jeeper_white Reviews

Being John Malkovich (1999)

Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich - Two thumbs up!

[21 March 2004]

John Cusack, John Malkovich, Catherine Keener

(Maybe some spoilers)

I don't think I've ever seen a movie quite like 'Being John Malkovich'. The story is creative and unusual with a lot of unexpected twists. It deals with a many number of things. Some are too unbelievable, especially near the end, when all is revealed about this secret door, and Maxine and Lotte's trip into Malkovich's sub-conscious. At first John Cusack is in the spot-light, then half-way through he becomes a secondary, unpredictable character and the attention goes to Malkovich and Maxine.

Craig (Cusack) is a deprived worn out puppeteer who gets a job in an office building with a particularly low ceiling where he discovers a small door that lets him see through the eyes of John Malkovich. Which he uses to his own advantage. Elsewhere, Instead of trying to deal with the unrequited love for his work-mate, Maxine, he becomes 'slightly' obsessive and keeps pursuing her. He even locks up his wife in a cage (thats right, a cage).

John Malkovich (who knew). Most of the time Malkovich is 'possessed' by other people, and completely clueless to what is going on, until he discovers what is happening and goes into his own mind. I never knew much of him until I saw this film and he was amazing. I kept thinking, is that his real voice. He has quite a challenge, not only does he have to play himself he has to take on other personalities, such as Craig and Lotte's (when they're him). He does superb acting.

Maxine (Catherine Keener) is the money hungry work-mate of Craig. Craig becomes obsessed with her and turns his discovery into a small business. Lotte and Malkovich himself also fall for her charms, but Maxine has another agenda. By the end you see a different side of her, you can see that she really cares for Lotte, and she changes for the better.

Cameron Diaz plays in one of her early roles as Lotte, the self-conscious and timid wife of Cusack. She keeps pets in her house, including a monkey. To look at her, you wouldn't think it was the same Cameron in Charlie's Angel's, but she is. A less attractive, hippy version. She is another character (like Cusack) who becomes unbalanced and bewildered by Maxine

'Being John Malkovich' is a breathtaking achievement and beautifully acted by all the cast, some who went on to do much bigger things. It leaves you with mixed thoughts and emotions, and for some people, confused. If they'd have left out the immortality part with the old people it would have been better, in my opinion. But I love it; It's definitely worth a watch.

Takeshi's Castle (2002–2004)

Happy Clappy Jappy Chappies

[18 March 2004]

The contestants on this show are mad.

Thanks to Challange TV I'm able to watch this tormenting game-show where the contestants leave with bruises and headaches rather than prizes. How many people have actually won? Around 2 i'd say. You can feel the pain that they receive as Craig Charles would inform you 'He plowed the bank with his face'.

It's hilariously cruel, an idea that only the Japenese could come up with. If only we could view more Japanese game-shows here in Britain.

Brilliant.

My Horrible Year! (2001 TV Movie)

I liked it.. actually

[17 March 2004]

Allison Mack, Karen Allen, Caterina Scorsone

I just wanna say that films like this (films that revolve around younger teens talking about boys and realizing how much life can suck) don't appeal to me. But this one was.. different, somehow. First of all, it's NOT about a loser girl with no friends and is always miserable, and by the end of the film, turns into the prettiest most popular girl who everybody loves; like 'She's all that' sort of. Nik Faulkner (Allison Mack) is a chirpy 15 year old, going on 16. She has to take care of her twin brothers and likes a boy at school but discouraged about having to wear braces.

The characters wasn't all annoying and like alot of teen movies, there wasn't someone that always had to stir things up. Even the boy that Nik liked at school wasn't that bad, he wasn't a booster of his own ego, like they usually are in movies like this. I liked Nik's friends Mouse and Babyface, they were charming and comical. The one thing that would have been better is if they'd have just stayed friends at the end, instead of dating each other. but ah well. And of course it had to have Karen Allen in it, who played Nik's mum, or mom. It's a TV movie. All thats missing is Jane Seymour and a cheesy soundtrack and you've got yourself a pretty half-decent made-for-TV-movie.

Ghosts of Mars (2001)

How did he go from 'The Fog'.. to this.

[17 March 2004]

Five officers (Pam Grier, Natasha Henstridge, Jason Statham, Clea DuVall and some nameless guy) are sent to a mining town on Mars to transport a dangerous criminal (Ice Cube). When they arrive at the mining town it's desolate. Some of the miners have been hung and decapitated and the others have been possessed by the former inhabitants of Mars. Which travels in a red smoke-like form through the air.

I must've seen this movie around 3 times, and I can never pin point the main reason I find it boring and wish I hadn't wasted over an hour an' half watching it.

The mutated Rock 'n' roll fanatic zombies were rubbish. You ever see the remake of 'Night of the living dead'? Well, even they looked more like zombies. Some were freaky but in an Alice Cooper kind of way.

Whats with everyone being decapitated, In a poor b-grade made-for-TV-1980's-style-horror-movie way, mind you.

Get rid of Ice Cube. He was terrible. One thing I can't stand is someone whos given a gun and some dumb 'macho-man' dialogue (HA!) and they think they're Rambo. Another thing I can't stand, is Rappers or singers acting in general, especially if they can't. He was given a bad role that didn't suit him at all. I couldn't take him seriously. Stick to what you're good at.

The beginning ruined the whole ending, in a way. Because you already know that Natasha Henstridge is going to be the only one who survives. Except for when Ice Cube comes back, but who cares about him. Not I.

I was hoping that when Tasha got possessed by the flouting jelly thing (yeah whatever it was) she would turn evil and start killing people. THAT would have been interesting, but noooo.

Everyone seemed loud and pig-headed, they said stupid things, and generally had their head up their own arse. The quieter, more tolerable characters were the ones I started warming to:

Pam Grier - She was the commander.. apparently, and she hadn't a clue. They got rid of her too early, I thought she would have been in it longer than she was, They could have given her a better send off but it didn't even show her get killed.

Clea DuVall - Despite her inability to smile, and look cool while handling a firearm, she.. well actually she didn't seem like a cop at all, more like a civilian. I'm surprised she survived that long.

Joanna Cassidy - The character added so she could inform the others of what had happened, after that she wasn't needed anymore. She could fly because she was a Witch. Honest.

The nameless, line-less cop - aww.. Maybe next time

Bad plot, bad characters, bad dialogue, bad costumes, Bad bad John Carpenter, hang your head in shame. On a side-note Jason Statham's accent was adorable. But that doesn't make it right.

O (2001)

I never read Othello. So this' based on just the movie.

[11 March 2004]

O Mekhi Phifer, Josh Hartnett, Julia Stiles

(maybe some spoilers)

Odin(O), Hugo and Michael are all friends on a high school basketball team. Hugo's dad is the coach and becomes extremely jealous of O being the star player who everyone loves (I didn't, but thats not the point). He comes up with a first class idea to rid of his rival by using everyone around him, which have drastic consequences. First he uses Roger, A rich loser kid who has a crush on Desi, O's girlfriend. He uses him to wind up Michael, he gets into a fight, which result in Roger getting hurt and Michael not being allowed to play basketball. Then he uses Michael, desperate to play basketball again, he tells him Desi could put in a good word for him and maybe get back on the team, He and Desi become friendly, making O jealous. The plot unfolds. Hugo then stirs things up by telling O false rumors about Michael and Desi. He also uses Emily later on.

Characters: The whole movie just revolved around Odin (Phifer - the ONLY black guy in an entire school, yeah right). I didn't like him at all. I just kept hoping and wishing he would go away. But seem as the movie was named after him my hope was running low. I was so happy at the end though.

Hugo (Hartnett) and Emily (Phoenix) didn't seem to say much through the movie, the longest convo's Hugo had was when he was trying to fill Odin's head with rage, which he did wonderfully. He used the same facial expressions and I couldn't really figure out what his problem was. I felt sorry for Emily through the whole film because she was such a mug and couldn't see she was being used by Hugo, who was, believe it or not, her boyfriend.

It was a pity Julia Stiles (Desi) was in this movie, I dislike her the best of times when shes not trying to be this dazzling outstanding floozy.. My mistake, she always tries to do that, because she plays the SAME role in practically every film shes in, and O is no exception. She was great in 10 things I hate about you, I even like her in Wicked, but I hate watching movies where actors play roles that are so similar to those they've done before.

Andrew Keegan (Michael) I'd hate to coin a phase but he seemed really.. gay. Not much to really say about him, he was boring and unappealing. At least in 10 things about you he was a character worth hating.

There were some great scenes in the movie and some where you couldn't help but have sympathy for the characters. Like at the basketball game where Roger (Henson) was being tormented by 2 other guys. And that O wouldn't believe Desi (yes even her) when she was telling the truth.

The movie doesn't flow, I kept thinking, does this movie have a point? Then when something interesting did finally happen, it was taking forever to go anywhere. As I said, some scenes were good (if alittle overdone) but that doesn't make up for the bad acting, and even worse screenplay.

Losing Chase (1996 TV Movie)

what to say

[11 March 2004]

Losing Chase Helen Mirren, Kyra Sedgwick, Beau Bridges

(maybe some spoilers)

Chase is a wife and mother of two who is recovering from a nervous breakdown. To help her round the house, her husband Richard, hires Elizabeth, a 'mother's helper'. Or 'slave' as Chase liked to call her.

At first Chase isn't at all happy about Elizabeth staying with them and tries to discourage her by giving her the cold shoulder. But Elizabeth also has her fair share of family problems, and eventually Chase warms to Liz and they become friends, typical. They couldn't be enemies the whole time could they. Anyway, a whole lot of nothing important happens and Chase and Liz exchange alot of shifty looks which at first are deceiving and eventually becomes a budding liaison. Or probably would have if the husband hadn't have come back when he did.

Helen Mirren and Kyra Sedgwick both do a great acting job. As did Michael Yarmush, who played the older son. His character was annoying at times but it was distinct. And Yarmush did a good job with it. The ending was poor if you ask me, but to say it was made 8 years ago it was understandable.

The Sweetest Thing (2002)

Oh Christina.. I should've known

[26 February 2004]

I'll watch anything, I don't usually care about an in-depth plot or an outstanding finale, if it's entertaining i'm happy. Unfortunately, The Sweetest Thing, was not ENTERTAINING it was just pointless drivel that went on-and-on trying to make sense of just WHY exactly Diaz would go to the extremes she did to get her man. So what was the bottom-line: 'Never stop looking for Mr. Right'? 'It's better to have loved and lost'? Surely not, she meet her Mr. Right in a club, she didn't love him and he was never hers to loose in the first place. She was 'hurt' because he never told her he was getting married. No because he only meet her the day before, did she want his life story? Perhaps he thought he'd never see her again. You meet alot of people in clubs that you never see again, right.

Humor. Humor? Oh the sex jokes? That's right, sex jokes and it's the girls having a go at them. It's ok for a girl to make sex jokes, same for boys, but these sex jokes were the bad the worse and the ugly. They weren't funny, just childish and degrading to females. Don't get me wrong, I did get some laughs out of it, but it wasn't clever humor, it was more like pity humor. But hey, I'm not saying everything considered comedy has to have you in stitches, it's just not the kind of thing I laugh at.

The characters. Apart from Jason Bateman, I didn't like any of the characters. Diaz and Applegate try to be funny and outrageous but they just come off as being irritating. Selma Blair's character is the one I disliked the most, even though she wasn't in it as much as some of the others. She seemed very fickle about what she wanted her character to be like. And I found it amazing how quickly she got over her boyfriend of a year. In the last 10 minutes of the film Diaz and Blair had a quick personality change. What's that about? Suddenly they're best friends. Where's Diaz? Out getting the man of her dreams so she can join their little entourage. Like the beginning when Diaz and Applegate were both single party girls, and Blair was the outcast with a (now ex) boyfriend who had to sleep with a complete stranger to fit in. But that was about a month before, people change. I'm sick of movies that make men out to be cheating liars and women out to be desperate tarts.

Now, Bateman and Thomas, I really liked the chemistry they had together. They made believable brothers. Bateman wasn't always in your face with his preaching and philosophies. He seemed like the only 'real' person there, whereas the others were all Hollywood-ish.

It's more for gullible teenagers or the closure of a drinking-binge. If you like cheesy films filled with cheap laughs or watch them because they're so idiotic then it's worth a watch. Think 'Dude, Where's my car?' with Female-leads. Or 'Dumb and Dumber' with annoying actors.

Donnie Darko (2001)

Awful

[25 February 2004]

I'll admit, the main reason I did not like this movie is because I didn't understand it, it just confused the hell outta me. And I probably never will understand it cause I turned it off half way through. do I care? nah. The storyline wasn't even that gripping or give you that 'I wanna keep watching' feeling, cause it's kinda boring if you're not into those science-fiction films. And the 'rabbit' was freaky. Although it did make me wonder. WHAT the hell it that? The thing I did like though was to see Patrick Swayze, although he didn't have much of a role it was nice to see him doing something again.

3/10 for been soooo confusing

High Heels and Low Lifes (2001)

The British are coming

[21 February 2004]

I don't know what it is about this movie that I like so much, but everytime its on I always watch it. It is a comedy, despite what some people have said. Mary McCormack and Minnie Driver do a great job with their roles. I particularly liked Mary McCormack's character, the ditzy American actress.

Sorority Boys (2002)

Not the best movie, but decent

[24 January 2004]

Barry Watson, Michael Rosenbaum, Harland Williams

I liked the set-up of the movie, Three disorderly college guys are banished from there frat house for theft, (Which they didn't do, of course). And so they stay at a locol Sorority house, The DOG house, which is full of 'ugly' girls. (Which some of them are actually quite beautiful) but for the purpose of the movie, have to wear glasses or go a few days without brushing there hair.. in order to prove that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Anyway, they dress up as girls, not only do they have the five o'clock shadow, they have an adam's apple. When I watched this movie, my 4 year niece came in and said 'They're boys' but still, no-one is any wiser. Although Daisy(Watson) was passable and made a decent looking female if you ask me, Adina(Rosenbaum) was on the borderline. Roberta(Williams) could in no way have seriously passed off as a girl. Despite that, She was probably the funniest up front person in the whole movie. The things she said were much funnier than the 'falling over in high heel shoes' tricks. Some of the 'real' DOG's had there funny moments. Like the giant and the girl with the high-pitched voice. But in all the movie was full of cheap gags and bamboozled mombo jombo. And the over-used Shallow frat boy turns into a decent caring guy, it gets boring. Nothing in the movie is to be taken seriously, Watson falls down a flight of stairs without a scratch on him/her. And when the DOG's are playing football against the Trypi's, (which does get alittle nasty). They come out of it with nothing but dirty clothes. But it's an enjoyable college caper, with some serious sub-text, which is laughed off by the shady characters.

Leaving Normal (1992)

Surprising

[8/10 · 24 January 2004]

I only saw 'Leaving Normal' because it was on Sky TV one night and there was nothing else on, so, I decided to watch it. I wasn't expecting much of it, as most things on that last at night are usually things that are too boring to be on earlier. However, I was very surprised by it, I actually enjoyed it. It's a story about the friendship between Darly and Marianne, who met at a bus-stop after Marianne ran away from her abusive husband. Darly is going to Alaska and decided to take Marianne along with her, sort of like a daughter figure. Marianne always likes to look on the bright side of things which leads her into bad situations. Darly is assertive but good-natured, she means well. And because she was so witty it made the film much more enjoyable. The first half of the movie is a road-movie, Which consist of the troubles they face of trying to get to their destination, and when they get there, they want to leave, at least Darly does. It's a light-hearted drama and all ends well. Worth a watch.