgh! Vera-Ellen is the biggest name, if that's any gauge, and she seems to have been cast for the circumference of her cinched waist. Watch her attempting to obey the direction to NOT look in the camera: her eye movements bring to mind Carol Burnett's over-the-top Norah Desmond.
The storyline has a slightly screwball premise so dear to musicals; 'young' Jeannie [Vera-Ellen in her last major role] goes to Europe for a vacation and spends her entire inheritance of $4000; two cads, one a helpful Yankee [Tony Martin, stalwart of lesser musicals and Cyd Charisse's husband] and the other a poor Scottish laird [Robert Flemyng] who believes her to be a million-heiress vie for her affections. An odd jazz-ballet number reminds you it was made in the late 50's. The city of Edinburgh and some stunning gowns co-star. ** out of **** stars
Angels and Insects (1995)
Worth seeing again and again
There are few movies better than the novel that spawned them, and 'Angels & Insects' [from A.S. Byatt's 'Morpho Eugenia'] is one.
Mark Rylance, better known for his Globe Theatre Shakespearean productions, is excellent as a poor-but-honest Victorian naturalist who has lost everything except a few prized specimens in a shipwreck while heading home to England after years in the Amazon jungles.
Patsy Kensit, the melancholy beautiful daughter of his patron Sir Harald Alabaster, enchants him and accepts his proposal. They continue to live with her family in the Alabaster stately home, populated by her over-protective swinish brother, her many seemingly identical siblings and later offspring, and her bloated queen-bee of a mother.
Kristin Scott Thomas of 'The English Patient' is the drably dressed worker-ant of a governess to the Alabaster children, Rylance's intellectual equal who shows him the rot behind their privileged but stagnant lives and catalyzes him into action.
I found the extremely vivid costumes of the upper-class women distracting, and mentioned this to a friend who works in the textiles department of a museum who said it was actually authentic: Victorian Europe was in love with the newly invented analine dyes, and both sexes in all classes revelled in garish colour combinations such as bottle-green and violet [insect colours ;-) ].
Back to the movie: there are adult themes, graphic soft-focus sex and frontal female AND male nudity for a change, but one of the most erotic moments is the married Rylance day-dreaming about Scott Thomas's naked wrist.
What makes 'Angels & Insects' worth watching and re-watching? The performances, of course, especially of Rylance as the quiet hero with 21st century sensibilities [watch the scene of him with his brother-in-law and their different definitions of courage], the theme of the Alabaster home as hive, the showy, needy, damaged butterfly wife versus the drab, resourceful, repressed but passionate governess, but even the opening credits are wonderful. Imagine a staid principled Victorian man of science thrust into a fire-lit circle of naked dancers in the Amazonian jungle and cut to him in a 19th-century English ballroom. Brilliant!
9/10