jerome_horwitz Reviews

The Human Duplicators (1965)

I think I get why some people enjoy this

[5/10 · 1 January 2008]

Human Duplicators stars Richard Kiel as Dr. Kolos, an alien sent to prepare the Earth for invasion. His mission is to contact Prof. Vaughn Dornheimer, Earth's leading scientist in regards to cloning, and use Dornheimer to aid in creating a colony of clones (androids) on Earth.

It doesn't take long for Kolos to locate Dornheimer and start producing clones. However, not everything goes as intended, and an investigation by an agency into investigating stolen parts and the death of a scientist related to Dornheimer's research. Also Dr. Dornheimer's lovely but pesky niece weighs more and more heavily on Kolos as the story develops.

Now on to why I think many people enjoy this film. Personally I find it reminds me of the original Star Trek series. As fan a fan of Star Trek TOS, I'm not blind to stiff acting, mediocre sets, and goofy special effects. But it's part of the charm of Star Trek, these things are less important than the story telling and dreams that TOS represented. This film, although not related to Star Trek, manages to capture a bit of the same charm for the same reasons.

12 to the Moon (1960)

Is that a package in your trousers or are you just happy to see me?!

[5/10 · 22 November 2007]

This zany 1960 film is about a collaborative Earth effort to travel to the moon. It features 12 astronaut type people, of varying race and creed, and also various talents. Upon landing, the crew explores the moon and finds wondrous things: exploding mushrooms, molten lava, breathable atmosphere, strange rocks, gold, sink holes, steam, walls of ice, and even alien life.

This film is rather odd, in some of the choices that are made. For example I found it odd that the Aliens communicate using Chinese symbols, which the Chinese astronaut could read and translate. What was odd about this? Well, the fact that cat's most interested the aliens, and the ship wouldn't be able to leave until the aliens were given the cats, but had no interest in any other species brought by the crew.

The special effects are, how do you say, terrible? Yes, they are cheesy through out the film, even in my opinion by 1960s standards. But for some reason I actually like this movie. Maybe it's just the early Star Trek idea that I find appealing, and the story is fun even if it is ridiculous. 5/10

The Spider (1958)

I'd pay $50 for one!

[5/10 · 11 November 2007]

Earth vs. The Giant Spider is about two teenagers which go in search of a missing parent, finding evidence that leads them to a cave. Upon exploring the cave, they discover a giant man eating spider. The story becomes a basic life or death struggle between the town people and the spider.

It's a very simple plot. The acting is good, as many fans of the 1960s television will recognize a few of the cast members. The special effects for the spider are OK, although it's obviously not too realistic. Some of other special effects, like the corpses are actually pretty good.

Overall this is an average movie that's watchable, but nothing special beyond that. 5/10

Mafia! (1998)

very funny!

[7/10 · 10 November 2007]

Mafia stars Jay Mohr as Anthony Cortino, son of mafia Don Vincenzo Cortino played by Lloyd Bridges. It also features famous actors like Christina Applegate, Billy Burke, and Joe Viterelli.

This movie primary spoof targets seem to be The Godfather and Casino. But have no fear, many non-mafia related movies are used for material as well, they even found a way to mix in E.T. There's a Jaws inspired water scene, and a Forest Gump reference that's quite hilarious, and many more of course.

Overall, the story is a basic mafia style movie, but with big ladle of simple minded comedy served over the top of it. Lloyd Bridges is awesome and very funny. Jay Mohr (a comedian in his own right) is also very funny. Over all, if you enjoy slap stick type humor this movie should provide a few hearty laughs, and every actor in the movie has a chance to deliver laughs.

Currently this movie is a little under rated, possibly due to misplaced expectations. 7/10

Mr. Brooks (2007)

Quite a regular guy!

[7/10 · 27 July 2007]

Mr. Brooks (Kevin Costner) is a successful business man. He's also a family man, who loves his dear wife and daughter. If you met him on the street or during business, surely you'd say he's quite a regular guy!

Unfortunately he's also an addict with a dark secret. During his latest ritual, he makes a terrible mistake, and accidentally shares his dark secret with a nosy neighbor, enter Mr. Smith (Dane Cook).

Mr. Smith is intrigued by what captivates Mr. Brooks, and he wants to be part of it.

Detective Tracy Atwood (Demi Moore) is hot on the case though. Trailing the acts of the two as closely as possible. Eventually she becomes personally involved, as Mr. Brooks cleverly incorporates her personal life with his addiction.

This is a good movie and is enjoyable as a psycho thriller. The acting is solid, Costner and William Hurt (as Marshall) work well together and complement each other in their roles. However the story does have a couple plot holes, which for me prevent it from scoring higher, although 7/10 is a strong rating anyway.

Hot Fuzz (2007)

Makes the Never Ending Story seem short

[3/10 · 1 July 2007]

Hot Fuzz is about an over performing police "officer", Nicholas Angel, who is relocated to the sticks, because he's making his fellow officers look bad.

Being ever vigilant in his duties, Angel waste no time beginning to enforce law in his new location. Soon he begins to discover something deeper, that the entire town is run by a cult who always act in the greater good.

His buffoon partner, Butterworth, helps Angel turn off his Terminator like officer persona, as well as defeat the evil cult.

Now, I realize this movie is supposed to be a comedy. I suppose partially a spoof maybe like the much more entertaining Scary Movie series. Unfortunately, this movie falls short in the humor department. But it's really a mess, it's a comedy that's not really that funny. It's a drama with out any real character development. It's a spoof of well, I guess it's own genre of a film (crap?).

The ending of the movie last 45 minutes, I swear, and by the end I couldn't wait for it to finally...finally......finally.....finally be over. Yes, I realize that some may have found this spoof like, or a satirical commentary on typical horror movie endings that the bad guys keep coming back. Here, it doesn't work, it just becomes irritating.

Also yes I know the really funny, clever, witty names Angel, Stake, Messenger are all supposed to demarcate a point of humor every time their spoken but this "humor" simply isn't funny and is as dryer than a cardboard box. 3/10

The Lost Boys (1987)

The best vampire tale ever

[8/10 · 5 May 2007]

Most people won't agree with my summary, but I stand by my opinion. When tales of vampires first began hundreds of years ago, to me it's a shame that this isn't the way it all started out. It seems as if most vampire movies are produced like stage productions. The Lost Boys refreshingly is from a different mold.

The Lost Boys is an updated take on the vampire myth. A divorced mother and her two sons are forced to move in with her father due to financial problems. Eventually the boys run into trouble, and become involved with vampires themselves. They do their best to protect loved ones by solving the issue alone, unfortunately they are unable to keep their secret.

Personally I am a huge fan of this film. I've watched it dozens of times over the years, and still enjoy it immensely. Joel Schumacher has directed many great films, and this is definitely one of them. The cast is 1st rate. The soundtrack is excellent as well, and adds only positively to the movie. The combination of comedy and gore are perfect in the movie, and the portrayal of being an 80's teen was hit nail on the head perfect.

This is an excellent movie, and should be viewed by all. 8/10

I Accuse My Parents (1944)

Another 50s lesson in morality!

[4/10 · 10 March 2007]

OK, so this movie wasn't made in the 50s, but 1944... that's close enough.

Actually I didn't think this movie was so bad. I even watched the MST3k version, and honestly thought overall the story and acting were passable.

Jimmy learns to lie about his troubled household growing up, instead choosing to change the truth into something more acceptable, that his household is one of loving and compassion. Eventually this lying gets Jimmy into trouble at school, and soon he starts down the wrong path in life.

Jimmy meets Kitty at his shoe store job, and they begin to date. But Kitty is a liar too, and this creates internal conflicts between the two lovers, as she's partly tied into what appears to be a mob like operation.

Eventually Jimmy learns his lessons about lying through meeting a nice older man, whom he deeply falls in love with. OK, I'm lying about the deeply falling in love part. But honestly, the old man for the first time in Jimmy's life truly shows Jimmy compassion and understanding. Jimmy eventually realizes he must face is past wrongs.

This isn't a terrible movie, although definitely not great. I'd debated on how high or low to score it, as it is really bad, but definitely has some likable aspects. Their's some character development, which is missing from the truly worst movies. The story is interesting because most characters in this movie are antagonist, and that interaction is interesting. The real sore spots for me, are the hired "thugs" or gangsters, which scenes are just really terrible every time their on the screen.

Not a bad flick, even it was another morality lesson movie! 4/10

Hamlet (1960 TV Movie)

3 sittings to get through

[1/10 · 10 March 2007]

I literally fell asleep 3 times watching this movie. Granted, it's Shakespeare and that takes a certain mindset to be interested or not. But this movie exceeds any barrier of long soliloquies and what not, that may prevent many from just not caring about a Shakespeare based story.

The largest roadblock to this production is the complete flatness of the characters. Often during character's interacting, it's nearly difficult to distinguish who's lines are who's. Granted, I believe this movie is dubbed in English. Certainly they could've obtained voice actors which could've added a bit more drama to these classic, literary lines.

It would be difficult to rate this movie greater than 1, although perhaps that's based on prejudices of perhaps age and what would seem a very low budget. Still, it's absolutely painful and boring. If you insist on Hamlet, do yourself a favor and read the book again. 1/10

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)

A movie about a movie that is a movie itself?

[6/10 · 12 February 2006]

How can't anyone like this movie? Yes, MST3k having their own feature film which I guess is about the show, yet features yet another stink bomb of a movie.

The odd thing is the movie isn't really too much different from the show itself, which perplexes the viewer even further. There's the front, middle, and ending sketches which are typical of the show. The movie they are forced to watch is This Island Earth.

It's just as well. Of course as always the MST crew does a great job at poking fun at an otherwise dull and or boring flick. My hats off to Mike and the Bots for having fun with this experiment! 6/10

The Crawling Eye (1958)

The cloud on the side of the mountain....

[1/10 · 5 February 2006]

...isn't a sign of alien eyeball creatures. It's the steam from this pile of a movie! As of this writing, this movie has a 4.6 rating? How is this possible. The horrible quality of the soundtrack alone would get it a 3 alone! The soundtrack literally pops, hisses, crackles, sounds like an out of tune radio receiver, and so much more that it's just awful.

The Crawling Eye is about eyeball creatures that live in some mountains. They prey on human mountain climbers apparently out of pleasure of ripping heads off the human victim's bodies! In the end, the creatures are killed by an airplane dropping bombs on the creatures and burning them to death.

It truly is a horrible movie. The acting is passable, however the lines they were given weren't. The special effects are pretty laughable, although there are a couple shots of the eyeball creatures that aren't terrible. Overall it's fairly simple, this movie sucks. Only watchable as the MST3k version.

1/10

The Terminator (1984)

It's 1984, and Arnold's career is launching into the unknown!

[8/10 · 5 February 2006]

The Terminator, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, and Michael Biehn, is about a dark future of Earth that leads to a battle in present day. How can this be? Simply, in 2029 time travel will be possible.

The mission for the Terminator is simple: kill Sarah Connor. Destroy anything or anyone that tries to prevent this from happening.

The mission for Kyle Reese isn't so simple: locate Sarah Connor and prevent her from being destroyed by the Terminator.

The movie does quite a nice job of explaining many details. You learn quite a bit about all of the basics of the future war, how the machines come to power, primarily when Reese explains all of this to Connor.

It's a fairly simple plot and isn't difficult to understand. This is acceptable, because it's an action movie and doesn't really need much explanation. Of course, as an action movie this movie definitely delivers, with some very detailed and gory scenes. A few examples are the Terminator punching through someone and pulling his arm out, the killing of 30 law officers in a police station, and point blank assassinations of Sarah Connors. The movie can be very creepy as well, so there is some potential scare factor as well.

As of this writing, The Terminator does show a few signs of aging. The music is very 80s with a lot of synthesizers. There's the typical big 80's hair. A lot of the props are date-able as well, such as the cars.

This really can be overlooked though, because end to end this action flick is spectacular.

8/10

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

"Major Walsh, it is an event sociologique."

[9/10 · 4 February 2006]

It would be my hope the above quote would summarize this movie quite well.

Close Encounters represents something very different. For probably the first time aliens aren't here to kill us, eat us, or take over the world. Close Encounters represents a fairly unique view at the possibilities of alien life. A view since that not many movies at all have been able to capture as brilliantly.

Perhaps the thought of trying to write an interesting movie that has good action and special effects, while not even having alien antagonist scares writers. I don't blame them, after all how interesting is an alien movie where there's no death and destruction?

Close Encounters is an adventure of a few special people, who are picked by aliens for a special encounter. The movie follows the tale of Roy Neary, played by Dreyfuss. Early on, Roy experiences something not very easily explained or understood.

Roy in his quest to understand starts to see patterns and shapes in various things. He starts experiencing the urge to understand a vision. Often this is rather funny, for example the famous mash potato scene in which he tries to sculpt a mountain out of a pile of mash potatoes! But no matter what Roy tries, it's just not right. Until one day when out of anger and frustration he stumbles onto something leading him in the right direction.

At this point, the movie takes a dramatic shift. Roy's wife Ronnie played by Teri Garr, simply becomes fed up with Roy's obsession. She packs up the kids and leaves. Eventually through the magic of television, Roy's obsession with his vision is answered.

Roy must simply investigate this to the end, not sure what to expect when he get's there. He is definitely not let down though, with only that of his greatest dreams or imaginations would be fulfilled.

What is there say about this movie that isn't great? The special effects are terrific. Acting is all top notch. Dreyfuss plays the fatherly role excellently, and is totally believable as his character. Teri Garr at that time may have been the most beautiful women I have ever scene, and she nails her role as a frustrated housewife. The dialog is witty, fast and interesting. This isn't really an action movie, however, there's always something going on that demands your attention. Spielberg is just beginning the pinnacle of his career.

9/10

Goodfellas (1990)

New York, 1970

[10/10 · 3 February 2006]

How could a single movie accomplish all of this? It is the pinnacle of Ray Liotta's career. Joe Pesci is immortalized a gangster. It deepened Robert Deniro's already legendary acting career. It permanently embedded the name Martin Scorese in the minds of millions of fans as an awe inspiring director.

"And when the cops, when they assigned a whole army to stop Jimmy, what'd he do? He made 'em partners."

Goodfellas did many things extremely well. How could anyone like, or even feel sorry for any of the gangsters in this movie? I find myself wondering how that could happen? But that's the genius of this movie, actors, writers, and director. Some how it's acceptable to like these characters. Yet in reality they are really despicable, violent people.

"...It was among the Italians. It was real grease ball sh*t."

Goodfellas is based on a true story possibly best known as involving the Lufthansa Airport heist in 1970. It's told primarily through the eyes of Henry Hill, who joins up with Paul Cicero as part of Cicero's crew.

"When they found Carbone in the meat truck, he was frozen so stiff it took them three days to thaw him out for the autopsy."

The story begins with young Henry, who has already figured out that he's going to be a gangster. As the story progresses, Henry is taken in by the crew and gains their trust, deservingly so. He eventually meets Tommy Devito and Jimmy Conway, partners who Hill will be with through the end.

Materialism is rampant throughout the story, definitely it's a significant icon in this story. They all lead a rather lavish lifestyle, and are all willing to do whatever it takes to maintain it.

Ultimately as they lifestyles rely more heavily on income and violence, this eventually leads to the crews self-destruction. They have drowned in their own excess.

"See, your murderers come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who've cared for you all of your life. And they always seem to come at a time that you're at your weakest and most in need of their help."

This is an epic cinematic event. In 1990, the events which this movie is based on were much fresher in the minds of Americans. However age hasn't changed the absolute top notch production this movie is. It is a spectacle of film art from beginning to end. The dialog is fantastic. Acting is fluent and very believable. The cinematographic aspects of this movie are as good as it get's. There's also a killer soundtrack.

I've been a fan of this movie since I first watched in the early 90s. I will be a fan of this movie for the rest of my life.

10/10

San Francisco International Airport: San Francisco International (1970) Season 1, Episode 0

the worst of the 70's

[1/10 · 29 January 2006]

Frankly I'm surprised after watching this thing that we've made it this far. This movie is the worst of the worst, right down there with Manos, Boggy Creek, and Laserblast. It is absolute crap, from beginning to end. Some retarded kid steals an airplane, and of course his parents are getting divorced. There's some plane with 3 million dollars and some idiots have some really cheesed up plan to steal it.

I will never understand for the rest of my life how the heck this ever was green lighted to put on celluloid. From beginning to end, this movie will absolutely disappoint. Only watchable as MST, and they have a lot of fun with it. EEERRRKKEEELLLLL!

1/10

Warrior of the Lost World (1983)

Maybe even a 2.5

[2/10 · 29 January 2006]

Warrior stars Robert Ginty as The Rider, and Persis Khambatta as Nastasia. Persis is best known for her role as Ilia in Star Trek: The Motion Picture. She is very beautiful, it's really unfortunate this was about the best level of movie productions she was a part of.

Warrior is a dystopian tale of a future that has roots from many stories. While the movie bears very little resemblance to great films like 1984, there are parts of the story that are similar. As well you'll see elements of Mad Max series as well.

The movie starts with the The Rider being chased by the suppressive government, the Omega. Of course he defeats his foes, only to get away from one group of enemies to run into some "dorks" or "dickheads", as his motorcycle's on board computer refers to them. While escaping them, somehow he runs into a mountain and blows up his motorcycle, apparently injuring himself, or maybe even killing himself accidentally? Well, this is one of the parts that really doesn't makes sense.

Next we find him in a ghostly, smoggy room with some weird characters. They shine lights from their hands and heal his wounds. There's only one thing, a deal of which he has no choice, is forced upon him to help rescue Nastasia's father from the Omega. It's that, or apparently she will just kill him again! From this point, the story continues on to develop in the typical fashion, which isn't necessarily bad. While rescuing Nastasia's father, of course she is captured and so on. There is one plot twist in the end which wasn't entirely predictable.

Unfortunately, this movie has fairly low production values. Mega-Weapon isn't anything but a dump truck. The sounds that most thing makes are strange, weird, and of poor quality. For example, spiders literally squeal like mice. Actually they squeak more like tribbles, a movie connection, hhhuuhh?! Guns and helicopters make some strange sound, like whipping butter or something. The sound is also poorly recorded, and it can be difficult even to hear what The Rider is saying at times.

There are a couple redeeming values. The acting isn't horrible. The story is decent. There are a lot of real stunts, such as crashing vehicles and jumping motorcycles. It's really a shame this movie was that close to being a good movie. 2/10 (maybe a 2.5)

High School Big Shot (1959)

Another 50s movie lesson on morality!

[2/10 · 22 January 2006]

Make no mistake about, High School Bigshot is a bad movie.

High School Bigshot is about a geek who makes a plan to become rich and get the girl. However, he goes about it all wrong, and of course by the end of the movie ends up dead along with a few other people, thankfully including the girl.

The moral of the story is all women care about is wealth. Also for us men, I guess we're just supposed to accept we either "have it" or "we don't have it"!

I could easily see how this movie could be rated a 1, however it is above that of the very worst of movies. The acting's not totally horrible, and production values aren't ultra-terrible. Over all it's a bad movie and not worth viewing for many reasons. If you insist of course at torturing yourself, watch the MST version.

2/10 (maybe a 1.5/10)

Prince of Space (1959)

Not unbearably horrible!

[2/10 · 20 January 2006]

Prince of Space is about invading space men from Mars who need to steal a rocket fuel formula invented here on Earth. The Krankhor's intend to use this formula to power a whole invasion fleet to attack Earth.

The Prince of Space, also a paperboy or shoe-shiner, plays the typical superhero role. When there are no problems, he's a mild mannered and normal. But when things get rough, he turns in up a notch putting on a silly suit and flying his spaceship.

The movie is basically this struggle, between good and evil and there are few children that get involved. There's plenty to laugh at, and the effects are very cheesy, they must be cheesy even by 1959 standards. I recommend watching the MST version of course. 2/10

Blow (2001)

Sometimes you're flush, sometimes your bust.

[7/10 · 20 January 2006]

Johnny Depp stars along with Penelope Cruz in this fly by night adventure story based on George Jung, one of America's major drug players during the Disco 70s. Ray Liotta also contributes in a small role as George's father.

As the movie starts, we meet young George and witness a few struggles of his parents involving money. George makes a decision at this point, to get as far away as possible from there and to never live like that.

A few years later, George and his childhood friend Tuna move to California. There they find life and culture some much different than life in Massachussets. Marijuana is everywhere, and Tuna convinces George that they can make something of this.

This is where the adventure begins, George and Tuna start off small time and eventually are bank rolling lots of money and expanding their pot empire. Eventually George makes a mistake and get's busted in Chicago with over 600 lbs. of marijuana.

George seems to take his trial rather casually, even addressing the judge in a very calm and rather "hippy" like manner. So the judge sentences him to prison. This is where George makes some decisions that will change his life. Some for the good, but mostly for the bad. Through it all, you'll see George live high and low, and ultimately lose the love of his life - several times.

This is a great movie and great story. Depp has never been better, even handling his accent fairly well. Cruz plays a mean and nasty role, but does it convincingly. Liotta does a nice job as Ray's father as well.

7/10

Monster a Go-Go (1965)

Who are the morons that voted 10 for this?

[1/10 · 20 January 2006]

There must be some consortium here on IMDb to control the bottom 100 list. This movie has roughly 250 votes as 10 for it. There is no way anyone could in good faith vote 10 for this steaming pile of a movie.

Monster a-Go Go is about a returning astronaut, and the mission has gone wrong. The opening credits are misleading, the impression is given that the movie may be something mildly comical or at least entertaining. But no, instead the treatment is a rather bland way of telling a boring story about a supposedly mutated astronaut that disappears and reappears at the end of the story. Literally you could watch the last 5 minutes, and that is the movie.

This movie is so boring that MSTed version is unwatchable. At least plan on falling to sleep 3 or 4 times and trying to remember what dreadful parts of the movie you've already "witnessed here". 1/10

Donnie Darko (2001)

What happened to this film?

[8/10 · 16 January 2006]

I missed a lot of good movies when they came out in 2001 and 2002. But what happened to this film? To me it production values seem first rate, so why so few screens at release? Well, perhaps like a few other great films this one was destined to gain a cult following, and judging by the 68,000+ votes here at IMDb it sure has.

The film opens with Donnie sleeping in the middle of the road up in some hills. He wakes up and rides his bike, apparently a long way home. It's never really clear why, but this film events are supposed to have occurred in October of 1988. Donnie's family is well to do, with a lot of connections and living in a very nice neighborhood.

Next we get to see the Darkos at dinner, where sibling rivalry is exposed. It's also clear that despite any political stance the parents have allowed their children to be open minded. It seems to be this same night that Donnie meets a new imaginary friend, who leads Donnie out his bedroom and house. It becomes apparent that Donnie sleepwalks, and this explains Donnie sleeping in the middle of the road.

This seems to begin the adventure of Donnie Darko, and the most important part of his life. Events occur that will change the course of Donnie's life, family, and friends. I don't want to spoil the movie for you as Donnie explores his changed life, mental illness, struggles with friends and enemies, and ultimately the end of the world.

The story can be confusing at times, so make sure to follow the film as closely as possible. It's a very good movie with some good points and some not of so-much-to-be-concerned-with fun. 8/10

Gamera vs. Guiron (1969)

Bad Gamera bad!

[1/10 · 16 January 2006]

I remember watching Japanese monster movies as a kid, and I really don't recall seeing this one. I could swear that there were actually a couple of Gamera movies that were decent. But maybe not? This story begins with reports of alien waves being received by Earth scientist. Soon afterwards, a child and his friends discover through a telescope a spaceship approaching Earth. They decide to investigate, and two boys are whisked away in the spaceship to another "star". Yes, I said "star", because that's apparently the translation comes across. For some reason, one of the boys is obsessed with "traffic accidents"

Here we quickly meet Guiron which I guess is the "bad" monster in this movie. He's a monster that walks on 4 legs, and has a big knife blade for a head. Gamera is of course a turtle shaped monster, that breathes fire and is propelled by shooting fire out of it's leg holes. Who knows where the fuel for Gamera comes from? Again, one of they boys is obsessed with "traffic accidents".

It's the typical formula, in the end Gamera defeats his foe, and helps return the boys safely to Earth. The effects in this movie are really poor and laughable. The props make Star Trek the original series shows look like something along the lines of Star Wars 3 or something. The English translation is laughable on it's own, at a point it almost sounds like the Japanese translators are spoofing themselves!

If you insist on watching this movie, at least do yourself a favor and see the MSTed version. They do quite a number with it, after all there's plenty of material to work with. So you can watch the MST version or just avoid it. 1/10

Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1988)

One level above the 7th layer of Hell!

[2/10 · 16 January 2006]

Deathstalker and the Warrior's from Hell story revolves around a magical stone that has been split into pieces. The person who brings the pieces together to form the complete stone will inherit very powerful magical powers.

The story begins at a festival. A young woman, Carrisa, seeks the wizard Nicias about information regarding half of the stone she has in her possession. An evil ruler, Troxartas, has the other half of the stone. His band of men invade the festival seeking the wizard as well, because they believe Nicias has the stone.

Carrisa escapes with Deathstalker, and Nicias escapes as well. Soon though, Troxartas' men catch up to Deathstalker's camp and manage to kill Carrisa. She gives Deathstalker the stone, and in her last moments charges him with completing her quest of bringing the two stones together.

From here Deathstalker faces many challenges on the way to completing the quest. Through out the quest, Troxartas men are constantly tailing him and there is constant action. He befriends a young lady who only eats potatoes. He even runs into enemies he's killed, who he ends up turning them against their master. Overall the movie follows a fairly played story line, so expect the typical ending. Not that this is bad, just typical.

The story of this movie is OK, however there's a lot of problems with the production. It's just not very well done as a whole. John Nelson who play's Deathstalker, doesn't even resemble all the elements he boasts to be as the character. Aaron Hernan as Nicias does OK as the wizard, and I enjoyed the spinning entry/exit spell. Carla Herd plays the dual role of twin princesses, she's quite attractive and performs her role decently.

The action scenes leave a lot to be desired, they remind of effects from movies made 20+ years before this one. For example, there's very little blood and it's obvious the old sword side stab trick is used throughout the battle scenes. The music is fairly irritating, although less so at times. There seem to be parts where synthesizers were used, and these seem to be the most irritating moments of the soundtrack. 2/10

The Violent Years (1956)

0 if I could

[1/10 · 15 January 2006]

This is a horrible, terrible, and lousy (and more) movie. In the 50s, there seemed to be this attempt to moralize through movies and TV shows.

If I could rate this movie a 0 I would. Was it really possible for man rape to occur? I mean seriously, would it even be possible for four young attractive women to rape a man? Yeah, you know women have always had to work really hard to get sex if they wanted it.

It's a journey of 4 troubled teens that ends up in the destruction of them all after I guess the climax, which was a shoot out at a school. All the time the parents are oblivious to these the nature of the devious teens. Be warned, chalk boards are erased, literally.

Just avoid this at all cost, the MSTed version isn't even really watchable. I'd love to understand why or how this steaming pile actually has a 3.4 rating? The acting sucks and is totally flat and the plot is ridiculous. The story is poorly written and very uninteresting. The dialog isn't believable and it doesn't appear that there's one actor who isn't reading directly from a transcript while on screen.

I don't care what the message is or whatever, avoid this movie at all cost. 1/10, 0/10 if I could.

Colossus and the Headhunters (1963)

a truly awful experience

[1/10 · 14 January 2006]

Remember the first time someone put a stink bomb in your backpack, and when it broke it ruined everything in there and for the rest of the year your bag, books, and gym clothes still smelled like stink bomb?

Remember when there was that time you had the number 2 emergency and just couldn't make it to the restroom in time?

Remember the first and last time you grabbed the milk jug out of the fridge, opened it and with out hesitation quickly grabbed a couple quick chugs only two realize that it was no longer milk and had spoiled a few days ago?

Remember that feeling you got the first time you got pulled over by a police officer and you knew you were totally screwed and there was no way you were getting out of this one?

Remember the first time you really had a nightmare, and it really nearly scared you to death? Maybe you had sleep paralysis and thought you were being held down by some unknown presence and couldn't move, breathe or scream?

Do you remember any of that?