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Marie Antoinette (2022)
Madame Deficit is on a tight budget this time around
Having seen the Versailles drama series that came from the same production company, i was very well aware this wouldn't be a historically accurate depiction of MA's life as Queen of France. Versailles was character driven and relied heavily on drama but it balanced it out with actual historical events peppered throughout the 3 season span of the series.
Apparently, historical accuracy has to be sacrificed for the sake of hyperbolic drama and fictional situations to keep the viewers interested and stretch out the story to accomodate more seasons. I've practically become accustomed to seeing historical figures parade around like modern day bratty young adults so i did not go into this show expecting a time travel experience, even though most period drama fans watch these shows exactly for that reason. It is not however outrageous to expect some historical accuracy when the subject is about a real, very polarizing historical figure that lived in the past and has been tightly linked to tumultuous events that changed the course of European history forever. Surely, it has to be dramatized in some level but i believe her life was dramatic enough without the added fluff of the screenwriters. We can have a good, entertaining show without unnecessary profanity and stilted, awkward dialogue. It is not much to ask for.
We could do without the distracting shimmery eyeshadow and intense eyeliner on each scene or the hair looking as if it was gone through with a paintbrush at the roots or the towering hairstyles resemble crusty seeweed with tons of hairspray. We could have the royal mistress with the beach wave do behave accordingly in her position instead of making us cringe at the preposterous sight of a Dauphine bowing to a former courtesan or said courtesan giving love lessons to the future Queen of France and marching in her bedroom whenever she pleases. It would have been hilarious if the actual account of MA getting a chamberpot emptied on her by accident as she was strolling by Du Barry's apartments was included in the show. Apart from it being a funny moment, It would have added more fuel to the fire in her stance against Du Barry.
We could show the strict etiquette we keep mentioning in every episode but no one seems to be following in practice. We could certainly NOT have the King who was very dear to her in real life, act like a disgusting creep around his teenage daughter in law.
My biggest disappointment in this new take on the fateful Queen of France is the end result seems rushed, clunky and definitely not sporting enough budget to faithfully portray the excess and decadence that characterized the palace of Versailles and its residents.
The famous spendthrift fashion icon owns approximately 3 dresses and the rest of the royal family make do with a couple of outfits on rotation. There are some pretty pieces in there but they don't make up for the frugal costume department and the complete absence of courtiers living in the enormous palace grounds. In some shots you can clearly tell that there are less than 20 people roaming the Versailles gardens. If you can't afford the obscene extravagance of 18th century France, how are you going to justify the uproar of the peasants in the next season, if there is another?
Paris life is non existent as a contrast and we are exclusively following Marie Antoinette and her relationship with the royal family in the palace, which is obviously not set in Versailles besides a few external shots of the gardens and the famous Hall of Mirrors.
MA, in this so called 'feminist' take, is portrayed as a naive little girl unaware of her duty and obligations who wants to make her own rules and live la dolce vita as she pleases without following guidelines imposed on her and all that jazz. Now what the movement of feminism, which didn't exist even as an idea in her time, has to do with Marie Antoinette is lost on me; i would guess this was just a marketing ploy to lure in gullible viewers who want to see a notorious Queen as a strong willed woman in a male dominated world instead of exploring her psyche and her struggles in a non cliched way.
The most obvious weakness in the script is her feeling claustrophobic in her new surroundings yet we see no evidence of the cause. Her life at Versailles doesn't seem so different to the life she had in the court of Vienna so what is making her feel like a prisoner in Versailles? Besides a few mentions to the etiquette MA doesn't seem too restricted in her new role. In real life she felt suffocated by the court etiquette she was forced to perform everyday but we don't get to see the repetitive performance she loathed to give to her courtiers several times each day and having no other alternative, Petit Trianon ended up being her beloved retreat away from the stifling atmosphere of the palace. She even had mirrors installed in her windows to keep prying eyes away and no one could set foot over there without a personal invitation by the Queen herself. This, of course, was not taken lightly by the court or the general public because the Queen of France hiding away gave the impression she had secrets and created suspicion which in return fueled the malicious rumor mill about her private life. We see none of that in this series which should have been the core of the first season.
Instead, the palace is her playground and everybody in that family is presented as a heinous human being while the poor little dauphine strives to survive in a court full of mean and conceited people who have no other character trait other than plotting behind her back.
It's very similar to the Sofia Coppola film which portrayed MA as another teen girl longing for freedom and happiness although it doesn't do any favors to seeing her as nothing more as a vaccuous privileged royal who existed at the expense of others. Even though I am sympathetic towards MA and how she was used as a scapegoat, i do not feel much for her in these Disney like adaptations. She had more personality traits than loving gambling and parties. Notice how none of these adaptations ever include her adopted children, particularly little Jean Almilcar who was gifted to her as a slave and she sent him to a boarding school with all the expenses covered up until the Revolution.
Important character traits are shoved aside in favor of speculated affairs or fictional sideplots where her closest friends are either undercover spies or secretly in love with her.
If you expect a more human version of her you won't find it here; she's as superficial as she can get, but without the glamour that made her famous in her time period. There's a forced romance shoehorned in the last couple of episodes and it's as anticlimactic as the rest of the season which spends an awful lot of time meandering about MA and Louis's failed attempts at conceiving an heir.
In conclusion, this show could have potential if the script was given more time to flourish into something more than cheap tv drama. The royals are uppity, shrieking caricatures and generally hard to watch with that childish manner they go about in scheming against the young dauphine. Everything is too on the nose and dramatic; if this gets green lit for another season they shouldn't skip or alter the events leading up to the Revolution and Marie's active involvement after the family was imprisoned at the Tuilleries palace in Paris. It should be interesting to see how they'll approach the subject but i have my doubts about the execution, no pun intended.
And yes, the show should have been in French. 100%.
Dangerous Liaisons (2022)
Shallow and emotionless
Look what we have here.
A historical drama that looks historical but everything else is borrowed from the 21st century. It's like any other teen show but they wear wigs and stays in this one. Stays, not corsets as they were erroneously refered to by Camille because someone in the writing team couldn't do their proper homework on historical undergarments and skipped a few decades in time.
This is the biggest pet peeve of any period drama fan who goes into a new show only to realize the producers have modernized the storyline to avoid alienating a younger demographic who might get too frightened by 18th century customs and mannerisms and switch off the tv.
According to tv producers, viewers just can't handle the fact that 300 years ago people talked and acted in a completely different way than today. It's a struggle for all of us out there who hope to get swept away and essentially to get a glimpse into a past time period without being thrown out of it violently by an array of hideous anachronisms.
It's better to include out of place dialogue and ridiculous situations to appease anyone but the standard period fan that chooses to spend their time and money to watch a new historical drama series. At least, they made some effort in the costume department and in general the show looks aesthetically pleasing.
What's the point of using the book title if nothing bears a resemblance to the source material, not even the protagonists themselves? Two originally pompous, self absorbed, privileged and vain aristocrats are given a homely origin story to make them more sympathetic, despite both of them being abominable human beings who use and manipulate anyone around them to their advantage.
They do not need to be presented as a poor servant girl that gets forced into prostitution after being thrown out on the streets and some rich heir who loses his noble title by his evil stepmom and makes money of off sleeping with wealthy women. They do not need to appear sympathetic by being scorned or faced with injustice in their youth nor do they need justification for their actions later in life. It feels disingenuous to present them as victims. They were aristocrats that looked down on other people and thought highly of themselves, period.
It doesn't require a tragic past or an explanation. Audiences do not need to feel for 'bad' characters; they only need to be intrigued by them which this show fails terribly at.
Besides that, i'm having a hard time believing these two would grow up to be like the two calculated and ruthless characters Glenn Close and John Malkovich played in the film adaptation. Camille and Pascal here feel like silly caricatures that yell and stomp their feet whenever something doesn't go their way. I find their actions ludicrous and nonsensical, like Camille's amazing ability to find dirt on everyone in Paris and blackmail with ease high rank nobles like the Marquis de Merteuil.
Everybody has gossip on everyone yet Camille is the one who can terrorize these dumb, reckless nobles with secret letters that happen to lie around out in the open whenever she visits a chateau.
The big scandal involving an affair between Marie Antoinette and a noble lady made me cringe; seeing the Queen crying to Camille about it made me physically ill. Writers just can't help themselves from including such garbage in the script for shock value.
The love story is as paper thin as their motives. There's no chemistry here. We do not understand why these two are drawn to each other or why they have the need to be together. They either scream at each other due to some obscene misunderstanding or plot against their sworn enemies.
Camille's predictable dramatic backstory is as contrived as Pascal's demand to get his precious title back from his stepbrother. If the characters were given more attention and more development instead of building momentum to create suspense we would have been more invested in the story. Essentially, we know nothing about the characters other than their quest for revenge and therefore when the pace starts to pick up somehow the pay off is unsatisfying.
For 8 episodes the plot moves sluggishly slow and when the big revelations happen it just feels anticlimactic. They managed to make a side plot about the sex work industry incredibly dull and stupid, now that speaks volumes about the quality of the script and how little effort was put into creating something decent. Normally this would be explored in the next season but the show got cancelled and it's no surprise it came to this.
With two faceless characters, clunky dialogue, contrived storylines and cringy plot devices , this show was doomed to fail. Perhaps Starz needs to invest in better stories without using click bait titles from much more successful adaptations.
365 Days: This Day (2022)
365 Days : Dumpster Fire 🔥
YALL KNOW I'M RIGHT ON THIS.
I'm aware why we tuned in the first time. No, it wasn't the Oscar worthy performances, the breathtaking photography, the gorgeous music score, the thrilling plot or the spectacular and innovative direction.
IT WAS THE SMASHING YOU CAME FOR. It was semi better last time and that kept you wanting more. Yet, this time it's miserably underwhelming and dull. The joke's on us.
If the previous movie overdid it with the soundtrack, this one takes it to another level of obnoxious. This sequel is one big music video with random, unexciting, poorly edited sex scenes stitched together in between bizarre frolicking montages that serve no purpose other than stretch out the screen time due to the lack of actual storytelling. They outdid themselves by making the sequel even less of a movie than the first one. Congrats!
There's no build-up, no sensuality, no decent choreography, just the two leads humping ungraciously in several locations with horrible, wordy reggeaton music in the background by unknown artists because they spent all their budget on drones and couldn't afford famous people on the OST. 24 songs every 4 minutes, people. 24 songs! Seems like someone from the editing team wanted to include their favourite Spotify party playlist at all cost.
The no plot of this sequel is Laura being moody just 3 days after her wedding because her mob boss husband/ kidnapper has "work things to do", despite having all the time in the world for endless bang sessions in his musty dungeon.
Laura behaves like another Mary Sue, being mad at her husband for cheating on her of course, not because he kidnapped, drugged, cut her off from her family , threatened and sexually assaulted her at any given chance. We're over the kidnapping in this movie, there are bigger issues here and nope, none of that has anything to do with Massimo's dirty ways and complete disregard of autonomy and consent. This franchise does not understand what these things are. If they did there we could have had some storyline. It's actually insulting to DV victims how the immensely abusive nature of this relationship gets downplayed. Yikes.
Laura has wet dreams about the gardener/ rival gangster now, who cares about any conflict or character development? She's there to get passed around like a plaything , having zero agency and being controlled by anyone with a penis and a gun. Your body, your choice, our asses!
Oh, look, we get to see Laura naked a lot again, straight female demographic that this saga is appealing to, i hope you're happy!!!
Miki is as hot as ever yet we don't see much of his naked glory and he can't act to save his life either. It's a lose lose situation.
The garbage plot is so ridiculous that average Telemundo productions could have a chance at an Emmy award. I lost it at the contrived twin brother drama storyline, seriously, did a toddler come up with this nonsense? It's not only riddled with plotholes but it's also pure unintentional comedy.
Michelle Morrone's hilarious interpretation as the scorned, coked out brother provided some needed entertainment in what seems the biggest trash Netflix has put out yet and there's more to come.
And if you are a fan of this series getting heated by this review , are you honestly satisfied with lukewarm sex scenes with Youtube pop music and ridiculous tiger roar sound effects? I've seen porn films with much better direction, execution and acting. Let's not lie to ourselves here; it's hot trash and one good looking guy cannot save this.
If they can't deliver semi decent sex scenes what else is there for viewers to anticipate? Laura's deadpan expression and her ability to get kidnapped by any guy she finds attractive? Massimo's cringeworthy tongue flicking and his babygorl phrase? The materialism overload in each scene? The toxic, creepy cues in every dialogue?
This reads more like a soft porn parody than a 50 shades knock-off that gets progressively worse with each installment. Can't wait to see what pile of yesterday's sewage part 3 is gonna turn out to be!
Gabriel's Rapture: Part Two (2022)
Bowtie Manchild and the Careless Doormat Pt. 5
Here we are, once again, sucked into the cheesy vortex of the Gabriel series. The more you try to get out the more it pulls you in. It's the unyielding power of corny romance movies adapted from equally corny romance novels.
The second installment for the second book in this tedious series which for some reason is being milked for all its worth and trust me, it ain't worth more than an average Hallmark Christmas film with baffling directorial choices, awkward, laughable dialogue, painfully long pace and stilted acting. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that each book is split into three parts, without attempting to deviate from the source material and add anything new to the plot. They're adapting over 1000 pages of nothing into 9 consecutive films.
What did we do to deserve this?
Oh, the humanity.
Aside from the overstretched storyline the good news is somehow things pick up in this 5th sequel ( i know right?).
There's some action involved albeit delayed and reserved for the last 25 minutes of this dreary charade with our protagonists looking dense trying to defend themselves for their actions.
Our beloved couple gets blindsided by serious accusations concerning the nature of their relationship despite being entirely aware of the consequences and going on trips together as a couple, with Professor Bowtie introducing his student as his fiancée to other colleagues, sending letters of recommendation for her, giving her perfect grades on his inane Dante/Beatrice course and even granting her a bursary despite the fact she barely ever studies and her "hard work" is a hollow excuse considering Emerson's obsessive need to control every aspect of her life, from paying her rent to using his position to get her into Harvard as easily as possible.
Could it be any more obvious to the outside world that these two have something going on? The snitch wasn't the ignorant academic council or anyone working near Emerson with a functional brain but a comically villainous student who is so enamoured of Emerson's abominable attitude that she decides to get back on his girlfriend by reporting her to the Dean.
You should be aware that every woman in this series, besides his sister and a fellow, older professor, is lusting after this man like he's some God in human form, not an awkward brick with legs and gritted teeth. Not only is he wanted, they even plot schemes to conquer him, because the standards for a half decent guy that doesn't behave like an erratic maniac have reached a new low.
It was a matter of time for our protagonists to be caught red-handed so it's bizarre why neither didn't see this coming , particularly the professor who abused his power and rightfully takes full responsibility by sacrificing their relationship without telling Julia and treating her coldly as part of his grand plan to push her away because communicating as grown adults is such a hard task for any contemporary romance novel character.
*cue dramatic music*
Gee, i wonder if they'll get back together in the upcoming 4 sequels or not. What a heartstopping plot this is.
We have the usual melodramatic romantic trite between two characters that have no real connection whatsoever other than sharing traumas and one person exercising control over another. The other characters are just as decorative with the female characters being portrayed as petty , mean spirited femme fatales besides the clueless, naive and soft spoken Julia who lacks a backbone and several layers of personality to be considered more than one dimensional. Yay for feminism and fleshed out female protagonists that love themselves.
Gabriel Emerson, like any Fifty Shades/Twilight inspired hero, is nefarious, toxic and unlikable each time we have to endure his stifling presence on screen. This guy is just plain unbearable, and his emotional baggage doesn't justify his actions.
He rudely walks out from a therapist's office when he's confronted about his ongoing alcohol addiction of which there's no mention to his "better half" of course, deals with his problems by smashing furniture or beating up people and like a true toxic alpha male, he keeps important things from Julia, who's too preoccupied obsessing over women snatching her perfect boyfriend away instead of dumping him, because he knows better than her and she has no agency as an individual. There's nothing redeemable about him and no, the title of the third book is misleading, just trust me on this one. He has the emotional maturity of a toddler and he shouldn't be near students or women. In real life, he's the murderer that makes it on the 9 o'clock news for shooting down his wife because she tried to escape from his abusive, controlling behavior. It never ends in a happily ever after.
Overall this is another bad film you can watch when you have nothing better to do and I'll probably tune in for the sequels because beyond all the flaws it provides a good laugh, besides the red flags and the problematic portrayal of romantic relationships. Plus, writing these reviews has been really enjoyable.
I'll close this review with an example of the stellar, beautifully written dialogue in this movie.
"When I'm not with you i feel like one of my legs is missing."
And Just Like That... (2021)
I survived this reboot and Che Diaz
The "new chapter of SATC" as it claims boldly in the tagline of the poster is nothing more than a vehicle to push political agenda and attempt to revive a story that's been dead for a long time.
Kim Catrall was smart enough to understand that the franchise is over and distanced herself from the imminent reboot; her money hungry former co-stars were eager to return with a fat paycheck of 1 million dollars per episode but only if they got things "right" this time around. Not only are they back playing their staple roles but they've also become executive producers and therefore exercise control over the show's progress, storylines and overall image. Correcting SATC's lack of inclusivity was Cynthia Nixon's cardinal rule before signing her contract. The need to educate became the number one guideline in the writers room.
And just like that... Cynthia Nixon has inserted her real life story into the once clever and skeptical Miranda who now is a shell of the character she used to be. Self serving, unable to communicate with non white people without looking like an ignorant moron and showing blatant disregard over her longtime husband who's apparently too old to function now and her rude , sex obsessed son who leaves behind his used condoms for his parents to see. Cue in the most unfunny, stereotypical and forced character in television, Che Diaz and Miranda has finally found a way out of her uneventful yet stable domestic life.
They're non binary and unconventional, smoking pot in funerals and sharing joints with minors. They make raunchy, often inappropriate jokes. They smoke pot to the point of forgetting things. They are so famous for their bad comedy shows everyone's lining up for pictures and autographs. They show up with tequila at a colleague's apartment who's recovering from surgery and finger bang Miranda in the kitchen while her friend is in need of help.
As obnoxious and eyerolling Miranda's storyline is, its the only storyline offered in this reboot.
Carrie is either obsessing over what her neighbours think about her or moving on from talking about her husband dying . Charlotte is trying hard to be perfect and please everyone around her, especially those awful, spoiled children who are bratty and ungrateful for their privileged lifestyle.
They make jokes about aging and everyone is made to look as if the 50s are the new 90s. There's no joy, no fun, no sex, no effective comedy. It's dry, stale, seeping with ageism and stereotypes, in contrast to the woke parade presented in each episode. Everyone gets a POC bestie so we can look edgy now! Yet the black characters are tokens, always in the background, without important arcs in relation to the white main cast. They're just there, doing nothing until the white characters need them. It's just MPK and his team checking boxes.
The writing is blotchy, preachy, never gets the point across. We have bodily functions in full display because that's all they have to offer now to an otherwise dead story.
Semi interesting storylines are either happening off screen or they're abandoned halfway for the sake of some toilet humor or embarrassing moment of the leads.
They could be 55 and thriving in their lives, or taking up challenges without turning the show into an endless pity party. Even the wardrobe is sad, frumpy and lifeless. The more you watch the more you question why these women are depicted in such light? Where are the major storylines? How's this a progression from the horrible films?
And yes, it cannot recover from losing Samantha. It seems her departure meant taking with her all the enjoyment that made the original series such a success. Samantha was SATC. And we're glad she didn't want her character to be tarnished and chose to move on.
Gabriel's Inferno: Part One (2020)
"Romance" strikes again
You're in for a wild ride if you attempt to sit through this saga. Each book has been split in 2-3 parts because they were stupid enough to stay faithful to the source material, which by the way I'd read years before, and they like to torture subscribers with hours of horribly written dialogue, jaw-clenching closeups and toxic relationship traits we should aspire to never deal with in our lives. I don't understand why there have to be endless hours of this plotless story.
This book series is similar to other popular romance series of that kind so it copies down to a T every single thing people should be avoiding in a romantic relationship and acts like a cautionary tale drenched in cheesy soapy music.
We've got a Mary Sue type of lead who falls in love with a narcissistic professor who wears kid bow-ties to his work and likes to clench his jaw in disapproval. He's always rude and condescending because apparently that's attractive and it makes his student desire him even more.
He blatantly makes fun of her social status and then takes her out for dinner because he's sorry she only eats couscous and he gets to display his wealth to his advantage. He basically treats her like a toddler and is weirdly obsessed with feeding her food. This guy suffers from memory loss and doesn't remember they had met once when he had trashed his parents place and he'd sent his brother to the hospital after throwing him against a coffee table, normal things that happen in every family gathering. Feel the romance. These two were cuddling up in an orchard talking about Dante while a family tragedy was unfolding so imagine how much they truly care about their actions and how Julia, the lead lady, is able to pick out decent boyfriends. She's also supposed to be a minor when this occurs so add another red flag to that.
It's revealed the Professor was an abusive drug addict who caused his ex girlfriend to miscarry during one night he had an outburst of anger so he's feeling sorry for himself and had the ugliest tattoo in the world to remind him of his unborn child. His abusive trairs are attributed to the drug use of course, despite his evident quick temper and aggression towards pretty much everyone and everything. He keeps threatening his brother with physical violence now that he's sober so he's a real catch. His student, Julia, has also been in an abusive relationship so she feels they are the perfect match for each other.
The dangerous outtake of this clownery is similar to Fifty Shades of Grey and other book series of that genre: women can change abusive men with trauma so it's fine to tolerate every nasty behavior that comes from them because they're broken and they need to be fixed with love. That's it, that's story. Take it all in.
From this point onward, there is stupid Beatrice/Dante comparisons, self pitying attitude, "I love you but i don't deserve you" trite, controlling tendencies and an immense amount of insecurity. There are no redeeming qualities in either of them so do yourself a favor and skip this one. In this day and age, we don't need toxic messages and glorification of problematic relationships from shit stories that are masked as "romance". Ladies, if someone tells you that they are not fit for you because they are troubled, please stay away.
Emily in Paris (2020)
Emily in sheer redudancy
Escapism. Post quarantine era. People need bubbly shows to ease their mind off of what's happening in the world right now. We get it, it's totally fine. Guilty pleasure is acceptable and works as stress relief. I'm one of those people. I enjoy a good guilty pleasure series when i find it but this one lacks any sort of pleasure, even the so-called fashion is painfully reductive with those off-putting clashing patterns and prints. It doesn't make sense and it doesn't reflect Emily's character at all; not even once is it stated that she has any interest in fashion. She's put in clothes she would never wear just because.
If the comedy was at least somewhat effective i would have overlooked the terrible fashion choices, the annoying characters or the underwhelming romance, but the jokes are sadly phoned-in with tasteless delivery, pretty much like everything else.
If you wanna know how big of a joke this show is, I'd like to remind you that the production company had to bride the Golden Globe committee to receive two fraudulent nominations on the best comedy category otherwise not even People's Choice Awards would have bothered with this mediocrity.
How they managed to stretch out an overwrought paper thin plot of a cliched menage a trois over two seasons is a true wonder. We're talking about 10 episodes with zero character development, stupid work shenanigans that apparently are deemed more important than actual character growth and ridiculous cliches about Parisians and Americans. There's also an immense amount of singing in this season which takes up unnecessary screen time amongst other things. They try to round out her roommate bestie with a boring billionaire superstar subplot which I'm sure the audience skipped through most of it since no one really cares about a freeloader who doesn't pay rent and busks in Parisian squares wearing designer clothes she somehow can afford. Enganging attempt at character development isn't this show's strongest suit. More on that below.
Here's what you need to know : Emily, despite being a bag of hot air in work inappropriate clothes, excels in her job and makes everyone jealous of her talents because she's the greatest marketing executive in the world and saves the day whenever the plot needs it. She also makes every man, from brand owners to high ranking pompous, Paris-hating executives to highschool students to head chefs, fall in love with her, despite having the charisma and personality of, say, a can of expired tuna. She's also a loyal friend who honors friendship by sleeping with her friends' boyfriends and avoids telling them about it despite the apparent guilt she has.
The whole Gabriel situation is laughable at best. First of all, as good looking as Gabriel is, unfortunately he doesn't display any signs of intelligent thought or personality traits ( so maybe he's the perfect match for miss Cooper, after all). He's like a cardboard cutout that exists to make out with Emily and doesn't object when she walks all over him with her Gucci heels. He just lingers there in the background until he gets seduced by Emily or manipulated by his ex girlfriend because he's not a grown man capable of making decisions and being honest about his feelings. He also can't do anything by himself and relies on Emily as his deus ex machina.
Why should we root for this guy?
For the life of me, why not just admit you two like each other like normal people do and move the story forward? It's not that hard and everything else is so damn repetitious. The relationship is underdeveloped as it is and it's tiring to listen to the same arguments over and over again. You need to move the story forward by having having actual conflict and making the characters acknowledge their flaws. There's no real conflict here; there are no real obstacles for them that forbid them from dating, it's just Emily pulling out excuses on him such as not wanting to fall in love with someone she's gonna dump later because she's eventually gonna go back to Chicago and pretending to value her friendship with Camille while being a shady liar behind her back. It's a void excuse because by the end of the last episode when she gets offered a permanent job in Paris , the first thing she does is to run back to Gabriel and let him know of her decision meaning she was willing to give everything up to be with him anyway! She doesn't even think twice about Chicago and her life there! She doesn't think about Camille either despite swearing to her she wouldn't go near Gabriel again. What in the effing Emily terrible bucket hat obsession is this? Part of that is because she grew to like her French boss and coworkers better despite them calling her hillbilly to her face and being disgusted with her Karen attitude since the day she arrived. She barely knows these people yet she suddenly prefers them over her American boss and now wants to work with them indefinitely so she could have a chance to be with Gabriel. Makes it easy!! Contrived plot 101.
It's not just the two leads, everyone on this show is struggling to grow a backbone, stepping into unlikable troll territory. Camille also comes across like an entitled high-school mean girl who thinks she owns Gabriel and therefore he's off limits even if she's not dating him so the independent cool girl you thought she was has turned into a semi villainous antagonist of Emily. She has no other life outside being obsessed with Gabriel, she exclusively talks only about him or their relationship, it's so monotonous and a huge disservice to her character. She's going through some real Regina George transformation in this season which is disappointing and it's partly due to the fact Emily's character stinks so much like yesterday's sewage that the writers thought the rest of the characters should be more heinous than her this time around so she can be more tolerable to the audience. Emily is painted as the awful traitor( mind you, they've been friends for like a few months and Emily is trying to act like the middle man to get them back together looking like a meddling fool) yet Gabriel doesn't get any flack for cheating on his longtime girlfriend and no one seems to care about it, particularly Camille's parents who give her advice on how to manipulate her friend and get the precious chef back. It's a competition! If it reads like a Mexican telenovela of the 90s, it's because that's exactly what it is. For a Netflix show which likes to brag about wokeness whenever it's convenient, once again women are portrayed as backstabbing vengeful ogresses who fight for the attention of a man and throw their "friends" under the bus whenever given the opportunity. Female friendship is essentially fake, flimsy and gets destroyed for the sake of a guy, according to the writers. By the end of the season we're back to square one just like season 1. Gabriel looks at Emily with sorrowful puppy eyes as Camille, not phased by the cheating or the possibility of it happening again, announces HE asked her to move in together, as if he was forced into it or something. Why would any woman trust this man? He keeps going back and forth! He can't make up his mind and he's ready to cheat whenever he's given the chance! Everybody looks like a clown in this situation and it's so infuriating to watch. We already know Gabriel will find out about Camille's little scheme of getting back on Emily and he's gonna leave her but the timing will be off again because Emily will be dating some other rebound guy or she might be in Chicago and it's the same vicious cycle repeating itself. God.
So the question is : Is Emily going to end up with the arrogant London hunk who's purpose is just being a rebound or is she going to stick around until Gabriel comes over for a booty call to rekindle their affair? Stay tuned for the thrilling continuation in season 3. I know, my excitement mirrors yours.
In this season we learn more about French culture and people, things this show nails in its portrayal. French people are caricatures and do French things because that's what they do over there. They announce to foreigners they don't answer work calls on weekends and talk work at parties. They don't like to be told what to do from nosy American colleagues and generally they come off as rude and standoffish. They don't like to hug people and find display of affection to be awkward. They're pizza hating because it comes from Chicago so it ends up in the trash. Smoking is a meal substitute. They all have secret affairs.
The stereotyping is as evident as it was in season 1 with the French characters being defined by their "Frenchness" as the show likes to point out, Americans being quirky loudmouths and Ukrainians being casual shoplifters.
I personally like Sylvie and how she was given more screen time in this season, and i like how unapologetic she is for her love life. Instead of the dumbass billionaire daughter plot, she should have had more prominence in the show. Maybe i like her because she doesn't kiss Emily's ass like the others do, i don't know. Plus her style is impeccable.
If this show treated Emily as the spoiled selfish brat she is i would be singing a different tune, we could have a decent storyline about her messing up and trying to improve herself as a person but the show spends a lot of time trying to make us empathize with her without truly acknowledging her flaws. In conclusion, yes to escapism, no to obnoxious unsalvageable characters and trite plotlines.
The Spanish Princess (2019)
A teen soapopera but costumey
I understand that this is based on a book series, not on the actual historical events concerning Catherine of Aragon and Henry VIII which makes a few inaccuracies tolerable. What i don't understand is the poor dialogue which sounds as if someone with zero screenplay experience wrote it and never bothered to edit it. It gets so cheesy it turns the series into nothing but pointless, overdrawn drama. Ladies in waiting that get swayed by roguish lords, as if they didn't know their place and their duty. A black lady in waiting in medieval times whose presence somehow doesn't raise a brow when she's out and about. The characters are paper thin and Catherine comes across as one dimensional on her quest to become Queen of England, and she basically gets treated a little bit more civil than Cinderella by the evil grandmother of Henry who stands in her way of achieving her destiny. The settings are dull and the whole result looks cheap; even if we go by the modernized standards for period dramas, this looks ridiculous and corny. Her sister who is supposed to be Queen of Spain, acts overly dramatic throughout an entire episode disrespecting every royal member, her husband is shown fornicating with other women while they are guests in England and it's even implied she slept with Henry. The cringeworthy attempt at drama is prominent and keeps this show from making any progress. It wants to be a third class soapopera with costumes and it achieves it.
Vanity Fair (2018)
BBC always does it better
One of my favorite novels of all time, Vanity Fair has been adapted once again for ITV for a new TV series. I remember when i watched the 1998 BBC version thinking there is no way this will be ever surpassed and so far my opinion has not changed. After the horrendous 2004 film featuring a heavily pregnant Reese Witherspoon who played a very watered down, much more romantic Becky, i have noticed writers tend to make her more likable than she is supposed to be. In this newest version, she's quirky, charming and delightful and that's all right but there seems to be no ulterior motive behind it, no calculation, no strategy. Becky Sharp is a social climbing opportunist who does pretty despicable things along the way.She weaves her way through situations to take advantage of what she can. Whatever she does, has an ultimate purpose; her friendship with Amelia leads her to brother Joseph who is wealthy. Her interest in Rawdon and Miss Crawley is the inheritance he is about to get once she passes away. Here it is portrayed like a fairytale, a rich heir who falls in love with a poor governess who we must root for. Olivia Cooke is a decent actress and i'm curious to see how she'll unveil Becky's wickedness as the story progresses. This is the Novel Without A Hero. We aren't supposed to like her and i don't understand why modern versions insist on it. Natasha Little was a fascinating Becky, both schemish and sly but also charming and cunning.
As for the rest of the cast it is baffling what they did with Pitt Crawley, Rawdon's brother. They replaced him with Bute who is in fact Sir Pitt's brother and i don't get why not just keep the characters as they are in the book. Modern music in period dramas has become a trend so i'll just ignore that altogether; there is a soapopera feel to the music score at times.
The whole thing looks as if it's been edited with an istagram filter making everything look overexposed.
This cast is fairly younger than in the rest of the adaptations which makes sense since the aim is to draw in a younger audience. George Osborne isn't as handsome or as snobbish as he should be and Amelia looks less naive for this role.
Overall, BBC kept it faithful to the novel with outstanding performances and not much fluff. I shall always love thay version more but i'll keep watching this one as well to see the outcome.
Fallen (2016)
Subpar and poorly produced
Ι read the Fallen series years ago and when it was announced it was finally being made into a film adaptation i thought it would come sooner. The book rights have been optioned ever since the first book came out in 2009. Fallen started filming in 2014 and after two years of silence and everyone thinking it would be scrapped eventually, the film came out in a few countries without any promotion or marketing. A movie that it is essentially released on its own cannot be a universal success. I'd say the lack of proper marketing set this saga up. I don't believe a second film will see the green light. Aside from the terrible release strategy, the theme of this series feels too dated for 2017. The trailer of the movie was very Twilight from beginning to end. To be fair, the first book has a lot of Twilight elements but let's remember that the book came out when Twilight was the It movie of the late 2000s and books similar to this story sold like hot cakes. The movie and the book are somewhat similar but i wouldn't call it faithful to the original material. The castle they used as Sword and Cross is very beautiful which is part of the problem. The movie spends too much screen time with beauty shots of the school and forest scenes filled with smoke effects to set the mood. I cannot recall how many times i saw drone shots of the school being surrounded by chunks of smoke. Like, we get it. They also used smoke/steam inside the swimming pool which didn't make much sense since it wasn't a hot bath or a sauna. Addison Timlin as Luce is fine considering i am not a fan of Luce in the books. She is extremely restricted due to the script. Like every character in this movie she is reduced to brooding silences and looking sad. One of the biggest flaws of the book was translated into the screen unfortunately and the side characters are given zero time to unfurl and develop. They are in the background, throwing a couple of lines and then we never see them again. They are so insignificant i feel sorry for the actors.
Jeremy Irvine is a one dimensional Edward clone who thankfully isn't as rude and condescending as he was in the books but he has zero charm. He is either avoiding Luce or picking a fight with the other walking cliché, Cam. Cam was one of the most interesting, if not THE most interesting character of this series. He is supposed to be popular, charming, fun and sexy. In the movie we get a young Leo lookalike dressed in leather, pretending to be dangerous but doesn't do anything remotely dangerous to cause any attention. He is forced and pretentious, hidden behind a so called mysterious persona which doesn't offer anything. The actor got so caught up in Cam's demon nature that he omitted everything that made him an intriguing character. Also the attempt for a love triangle is so blatant it's hard not to laugh about the lack of substance. Luce has visions about her past lives with Daniel yet she's canoodling with Cam because no one knows why. As soon as the truth is revealed she forgets about Cam and she immediately chooses Daniel without any buildup or good reason other than the film coming to an end. The only character that is actually trying to pierce the screen and get out of their box is Penn. She is geeky, sweet, funny and it is quite sad her end was so anticlimactic. Lola Kirke was really likable as Penn and if the saga continues, she is something to be missed.
Let's move on to the things that hardly made sense like the atrocious script that ruined whatever potential this movie had. The script consists of awkward phrases and none interaction. Whenever there is actual dialogue the scene ends. It was like the director wanted the characters to wander around aimlessly and let the audience guess about the story. The dialogue is partially and even at times, completely overlooked as if it has no significance in a story. When the story is about to take off the film is over. 85% of the screen time is devoted to Luce's backstory and religion mythology which has way too many scenes. Learning about angels in a reform school? Why would they need to learn how to fence? Is it safe to give weapons to kids with psychological issues? We also keep hearing that everyone is dangerous and a troublemaker but the students seem perfectly normal. The surveillance is laughable since they are able to throw loud parties in the woods unsuspected and everyone comes and goes as they please. In the final scene Penn is murdered, Luce is screaming and Daniel breaks through a glass dome but no one hears anything.
The production for a fantasy film is poor. The wings look small and unconvincing, the entire rooftop scene is shot inside a studio and the transitions from scene to scene are terrible. There is a motorcycle scene that I still wonder how it ended up in the film and what purpose it serves. There's also too much blurriness in certain parts that can be annoying to the eye. Instead of spending money in smoke effects and ridiculous studio filmed motorcycle scenes with fans they could have done a better job with the editing and the screenplay. The flow is chunky because of the short screen time. 400 pages squeezed into 1 hour and 30 minutes and the result is rushed, badly produced, and forgettable. Fallen could have stood a chance if the production company had tried harder.
Fifty Shades Darker (2017)
Unintentionally funny and entertaining if you don't take it seriously
This movie was hilarious at times, even more than the first one. It must be the element of suspense that was added which in terms of plot development fell short. The thing that is actually on point is the cinematography. The film is well shot, providing some nice scenes and the flow is good. For some reason the first one was better. I think it has to do with the over-hype that surrounded its release but i believe it was more coherent and more decent as a result. Also the soundtrack music was infinitely better. The sequel's OST is atrocious. Every single song was cringe-worthy bubblegum pop that ruined whatever mood they tried to set in, particularly in the sex scenes. There was zero eroticism in the sex scenes. They were rushed, watered down, and even boring for a so called "erotic book" adaptation. Ironically Christian encourages Ana to come but of course it ends before we can have a glimpse of her orgasm. The silver balls scene provides so much laughter it's hard to dismiss that one, though. The plot is laughable as a whole. We have 3 "villains" who are as menacing as a piece of broccoli and they offer nothing but pointless drama. The whole thing is more of a soap opera than a thriller. Christian's past isn't developed enough to make the audience to care and Ana is just too passive and compliant. When she attempts to stand up for herself Christian shuts her up with a kiss or with a fancy present. He's always overbearing, controlling, and pretty much wants her to be mute and obedient. He does a ton of offensive things that would require a restraining order but all is well when we proposes to her or takes her out to sailing. The romance is as flat as an ironing board and the actors don't do anything to convince us that these two love each other. The biggest fail of this movie was the helicopter scene. Christian's family looked like they were kinda relieved he went missing and the heart-stopping suspense lasts for one scene until Christian casually walks into his apartment with blood on his forehead like some superhero who miraculously crawled out of the crushed helicopter and arrived in Seattle two hours later unharmed. Lol.
The final scene features Ana's boss who looks like a homeless junkie and sets up the story-line for the final movie in which he'll be the main villain. Overall if you try to look for interesting characters and situations you'll find none here. This is a film made just for laughter and nothing else. If you want quality you will be disappointed.
Spring Breakers (2012)
Errr pointless much?
I was anticipating the release of this movie but i never thought the outcome would have been so awful. From the first fifteen minutes I GOT BORED and wondered what the heck was up with the repetitive scenes and quotes. All you hear is "Spring break forever bitches", you see a bunch of people dancing in a beach, shaking booties and drinking alcohol. The characters? Non existent. They had no substance, no development, nothing to keep you interested or care about them. Just stupid girls who knew only how to snort powder and grind their bodies. James Franco was good but hell, the repetition in this movie was so annoying i couldn't pay attention to what he was saying. The ending was just as dumb as the rest of the movie, no surprise there. What a waste of time.
Srpski film (2010)
Simply grotesque
This was by far the most disturbing movie i've ever watched. I like weird movies but this one went too far. The makers tried to make it shocking to draw attention; they succeeded.It was disgusting, and I pressed fast forward in many parts because i couldn't bear to watch. Especially the part with the newborn baby. I couldn't stand it. I cannot understand how some people might like this movie, maybe they should go to a therapist to check how sane they might be. I can only imagine sick people enjoying this kind of film. It didn't have a plot, it only had gore, sex, child abuse and nudity. I certainly don't recommend it.Those films should be banned, there's nothing artistic in pedophilia or necrophilia.
The Vampire Diaries (2009)
Started out interesting,,,,went downhill now
Oh, God why. I was never into watching series but i gave it a try. I liked the first season, mainly because i liked Damon (THAT Damon, not the one in this current season). It used to be fun to watch, even though i don't like Elena because every main character in that kind of stories is like her. She's boring and flat. Damon was the only one who made the show interesting but the writers decided to ruin him too. The only thing i like about this season is the Original family, everything else gives me the cramps. Why 22 episodes if nothing ever happens? Seriously, make it 12 like True Blood because it's tiresome. The whole dark theme doesn't work when the lines are cheesy and the characters carry that mournful expression in every episode, especially the three main characters. Some need acting lessons too while others try too hard. It's almost the end of this season and yet nothing has happened. Stefan left, he became evil, Elena drove me insane with her stubbornness to find him, she kissed with Damon ( whom SHE WILL NEVER CHOOSE OBVIOUSLY IT'S JUST HAPPENED TO WAKE UP THE FANS), the originals caused trouble and that's it. Boo. I don't think i'll be watching season 4. I suffered enough.
Skins (2007)
I love it!
Love, love, love Skins! This show is definitely something more than just teens having sex and doing drugs! I decided to watch Skins just because Kaya Scodelario was in it-she was featured in all the fan made videos for a book series which will be made into movies soon. Everybody was suggesting her as the lead character so i became drawn to her from the first moment. I really wanted to see her acting skills and i thought i should watch Skins. Season 1 was exceptional. The characters were very interesting and funny. My favorites were Cassie,Maxxie and of course Effy who didn't appear that much in that season. Tony was annoying in the beginning but he grew on me later, in season 2, after his accident. The central episodes of each character were a mix of drama and comedy which i really enjoyed. I really loved the Cassie and Sid romance- i do hope he found her in the end. I must say i cried when Chris died! It was so sad! The first generation was surprisingly the best one for me.
Season 3 and 4- Effy becomes a major recurring character and we have the introduction of the 2nd generation. What i love about Effy the most is her style. Oh God, her stylist needs to be awarded! All of her outfits were incredible ( The black dress and the striped pants she wore in season 2 were to die for) the whole jewelry thing was also stunning. As for her character i loved her mysterious and confident attitude no matter what others say that she was unrealistic. I am a bit like this myself. She was just hiding her true emotions which came to surface in season 4. I liked her relationship with Freddie, although that drama with Cook could have ended earlier. Cook was just too much. He was funny but he was overdoing it and he was pissing me off most of the times. Katie Bitch- sorry, Fitch i meant, was a migraine in season 3 but afterwards she behaved better. Emily was a sweetheart and i found her relationship with Naomi very sweet and honest. The end of season 4 bugged the hell out of me! Why did Freddie die?! That was just a major bummer! Always somebody has to die in this series? The third generation is a big, giant, tangled mess. It was like an American teen movie with cliques, freaks and queen bees. That Mini especially could have starred in Mean Girls instead. In this season, everybody does drugs repeatedly. I don't get it- it wasn't like this in the previous seasons. the plot wasn't focused there. I hated Liv, somebody just kill her already, disliked Matty and even more his dumb brother. Alo is just a sillier version of Cook and Grace the cute Grace falls in love with the metal dude because opposites attract...a lot in this season. It is implied that Mini has a crush on her most hated enemy-Franky. Ironic huh? Anyway this season was a flop to me. Didn't like it at all! Bring back first generation!!!
Beastly (2011)
Watch it only if you don't have anything better to do
I decided to watch this movie because it caught my attention...a modern fairytale sounded a nice idea so i gave it a try. After 10 minutes, i felt i would die from boredom. Bad acting-Pettyfer is supposed to be arrogant and mean to others because he's so full of himself. I get it. BUT! This changes after he meets Lindy. He falls in love. He becomes a whole different person. At least in the book (i haven't read it but that's what i've heard)In the movie he is from the beginning to the end an obnoxious, self-absorbed creep who looks forward to breaking the spell so he can have his precious looks back. No change whatsoever. Hudgens was boring and flat. I wasn't interested in her character not even for a second. All that sweet and innocent attitude she had seemed fake to me and unconvincing. It was like she was trying too hard. Mary Kate Olsen was good, i liked her style and i wished she had more scenes in the movie. Kyle's tutor was the most funny character, i enjoyed him and he was a relief in this dull and slow movie. Overall, i think it was a waste of time. Far too predictable and boring.