phillindholm Reviews

The Witches (1966)

''What Do ''The Devil's Own'' Do After Dark?''

[8/10 · 22 October 2013]

One of legendary production company Hammer Films lesser known titles, ''The Witches'' was Golden Age Star Joan Fontaine's last theatrical film. She herself bought the rights to Norah Loft's ''The Devil's Own'' and brought it to Hammer, casting herself in the leading role of schoolteacher Gwen Mayfield. Ms. Mayfield is still recovering from a traumatic experience in Africa, where, while teaching , she became the target of the local Witch Doctor. Shortly after her subsequent breakdown, she accepts another teaching position in a small English village. At first, the placid atmosphere and friendly local folk seemingly aid her attempts to overcome the past. However, it's not long before she begins to sense that all is not what it appears. Fontaine, still lovely at 49, gives an incisive performance as the victimized teacher, who isn't sure at first whether or not she is imagining the disturbing events which surround her. The hand picked supporting cast, which includes such familiar faces as Leonard Rossiter (''Reginald Perrin'') Michele Dotrice, Shelagh Fraser ('Star Wars'') and, making her debut, as the target of ''The Witches'', Ingrid Boulting, here billed as Ingrid Brett. Despite excellent performances by all, the film is stolen by film veteran Kay Walsh (Oliver Twist) former wife of director David Lean, who plays free lance writer Stephanie Bax to perfection. Distinguished stage actor Alec McCowen appears as her rather ineffectual brother. Director Cyril Frankel moves things along at a leisurely pace, abetted by some splendid photography and a suitably eerie score by Richard Rodney Bennett. Alas, though the suspense is carefully cultivated from the beginning, things begin to get shaky at mid-point, when Mayfield lands in a nursing home, with her memory of the recent past gone. After a fairly lengthy stay, it's eventually restored. From here, she escapes just in time to join a frenzied climax in which the activities of the local Coven resemble an Aerobics workout at a Rescue Mission, rather than a Black Mass. Nevertheless, the wrap up is a satisfying one, and audiences who go for this sort of thing will not feel cheated. When ''The Witches'' was released in England in late 1966, it garnered some fine reviews, but little box office. For it's American debut (in early 1967) the title was changed to ''The Devil's Own'' in order to avoid confusion with an Italian film, ''The Witches'' (starring Clint Eastwood) which appeared around the same time. Unfortunately, ''The Devil's own'' ended up on the bottom half of a double bill with Hammer's abysmal ''Slave Girls'' (here dubbed ''Prehistoric Women''). and, again, it came and went quickly, much to the chagrin of Co-Produce Fontaine. Today, however, the film retains it's ability to intrigue the viewer, and thanks to it's fine cast, it remains one of Hammer's most underrated efforts.

Cinderella (1989 TV Movie)

Fine Adaptation Of Grimm's ''Cinderella''.

[8/10 · 20 February 2013]

''Cinderella'' has been adapted for the screen countless times, but films based on''Aschenputtel''the Grimm version of the tale, are rare. This one was made for German Television in 1989, and it's a faithful translation.The Grimm Brothers were known for their ''darker'' versions of familiar tales.''Aschenputtel'' is no exception. And, because of this it may not be suitable for all audiences. Though the Grimm ending, in which the Stepsister's eyes are plucked out by Cinderella's Doves, has not been included, the Stepsister's mutilation of their feet, (in a vain attempt to fit the shoe) is. The Grimm's also added a Spiritual quality to this retelling. There is no Fairy Godmother. It's the Guiding Spirit of her dead mother (through a magical tree) who watches over her and helps her attain her ''Happy Ending''. Not surprisingly, the focus here is on the abuse the Heroine suffers at the hands of her Stepmother and Stepsisters, making her eventual deliverance that much more satisfying. The German cast will be unfamiliar to most US viewers, but they are all excellent.Young Petra Vigna makes a sensitive, appealing Cinderella who will inspire viewer sympathy. The standout performance,however, comes from Krista Stadler, a veteran of European film and Television, who plays the wicked stepmother. She is deliciously nasty(and very beautiful) in the part-though she adds a touch of humor as well. Sets and costumes, while strangely recalling the 19th century rather than a mystical ''Once Upon A Time'' era, are still very attractive. .As for the photography, it's so good that it's really a shame the film was not made for movie theaters. The English-dubbed version which was newly titled ''Cinderella''for Stateside release,is a bit out of sync,(par for the course for Americanized foreign product), but the voices are first-rate. Sadly, the musical score is not. Often, when foreign films were dubbed for the US market, new background scores were composed for them. And,surprisingly,it wasn't unusual when the new music actually improved the film itself.It's a shame that didn't happen this time. Other than this drawback,the movie is very well done, and will especially appeal to lovers of the story. They won't be disappointed.

Golden Needles (1974)

''The One Who Owns Them Can Rule The World''!

[8/10 · 16 July 2012]

''Golden Needles'' was one of American International Pictures 20 year anniversary releases. A mixture of the then-popular Martial Arts genre with a ''Maltese Falcon'' like plot, it's a fast-moving, popcorn movie, the kind they used to make in the 40's. Starring Joe Don Baker (''Walking Tall'') and Elizabeth Ashley(''Rancho Deluxe''), the film spins an actionful tale, set in the seamy section of Hong Kong.Baker is a soldier of fortune-turned Antique Dealer, (or, maybe the other way around) who is hired by a mystery woman (Ashley) to steal a priceless ancient statue with the power to bestow long life (and sexual vigor) or instant death to he(or she) who owns it. Ashley herself has been cheated out of the statue by a powerful Chinese gang leader Roy Chiao) and she's after it for HER employer (a wizened Burgess Meredith, having a ball with his eccentric character). Karate star Jim Kelly (''Enter The Dragon'') appears briefly as Baker's partner in the Antique business. The legendary Ann Sothern is also aboard,and she's fine as another of Baker's pals, the tough but good-hearted proprietor of a seedy bar. Beautiful Frances Fong is around as well, as an agent for the Hong Kong government and also in pursuit of the statue.Double-crosses, fights, chases and mayhem ensue, but though the plot has more than it's share of threads, it is never confusing, thanks to ''Dragon's'' director, Robert Clouse, who treats it like the old-fashioned ''B'' movie it really is. Though produced on a low budget, as was the case with most American International movies,it looks like every penny spent is on the screen. The location photography is excellent, as is the classy art direction, and both lend plenty of atmosphere to the story.

The sets are also impressive,one in particular at the start of the film, is very reminiscent of the witch's lair in ''Suspiria'',but it pre-dates that film by 2 years. High praise goes to Lalo Schifrin's pulsating score as well. Though Meredith and Sothern were obviously added for their name value and have little to do,they, along with the rest of the cast seem to be enjoying themselves immensely,and if the viewer can suspend disbelief a bit and just go along with the story, they will, too. Previously available only in Canada, on a pan-and scan videotape, ''Golden Needles'' was released on DVD as part of the ''MGM DVD ON DEMAND'' series. It's presented in it's original Panavision format, with rich color and strong (if a bit grainy) picture quality. The sound is always intelligible,though slightly distorted here and there. But, all in all, it's a welcome release of a film that's been sadly neglected over the years. And one that may now get the attention it deserves.

The Young Animals (1968)

Misleading Advertising-Decent Movie.

[7/10 · 6 July 2012]

Although American International Pictures (the drive-in specialists who put the ''ex'' in ''Exploitation) promoted this film in their usual, lurid way, (''They Run In Packs, And What They Do Makes Headlines!'') , it's actually a good, if simplistic look at White vs. Mexicans in a California High School. Tom Nardini (''Cat Ballou'') is the new Latino kid on the block who tries, peacefully, to combat the prejudice faced by the Mexican students, from both the white kids as well as some of the faculty. When he becomes involved with a sympathetic ''Gringo'' girl, (Patty McCormack), her bigoted ex-boyfriend (David Macklin) and his gang vow revenge. And revenge he gets, in some pretty tense scenes which are uncomfortable to watch, even today. As a hot-headed student at odds with Nardini's approach to their problems, Zooey Hall is impressive. His girlfriend is played by the lovely Joanna Frank (''The Savage Seven'') and though her part is relatively small, she is just as effective. In fact, all of the acting is convincing here,( including an early appearance by a young A Martinez) and if the resolution seems a bit far-fetched, the film's heart is in the right place. At the last minute, the title was switched to ''Born Wild'', which really doesn't do it justice either, but, under any name, it's a good example of a ''Teen Flick'' with an actual message, something most were lacking. The photography, by Ken Peach is excellent, belying the film's low budget. The editing is jumpy in places, but nothing seems to have been removed which would spoil the continuity. (It's noticeable mostly in the abbreviated performances of the two rock bands ''The American Revolution'' and ''Orphan Egg'', both of whom were under contract to AIP at the time). Good Les Baxter score, too. It's worth seeing at least once.

The Wild Angels (1966)

''The Most Terrifying Film Of Our Time!''.

[8/10 · 23 June 2012]

That's what it seemed like ''way back in 1966. Producer Roger Corman set out to make a film based on the notorious California-Based ''Hell's Angels'' motorcycle gang, having seen a cover story about them in Life Magazine.Legendary ''B'' movie studio, American International Pictures was just as anxious to jump on the ''Biker Bandwagon'' (they eventually produced or distributed eleven more films on this subject) and gave the OK to Corman. Though George Chakiris (''West Side Story'' Oscar Winner) was originally cast in the lead role, it was Peter Fonda who ended up playing the part. Playing his ''Old Lady'' was Nancy Sinatra, who was then riding high with her hit single ''These Boots Are Made For Walkin'.Bruce Dern played ''The Loser'' the part originally intended for Fonda, and Dern's then wife Diane Ladd portrayed his on-screen spouse. There were a few familiar faces among the supporting actors as well, including Gayle Hunnicutt, in an early appearance, and Assistant Director Peter Bogdonavich, who is glimpsed in the climactic brawl,as is Corman himself. The story itself is really just a loosely connected series of incidents which allow the viewer to follow the ''Angel's'' exploits as if they were viewing a Documentary about the gang. Since ''The Wild One''aside, this was the film that started the whole ''Cycle'' cycle, it's not surprising that it has a very experimental feel to it.The location photography is excellent, and belies the brief three week shooting schedule, while the musical score written by future AIP Biker music stalwart (and future Lieutenant Governor) Mike Curb, is dynamic and fits the visuals like a glove. The same goes for the group (''Davie Allan And The Arrows'') who perform it. In fact ''Blues Theme'' was a hit single for the group, and the Soundtrack Album proved so popular that a second volume was released. Both records, in fact, started the ''Motorcycle Soundtrack'' craze, most of which were released on Curb's ''Tower/Sidewalk'' labels, a Capitol Records affiliate during the 60's. The actors themselves are not given much opportunity to spread their wings and fly, so to speak, but, under the circumstances, they do all right. Dern is especially convincing as ''The Loser'' and Ladd evokes the sympathy her character calls for. Fonda is a bit weak as ''Heavenly Blues'' the leader, but Sinatra makes a pretty tough ''Momma'' and though her natural beauty is downplayed, she is still very easy on the eyes.Upon it's release, the low-budget film proved enormously popular (AIP'S biggest hit so far) and convinced them to launch a whole series of ''Protest'' films. (A wise decision on their part, because they kept the studio in the profit margin for years to come). The Biker genre would have it's share of hits and misses, and, thanks to a few Poverty-Row, independent productions like ''The Hellcats'' ''The Rebel Rousers'' and ''The Cycle Savages'' (starring Dern) all of which made this one seem fairly lavish by comparison, it had petered out by the early seventies. Nevertheless, ''The Wild Angels'' and a few successors like ''Devil's Angels'' and ''Born Losers'' (both released in 1967) remain among the most popular''B'' films of their era.

Mask of the Dragon (1951)

''Crime Wore The Mask Of The Dragon!''

[5/10 · 22 May 2012]

This second feature from ''Quickie King'' Robert Lippert is fairly amusing, in it's (very)unambitious way. When ''Hero''Richard Travis' Army Sergeant pal is murdered shortly after he returns from the Orient, He and his lab technician girlfriend (Sheila Ryan) find themselves in the middle of the investigation. This leads them to a group of smugglers, working out of a Chinatown curio shop in downtown Los Angeles. Not to mention an almost completely beside the point interlude at a local TV station. Here, what there is of the story grinds to a halt while a Singing Cowboy act is shoehorned in to perform two unnecessary (and unwelcome) musical numbers, and character actor Sid Melton tries out what looks like a weak comedy act on an adjoining stage. He's accompanied by one of the worst no-name ''Actresses'' ever seen on film. (And, naturally, this one was never seen again.)

Luckily, the story (eventually) resumes. Director Sam Neufeld obviously had no idea how to handle the TV station segment, so it plays like an ''Amatuer Hour'' contest. The rest is strictly point the camera and shoot. And the stock footage used sticks out like a sore thumb. Although the supporting cast boasts a few vaguely familiar faces, the most prominent is prolific character actor Melton, who made 18 films for Lippert. He's playing a small-time crook in league with the smugglers, who, for no discernible reason, dresses up (unconvincingly) as an Oriental from time to time, and stands in front of the curio shop shop spouting Pidgin English. Most of the Oriental characters are played by occidental actors (par for the course in those days) with accents so thick it's hard to understand them-all except for Melton, who speaks with an unmistakable Brooklyn inflection.One of the few authentic Orientals is a burly wrestler billed as ''The Great Mr. Moto'' (whoever that is) whose main function is to playfully push partner in crime Melton around. ''Mask Of The Dragon'' like Lippert's other epics, was made simply to draw a fast buck and fill the bottom half of a double bill. Even at that, this one is about rock-bottom in terms of production values.(It wasn't called a ''Spartan Production'' for nothing.) The commentator on the very good-looking DVD (from VCI ENTERTAINMENT) does go on (and on) about the quality of the ''sets'', though they look like actual shops, offices, apartments, etc.It's hardly likely they were built for this film alone. The rest is mostly scene after scene of talk, with occasional bouts of comic violence.If that doesn't grab you, almost all of the background score is played on an Organ (!).This unique addition, for better or worse, reminds one of the old soap opera's from the Golden Days Of Radio, where each (hopefully) shocking incident was punctuated with a blast of the old Wurlitzer. Here, it makes an already pretty silly movie that much funnier. Though it clocks in at under an hour, it still feels padded, thanks to the singing cowboys and listless jokes that hit the ground like rocks. This was obviously an attempt to stretch the running time to the length of a feature, but it failed miserably. In fact, a few years later, the film was cut to 25 minutes and shown that way on TV. And, probably, all the useless bits filmed on the fictional TV show were eliminated, along with the songs. Still, Travis and Ryan are a fairly engaging pair of Heroes (Spunky Ms. Ryan would have made a lovely Lois Lane) and Melton, believe it or not, is occasionally amusing in an idiotic sort of way. He went on to greater fame as ''Alf Monroe'' on the comedy series ''Green Acres''.Strangely enough, he's not the only one here with a ''Green Acres'' connection. Leading Lady Ryan eventually married Pat Buttram,who played''Mr. Haney'' on the same show. Once again, the gaudy, colorful posters created for this film , promise much more than it ever delivers. Still, though ''Mask Of The Dragon'' is no classic, Lippert and Neufeld have done worse.See ''Fingerprints Don't Lie'' (filmed-back to back with this one featuring most of the same cast) for proof of that.

The Man from Cairo (1953)

''He Took A Desperate Chance For A Fortune In Gold-And A Beautiful Woman!''

[5/10 · 14 May 2012]

Well, that's the way this low-budget crime drama was promoted. Starring Screen Heavy George Raft (well past his prime) and filmed abroad in 1953, it was just an attempt by prolific B-movie producer Robert Lippert to exploit Raft's familiar name. Here, he is cast as a vacationer heading to Algeirs, for no reason in particular. There, he runs into considerable danger due to a case of mistaken identity. He is thought to be an agent investigating a gold theft that happened during the war. At times, it seems that almost everybody he runs into has had some connection to the robbery, (and most of them do) needlessly adding even more confusion to an already muddled plot. This is one film that needed all the exposition it could get, but, though details are hashed over endlessly, it doesn't make things any clearer. And though it was advertised as being ''filmed where it happened'', there isn't much of the expected exotic scenery. There are some sleazily authentic backgrounds, but little use is made of them. It might as well have been filmed in Idaho,for all the ''atmosphere'' it generates. This is a very claustrophobic looking production, which relies almost entirely on Raft's fast-fading charisma to keep it afloat. Sadly, he just doesn't make a very convincing hero (though he was a terrific villain) and he sounds as if he's imitating Humphrey Bogart. The rest of the cast is dubbed, including leading lady Gianna Maria Canale, who not only has no chemistry with Raft, but is almost twice his size, and moves like a robot. There is an early appearance by the great Greek actress Irene Papas,but she's wasted in a nothing role.Strangely, the movie retains enough interest to keep you watching to the end, but that's not saying much. And neither this film, nor the other Lippert quickies Raft did,generated any new interest in him. When this one reached the US, it landed on the bottom half of a double bill, supporting another Lippert production ''Sins Of Jezebel''. They are all available on DVD from VCI ENTERTAINMENT. And the transfers are better than the movies. That's pretty ironic-In most cases, it's usually the other way around. Incidentally, this one was advertised with one of the most striking posters a Lippert feature ever had. Too bad the advertising was superior to the product. Well, it's not as if THAT'S never happened before, time and time again...

The Split (1968)

What A Cast!

[8/10 · 3 March 2012]

An underrated actioner from the Swinging Sixties, ''The Split'' boasts an incredible cast. Though former football great Jim Brown gets star billing, the meaty parts go to such reliable performers as Julie Harris, Ernest Borgnine, Jack Klugman,Gene Hackman, James Whitmore Warren Oates and Donald Sutherland. The story, about a well-planned and well-executed robbery (which takes place during a Football Game at the L.A Coliseum)is taut and mean.Hard-Bitten Harris and Career Criminal Brown hatch the plot, and it's up to him to round up a suitable group of thugs capable of pulling it off. And a nastier bunch has seldom been seen on screen. Donald Sutherland, in an early part as a psychopathic sadist, really makes his presence felt, as do Borgnine, Klugman and Oates (as usual.) As the leader of this group, Brown has a rather one note part. He's given little room for displaying anything much besides toughness. Diahann Carroll is wasted once again, as his ex-wife, who still loves him, and though she's the only ''good'' character in the story,she's supposedly tainted by her association with Brown. On the sidelines are seedy landlord Whitmore, and crooked cop Hackman. Both are excellent, but it's Julie Harris, successfully cast against type as the ''Brains''behind the scheme, who comes close to stealing the picture.(And, considering the rest of the cast, that's no small achievement.)Still, Hooker Joyce Jameson gets the best line, when she tells prospective client Oates: ''If you catch anything from me, it WON'T be a cold ''. Naturally, the real tension comes toward the end of the story, when the gang turn on each other, but until then, there's still plenty worth seeing.Yes, the ''Thieves Fall Out'' plot has been done before, but it's the twists and turns this movie takes that provide the excitement. Director Gordon Flemying maintains a brisk pace throughout, slowing down only for the obligatory ''love scenes''.The photography is excellent, and the same goes for Quincy Jones moody score (available on cd). The other technical credits are equally fine. This month, the ''Warner Archives'' will release the film, for the first time on home video. The DVD will be in it's original Anamorphic (Panavision) Widescreen aspect ratio, and, judging from the sample clip provided, should look fine. Hopefully, the snappy Theatrical Trailer will be provided as well. As the ads for the film proclaimed: ''Watch what happens when it's time for ''The Split''!.

Song of Norway (1970)

Musical Madness

[1/10 · 14 February 2012]

To call this thing ''bad'', is really doing it a disservice. It's actually beyond unbearable-a clear and relentlessly clumsy attempt to cash in on the tremendous success of ''The Sound Of Music''. If that wasn't enough, it features Edward G. Robinson and Florence Henderson in the SAME movie. Kind of like Pat Boone and Ann-Margret in the 1962 remake of ''State Fair''. No, Robinson and Henderson are not paired romantically. But they might as well have been-everything else in this so-called''Biography'' of Edvard Grieg is hilariously over the top, with everyone trying in vain to compete with the gorgeous location photography and substituting acting with simpers and bright, glassy smiles. Lucky for Florence, ''The Brady Bunch'' was just around the corner-because this ridiculous ''epic''pretty much killed her film career.Though the singing is fine, the music is not Grieg's best, and it's simply used as background for the scenery-which, by the second hour of this fiasco, begins to resemble one of those nature films which occasionally show up in small towns, accompanied by the Producer/Director who narrates it in person. One reviewer at the time this was first released stated: ''It seems to have been made by Trolls''. And not very talented ones, at that. Gives poor Norway a bad name.Not to mention Trolls....

Scrooge (1970)

A Seasonal Treasure!.

[10/10 · 9 November 2011]

''Scrooge'' a lavish musical version of Charles Dickens ''A Christmas Carol'' is also one of the best yuletide films ever made. The story, which recounts the strange and wonderful events which cause a miserable miser to reform, lends itself beautifully to a musical format. Though this was not the first ''Carol'' to be set to music, it is easily the best. The acting, by a seasoned British cast, is wonderful.Albert Finney does not ''act'' the part of Ebenezer Scrooge, he IS Scrooge. Ably supported by Dame Edith Evans, Alec Guinnes and Kenneth More, he brings both humanity and pathos to his portrayal. The songs, by Leslie Bricusse (''Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory'') are both haunting and moving, and, when the occasion calls for it, upbeat and jolly as well. The production itself, well directed by Ronald Neame (''Great Expectations'') is handsomely filmed and suitable for all ages. Among the supporting cast, both Laurence Naismith and Kay Walsh (also in Neame's classic ''Oliver Twist') stand out as Mr. and Mrs. Fezziwigg. Making a very auspicious film debut is Suzanne Neve, who makes a lovely Isabel, Scrooge's lost love. The orchestrations present the score to great advantage, and the excellent widescreen photography brings a fairy tale London to life. There are other fine adaptations out there, most notably ''Magoo's Christmas Carol'' (with it's terrific score), and Alastair Sim's ''Scrooge'', a somewhat darker version, but this one can stand with the best of them. Incidentally,the film was a box office failure back when it premiered in 1970, (though it broke records at the Radio City Music Hall) but subsequent television airings have alerted audiences to it's many virtues-and made it a Classic for all time.

Devil's Angels (1967)

Get Out Of Their Way!

[8/10 · 19 October 2011]

A quickly made follow-up to AIP'S ''The Wild Angels'', ''Devil's Angels''nevertheless provides solid entertainment, as well as some good acting from a game cast. John Cassavetes stars as the craggy head of a motorcycle gang who decides to lead his fun-loving bunch to a mythical place he calls ''Hole In The Wall''.This Nirvana is supposedly a hide-out he has heard of, where they won't be bothered by the outside world of ''Squares'' and can happily debauch to their heart's content. This group, however, is nowhere near as savage as ''The Wild Angels'', and their idea of fun is taking apart a little country store, stiffing the owner, and setting fire to the camper of a couple unlucky enough to accidentally knock over one of their ''Hogs''. But the story turns ugly when they stop in a small town and are accused of rape by the local yokels. Cassavetes brings a certain likability (and even a sense of honor) to his part, Leo Gordon is his usual proficient self as the local Sheriff, and, as a nice, but reckless girl who chooses to party with the gang, Mimsy Farmer (in the second of three films she made for AIP) is lovely and persuasive. The gang members are mostly convincing as well, though Beverly Adams, sporting a Vidal Sassoon haircut (courtesy of her future husband)and an enormous pair of false eyelashes, simply looks ridiculous as Cassavetes main squeeze. The widescreen photography is great, as is Mike Curb's music score, with many numbers performed by ''Angels'' alumni,Davie Allan And The Arrows. ''Devil's Angels'' has just been officially released on DVD by ''MGM'S Limited Edition'' label, and it's uncut, in widescreen, and looks fine. Previously available only as a full-screen VHS tape, double billed with a forgettable TV-movie, ''Return Of The Rebels'', this DVD is a welcome addition to any ''Biker Film''collection.

The Glory Stompers (1967)

''Saddle Your Hogs and RIDE, Man''!

[5/10 · 4 September 2011]

''The Glory Stompers'' is hardly a classic-even in the ''Biker'' genre, but it's a decent, entertaining little flick from AIP. Dennis Hopper stars as a member of the ''Black Souls'' motorcycle gang, who beat up rival ''Glory Stompers'' member Jody McCrea,leave him for dead, and kidnaps his girl, Chris Noel. He and his gang (who include ''Born Losers'' alumni Robert Tessier, Edwin Cook and Paul Prokop) plan to sell Chris to a Mexican flesh peddler somewhere south of the border. However, McCrea(once he recovers) joins up with ex-Stomper Jock Mahoney and sets out to rescue her. Complicating matters is Hopper's psycho ''Momma'' (Saundra Gayle, a LONG way from ''The Wonderful World Of The Brothers Grimm'') who can't wait to dispose of Chris. And so it goes.The Widescreen photography is very good. The acting is decent all around. Hopper, despite his limited vocabulary (he says ''man'' in almost every sentence) is OK until the climax, when he screams, shakes, whimpers, whines, froths at the mouth and seems to be auditioning for a summer stock tour of ''Hamlet''. And, when all else fails, they toss in a ''Love-In'' along with a brief fight between a couple of tough looking'' Biker Chicks''. The soundtrack, which features, among others, ''The Arrows'' who were a Biker Film staple by now, is good, if somewhat overdone.Mike Curb, former Lt Governor and Motorcycle Music specialist, (The Wild Angels'' ''Devil's Angels'' etc) produced and wrote most of the music-even adding a song called ''Black Souls'' for future ''America's Top 40'' DJ Casey Kasem, who is seen in a bit part as one of the ''Souls''. Fortunately, this one didn't make it into the film's final cut, though, in all probability, it was just intended to help fill up the quickie tie-in soundtrack album.However, the title song ''The Stompers Ride'' did-though it was just a recycled version of Curb's ''Wild Angels Theme''. In fact, much of the music in the AIP biker films was used more than once for their other exploitation titles. Nevertheless, the Sidewalk Recording from the movie is now a highly prized collectors item, which goes for big $$$ whenever it surfaces on EBAY. Ironic, considering that back in the early ''70's, these and other Sidewalk/Tower exploitation soundtracks could be found in discount and drug stores for as little as (Gulp!) three for $1.00. MGM and Twentieth-Century-Fox have just released a nice DVD of this title. The print shows it's age from time to time, but it's in Anamorphic Widescreen with nice color and a sharp image.(the Widescreen process used was probably ''Panavision'', but here it's called ''Colorscope''). and the sound quality is also very good. As a ''Limited Edition'' DVD-R, there are no extras, but it's still nice to have an ''Official'' release at last. Incidentally, of AIP'S many Cycle Sagas, only two others were made in the ''Scope''process -''The Wild Angels'' and it's follow-up ''Devil's Angels''.All of them should have been filmed this way, because, like this one, most of the others feature a lot of footage with the Bikers zooming up and down the highway. And that sort of thing was ideal for the format. Catch a ride with the Stompers and hang on!.

Madame X (1966)

A Picture For Women To See With Their Hearts!

[9/10 · 27 February 2011]

Not just women, but men, too, will be drawn into this touching and gripping drama. This is, at least the fifth version of the classic story which tells of a woman's overwhelming love for the Husband and Son from whom she was cruelly parted. Lana Turner plays Holly Parker, whose marriage to Blueblood Clayton Anderson (John Forsythe) propels her into a world of wealth and power. Though the marriage is happy, and produces a son,Clay Jr, (Teddy Quinn/Keir Dullea), her husband's political ambitions and long absences tempt her into an affair with Playboy Phil Benton (Ricardo Montalban). When he is accidentally killed, Holly's Aristocratic (and opportunistic) Mother-In-law, Estelle (Constance Bennett) who, from the start, considered her an inferior (and hired a private detective to shadow her) moves in for the kill,using the threat of a potential scandal to blackmail her into leaving the country.She quickly provides Holly with a new identity, and financial support. Things go from bad to worse for Holly from there, as she wanders aimlessly around the world attempting, without success, to forget the blow fate has dealt her. Alcoholism and prostitution soon follow, as does slimy character Dan Sullivan (Burgess Meredith) who tries to profit from her past-leading to a climax which allows Turner to do some of the best work of her career. Producer Ross Hunter, who favored aging Stars from the past (Jane Wyman, Barbara Stanwyck Ann Sheridan and Joan Bennett were some) also loved remaking Soap Operas in High Style, though the films were actually made on low budgets. The costumes, the gorgeous Technicolor photography (by veteran Russell Metty) the glittering jewels and the impressive lineup of big Names helped considerably to disguise the fact that this was almost all filmed on the Universal Lot. Turner had worked with Hunter before on the very successful ''Imitation Of Life, and ''Portrait In Black'.' ''Madame X'' was their third collaboration.By the 1960's though, the plot was considered out of date, and the film was a financial failure. When it was first shown on TV, however, it garnered a huge audience, who were able to fully appreciate it, and it's success there may well have paved the way for nighttime soaps like ''Dallas'' and ''Falcon Crest''.Although it's unmistakably Turner's vehicle, the hand picked supporting cast is excellent. Alas, it was 30's star Bennett's last film,but, (looking radiant) she made the most of it. The direction by David Lowell Rich was equally fine, and the Production, especially the music score by Frank Skinner, was perfect. Lana, though showing her age in the early scenes, (in fact, she looks downright matronly when she is supposed to be a young bride) redeems herself by the finale, giving a heart-wrenching performance at her trial.Both she and Dullea are truly touching. And those viewers who can surrender their cynicism and just enjoy the story for what it is- Soap Opera Par Excellance, will be amply rewarded. Madame X was remade yet again (in 1981) with Tuesday Weld in the Title Role-she proved up to the task, but, for my money, this version is unbeatable.

Zero Hour! (1957)

''I'll Have The Lamb Chops''

[8/10 · 16 February 2011]

Yes, Virginia, ''Zero Hour'' was the film lampooned (or is that ''harpooned')' by ''Airplane'' (1980). Scripted by Arthur Haley-who would go on to invigorate the Airplane Disaster franchise with his best selling novel ''Airport'' which, in turn became a blockbuster film, It was first seen as a television drama. This low-budget big screen remake came along shortly after. It stars Dana (''The Best Years Of Our Lives'') Andrews as one-time Military Pilot Ted Stryker, Linda (''Forever Amber'') Darnell as his wife Ellen, and Sterling (''Johnny Guitar'') Hayden. Stryker, who made a boo-boo during the war, which cost several of his fellow soldiers their lives, is still traumatized by the experience, and his marriage is breaking up as a result. When his wife finally takes their son and leaves him, Andrews gallops to the airport just in time to hop on the same plane, and, off they go. Shortly after dinner, those passengers who chose the fish over the lamb chops get violently ill. Since the Captain (Football Great Elroy (Crazylegs) Hirsch) is one of those immobilized by the Blue Plate Special, it falls to Andrews, the only Pilot handy, to fly the plane. Naturally reluctant, it takes Captain Treleavin (Hayden) who is very aware of Andrew's past to talk him into the Pilot's seat. And, there he sits, with wife Darnell (wo)manning the controls at his side. Though she is distracted by her son's illness-(yes, he chose the fish,) she does what she can. Even without the ''Airplane'' connection, there is plenty of fun to be had watching the actors try to get through this. Sadly, Andrews and Darnell, who were seen to much greater advantage in ''Fallen Angel'' twelve years earlier, were both heavy drinkers by this time, and it showed. The once-gorgeous Darnell now plump and blowzy looking and Andrews, dissipated and lined, have no chemistry together here, though his usual ramrod-straight playing is, at least appropriate. Hayden, as stiff as Jack Webb in ''Dragnet'', barks his lines like a drill sergeant-which is not necessarily a bad thing. Then, there's Jerry Paris (The Dick Van Dyke Show'') who hams it up as the boyfriend of Marriage-Minded Stewardess Peggy King. Darnell, though, has the film's best line-''Ted, what are you doing? YOU can't fly this plane!''. Although there are some familiar faces among the puking passengers, they are given short shrift,As for the Doctor (Geoffrey Toone) his idea of seatside manner is to lie to the patients. Still, despite the silliness, the film moves along fairly quickly, before it reaches a ridiculous conclusion. Poor Dana would end up in two more Airplane Disaster flicks (''The Crowded Sky'' and ''Airport 1975'')before he was through.And director Hall Bartlett would tackle more Classics like ''The Caretakers'' and ''Jonathan Livingston Seagull''.After it's unspectacular debut, ''Zero Hour'' was quickly forgotten, and would likely have remained so, if not for ''Airplane''. For some viewers (like me) there is a lot to enjoy, though by the climax, others may be wishing that everyone on board had eaten the fish. Still, before ''Airplane'' burst onto the scene, this was remade yet again for television, titled ''Terror In The Sky''. The DVD release of ''Zero Hour'' issued by Warner Brothers as part of their ''Cult Camp Classics'' series, is a spotless anamorphic transfer which includes the original trailer. It has recently gone out of print, so, those who want it in their collection had better grab it now, before the price balloons on EBAY.

Prehistoric Women (1967)

''My Body HUNGERS!''

[3/10 · 4 January 2011]

And so will yours-for decent entertainment,if you make it all the way through this tripe. Made by Hammer Studios, the once-legendary specialists in literate horror films, ''Prehistoric Women'' (aka ''Slave Girls'') features Michael Latimer as David Marchant, a Great White Hunter who, chasing a wounded Leopard, runs afoul of a group of hostile natives who sentence him to death for disturbing their Kingdom. But, as Fate, or the screenwriters would have it, he suddenly finds himself thrust back in time to yet another Kingdom where Brunette women have enslaved all the Blondes they can get their whips on. The reasons for this are too silly to go into, but one involves the worship of a White Rhino, which is also The God of another tribe of warriors called the ''Devils Of Darkness''. Anyway, the Brunettes are headed by the beautiful but cruel Queen Kari (Martine Beswick) who takes an immediate fancy to Marchant. Alas, he has fallen in love with Blonde slave Saria (Edina Ronay) who eventually convinces him to lead the female (and a few ancient male) slaves in a revolution. So goes the ''plot''. The film is beautifully photographed in color and CinemaScope on sets left over from Hammer's remake of ''One Million Years B.C''. The acting (especially by the incredibly sensuous Beswick)is not bad,and the women, both Blonde and Brunette are easy on the eyes. But the pacing is excruciatingly slow, the story dull, and the only moments of true entertainment come from a Command Performance by the Blondes who Dance nightly for the Queen's Dinner Show.Oh yes, and the appearance of the plastic White Rhino at the climax. The musical score sounds as if it was written for a 60's Bible Spectacle, and there is virtually no direction by Michael Carreras. This sat on the shelf for two years in it's Native England, before Hammer released it (shorn of at least 16 minutes) as a second feature, while in the not-so-lucky U.S, it showed up in 1967 supported by another Hammer production, the infinitely superior ''The Witches'' retitled ''The Devil's Own'' here. Both are available on very impressive dvds, but ''Prehistoric Women'' is best left to Pre-History.

Two on a Guillotine (1965)

''And Plenty On The Aisle...

[5/10 · 4 December 2010]

A title like ''Two On A Guillotine'' leaves one expecting some first-class horror. Alas, in this glossy Warner Brothers programmer, that's not what you get. The plot, which is as old as the hills, deals with the long-estranged daughter of a magician (Connie Stevens, star of Television's ''Hawaiian Eye'') who is left her deceased father's fortune, with one stipulation-she must spend one week in his mansion in order to collect it. Years before, Dad's wife (Stevens again) disappeared without a trace, leaving his daughter to be raised by relatives. At her father's funeral, she is reunited with her one-time Nursemaid (Virginia Gregg) and her father's business manager (Parley Baer) both of whom will split the inheritance should Connie split before the week is up. Quickly befriended by an incognito reporter, (Dean Jones) Connie makes her way to the house for what should have been a living nightmare. But it goes (slowly) downhill from there.Producer/Director William Conrad had quite a showbiz career-he played Marshall Dillon on radio long before James Arness played the part on the TV series ''Gunsmoke''. In the 70's Conrad was ''Cannon'' the star of his own successful TV show, and he ended his run starring in another successful detective series ''Jake And The Fatman''.As the director of this film, however,( as well as the following year's ''My Blood Runs Cold''), he started with practically nothing, and did little more with it.Max Steiner contributes a suitably eerie score (his last) and the black and white photography is excellent. But neither can disguise the fact that very little is actually happening.Stevens and Jones are given insipid characters to play but do what they can with them which, sadly, isn't much. Poor Connie is also victimized by her unflattering hairstyles-including one that looks like she's wearing a raccoon (complete with tail)on her head. Both spend what feels like forever, plodding around the sadly unthreatening house, dodging an occasional plastic skeleton, and the usual rubber head bouncing down the stairs. Except for one or two ear-splitting shrieks from Stevens, neither seems all that concerned. Gregg (as usual) and Baer at least manage to make their parts interesting, even though they are merely red herrings. Connie Gilchrist is wasted in a bit as a housekeeper. Caesar Romero is properly pathetic as the mad magician, but he's not on screen enough.Worst of all, this film cries out for (but doesn't get) much more suspense, deeper characterizations and imaginative direction. Instead, Conrad tosses in a dull romantic subplot for Stevens and Jones,a visit to a local disco, an excursion to an amusement park and a song (?) from Stevens,who WAS recording for Warner Brothers Records at the time. But all this does is make an already overlong film that much longer. Even the supposedly ''shocking climax'' is dragged out unmercifully. Needless to say, this was a pretty weak wrap up to 50's starlet Steven's Warner Brothers contract.Incidentally, both she and Romero made personal appearances on behalf of the film (to no avail) when it opened in New York. Jones fared a bit better, going on to star in a few popular Walt Disney comedies. Romero, however, really triumphed the following year when he was perfectly cast as the flamboyant '' Joker'' in the ''Batman'' Television Series. Yes, there are so-called ''Horror Films'' out there a lot worse than this one. But there are much better ones as well.

Where Love Has Gone (1964)

''Daddy, I lost my SWEATER!''

[8/10 · 26 October 2010]

And that's not ALL poor Joey Heatherton's lost, in this lurid melodrama adapted from the Harold Robbins novel. Produced by Schlockmeister Joseph E. Levine (''The Carpetbaggers'') ''Where Love Has Gone is a VERY thinly disguised dramatization of the Lana Turner/Cheryl Crane/Johnny Stompanato case in which he was supposedly stabbed to death by Lana's daughter Cheryl. Here, the central figure is a famous sculptress (Susan Hayward) who resents her domineering mother (Bette Davis) and spends most of her time in the sack with various low-life lovers. Heatherton is her neglected teenage daughter, whose estranged father (Michael Connors) flies to her defense when she is accused of the murder. This leads to a lengthy flashback which shows, in detail, the courtship, marriage and eventual divorce he and Hayward endure.And, back in the present (where no one involved looks a day older, let alone wiser) things get worse, as one sordid revelation after another leads all of this to it's laughably melodramatic conclusion. Davis, who reputedly didn't like the script (or Hayward either, for that matter)and sporting a white wig and very thick eye makeup,reads her lines like an elocution school teacher, while Hayward bellows hers so loudly that people who saw this in a theater could probably hear them in the bathroom.And it's Hayward we have to thank for this exercise in excess, because she insisted the script be filmed as written-refusing any changes. Heatherton, trying (and failing) to look 15 yeas old, does little more than pout her way through her part, while occasionally delivering some howlers: ''Oh, Daddy, what's wrong with me? I love all the wrong people-and I HATE all the right ones!''. Oh Yes, and blaming the loss of her virginity on ''Horseback Riding''?. Connors, a few years away from ''Mannix'' is just there. ''Star Trek's'' DeForest Kelly is around as a sleazy art critic, while Film Noir bad girl Jane Greer (making a comeback after a heart operation)is a reserved, but concerned probation officer.And it's Greer, along with Anne Seymour (''All The King's Men'')as a psychiatrist, who give the best performances.This was pretty Hot Stuff for 1964, though less so these days. Despite the box office success it had, it's largely forgotten now.A new DVD has just been released by Olive Films, And the plush Technicolor production is something to see-remastered for the first time in all it's Widescreen Glory. And in spite of (or ,maybe because of) it's Producer attempt to cash in on what was really a very seamy incident in Hollywood History, the film is very entertaining, and a time capsule from a bygone era.

The Hellcats (1968)

''Leather On The Outside, ALL WOMAN On The INSIDE!''

[4/10 · 14 March 2009]

Well, at least the advertising's great-as is the original poster, which features a one-eyed blonde, swinging a motorcycle chain amid a bunch of female bikers who look like they're heading for Hell-hence the title. With the smash success of ''The Wild Angels'' ''The Born Losers'' and other counter-culture quickies, it must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Trouble is, ''The Hellcats'' has got to be one of the best cases for deceptive advertising ever foisted on the movie-going public. The first film about a female motorcycle gang, (so they said) it's almost nothing of the kind. The few female ''bikers'' in the film are so outnumbered by the males, they make no impression at all. Even worse, the ''script'' co-written by Robert F. Slatzer (yet another Hollywood lowlife who claimed he not only ''discovered'' Marilyn Monroe, but married her) and Tony Houston, is not only terrible, but unintelligible.And Slatzer, who also directed it, turned this mess into a ''novel'' which he probably ground out in the less than two weeks it took to film. ''Production Values'' are rock-bottom (even for a Biker movie) especially the stock library music, which sounds as if it belongs in a cheesy Mickey Spillane potboiler, or a Billy Graham film. In order to attract a young audience, a few forgettable rock numbers by a couple of equally forgettable bands are thrown in. One of them-''Somebody's Chyldren'' got their start playing background in Mae West's first rock and roll album-it was downhill from there for them. As for ''Davy Jones And The Dolphins''', there is a rumor that Jones went on to stardom as none other than David Bowie!.Talk about starting at the bottom. And, yes, there is a Title Song- THREE different versions, each one worse than the one that preceded it.All were featured on a ''soundtrack'' album from biker music specialist (and future Lieutenant Governor,) Mike Curb's ''Tower'' label..One of the musical numbers titled ''Mass Confusion'' (which sums up this thing so well, it should have been the movie's title) includes the lyrics: ''I can't take no more of this-no- no- no- no- no!'' A sentiment which probably sums up what audiences felt, if they made it that far. As for the ''background score'' it consists of library music composed back in the 1950s, where it was used for B movies and budget-deprived shows like ''The Adventures Of Superman''. And it's played at ear splitting levels through the film-probably to keep audiences awake (it didn't work-at least for me) I saw this years ago on a late night TV broadcast, and when I saw it on DVD years later, I could hardly remember ever having seen it previously. The ''Hellcats'' are a group of no-name ''actresses'' most of whom were making their film debut, and, probably unknown to them, their film farewell. Most prominent among them are Dee Duffy as the ''heroine'' who is out to avenge the murder of her Police-affiliated boyfriend who was investigating a gang of drug runners headed by Slatzer. and Sharyn Kinzie, as Sheila, leader of the ''Hellcats''. Duffy had previously appeared as a ''Slaygirl'' in a couple of ''Matt Helm'' movies, which starred Dean Martin. Kinzie was a newcomer, allegedly discovered while riding a motorcycle down Sunset Boulevard. Both are hard -faced unsympathetic and pretty long in the tooth for their parts. It's no wonder they were never heard from again. The only vaguely familiar names are Ross Hagen a Biker Movie staple by now,(playing the brother of the murdered man) Sonny West (once a bodyguard for Elvis Presley as the leader of a male cycle gang) and Gus Trikonis, who, aside from a role in the film ''West Side Story'' is best known as the ex-Mr. Goldie Hawn.

Since the ''plot'' has been discussed elsewhere, just let it be said that aside from unintentional hilarity, this is strictly from hunger, and just when you think it can't possibly get any worse, on comes Slatzer himself, playing the role of the Villain, and speaking his lines right off cue cards.Strangely enough, James Gordon White who penned ''The Mini-Skirt Mob''(which also features Hagen) that same year, is'' credited'' with the original story for this one. And, while it's not exactly'' Quality Entertainment For The Discriminating Viewer'' either, at least ''Mob''more or less delivers what it promises. How did ''Hellcats fare upon release?. Well, as the critic for the San Francisco Chronicle put it, way back when,: ''The Cast is unknown, the direction is hack, the script is pathetic, and the acting stinks. It should play Outer Mongolia''. And that was probably as good as it got, review wise.A double-feature DVD which include ''The Hellcats'' and ''Chain Gang Women'' was released a while ago, and offers a decent transfer of both films-better, in fact, than the notorious MST3K version. But the upgraded image somehow makes ''The Hellcats'' look even worse. And, as for what ''MST3K'' did to it, the truth is this film is such an unintentional parody, a deliberate one is just redundant-and much less funny. The DVD's ''co-feature'' ''Chain Gang Women'' is (among other things) yet another example of blatantly false advertising. But, that's another story...

Doctor Dolittle (1967)

The Title Says It All.

[4/10 · 28 December 2008]

Back in 1967, ''Doctor Dolittle'' was intended as the BIG ONE from Twentieth Century-Fox. Thanks,in no small part to it's huge budget, it received much more than it's share of publicity, both pro and con. Long before it was released, a major merchandising campaign began, much like those used by the Disney Studio. Countless singles and albums were released with everyone from Barbra Streisand to Bobby Darin putting their own talents to work on the songs. Elaborate plans were made for the various premieres. So Far, So Good. Then, the film opened.And what went wrong?. Just about everything. Sadly, what might have made a tolerable 90 minute fantasy,had instead become a bloated,stodgy bore,which satisfied neither kids or adults. The original Hugh Lofting stories were all but thrown away for another attempt to grab the brass ring with a hit ''Roadshow Musical''. Though Fox wasn't alone in trying to foist an over-produced would-be spectacular on an increasingly fed up public (Think ''Camelot'' ''Half A Sixpence'' ''Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'' as well as their own ''Star'') ''Dolittle'' is the one which nearly closed it's studio. And it's all to clear why. Even if the film had the requisite appeal for kids (which it did not) the idea of marketing a then-colossal $18 million dollar production to them, was plain suicide. Still, the movie has it's good points. Rex Harrison, (in the title role ) who, at one point, pulled out of the film, (and was briefly replaced by Christopher Plummer) does manage to be fairly ingratiating, though his character doesn't have much dimension. The songs, while no great shakes, do provide attractive background music. The photography is beautiful. But both Samantha Eggar and (Sir)Richard Attenbourough are wasted, Anthony Newley, as usual, mugs his way through his part-as, appropriately,''Matthew Mugg''. William Dix, the talented young co star of ''The Nanny'' is literally, just along for the ride. Where are they off to?. A voyage to find the ''Great Pink Sea Snail''. And that's about it for the ''plot''. Not surprisingly, the film was cut prior to it's national release, one of the casualties being a musical number. At the beginning of the film, there was even a hint of a possible Love Triangle between Harrison, Emma Fairfax (Eggar) and Newley which was also apparently cut. And, with it went the only (possibly) interesting conflict in the film.It was probably no surprise after a listless thirty minutes,that a film taking so long to get where it's going, ends up going nowhere. And, for this, audiences were expected to pay inflated ticket prices and reserve seats in advance. However, thanks to the early negative response, they were spared the expense.The same was definitely not true for Twentieth-century Fox.

Myra Breckinridge (1970)

''Everything You've Heard About Myra Breckinridge Is True!

[4/10 · 25 July 2008]

THAT'S certainly a strange way to promote a film upon which a great deal rested. And it seems like plain suicide on the part of the studio, given that (1) The feuds between the cast were well known long before the movie's release. (2) The feud between the Producer(Robert Fryer) and Director ( Michael Sarne) was also common knowledge. (3) The cast made no secret of their contempt for the film and made it public at every opportunity, with daily bulletins from the set gleefully reported by gossip columnists everywhere.

And (4) The author, Gore Vidal hated it practically from day one. Nevertheless, that tagline just about sums it up. Raquel Welch does give a decent performance as Myra, and she looks lovely besides. John Huston is very funny as Buck Loner, the ex-Cowboy Star who runs a phony acting academy. Mae West, (in her first screen appearance since 1943) naturally rewrote her part to suit herself, and she is great as ''oversexed'' (and that's putting it mildly) ''Talent Agent'' Leticia Van Allen. Still, she must have wondered (after waiting so long for a good vehicle in which to return) how she ever ended up in this mess.

Tom Selleck (in his film debut) is one of her ''clients''. John Carradine and Jim Backus, as Doctors, also amble in briefly. Rex Reed as Myron, Farrah Fawcett and Roger Herren, as the victims of Myra/Myron's sexual passion, are neither here nor there. The same goes for the script, which not only fails to focus on the basic plot of the book, but seems to head in at least three different directions at once. Although West's part was originally larger, she was reduced to a cameo role by the time Sarne was through with the editing. And, partly because of this, she seems to be in a different movie. Apparently, at some point, the Producers realized that Mae was going to be the film's big draw, and, unable to replace most of her cut footage, they rushed her back to the set at the end of filming for the second of her two songs, both of which come out of nowhere. The device Sarne used of throwing in old film clips of bygone stars to emphasize whatever points he was making, doesn't work at all. By the time the movie concludes, all a weary spectator can do is wonder what in the hell it was all about. Not surprisingly, just about everyone connected with the production felt the same way, and it died at the box office. A technically flawless DVD includes, (among other extras) separate commentaries from both Welch and Sarne, each of whom have completely opposite opinions of just what went wrong.No doubt it's home video re-release was prompted by a 2001'' Vanity Fair'' piece, which attempted (in great detail) to do the same thing. True, the structure of the novel made a screen adaptation a dubious undertaking, but, with Sarne at the helm of what was obviously a ''troubled'' production, it really never had a chance.

House of the Damned (1963)

''Enter At Your Own Risk''

[4/10 · 6 April 2008]

"House of the Damned" is a quickly made Fox second feature, (inexplicably shot in CinemaScope) which offers the viewer pleasing performances from Ronald Foster, the always fine Merry Anders, and Richard Crane, who apparently is playing fast and loose with his new French bride (Erika Peters) whose acting is - how shall I say? - lousy. These four are exploring an old house with a grim history (what else is new?) which the owners want remodeled. Occasional scares, (supposedly) unexpected events, and undeveloped story reduce this one to a series of build ups to nothing in particular. The photography, however, is above average for this sort of thing. Unfortunately, it's mostly wasted here. Try "House of Dark Shadows", "House of 1000 Dolls", "House of Whipcord" or "House Of Women" instead. Incidentally, the original movie posters announce the film thusly: ''13 Keys Open The Doors To The House Haunted By The Living Dead!' If ever there was a case of fraudulent advertising, this was it. Any appearances by The Living Dead are strictly in the minds of the 20th Century-Fox publicity department.

The Lost World (1960)

A popcorn movie if ever there was one!

[8/10 · 15 September 2007]

Producer/director Irwin Allen had big plans for this one. He also had the big budget needed to craft a truly spectacular remake of the original 1925 classic silent film. And, he rightly felt that a new movie based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's science fiction masterpiece had better be up to the task. Allen originally intended using the "Stop-Motion animation" technique (made popular by Ray Harryhausen) to bring his prehistoric monsters to life. But, just as production was about to commence, Twentieth-Century Fox, who commissioned the film (and were then experiencing severe monetary shortages, due to production problems with their money guzzling "Cleopatra") slashed the budgets of nearly every film currently being produced. "The Lost World" was no exception, and Allen's dreams of a Sci-Fi Spectacular were crushed. Being a resourceful film maker, though, he did the best he could with what he had, and that turned out to be very good indeed.

For his cast, he chose British character actor Claude ("The Invisible Man") Rains to play the indomitable Professor Challenger, leader of the expedition. As Playboy Johnny Roxton, he cast another British actor, Michael Rennie. David Hedison played newsman Ed Malone, Jill St. John played Jennifer Holmes, daughter of Malone's publisher and Fernando Lamas was Gomez, the expedition's pilot. Supporting them were Jay Novello, as a cowardly guide, and Vittina Marcus as a helpful island native girl. Forced to forego his original Stop-Motion technique, Allen had to make do with photographing lizards, alligators and such, adding horns and gills when necessary. The result was pretty much the way it sounds - the creatures this bunch discovered were a long way from prehistoric beasts. Nevertheless, the movie entertains, with truly beautiful wide screen photography, a fantastic collection of colors which really bring the striking sets to eerie life.

As for the performances, they are decent enough. Rains has gotten plenty of criticism over the years for his bombastic Challenger, but that's the way the character was written, and Rains is true to the material, and highly enjoyable too. Michael Rennie is a bit colorless in his big game hunter part, but he does have some good scenes as well. David Hedison is OK as Malone, who falls for Jennifer (Roxton's girlfriend) though their romance must have ended up heavily edited, as there's little evidence of it here. Ms. St John and Ms. Marcus are mainly eye candy, (this WAS the '60s after all) but act capably enough, though for a woman described as "brave as a lioness". Jill certainly does a lot of screaming while dressed in a very flattering, if impractical wardrobe (which includes a Toy Poodle). Ray Stricklyn is very persuasive as her rather immature but compassionate brother. Lamas and Novello are the supposed villains of this piece, though Lamas has a reason for his hostility. Allen's direction is good and the score by Bert Shefter and Paul Sawtell adds immeasurably to the drama and suspense. All in all, the picture is perfect Saturday Matinée fare, and though the script is talky in places, it still delivers the goods at the climax. The movie is a textbook example of a period when celluloid escapism was all viewers demanded, and here, they got it In spades.

Fox Home Video has just released "The Lost World" as a two-disc DVD set, with special features (trailer, newsreels and galleries of promotional material) from the film on disc one, and a restored version (with a few outtakes!) of the 1925 original on disc two. Allen's film looks wonderful in it's anamorphic CinemaScope transfer, and after years of suffering through the faded pan-and-scanned prints used for TV and video this is really a revelation. The new stereo soundtracks are equally impressive and make this film, from a producer/director who would one day be known as the "Master of Disaster', (thanks to such fare as The Poseidon Adventure' and "The Towering Inferno") a must have for collectors.

House of Dark Shadows (1970)

Vampy AND Campy!

[7/10 · 20 July 2007]

"House of Dark Shadows", the first feature based on the fondly remembered Gothic soap opera is both exciting and schlocky - sometimes concurrently. Director Dan Curtis (on a very low budget) took what on television was an extremely lengthy introduction and history of the Barnabas Collins character and crammed all he could of it into a 96 minute film. Most of the television cast are here to recreate their parts, chief among them Jonathan Frid as everyone's favorite Vampire. When surly caretaker Willie Loomis (John Karlen) foolishly frees him from his coffin where he has been sleeping for almost 200 years, Barnabas heads for the Collins family mansion and introduces himself as a cousin from England. Both the matriarch of the family, Elizabeth Stoddard (Joan Bennett) and her brother Roger Collins (Louis Edmonds) welcome him and immediately install him in the "old house" which, in fact, is Barnabas' original home. Though the plot has a few twists not seen in the series, the story is still pretty familiar.Sure enough, Barnabas soon has his way with Elizabeth's daughter Carolyn (Nancy Barrett)and she becomes one of his first victims. Although such familiar characters as Professor Stokes (Thayer David) Jeff Clark (Roger Davis) young David Collins (David Henesy) and Todd Jennings (Donald Briscoe) appear, their functions are relatively brief. The two chief supporting females upon whom the plot really turns are Maggie Evans (Kathryn Leigh Scott) the beautiful governess who bears a striking resemblance to Josette Du Pres, Barnabas' first love, and Dr. Julia Hoffman (Grayson Hall) an old family friend writing a history of the Collins family. For seemingly different reasons, both are attracted to Barnabas, and both get more than they bargained for when they become involved with him. The film is fast-paced, predictably gory, and occasionally unintentionally humorous, with loopholes big enough to drive a hearse through. Fans of the show will have a definite edge over new viewers because little is done to introduce the uninitiated to the characters (most of whom quickly go under the tooth anyway) and background of the story.It's also a shame that the still-beautiful Bennett has little to do. Still, it's sincerely acted by all, boasts a superior score by Robert Cobert (much of it recycled from the series),and some beautiful photography. "House of Dark Shadows" is one place you'll want to explore.

The Big Cube (1968)

Fading 40's Favorite Clobbers Counter-Culture Creeps!

[7/10 · 2 July 2007]

"The Big Cube" marked Lana Turner's swift descent from movie stardom. A very cheap Mexican potboiler supposedly co-produced by her husband at the time, Robert Eaton, it improbably cast her in the role of a great stage actress, giving up her fame to marry a wealthy tycoon who comes complete with a grown daughter. Soon Dad (Dan O'Herlihy) is drowned in a yachting accident, leaving Lana as the executrix of his estate. By now, her stepdaughter (Karin Mossberg) is involved with a slimy drug dealer (George Chakiris of "West Side Story"). Because Stepmom won't give her consent to their wedding, these two plan to drive her into the nuthouse by spiking her drink with LSD. That they do, and it's up to a playwright (Richard Egan) who has loved her from afar, to set things straight. So much for the "plot". Turner, taut-faced and victimized by grotesque wigs and costumes, seems unsure of how to play her part, so she plays for sympathy and merely whispers her lines - no doubt hoping the audience won't hear them.At least until the story reaches it's preposterous climax, and she starts shrieking like she's still on the witness stand back in ''Peyton Place''. Chakiris is properly scummy, but Mossberg, sporting a Swedish accent (unconvicingly explained away by her character supposedly attending a Swiss boarding school) is as wooden as a cigar store Indian-and not much better looking,either. (At one point, Turner gushes about her Stepdaughter ''She even LOOKS like me!''. She's wrong-even though she's at least twenty years older, Turner still looks much more attractive than Mossberg). As for the rest of the cast, O'herlihy and Egan are merely there to support Turner, which they do well enough. Then, there are the ''Teenyboppers'' all of whom are well past 21 especially Mossberg's friend Bibi, (Pamela Rodgers)who spouts lines like ''It's a pop art world, baby-get with it!''. She also does a striptease at a very unconvincing ''Freakout Party''. Then, there's the teen's hangout,''Le Trip'' which has got to be the ugliest ''nightclub'' ever depicted on film. On the positive side, the movie (filmed on location in Mexico)is well photographed,and does move fairly fast-more than likely due to the editing rather than the inept direction. The musical score is pretty trippy also-but in a good way. The title song ''Lean On Me'' was co-written by Valjean Johns, who also co-wrote (with Guy Hemric) the title tune from that Psychedelic Schlockfest ''Maryjane''. This is yet another case of a once-great star slumming, and probably wondering ''WHAT was I thinking?'' ever since. Nevertheless, faded one-time names like Turner ended up in stuff like this, because it afforded them top billing they could no longer get elsewhere.(THAT'S probably what she was thinking) Well, Lana, I hope it was worth it.Still, for those audiences with a sense of humor, this is a classic. And Tuner gets to do her familiar ''Imitation Of Life''/''Portrait In Black'' routine.''The Big Cube'' is finally available on DVD (complete with Groovy trailer) in a stunning transfer-which really brings Lana's bargain-basement freakouts to life. I watched this movie two years ago, and hated it-then, I watched it again. Now, I think it's great! So, for those with the right sense of humor, ''Get With It!''

Terror on the Beach (1973 TV Movie)

Titters on the television

[7/10 · 8 June 2007]

I remember watching this when it first aired - even then, I thought it was lame. That doesn't mean it's not fun, however. Poor Dennis Weaver, cast as a milquetoast yet again, plays the middle-class head of a rather dull family who take a little vacation on the beach (hence the title). No sooner are they settled than the trouble begins, with Pa, Ma (Estelle Parsons) and the kids (Susan Dey and Kristofer Tabori) victimized by a group of would-be Hippies who make the kids in "Hot Rods To Hell" and "Outrage" seem like Hell's Angels. They spend too much time playing idiotic "mind games" with the family, who are apparently too terrified (or too stupid) to simply pack up, jump in the car and head home. Oh yes, Papa is a pacifist unlike the son, who thinks he's a coward, but events will bring Dad around. There are no characterizations beyond this. Parsons, who looks frumpy and tired, just whines throughout. Dey looks fetching, but adds little (dramatic) substance and Tabori is simply there to egg Dad on. As for the hippies, they have no motivation at all, let alone credibility. This is very rarely seen these days, but, as bad movies go, it's well worth looking out for, even though it may not sound like it here.And You really haven't lived until you hear Dad Weaver lead his family in a mind-bending rendition of ''I went to the animal fair''(?). Remember,however, a picture is worth a thousand words and "Terror on the Beach" is quite a picture.