Clumsy_blonde Reviews

Synchronic (2019)

An exciting opportunity made boring

[5/10 · 20 April 2024]

Dennis and Steve are both incoherent unlikeable paramedics. The most part of the movie centres around their muttered conversations about the longevity of their relationship. Not nearly enough time is given to wonder on the incomprehensible scenes they are being called out to attend.

When Dennis' daughter goes missing he continues working, and complaining about his wife. When Steve gets a terminal diagnosis he also just carries on working and being his usual brand of miserable. Both were missed opportunities to add a little tension and a feeling of desperation.

Then 'suddenly', very late in the movie, Steve discovers time travel and has a play around with it. I want to be wowed, but Steve isn't, so the movie plods on at its slow & steady pace. Steve explains it all to Dennis through his home video recordings and Dennis is also completely non-plussed about the actual discovery of a lifetime.

The concept for this movie is unique and I would have loved to have watched a movie about it, instead of two bickering middle-aged men who made me not care less about what should have been an exciting rescue mission and a potentially l moving ending.

Eternals (2021)

Too ambitious to connect with the audience

[6/10 · 28 November 2021]

Marvel gives us two and a half hours to catch-up on thousands of years of history, introduce nine lead characters, understand the threat and feel afraid of the present danger. They have forgotten the success of introducing The Avengers a layer at a time so we could embrace them, understand them, and love their strengths and flaws. They have forgotten how the ensemble introduction of the Fantastic Four bombed - twice. We cannot decide who to trust, who we want to succeed and who we should mourn when we are faced with so many choices with so little screen-time.

Such an incredible pool of acting talent that could produce nothing deep with the Eternals. The very nature of being alive for thousands of years means losing the element of urgency, and apparently chemistry. We weren't able to identify with being eternal and the couple of humans we meet were so accepting (probably to save time) that they were also void of emotion and intensity. It was visually stunning, so therefore deserving of six stars just for the VFX team, but sadly did not connect with me on any level.

Old (2021)

Disappointing

[5/10 · 5 November 2021]

I was excited about the seemingly original plot and how that could be explored by the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. But from the opening scene all the actors irritated me, so much b-movie style overacting. It felt like Sharknado. The whole beach sequence was hysteria, with zero depth and no exploration of how you might actually feel in that reality. It missed opportunities and played to coffee-table-psychology. Some of it was just cliche horror - laughable and annoying.

Awake (III) (2021)

Unexpectedly unique sci-fi

[8/10 · 24 October 2021]

I had low expectations for this movie but was pleasantly surprised. Sci-fi is my go-to genre, especially extinction-level-events and how people respond to them. The sleep-deprivation was a new angle that I enjoyed watching unfold, I also genuinely did not see the end coming - it was subtle and believable. The lead was appropriately tough to survive the unraveling society, and satisfyingly in-stupid in her attempts to protect her children.

Pieces of a Woman (2020)

Unbearably passive and slow

[3/10 · 16 August 2021]

After the first 40 minutes I watched this movie with my finger on the skip-forward button. There were so many pointless and wordless scenes that I couldn't bear to watch, acting for the sake of acting. I skipped to the courtroom conclusion. Some movies are pretentious to acquire awards, this is one of them. It didn't move me, inspire me or entertain me. The characters were all unlikeable and nothing was fought for or resolved.

Stowaway (I) (2021)

How??

[5/10 · 24 April 2021]

I gave this a five as actually the desperate attempt scene was tense and well done. But I was constantly niggled throughout the whole movie by the unquestioned acceptance of the stowaway.

It cannot be easy to find yourself accidentally stowed-away on a space mission. Is there no security? Was it a stag-do prank? Why aren't the crew asking him a zillion questions?

The stowaway hasn't been psychologically profiled and no-one knew him, so the big decision they asked him to make could have back-fired horribly. I actually expected it and was disappointed that the crew were all so passive and depressing.

Jordan (2010)

Sack the production team

[2/10 · 21 March 2021]

I had to watch with my finger on the volume button as the audio was recorded and mixed by an amateur. I tried to get past that but seriously does America not have safeguarding laws? Let's take home a random little girl, bathe her and let her sleep in a room with our 11 year old son. Someone call social services to sort this mess out. Maybe sort the sound out first.

I Care a Lot (2020)

Shocking that this can happen

[7/10 · 20 February 2021]

I noticed a lot of people are scoring this low because they didn't understand that there is no protagonists in this movie. I liked the fact that you didn't know who to root for but you just want justice for the elderly who are being ripped off. I was shocked at how easily this can happen to a person in the States, and really wanted Rosamond's character to get what was coming to her, but not at the hands of another crook. The ending was satisfactory. We're in lockdown and this will do for entertainment on a weekend.

The Lie (2018)

Tense and shocking

[7/10 · 31 January 2021]

The reviewers who rated this low because they disliked the teenager have missed the point. The movie explores what lengths parents will go to to protect their child, no matter how spoiled they are. It's a slow burner but I was mesmerised, couldn't take my eyes off it, like watching a car-crash. Tense and shocking.

The Old Guard (2020)

Fun action movie

[9/10 · 14 July 2020]

So many satisfying fight scenes! I launched into the movie without reading as much as a strapline and loved how the story unpacked. I've since read the reviews and been surprised at people's dislike of the gay couple - this was one of the few times I didn't feel like a same-sex couple had been written in for the sake of diversity, their depth and connection was really vital to the plot and they avoided all the cliche stereotyping. I enjoyed every minute of the movie and can't wait for the sequel.

Beyond (III) (2014)

Unbearable

[1/10 · 25 September 2018]

The script revolves around a couple who unconvincingly fall in love and then spend the rest of the movie screaming at each other. I turned the volume down and waited for the action - which didn't happen by the way.

Fear the Walking Dead (2015–2023)

For fans of the end of the world

[8/10 · 13 August 2018]

I think this spin-off was created for me - I couldn't watch TWD, too many zombies, too intense and too gory. I prefer the human-nature observance in end-of-the-world situations, and this series addresses just that. The zombies are important to the plot but we don't have to watch too many of them eating people, instead we can watch society unravel and consider the dramatic steps your average joe would have to take to survive when it does. Yes the characters do lots of dumb things, but would it be entertainment if they just locked themselves in and waited it out?

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Marvel what did you just do?

[4/10 · 4 May 2018]

I love the original Avengers movie, mostly down-to-earth people with a few special butt-kicking skills - I have never been a fan of the Star Trek style other-world alien thing, green people and talking animals just bore me. This movie is mostly not set on Earth, so it lost my interest quite quickly. And then the ending... Marvel, I've never been so mad at a movie. So so so disappointed with what you just did there. I actually wanted my money back.

45 Years (2015)

What just happened? Nothing.

[1/10 · 28 March 2018]

Nothing happened. I actually had to read the spoiler reviews to be sure I didn't miss something, but nope, nothing happens in this movie. The first scene is a long drawn-out view of the house that showed a good few minutes of nothing happening, I should have realised at that point that the tone was set, and not settled in waiting for a plot to evolve. The lead character was rich and likeable and could have moved me I'm sure, if she'd only had a storyline. So annoyed at myself for sticking this out and wasting my evening.