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Reviews
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011)
Review to ensure i'll never be on Ellen.
OK, you're the number one pop star in the world. You could literally snap your fingers and have, or have sex with, any noun imaginable. You're worth more than any human being on the planet. Is a documentary about how awesome you are really necessary? At this point i'd like to quote rip torn and ask you another question which i'll answer myself..."Neccassary? Is it necessary to drink my own urine? No! But i do it anyway because it's sterile and i like the taste!"... The movie was nothing but celebrities licking his asshole spliced between shots of him winking at the audience of pre pubescent girls who don't realize that the only reason there downstairs tingle for him is because all there friends and the media tells her it should. The kid is a perfect gleaming example of the way this world works and this movie is nothing more than another paycheck for team bieber. I just really hope that our society eventually realizes how blatantly retarded we've become and comes around to listening to real music, and watching real movies and TV shows again. But for that to happen the whole world needs to die. Which i'm fine with, please anyone, if you have a massive plague just laying around now would be the time to unleash it. Go for it! Please!
Leaves of Grass (2009)
Whoever gives this movie anything less than five stars should not be allowed the critique cinema.
It's easy for hacks to say they don't like something if they give no real reasons as to why. Read any of the bad reviews for this film and you'll see what i mean. What more could you want from a an indie dark comedy? It had brilliant performances by both the cinematographer and the cast, all of which were extremely under payed judging by the budget of this film. A spectacularly rich and funny script, and completely original approach to the regional indie. It boasted the Oklahoma landscape without saturating the viewer like a tourism piece and it featured all the right naughty stuff audiences love as far as violence and drugs are concerned. Sure it was a little slow at some points but for those of you who don't remember people had to make films using there minds and original ideas at one point in time without relying on CGI and 3D to make a good film. This movie is not only a throw back to what movies use to be, and artful expression, but subtly uses CGI technology in the proper application; as little as humanly possible. Check it out it's really a great movie and ed Norton will simply blow your mind once again.
Inception (2010)
Best Nolan Flick Yet? Doubt it
The only way to describe this movie in one paragraph is it was like the first time a person has sex, it's hyped for about 2 or three years of your life till finally it's prom and you got the parents station wagon and you got a hotel in the country all set up for your first big night of love. Then you go to pick your date up and she's gotten braces over the weekend. OK, not the worst thing in the world. Then you slip and fall while shaking the dads hand and karate chop his balls and grab her mothers blouse and rip it off on the way down. Then on the way to the prom you get a flat and you go and change it and you get oil all over your tux. Then you go to the prom and you think it'll be so cool now that more people are being added to the mix. But it's not, and it sucks because there's now so much sexual tension built at this time the dudes don't wanna dance for fear of boners and the girls don't want to for the same reason... Then you finally leave and get out to the hotel and you think ah well, this whole night was crap but this will redeem it. This will make it all better... Then you realize she's got braces... And her hymen's still intact... And what ensues is 20 minutes of nothing but blood, pain, and screams of agony coming from both parties till eventually you can't even look at her anymore and you wont be able to jerk it for a month now because your scabbed penis needs time to heal.... Yeah thats what inception was like to me....Stick with Momento...esk stuff dude
Madea's Big Happy Family (2011)
Hey America, You suck
OK, first of all, has Tyler perry bought TBS or do the owners owe his family reparations because he's single handedly making that network unwatchable... I shouldn't say that, he's getting help from George Lopez but i digress... I'm not African American but if i were i would be horribly offended by the type of garbage Mr. Perry decides to call an artistic expression. To me his movies just reinforce racial stereo types that not only the African American community has worked for years to correct but also other races have tried to forget and not play into. Tyler Perry didn't even write this movie his production company did that's how easy it is to "capture" the essence of a Tyler perry movie! The guy has minimal talent and he's treated as a god... Ah well, in a world build on reality television and all action no story films should we really expect anything other than the dummies of the world to outnumber the smarts? And should we really expect anything other than the Tyler perry's of the universe to compose the top one percent of our money makers in America? I hate the people who're ruining my country and i hate anyone who didn't turn this movie off within the first twenty minutes as i did because even if you think you're a good person you're apart of the problem!