shieldfire Reviews

Killer Body Count (2024)

WTF? Litteraly

[3/10 · 20 May 2024]

This is a mixed bag of trying to act, every slasher cliché under the sun, and a script with holes large enough to drive a truck through.

Possibly the only original twist is the explanation to what is going on in this film. But it isn't enough.

Cami is sent to a "catholic correctional facility" to be cured from being a teenager (see title). Cami's only crime being wanting to do the title. All the teenagers faults at the facility are hidden in the title. That you may not do according to the parents that sent them there.

And so they do it there instead.

Also unfortunately there is a madman on the loose at the place that offs teenagers left, right and center - while the two persons (siblings apparently) running the place doesn't seem to care. Having surrounded the place with electric fence and cliffs there is no where to run either.

Well, the acting is attrocious at times, the plot ... running for their lives from a madman, ending up in a not so hidden cabin, the two main female characters logical reaction to it all is to do the title. For some reason. Of course they get interrupted. One of them pushed into the cellar, the other protected by plot armour.

And so it continued all through the film. Particularly horrendous acting is provided by the siblings - lifted directly from any bad B-movie.

If you enjoy bad acting and partial nudity, by all means grab a few beers and crisps. Otherwise ...

The House in Between (2020)

These low ratings

[7/10 · 7 September 2023]

This is a prime case of expectation vs reality. For anyone even remotely into "serious" paranormal research (as opposed movie ghosts) the content of this documentary is more interesting than movie ghosts.

The main problem with any and all documentaries or live shows of this kind is trust. You need to trust that the team is not producing the effects themselves somehow. Do you? If you accept what is happening on screen is real, then you need to explain it. People here complain that "nothing" is happening. But the point is - if it's not a hoax - WHY is it moving?

This makes the whole thing interesting. Why is the ball moving seemingly by itself (and only that and no other object on the stairs). WHY are doors opening and closing by themselves? Discrediting the whole film because you expected seeing blood thirsty ghosts, ghouls or other horrors, completely misses the point. And renders the "reviews" meaningless. As someone said a physical source of energy is needed to move a physical object - which moves "paranormal" happenings into physics.

I am convinced that much paranormal phenomena are so far unknown physics and are scientifically explainable. In this regards, and given it's not all a hoax, a *lot happens* in this documentary.

Mercy's Girl (2018)

A missed opportunity

[6/10 · 8 June 2023]

The mother is an awful human being. Thank someone she on screen for a pretty short time - unfortunately she manages to do too much damage during this short time than Mercy would like.

Mercy is as, the blurbs say, a closeted lesbian - who finds someone to love. She is also a recovering addict, struggling with staying recovering and making ends meet. This later part isn't going all that well. But her love interest makes things much better, life enjoyable even - until her mother meets with her at a cafe and her entire world crumbles due to the mother bigoted Christian beliefs.

There is a lot of room for improvement in this movie. For one, it is very slow and "artsy" to be point of being artsy. To me it seems the director wants to tell a story about "coming out" have family support (or as in this case not). About finding yourself. But it all drowns in melodrama. It also touches upon sexual assault issue, but it also doesn't because of ... drama? Mercy coming home battered after been missing all night, and only says "I had sex with a guy." as the explanation for being messed up should be obvious that that wasn't the entire explanation to what happened. For some reason her girlfriend, Jesse, doesn't even try to probe. Which would have revealed the horrible mother, the assault, and stopped Mercy's and Jesse's relationship from crashing. This is the main two main missed opportunities in this film. Maybe to end result would have been much better if they had dared take it there.

Still, it's not all bad - it could just have been done better.

The Haunting of Alexis King (2023)

With friends like these ...

[4/10 · 30 May 2023]

A girl and her boyfriend moves into a largish house she inherited. Joining her is a girl friend and her soon to be ex-boyfriend. Alexis starts hearing and seeing things in the house, but unfortunately only she does. Which makes her look like she has psychotic episodes.

Unfortunately her "friends" including the broken boyfriend consider her crazy, and "losing it" but rather than contact a psychiatrist they just leave her to her deamons. And here the scripts starts to fail. Alexis dad, locked up in the funny farm, escapes and goes off to find his daughter. Headless chicken reactions ensue, when the script says "run around and scream 'what do I do' without doing anything", try to do CPR on an obvious very dead person, hide in a house when they are supposed to leave. And so on. It also seems the script writer(s) has some problems in deciding what they were going for, a psychological horror movie or something else.

And as for acting, it is sometimes subpar, sometimes acceptable. Direction is the same. Creepy music isn't. Sound effect over-utilise creaking doors and floors. And the whole thing is very slow for the first 1 hour 20 minutes to expload in the last 10 and reveal the plot twist, which unfortunately isn't new either and has been done better.

So, well, it's not the worst film I've seen by a long shot - but still, it's not good. There must be better horror films out there.

Jaguar (2021)

Semi-realistic thriller

[7/10 · 29 September 2021]

This is a really good show on the nazi-hunters of the time.

Yes, it might contain unrealistic scenes, but which action series doesn't? Yes, Blanca Suarez might have limited facial expression in this show, but it is really explained in the show why this is a realistic interpretation rather than "bad acting".

So, the show is a nazi-hunting group in Spain in the 60s, only a rough dozen years after the end of the war. In a country with fascist leanings (not being the democracy it is today). The group hunts for the butcher at Mauthausen to put him on trial at an international tribunal.

It is a gripping tale that depicts, in scenes of the past, some of the atrocities performed at the nazi death camps. It is a decent thriller.

It's well worth your time getting involved in.

October Faction (2020)

Not as bad as many say

[5/10 · 6 August 2021]

Some time ago I watched the first episode of this. I thought it was laughably bad and gave up on it. Then someone said that they were sorry there wasn't going to be a second season, so I gave it another try - and got through episode one and was able to continue through the season.

It's about a weird family that eventually - we are to know - is built on lies and no one is who the seem. The parents have been lying to their children and possibly drugging them to prevent them from learning the truth about their origin - for, like, 18 years. And the parents kill monsters for a living.

But while Supernatural shows how this affects the hunters, these drones doesn't seem to have any consciences at all - which makes them unlikeable. And while Grimm, show the "other side" to be pretty normal these monsters are shallow and empty. And then of course the hunting drones excuses genocide and even participates on the part of their employer. Again, without much conscience showing. But then, their "children" are stereotypically angsty - the son being particularly unlikeable and rootless like a balloon drifting any way someone influences him.

All this said, there is some story behind it all - and it seems be heading in some kind of direction, but the parent employing death machine seems a bit muddled, and after a whole season doesn't really have a firm storyline yet so we still don't know who is what and what and why the individual characters do what they do.

Mainly this is a squandered opportunity, unlikeable, shallow, characters and a plot that is allover the place. At least half decent acting on some parts and stereotypes galore - and yet. I could be worse and its far from the quality of Supernatural and Grimm. I can see why there isn't a season 2.

El embarcadero (2019–2020)

Could do with extensive editing

[7/10 · 21 June 2021]

Alejandra's husband is found dead in a small town outside Valencia, when he's supposed to be in Frankfurt. Alejandra pesters the police to investigate the apparent suicide and finds that her husband has been living a double life with a girlfriend. For eight years. It transpires that what the husband - Oscar - actually did for a living is very unclear, as he resigned from his day job many years previously.

So far so good. It has the good story for a thriller.

This is a Spanish relationship drama/thriller and this is the problem. It would have gained more traction if it had decided to be one or the other. The director has decided that using numerous flashbacks to portray Oscar's double life, the problem is - it slows down the episodes, and doesn't necessarily add much that couldn't have been added using standard "thriller-methods".

The developing relationship between Alejandra and Veronica, or the relationship between Alejandra and Conrado could be explored - or the thriller elements. Now things falls in between. The thriller element turns out to be your standard, crime fare, with a slight twist at the end (we've seen it before) - the Alejandra/Veronica relationship is given too little time to fully develop (we've seen better series with lesbian/bi-sexual themes before). This is a pity as the interaction between Alejandra, Veronica and her daughter Sol is electric at times. One of the last scenes where Sol (?) has changed the little star Veronica has in the windscreen from reading "Sol/Mama" to "Sol/Mamas" and Sol's last line "A dónde vamos, mamas?" is touching.

One problem with the show is the solution to the endgame is the plot Conrado comes up with, doesn't hold water (!) even if the scheme is supposed to save Alejandra and Veronica. The main problem, however, of the whole series, however, is the speed of narration. I can't avoid thinking it needs at least another editing session. Flashbacks can be interesting, but when they almost take up 50% of episode time it drags. Badly.

Coven (2020)

It could have, and did happen

[8/10 · 13 March 2021]

We are taken to 17th (not 16th) century Spain, where the Inquisition is trying to find evidence of witchcraft among the peasantry. A group of young girl/women are found and accused. Imprisoned and tortured they concoct a bizarre mess of a story about what the witches sabbath is about.

It seems that by confusing the clergy and their soldiers by ridiculous rituals they try over-power them and escape.

Some have complained that "Why don't they try to argue their case?" Simply because it would be completely pointless - the whole inquisition wasn't about finding the truth, but to alleviate fears attributed to external forces (like witches). There was only one outcome of "trial" for those accused - death. Which is evident by one methods used - tow the accused to sea. If she floated she was a witch, guilty and should be killed, if she sank and drowned she was innocent.

The film depicts the atmosphere of these "trials" in a believable manner, and the misfortunes the unlucky women faced. Well worth a watch - don't expect anything in the way of horror movie, it is not.

Cursed (2020)

Ridiculous reviews

[7/10 · 19 July 2020]

Reading the reviews here seems like it a living nightmare. It's not. What is painful is the historical ignorance going into flaming the show for having a "black Arthur". Ignorance is showing in two points. Grown Arthur in the show isn't particularly "black". Grown Arthur is more northern Africa/Middle east origin. And this isn't even necessarily wrong historically. The Arthur legend is post-Roman. The Romans had lots of people from various cultures in it's armies. So having non-snow white people living in Brittania post-Roman isn't very strange at all.

That will clear 8/10 winers from the major wining list. Apart from that acting isn't particularly bad (I've seen worse, much worse), and not everything needs to non-stop action. So far into the show I'll give it a 6 of 10.

Warrior Nun (2020–2022)

Cold and clinical, still watchable

[7/10 · 5 July 2020]

This is about Ava (yeah, could've been Eve but that would've been too cliché). Ava is a broken, crippled teenager, who is murdered by nuns - but resurrected, by accident, by desperate other warrior nuns. Her focus from there on, is to fight demons. Or so the nuns, part of a secret order, think. We also have a powerful med tech company with unclear intentions towards Ava.

It all sounds interesting, and it should have been a blast.

But something is missing. I miss the spark. I miss the engagement. A need to love for what they are trying to create. It's cold and clinical. Like a producer ticking a number of fantasy series boxes. I lack cohesion of in what direction the director is trying to take the show. And it is not strange, because there are a number of directors who don't really seems to have a common goal. Also, the dialogue is sub-par from time to time. The acting is OK, with a few notable exceptions.

All in all, it's decent, but forgettable story.

The Mansion (2017)

For all that's holy - keep away

[1/10 · 1 August 2018]

I've tried to watch this rubbish twice. I can stomach about 15 minutes of it each time. I've given up. First time - I tried to watch it as a horror movie. It fails horribly. Second time - I tried to watch it as a comedy. It fails horribly.

Why? Shallow brain dead characters, brain dead "acting" (running around screaming is not acting - unless you are in secondary school), a script that sucks so hard it would swallow Mount Everest, plot twists (as far as I could see this) that has been seen and done gazillion times before - and a gazillion times better.

Someone said they probably wanted to do something akin to "Scream". Possibly. They failed badly.

Skyline (2010)

That ending ...

[2/10 · 8 March 2018]

Mercifully this movie is short. Even as it is short, it is much too long. In short, Earth is invaded by bug-creature/space-dinasaurs/alien-mongrels with definite orc qualities, apart from that the larger one seems self repairing. Of course earth defenses are over-run in 3 days. While the larger ones are self-repairing, the smaller ones are killable by axe.

And while earth forces are putting up token resistance, earth seems to have developed scripted explosions and falling aircraft parts that avoids maiming the main characters of the story in explosions in the range of 10 meters. But this is nothing to the deficiency of the unstopable invaders that create indestructible war ships, manage space flight, but can't equip photographic arms with 350 degree lenses.

If you still think this is a good a worthy film to spend your time on, please remember the Internet saying "What has been seen, cannot be unseen." I am talking about the ending of course. Why someone in any fram of mind would think that spending the rest of your miserable life in a cell surrounded by dead or dying people waiting to be harvested is a hopeful ending should be beyond any rational thinking being. But apparently not, and it is probably the only derense that works against the aliens - poison them with idiot brains and ideas....

The ending deducts 2 from the total score.

Bless the Child (2000)

Only in the US, or possibly in the Vatican too

[3/10 · 24 February 2018]

The title should be a giveway. Litteraly. This is not so much as a supernatural thriller as a propaganda flick for the western church. As could've been done in the early 1900s. It starts off decent enough, thriller wise with the troubles surrounding little child Cody, who, it turns out, has the ability to do good - serious good, as in bringing dead birds and mums back to life. As apart from the sinister group of satanists that want her to be a powerfull proponent for the other side. What she couldn't do, poor Cody, was to save the film from being propaganda for the church. The whole thing is permeated by righteous praying, and believing in Him. If you belive in Him (the good guy) then everything will turn out fine, like all film clichés being on your side, not the opponent. I am deducting 2 points from this only because the pro-christianity side of things is too much - unless you are already a beliver - then I guess it could be standable. As I am not a believer I think I might soon forget the whole thing and find something else to watch.

Die Präsenz (2014)

Paranormal Activity goes on a German holiday

[2/10 · 15 May 2017]

And shouldn't have send the footage back to be honest. This is the most boring, non-scaring film I've seen since .... well another flick I found on Netflix.

It's supposed to be about two guys and a girl going to a medieval castle to investigate paranormal activity. At least the boys are, the girlfriend of one is dragged along for the ride. It's setup with some very brief background info/lore and then we're off. To watch black and sepia couloured videos of people sleeping, of hearing bangs and other noises, and seeing blurred images as "stuff happen".

Midway through the film the girl begs for them to leave, and I think that should have been the best really, as it would have cut this rubbish offering down to maybe half. They didn't, and she didn't get rid of her broken boyfriend and that in the end cost her dearly. And him of course.

Cheap effects, cheap production in general, pointless script - half decent non-screaming acting is bearable, which is kind of the kindest I could say about this mess.

Final Girl (2015)

Boring

[3/10 · 15 April 2017]

So, this is what Little Miss Sunshine came to - Abigail Breslin has already an extensive list of titles to her name, and this must be (hopefully) one of the worst. The premise, as in the initial blurb under the title on IMDb sounds mildly interesting.

Unfortunately neither of the actors nor the director manage to bring any nerve to this flick - which in the end turns out to be violence for the sake of violence. The characters are shallow, the plot is fairly pointless, the background is non-existing and Veronica is mildly successful for a trained assassin to finish her task at hand. The gang of four has their Clockwork Orange moments (like when they assemble to hunt Veronica) but they are far between and nothing is made of it.

Abigail Breslin is cute, but that is honestly the only reaction this failure manage to provoke. If you've got some time to kill it is a passable alternative - but there surely are more enjoyable films in this category as well.

The Poltergeist of Borley Forest (2013)

No this is not worth watching

[2/10 · 2 April 2017]

Some review here said it was. No it's not.

I was looking for a silly B-movie horror flick to pass the time before dinner. I brought out Netflix and and 15 mins fast forwarded a bit. For the first 15 mins nothing of note happened. Apart from clichés, bad acting, bad filming and more bad acting. And clichés. Unfortunately nothing more seems to be happening apart from the above and bad plot logic (like 4 guys sitting in a room when things go *BUMP* somewhere in a supposedly empty house without anyone actually reacting to this).

I've given it a "2" out of kindness and because there are worse wastes of time out there. Possibly not many, but they do exist. Avoid!

Wynonna Earp (2016–2021)

I (kind of) get this

[7/10 · 2 December 2016]

From the original review: "Is it supposed to be a serious show? It's stupid. The characters are even more unbelievable than the plot intends. The acting is horrible. The plot itself is mediocre and the villains are brainless clichés." I can still see why I thought so.

Basically it's about Wynonna Earp (yes, that Earp), a formerly troubled youth, who returns to her home town of Purgatory. On the road back one of the fellow travelers is killed by a "being" and Wynonna is unable to do anything about it. It's not quite clear why she should, but still. It turns out she is a descendant of Wyatt Earp (the infamous sheriff of old) and the family is tasked (cursed) with ridding Purgatory of demons ("revenants"). The boss of which is another western profile. Eventually Wynonna teams up with her little sister Wayverly, Doc Holiday (yes, that Doc Holiday), and a federal agent - to clear the town of revenants, and somehow get rid of the family curse.

If you buy into the concept, it can be entertaining. The acting and dialogue is at times painfully awkward, but is acceptable for the most part of it. The clichés are plentiful (like the revenants, and their boss Bobo (who is mostly cringeworthy) but if you can get past that ... it can be entertaining. The main sub-story - Wayhaught - has gathered a large following in some fan groups. Wayhaught is the same-sex romance couple Wayverly Earp, and the town cop Nicole Haught. If for nothing else it is worth watching for Wayhaught, as coming from OITNB it is nice seeing a more or less healthy and normal relationship (if it's healthy and normal to walk around shooting demons). Besides this the main character I found interesting is actually the one played by Tim Rozon - Doc Holiday. The others are more or less forgetable.

The show has amassed a cult following, and I can see why.

Campus Code (2015)

Utterly confused

[2/10 · 15 November 2016]

If it was only me, it would probably be OK. Then I could see this as some kind of surreal movie experiment. But it isn't unfortunately. This is about some college students (I think) go about their daily business and stumbling into "unusual" situations where they seem to gain supernatural powers. Maybe.

One reason this isn't very clear is that the plot is horrible. The weird, surreal things are laid one upon another from the start (and I mean start after the opening sequence) where people stop reacting, beat each other up, sell stolen stuff, bully one another for no apparent reason. And the characters "act" as this is all very normal. Then there is the "acting". It's horribly over the top on all accounts. Seriously, horribly bad including every cliché in an amateur directors "How-to manual" on directing. Including the goth group clad in black. :sighs: I guess it all somewhat is explained at the end, but even so - the explanation for everyones extremely erratic behaviour doesn't make much sense. Avoid if it's available for free on cable, run like mad in another direction if your significant other suggests you see it at a theatre.

The Babadook (2014)

I can see what you did there

[5/10 · 4 September 2016]

I totally can see the director was trying to achieve. It seems to me this is a story about mental break down after a tragic loss, and eventual recovery (of sorts). But .... and it's a big BUT. From the beginning the characters are totally unlikable. The mother seems rather trashy and neurotic from film minute 1, the son is horribly obnoxious and generally a pain in the behind - also from film minute 1. The home is chaotic, adding to the general impression of a mental breakdown in process. There's also a dog there, even he isn't very likable, as far as dog likability goes. And of course it is killed (the only reason for it's inclusion?). They simply are unlikable - to me I couldn't care less if Babadook ate the whole street.

Also one moment, possibly not important in the general flow of things, is the visit of the mother colleague from work. Upon hearing the brat isn't sick, he just vanishes from the story - but it adds to the general doom, gloom and surreal feeling of the movie.

Then finally getting over the characters and their dog aren't likable - the movie ends. Good riddance. I've seen worse, I've definitely seen much better.

Scream: The TV Series (2015–2019)

Stupid teenagers, stupid cops, even stupider adults

[7/10 · 2 October 2015]

The main redeeming feature of this series is Bex Taylor-Klaus from "The Killing". I loved her acting in that series and the kind of low key role his works well.

Maybe stupid is the wrong word, but after three episodes of cyber bullying, idiots running off on their own, and unlikely police this is stuff that would work in a movie. I can't see it working across a whole series.

Obviously this takes off where Scream the movie ends. Some time after the events there, the killings start again now focusing on the daughter of Daisy. We have the cliché in the book (Brooke, various boys and boyfriends) and single minded coppers.

I guess this might work for those not expecting much, but might be a disappointment for the fans of the original Scream movie. It's trying, but the clues and lead-ins to grisliness are to obvious. The series format doesn't help either.

The Bridge (2011–2018)

Brilliant portrait of the asperger cop

[9/10 · 28 September 2015]

The series starts with a dead woman found on the Öresunds-bridge between Denmark and Sweden. As the body is place exactly on the border between the countries the investigation is shared by the Danish and Swedish police. The interaction between Sara Helin (playing Saga Norén, Swedish police) and Kim Bodnia (playing Martin Rohde, Danish police) raises this series above the average serial killing series. It's interesting to see their relationship develop on screen through plot twists and dead-ends. Especially Sara Helin as Saga is brilliant as an asperger affected Swedish police officer.

I fully understand how some reviewers can mistake the acting as horribly bad - but given the background of the character it is simply very good. Sagas inability to relate to human interaction constantly leads to a comedy of unintended errors but it never over-shadows the actual plot.

The plot itself moves forward with a decent pace (for a European/Scandinavian series; think "The Killing") but it has some sub-plots that seems slightly unrelated to the main story. Nevertheless it is well worth viewing for the brilliant main characters.

Aliens on the Moon: The Truth Exposed (2014 TV Movie)

Yes there are others out there - no this isn't proof

[1/10 · 21 September 2015]

This is 1 hour and 20 minutes of blurred images, speculation, and "helpfully" coloured shadows. Interesting enough the commentator at the beginning of the "documentary" uses the words "are?", "maybe", "could this" but at towards the ends of it skips all these small highly significant words from the narrative. It follows the same format as many other conspiracy "documentaries".

A/ Can it be X?

B/ Can it be Y?

C/ Can it be Z?

----------------- This proves that aliens built stuff on the moon/did something else unbelievable.

If you are into this kind of reasoning and conspiracy then go ahead watch this waste of time. Personally I'd extremely surprised if there are not others out there - and equally surprised if they were particularly interested in this backward backwater planets population.

A Haunting (2005– )

If even a minuscule part of this is true

[6/10 · 18 June 2015]

This is a series about alleged demonic hauntings at various locations around the USA. They are all more or less violent and frightening. If even a minuscule part of this is true then, there is much more to "life" than we commonly assume. Much more that is documented in ancient life that today we assume is superstition is actually "real".

Due to the concept of this series this is a big IF. These are all uncorroborated stories of supposed hauntings, from those directly involved and possibly "paranormal investigators". There is no place for sceptics in these stories, no scientific investigation or any third party corroboration whatsoever.

Some reviewers here has remarked that the content is strongly Christian. The "solutions" is always prayer and Christianity. Which in itself isn't too strange in a Christian setting/society as the USA. Having this going on for episode after episode is however, straining. They also portrait other beliefs as suspicious so this can easily be seen as Christian propaganda.

As a amusing horror story series it has some merit. That it might give you some thoughts on the paranormal is a pro.

Sense8 (2015–2018)

Not your ordinary show

[8/10 · 8 June 2015]

I saw a review on here that faulted the show by them astonishing circular logic ... Because someone else had seen the show and mentioned that it is about 8 people telepathically connected across the world - the pilot episode, and therefore the whole series was rubbish because it explained that the show is about 8 people telepathically connected.

The show is obviously way above that level of understanding.

That said, the pilot and the second episode are slow, they are all about setting the stage, not instant action of any kind. Action starts to creep into the show by episode 3-4 and then not in a heavy flood but still in line with setting a stage.

This is obviously something more about existence, life, choices, free will, and consequences of your actions rather than attention grabbing violence and action. At least so far. Compare Matrix 1 to Matrix 3 if you will (the second installment was unwatchable rubbish). It's a daring enterprise. It's about several individuals in different social environments, people from London, Berlin, Mexico city, Nairobi (!), (the Indian city I at the moment have forgotten), Seoul and so on. If it all works is still to be seen.

2012: Doomsday (2008 Video)

Something is badly missing

[2/10 · 11 October 2010]

Something is missing from this movie. I bought it to pass those long evenings away from home when on assignment recently - and I was horribly disappointed.

Think of a catastrophe film cliché ... it's in this movie. Now; think of a action film cliché ... it's also in this movie. Now;

Expect nerve, excitement, a sense of drama and impending doom ... it's not in this movie. It goes through all the motions of being a action packed movie but fails. First scene, enters the future female heroine ... does she have *any* meaningful lines in those early scenes? What is she doing there, why is she there? I haven't got a clue - it's a slightly bizarre appearance to be honest. And later on a daughter is stranded in Mexico, her father hollers down a telephone line (naturally about to break up) that GTFO of there ... (cliché!) And does she? No, "I am needed here." (cliché) So father goes down to Mexico to find her (for some reason - cliché) and the co-riders of various vehicles disappears (without explanation) or dies (cliché) and so on and so on ...

No ... for all the money poured into this film it's utter failure.