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Reviews
Solaris (2002)
Lets see... watch Solaris or go to an all night dentist?
You know, it's movies like this extravagant, boring, without a clue crap, that makes me think to my self "so big deal if people download these pitiful excuses for movies instead of paying 10 times what a movie like this is worth." Downloading would be better than being trapped in a multiplex hoping for a nuclear war or another great flood; anything just please get me out of the theater.
I mean.. who is the person that looks over at the director and cast or whom ever and says "I think we have a winner" ? Is that person High? Are they drunk? Are they blind? Or are they so use to sticking it to us the movie watchers and renter and getting away with it, that they could care less that we get screwed? Crappie music from record companies, crappie movies from movie companies, and now that we could download these turkeys for a $buck it's boo-hoo, and we will sue you.
Readers, don't bother with this movie. It's noisy, dull, boring and worse it's "STUPID"
If your a fan of George Clooney.... you wont find him here. Just some space double, that doesn't know how he got on the movie lot and can't remember he's a good actor, because ... well that's right, the movie forgot to fill in that blank too.
Out of 5 stars I give this movie 0, because the music was intrusive, the sound was bad, the lighting didn't work, the script was awful and the casting was done seemingly by email. Likewise the cast seemed to blow off all rehearsals.
Panic Room (2002)
Do people who make movies ever take the time to watch the movie they made?
Panic Room proves what I have suspected for awhile now "if you've seen the trailer, chances are good you've seen the best of it." This movie could have been great. It was a fresh idea (the "Panic Room concept") showing the great lengths the wealthy will go through to service just about anything.
The problem with Panic Room the movie is "it was like watching a movie made by the Oxygen channel for girls." It also had all the clichés any politically correct person could ask for. Mother behaves like wild animal when her young are threatened, no good cheating husband is useless, a coward and thoroughly beaten up. The relationship between the mother and daughter is more of the tired, over used "were really friends; not just mother and daughter." The only good guy was a Black man who had a "real" problem of being down on his luck in a custody battle (I think that's what it was, because the movie did little to flesh that out.) and the villains were morons to boot. For me it was like watching Home Alone two without the humor or the movie making skill involved.
I kept watching this film school like production, because I was sure that "any moment it will get good." I stayed to the bitter end; God I wish I hadn't. If the ending had been more like what we thought it might be since it seemed to lead us in a particular direction, then I would have said "Not a great movie, but not awful either.
If I had made this movie the ending would have looked like this ; " After Forest comes in and shoots the bad guy he then turns to run out the door. The daughter says "Please... wait!" Jody says "No let me go!" Daughter says "Mom he saved my life... all of our lives!" Jody gives Forest a long stare as the SWAT team enters. They start ordering Forest to the ground, then Jody speaks and says "No wait! He's our alarm guy. He came here to check on us... "he saved us all." The overly cautious Cop from earlier doesn't believe her and asks everyone if that's the way it really is and each actor agree although Jody must give a short glare at her hubby to get him to go along. Last shot in the scene is both Jody and the cop staring at each other, the cop with a knowing look of Bull when he sees it and Jody with her poker face of conviction that says "I win you loose."
The camera fades to black during this stand off and the last scene is mother, daughter and Forest in the day light talking about what their plans are for the Bearer Bonds. Forest is going to hire a great lawyer to keep custody of his kids. Jody is now independently wealthy and no longer needs her looser x . Daughter want's a red Corvette convertible, but Jody says collage fund first. Daughter rolls her eyes, they all laugh, hugs are exchanged and Jody and daughter watch as Forest walks off into the sun set."
What did you say? Formula? Same old, same old? Sure, but at least my movie HAS a formulated plot, and a complete IDEA, and a happy ending to a terrible situation to boot.
Convict 762 (1997)
This movie can not suck enough
Like the hyped "Deathlands" movie sc-fi made this movie a top turkey event. I think the Sc-fi studio's should stick to what they do best "making huge extravagant commercials and endless self promotional clips for the sc-fi channel."