Gobobo Reviews

The Northman (2022)

Paint by numbers

[4/10 · 19 May 2022]

I rarely criticise acting, but sometimes it's so bad and wooden that other viewers should be warned. There's very little charm, charisma, or nuance in this production; everyone seems more interested in hitting their cues than listening and responding to their colleagues. What little talent that shows through is drowned in a sea of mediocrity, I'm sad to say.

Great screaming, yelling, bellowing, and shrieking - at some point I imagine the cast collectively uttering "WTF are we all constantly yelling about, is this gig *that* bad?"

YES, IT IIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!!!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Snowpiercer (2013)

Things that make you go "Hmmm.."

[5/10 · 20 October 2021]

This film is all over the place. I couldn't work it out if it was a disaster flick, a survival one, a comedy (parts are pretty funny), an action movie, a political satire, or an apocalypse thing. It's a bit of a mish mash of genres, doing all of them moderately well.

Some parts, such as the chicken eggs and sauna, are more a part of Korean than western culture. I imagine a lot of the other references flew over most people's heads (including mine), so it's some of the viewers' lack of knowledge which provides a part of the confusion. At other times, it just. Makes. No. Sense.

Where did all the meat come from? They'd need a farm, somewhere. Why was anyone over child-rearing age allowed to live in the rear of the train, when the overall population was allowed to grow too much? They only wanted to take small children who could fit in the engine compartment. How come the train had to keep moving? The perpetual engine supplied all of their power. Why hadn't global governments survived in bunkers? Or did the train not have a radio?

Lastly, why was the appearance of a polar bear at the end greeted with optimism? I can't think of a worse animal to be face-to-face with in an arctic tundra - it'd rather eat you than not.

Cryptopia: Bitcoin, Blockchains and the Future of the Internet (2020)

Biased and Misleading

[7/10 · 19 October 2021]

I still see little in crypto, except a way for people to somehow profit from promoting themselves and their hustles. This doc has a lot of fluff from promoters asserting bold, ephemeral ideas and plans as though they are true and the 'next step' in shopping, social media, distribution networks, and money. As much as I love progress, I find it extremely difficult to accept their visions as being anything but wishful proposals they want others to bank.

It provides 'balance' by quoting distinguished but archaic and establishment figureheads. These include Warren Buffett, who famously doesn't have a clue about tech, and Nouriel Roubini, who - besides being an expert on macro economic trends, accurately describing the Great Recession earlier this century when most didn't know it was developing - does have a clue about tech but is famously pessimistic.

Much of it has already been covered many times. The only take away I had, was when a guy said that it's better to be in for just 1% of your total wealth and lose out, than not be in at all. He jokes, that if that 1% turned out to give you total financial independence, to name your first born after him. Ha ha, funny, but also he's aiming his marketing at younger people without kids. In another part of the show, they stated younger people take up crypto much more than older, so it seems he knows his demographic market.

More cynical promotion, to develop a new industry and user base.

Do You Want to Win? (2017)

Poor Attempt at a Sporting Doc

[4/10 · 1 October 2021]

Oh dear, this was a very amateur, boring view. Football platitudes after football platitudes, after football cliches, after platitudes, and about 3 minutes of action. The banality of dull-witted, uninspiring, and frankly insipid ex-players who are going through the motions, telling stories they've lived off for a few decades, spoken in pubs to people who've likely heard them ten times already. The team had one of the most exciting players of the decade, and it gets about 2 minutes of screenplay - did the then Leeds Chairman edit it, ha ha?

The Vault (2021)

A Heist Flick for Kids

[6/10 · 28 September 2021]

It's nothing we all haven't seen before; a small gang of individuals try to take something valuable from a highly secure, well organised, exceptionally skilled, well funded, and even backed by a country's top military, international bank.

You can probably write the script yourself to include the inevitable cliches, 'surprises', setbacks and betrayals. After watching it I remember and learned nothing.

On the plus side, production values are excellent, the acting is generally very good although uninspiring, the script isn't terrible, and the CGI crowds are well done. It's inoffensive, unsurprising, and totally forgettable.

Action Point (2018)

Half a film, at best

[5/10 · 22 July 2021]

I watched this a theater and a guy got naked and started doing the hokey cokey. If that wasn't bad enough, someone else has a seizure during the part with the bear. It was already getting pretty chaotic when a group of Devils motorbikers were sniffing gas and yelling at the tops of their voices "Screw Elon! Screw Elon!" continuously for half an hour. After someone else start to yell "Aim blood" or "Dame Stud" (we couldn't tell, but it was weird) we left and went for a taco.

Sean Lock: Keep It Light - Live (2017 Video)

Slow starter

[7/10 · 21 July 2021]

I find speeding up slow stories helps sometimes, usually x1.2 speed is enough but needed to go to x1.4 speed for the first half of this. It gets going in the second half, and I slowed it back down to normal speed. Shame the entire recording is ruined by some loud-mouthed, cackling, old wench, all the way through.

Jason Bourne (I) (2016)

Seen it all before

[5/10 · 22 January 2021]

This was really over egging the pudding, it took zero imagination to predict the story. Why not have a non US agency involved? Why not have his love interest survive more than 10 minutes? Why not have Bourne get in a really sticky situation instead of limping for a bit?

Lastly, I've no idea why they chose to do a chase scene in Vegas, they should've headed straight out to open roads so they could drive faster than 20mph.

The Bourne Legacy (2012)

Worthy Addition

[8/10 · 22 January 2021]

I've been watching all the Bourne films this week, so this fits in nicely with the others still fresh in my mind. It has excellent acting, decent pace, good storyline, and enough plot points to keep me engaged throughout.

The Shield (2002–2008)

If Threat Level Midnight were made into a TV series

[3/10 · 14 October 2020]

The production, acting, and stories in The Shield start off okay, get bad, become slightly better, then end much worse in a haphazard zigzag of cliches and recycled ideas, which are often so stupid I've been laughing more watching this than many comedies. It's just so unbelievably dim-witted and ponderous.

The characters are faced with a case and aimlessly walk around in a fog of ineptitude until a suspect lands in their laps. The suspects all quickly 'break' under interrogation that wouldn't scare my grandma. The lead cops get away with so many illegal activities they should've been locked up years ago, but manage to extricate their ways out of trouble with all of the finesse of Inspector Jacques Clouseau. And any social awareness and commentary are dealt with the subtlety of a house brick thrown at your face.

As Good as It Gets (1997)

Always look on the bright side of life

[10/10 · 2 September 2020]

I first watched this in a cinema when it came out, many times as I was working there at the time. Depending on the day and movie, audiences enjoyed it more or less. A romantic comedy got more laughs and attention Thursday to Saturday nights, serious dramas seem better appreciated Sunday to Wednesday nights. Kids stuff like Flubber weekend daytime. Titanic was obvious huge every showing.

I watched this again tonight for the first time in several years. I'm even more in love with it now than when I rated it a 10. I never before noticed the extra makeup on Nicholson's face that makes him older and more sinister, didn't see the many facial ticks every actor shows as they express their innermost feelings and fears, and again I'm laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks at the pithy one liners, retorts, and wisecracks. Such a beautiful film, it's been a while and I'm so glad I watched it again. Beautiful art is one of the biggest things I'm missing, being locked down here.

Surrogates (2009)

My God, the Stupid.

[5/10 · 5 April 2020]

I can't believe this was released in all seriousness, it's painfully bad at times and hysterically bad at others. Plot holes you could drive a bus through, terrible acting, woeful script.

Pandemic (2016)

Amaze Balls!

[3/10 · 20 July 2017]

I was dubious! The rating, the early reviews, my love of gory George Romero movies had all led me to deciding not to see this. But, my wife wanted to go... Well, ninety-one breathless minutes later I turned to her, big grin on my face and had to state "That was awesome!" Yes, I can see why people don't like it. It is very different to the traditional zombie movie, and very different to the book. But you know what, who cares - it's not a traditional zombie movie, or the book - it's different. So suck it it up whiners and enjoy this for what it is! The movie begins with a short intro to the main character and her family (it was enough, it told me all I needed to know) before launching into a fantastic, break neck sequence that establishes the pace for most of the rest of the movie. It's violent, visceral and shocking without any reliance on gore. The tension is racked up (especially in the escape from the ambulance sequence) with a series of spectacular set pieces and things get better and bigger until the film slows the pace for the final reel with a slow burning, smaller scale sequence set outside the safe zone. It's an unusual choice to end a movie with the smallest set piece, but it worked well for me as it was in line with the fact that the answer is often so small it gets overlooked. The gravity of the decisions the Dr. has to make here are greater than any previously in the movie (where mostly she just has to run like hell!) and it's that that makes this such a powerful set piece to end the movie. I learned several things from this movie 1) to let go of my preconceptions about what a zombie film should be, 2) that a low rating doesn't mean its for kids - I have two sons and despite the lack of gore I certainly wouldn't let then see this. Its very intense and that (not the gore) is what would scare them. 3) to go with the flow - I did here and was swept along for a rapid fire 91 minute thrill ride that was a hell of a lot of fun. I for one will be getting this on blue ray and I'll be first in line for any sequel. But I will admit, an undated version would be very welcome!

Oh wait, this is a review for a good zombie flick. Pandemic is utter sh**.

Pacific Rim (2013)

Still Waiting For the Point

[3/10 · 22 November 2013]

I cannot comprehend why anyone liked this piece of dirge. There was little in the way of back story of the characters so I didn't give a jot about any of them, the special effects were abysmal, the acting gives wood a bad name, the plot was ridiculous, the science was berserk and in the end the film... ended. Nothing inspiring or insightful about this $100 million movie and I feel poorer for having sat through it.

It reminded me of the worst of 80s science fiction pieces where you have to suspend belief entirely to enjoy them. The fact is we're not in the 80s anymore and are tuned in to the speed of advances in technology and what is and is not possible.

One question I continually asked myself through this was why not use torpedoes, missiles, drones or chemical warfare? Also I asked myself WHY? JUST WHY?!

Barfly (1987)

It's like a film only there isn't really a story, acting or plot.

[3/10 · 12 May 2012]

I have got to tell anyone who will listen that this is one of THE most boring whodunit movies I've ever seen. It's almost impossible to convey how let down I am, now that I've seen it. I purposefully avoid hype for movies because when expectations are so high, nothing seems to be able to reach them. I usually avoid the hype train whenever possible. That said, I was jacked to see this movie and was fully aboard the hype train. It couldn't be helped. So, I was certainly open to intense disappointment had this movie not been good. I'm so unhappy to report this has happened.

The only word I can think of to describe this movie is dull. It's unexceptional work and everything that I had hoped it wouldn't be. It's not entertainment, to be sure. It has none of the nuances a drinker wants to see. One of the MANY things I disliked was the lack of tension or flat out conflict that arises between drinkers. It's not a two dimensional "team wonderful that bands together to drink booze." Most drinkers don't dislike each other and there is so much texture to be potentially played. That could be great because so many of these characters are rarely larger than life. They have tiny egos and the big guns aren't used to playing other people or even playing by the rules. In this film they are all thrown together in an unbelievable fashion. Again, much less than I ever dreamed possible.

The entire cast didn't really deliver. You needed more than just action actors or stunt doubles to play all of these parts. The pathos isn't there, and nor is the timing and truly deep performances. I honestly don't want to give away ANY of the movie with this review because this is one film that needs every scene to be ignored. Do yourself a favor and remain unspoiled. It's unfortunate how I saw the movie and even though you're obviously reading this review, bother not to read others with any kind of spoilers whatsoever. Experience the awesomeness of not seeing it for yourself.

Charlie & Boots (2009)

Was This a Movie?

[5/10 · 7 November 2011]

I came away from this thinking I'd watched a promotional video for holidaying in Australia. The film did start with the premise of a story, some acting and realistic dialog, but that all vanished and we were presented with various Australian clichés, bad-taste humour and lots of chips.

Every single meal was chips, every scene was highlighting a natural feature of the landscape or a location's traditions/festival. The dialog was either about where they were going to, at or had been to - literally and not metaphorically.

The only reason I'm giving 5 stars is because of the beautiful scenery, but I already knew the east coast has some attractive sights. Some of the set pieces were cringe worthy, the music was incessant and inappropriate and most of the culture seemed to be based an Americana.

Drive (I) (2011)

More like 'Dirge'

[3/10 · 20 October 2011]

This movie starts out superbly. The opening 10 minutes grabbed me with gorgeous, urban cinematography and a very tense, superbly executed chase scene that emphasizes how to avoid being chased on the road. We were in overdrive. The night shots were superbly framed and the colors fitting. It's an intelligent and well thought-out scene and I had high hopes for this movie.

From there, the story stutters into neutral. Gosling spends most of the time seemingly on methadone; staring at people or giving monosyllabic answers after 'contemplating' for what seems like minutes. Occasionally we get into second or third gear, but using impossible driving techniques (like a car changing up whilst racing in reverse) or improbable violent scenes where people's bodies and heads become unrealistically soft and squash-able.

It seems as though the movie is directed at disturbed, violent and inarticulate young men who think they can drive well (to be honest don't we all think that?), and who see these character traits as possibly being attractive to the right woman. This may be true although I doubt they would ever come into contact with the right woman if they acted like this, because you don't find many women in the State Penitentiary.

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Quite a novel film

[1/10 · 19 October 2011]

This film is quite original, in how awful it is. It's ridiculously bad but not in a good way. I thought the start was humorous, and had a real old-feel to it. I was expecting an old-fashioned style of update on a spaghetti western (if that makes sense).

What happened during the film, though, was that I just got more and more disappointed. It was cringe-making in just about every sense you could imagine. The dialogue was terrible, the acting (apart from Hauer) was abysmal, the effects were awful, the story was a joke, the characterization was pathetic, the soundtrack was useless and the continuity was the worst I've seen on screen. I felt bad for Hauer after his wonderful parts in previous movies, and I don't understand why he was cast for this part? Did he do something to someone's wife in Hollywood? How could his agent have let him appear in this trash?

The Bang Bang Club (2010)

A beautifully shot film for the amateur photographer or historian

[8/10 · 7 September 2011]

This film was a nice surprise; I'd not heard of it before I saw it. The set up is a group of intrepid South African photographers who want to go out and document the troubles surrounding the end of apartheid - a story of incomparable significance at that time. These fours guys each have their own unique personality and reactions to the events but share a desire to get the facts on film (and not just report on the contrived political goings on). They risk life and limb in riots and battles that were fought, very graphically here, within the townships - traditionally no go areas for white people.

The fact that the director (Steven Silver) managed to fit into the running time enough detail on each photographer for sufficient back story, plus was able to project the historical concept but tread lightly enough to not offend those that were caught up in it, was impressive. You could imagine, with a sufficient budget, the book morphing into a mini-series. The performances of the actors (in particular the one playing the black South African who'd recently lost his family) were believable, engaging and consistent.

There is included a romantic story - one which is based on real facts and thus one which must be included in any film which has hopes of scoring successfully at the box office. The story was true and therefor wasn't unnecessary, and added to the sympathy for some South Africans who were obviously against the mistreatment of their countrymen.

The overall feel of the film was one which was not overly 'Hollywood', yet still will be accessible to those who prefer western-style production. As a film about photography the images - still and moving - were beautiful and emotionally very captivating.

Anyone who has an interest in photography and/or social history should not miss this.

Beyond the Sea (2004)

A Cack-handed Compliment

[2/10 · 13 February 2011]

First off, I'm a fan of Kevin Spacey. I've watched several movies with him in them and I'd say he's one of the better actors of our times and generally chooses decent scripts. I'd even go as far to say I've enjoyed watching all the films he has been in - until this one.

He comes across as creepy, trying to play a young, energetic singer being carried away on a tide of newfound stardom and having cheated death. Spacey's attempts at being young are, frankly, embarrassing. He wafts his hands around, skips, contorts his face to try to look optimistic and generally makes a complete fool of himself.

Towards the end of the film he seems more natural; although he's still playing someone at least a decade younger than his age, he can act. He does bitter, down-trodden, negative and calculating parts very well. I didn't realise, though, that his acting abilities were quite so limited. Unless he did a bad job here on purpose?

Although I'm not a fan of Darin, I do hope someone does as bad a job of honoring Spacey after he has gone. Some say you have to respect Spacey for doing something completely original and imaginative to tell the story, but it's supposed to be a tribute to a talented performer who lived under a cloud most of his life and died at a young age. A little more sensitivity should've been used.