Change Your Image
blaforet
Reviews
Stan Helsing (2009)
wow.
First off, I want to thank the writers and directors of this movie. Because of you, I want to become a screenwriter, because I know that no matter how terrible an idea I have for a movie, some idiot will fund it.
I went into this movie knowing next to nothing about it. My secret vise is awesomely bad movies, and I didn't want bad reviews to dissuade me from watching it, because I know awesomely bad movies are not for everyone. My God, if only I had read the reviews.
This movie was terrible. There was no plot, horrible acting, and the jokes were groan-worthy. Stan is a video clerk in the first 10 minutes of the movie, but that plot line drops as dead as the actors' careers, and turns into random wth moments. The other hour and twenty minutes are spent running away from a host of horror ripoffs and a franken puppy. Yeah, that's about it.
Thank God I didn't spend any money on it, it was on Encore. Don't watch this garbage. You'll regret it.
Kids (1995)
...
This movie should come in its little DVD shrink wrap with a pistol so you can shoot yourself after you finish it. Most. Depressing. Movie. Ever.
The movie starts with a more-than-probable contraction of HIV between (surprisingly enough) a couple of kids. It ends with the "carrier's" best friend contracting it from one of his buddy's former conquests. Sparing you the gory details, it's just a big ol' ball of HIV, wrapped up together.
Does the movie show a very likely scenario? Sure, and even does a good job at it. But an after school special this is not. Certainly not for young audiences, and don't expect any glimmer of hope in the entire film. Just imagine a drama where EVERY character dies.
Look, this movie does a very realistic job of showing the dangers of unprotected sex with many partners. Perhaps if you can find inspiration from the "scare 'em straight" style, this movie is watchable. Personally, it's far too depressing to bear.