sailor7sam Reviews

Zaat (1971)

low budget monster flick, which could be a good or a bad thing.

[6/10 · 10 February 2006]

Remember those schlocky 50 movies like Alligator Man or The Fly where a dedicated (perhaps TOO dedicated) scientist would accidentally, um, change himself somehow? this is sort of what happens here, except the mad scientist living on the edge of town in his crazy lab (where else?) purposely (purposely, I say) transforms himself into a sort of Ichthys Sapiens (think of Black Lagoon Creature with a worse head). Perhaps he had a heads up on global warming and figured, like Davros (the Mad Scientist what developed the Daleks on Dr. Who) he'd go with the flo, yo.

if you watch this in the right mood it's fairly compelling, as the Monster Strikes (as per his theme song, which sounds like 'planning revenge on the world'), the sheriff investigates, outside scientists (some outfit called 'Inpit') arrive, culminating in sort of a final showdown.

Best scene involves an absolutely beautiful Florida babe (Nancy Lien?) taking a swim and being stalked by the monster (he is an abysmal swimmer, esp compared to the Creature; she pretty much has to stop and tread water so he can catch her. Hey, I know a few girls like that...).

I would really, really like to see this flick remade with a bit better budget.

This proved to be a good candidate for the MST3K treatment. I recommend you watch it as a double feature with the Giant Leeches.

The January Man (1989)

typical Hollywood

[3/10 · 1 February 2005]

standard Hollywood cop film. a Mysterious Serial Killer performs some Brutal Killings leaving Incredibly Complex Clues and Only One Cop Can Catch Him (a long-haired sneaker-wearing Rogue Cop), and that's the Kevin Kline character, temporarily a fireman, who enters the film bursting through a fence in the process of, what else, Saving a Child. He's recalled to duty at the Mayor's orders and, with the help of some Free Spirits (artiste/computer whiz Alan Rickman, adorable Mary Liz Mastrontonio) our guy deciphers the clues and etc etc. the movie is riddled with clichés, including a Former Lover (Susan Sarandon) and a Jealous Rival (Danny Aiello). its full of New Yawk actors shouting f-bombs, and Kline is not very convincing as a street-smart detective (somebody more blue-collar like Bruce Willis might have pulled it off). a lot of this is awful playful considering the subject matter. Rickman as the artiste and Harvey Keitel as a somber administrator come off best of the performers. honestly, this is nothing you haven't seen before.

Countryman (1982)

unique Caribbean adventure

[7/10 · 1 February 2005]

unique, fun adventure set in Jamaica (or some place very like Jamaica). the title character rescues two plane crash survivors from the swamp, and then hides them from the police, one of whom seeks help from the dreaded Obeahman.

the best thing about this movie to me is the locations and local people; this takes place out in the country, not in some sterile resort like most Hollywood-goes-to-the-islands type movies. and the Reggae music is awesome (I highly recommend the soundtrack).

See Countryman neutralize an alligator with a red sweater! see Countryman fight off some rude boys with a shovel! see Countryman run across half the island! see Countryman bribe a jail guard ('here money'!) see Countryman face down the dreaded Mosman!

see...Countryman!

good luck finding this obscure film (our local Blockbuster had it but now its gone). watch it with the more recent Might Quinn. warning; very little blood or violence or bad language (some of the patois is hard to understand) but a topless scene puts this in the R category.

The Mighty Quinn (1989)

breezy Caribbean cop flick

[7/10 · 1 February 2005]

something halfway DIFFERENT from Hollywood's usual fare; Denzel plays a rather straight-laced Chief of Police of a Jamaica-like island and must track down his free-spirit childhood friend, Maubee, suspected of murder. the best thing about this movie (to me) was its island locations and people, a great change of pace from the usual SoCal or New Yawk stuff. M. Emit Walsh is a scene stealer as a bemused corporate operative down to fix some loose ends. the numerous musical interludes are excellent (and its great to watch a movie without the usual hip-hop or angst-metal). many of the 'minor' characters--Ubu Pearl, Coco, Jose, Jump--are lots more interesting than the major ones. on the down side are some of the usual clichés--arrogant rich whites, the politician that browbeats the police so as not to alarm the tourists, the usual domestic strife, the precocious kid, a subplot involving the, gasp, CIA. watch this some night with 'Countryman' for a Caribbean Film Festival.

Frankenfish (2004 TV Movie)

no surprises here

[29 November 2004]

Something big and nasty is hanging out in the Bayou, so baaad it can bite a gator to pieces. Could it possibly be a scientific experiment gone awry? Might it possibly threaten a group of people trapped in the middle of nowhere? Is it conceivable that the above group would be offed one by one? In various bloody circumstances? Would you believe the hero and his babe will somehow survive? Is there any way a rich evil middle-aged white male might be responsible? Is there anything in this movie you haven't seen before? the fish are pretty well done, but too high a body count (and too much foul language) for me. Think of Deep Rising with a smaller budget. If you like that sort of thing--enjoy.

Wild Things 2 (2004 Video)

if you liked the first Wild Things...

[6 July 2004]

If you liked the first Wild Things, chances are you'll like this one as it is basically a scene-for-scene remake, albeit with a few twists. Susan Ward is the Troubled Heiress (played by Denise Richards in the first), Lelie Arcierno is the Brainy Girl from the Wrong Side of the Tracks (Neve Campbell in the first one), plus the suspicious investigator (Kevin Bacon in the original) and the sleazy yuppie (Rob Lowe in the original).

lots and lots of bad language and some sex, so definitely not for family viewing. Ms. Ward and Ms. Arcierno are quite hot (look for the taking-off-the-work-shirt scene).

best thing about the movie is the Florida setting; a nice change from the usual Hollywood/SoCal scene.

all in all--well, like I said, if you liked the first one, you'll probably like this.

The Comic Strip Presents (1982– )

must be seen to be believed

[4 May 2004]

unique, hilarious parodies of cliche-ridden entertainment by a semiregular group of brits. I particularly remember their spoofs of spaghetti westerns ('a fistful of travelers checks') and post-apocalyptic flicks ('the slags'), as well as shots at kids shows, Rebecca, back-to-the-wilderness retreats, and a pre-Spinal Tap metal band's misfortunes. the Slags featured a young Anthony Stewart Head (Giles on Buffy tVS) as the leader of a gang called the Hawaiians ('that's not...nice!'). my personal favorite is the 'Travelers Checks' episode; the music and scenery and camera work would have made a perfectly good movie of the genre (especially the guitar-and-whistle music); and who could forget 'Billy Balfour, the Man with No Name'?! some of the regulars (Ade Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer) played in the bizzare 'Young Ones' series.