laymonite-2 Reviews

X (II) (2022)

Entertaining but more derivative than homage.

[4/10 · 25 April 2022]

Me and other half quite enjoyed this but more due to a few good jump scares and a good solid but sooo derivative - we literally said exactly what would happen next for almost every scene.

Watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre for it's biggest influence. Watch House of the Devil by the same director for a much better 70's style nostalgia horror flick. Watch Devil's Rejects for a good attempt to combine 70's sleaze with modern shock. Watch this for a bit of fun trying to capture all of the above, but don't expect anything exceeding those. .

The Mauritanian (2021)

Disturbing in many ways

[7/10 · 31 August 2021]

While I applaud the main theme and purpose of this film, the rejection of torture (by the USA) as a disgusting and inexcusable practice , this film glosses over fundamentalist terrorism and I feel we got an agenda with half the story.

It doesn't seem disputed that the 'Mauritanian' was receiving calls from OBL's satellite phone and was fundamentally radicalised - that he had military training with AQ in Afghanistan over several years while based securely in Germany and studying... In fact, despite the reprehensible knee jerk use of torture by the USA that equally spread presidents from Bush to Obama, it's a message of hope that we even see films like this from the USA. That the US has a free populace that challenges these issues, a legal system that challenges the government and populist press and industry that even makes popular but flawed and partisan movies like this challenging the obvious but conveniently glossing over the glaringly obvious.

World Trade Center (2006)

Frankly, awful

[2/10 · 9 August 2021]

I am amazed this was an Oliver Stone film!

Frankly it was awful.

It's the dreadful portrayal of 2 police officers trapped in the wreckage in the towers. The drama is sickeningly saccharine TV drama at every turn, effectively the story of 2 police officers trapped in the wreckage and rescued by a bizarre marine who seemingly wandered into the area randomly with a flash light, along with an ex drug addict/ex paramedic. (Honestly).

Films like 'United 93' genuinely reduce me to shocked tears. This film though reduced us to joking about the film while watching it, not something I would have thought possible with this emotive subject ...

Lake Eerie (2016)

Absolutely awful - in a funny way - SPOILER!

[2/10 · 28 December 2016]

You know you're in trouble when it looks like the camera is a badly hand held HD cam, then you see the acting.. This was an absolutely terrible TV movie (I assume, maybe home produced). It was soo long too!

I'm not sure why there are so many of these awful films about now, or why they're so highly rated on IMDb. 5.3??? Really?

A quite bizarre home camera filmed 'Scooby Doo' style story about an archaeologist who died and his soul is trapped in a cut-price 'Hellraiser' dimension due to an ancient Egyptian 'locket' (not amulet - and it looks ridiculous) and title girl has to save him.

What were the neighbour and niece for? Why was it called Lake Eerie? How did the archaeologist's mind survive apparent years of being caught and killed for years on a daily basis with no apparent ill effect? Why was the main character so stupid? Ultimately, what was the point of it all?

The Siege of Jadotville (2016)

Good war/action film, NOT a documentary

[8/10 · 21 October 2016]

I really enjoyed this film as a piece of entertainment, which is how it was intended. It's simply a great, well made, thoughtful war film that could stand well on the action scenes alone.

As a SIDE line, it highlighted a very ignored historical event and made it the subject of a great war/action film. This will likely encourage more interest in what actually happened, which clearly is not EXACTLY as portrayed in the film in any way.

The only thing I'd say negatively is that it wasn't really clear on the politics it was trying to portray, which seemed to be intended as a major part of the film.

ISRA 88 (2016)

Dull

[2/10 · 9 September 2016]

I thought the plot of this film sounded intriguing and was looking forward to a cerebral sci-fi. Unfortunately, it was incredibly dull and slow.

2 men are tasked with flying a spaceship to the 'edge of the universe'. There is no explanation of how this is possible, and forget explaining the trivialities like how they have gravity on the small rather dated looking vehicle with 'egg-box' walls, levers, green screen text terminals and flashing light boxes...

The film left me feeling like I missed the point, if there was one.

Watch the TV series Red Dwarf for a pair of similar characters in space as you'll get a lot of humour and actually far more interesting sci-fi.

The Perfect House (2013)

Pretty bad but entertaining and not a lost cause.

[3/10 · 7 August 2016]

OK, my GF chose this one based on the title as she's looking to move house(!).

Immediately, the on-screen title was something completely different (something about the Devil). Within 2 minutes we were laughing out loud, from the acting and camera work, we knew we were more in for a laugh rather than a real horror film.

AWFUL acting - I have never seen such pantomime facial expressions since the Evil Dead musical! It's not all bad though, as it's obviously made by some gory horror enthusiast (there were some quite sick ideas) and it was REALLY quite entertaining if you want a really cheesy low budget horror film you can laugh about.

Cure: The Life of Another (2014)

So bad it was almost entertaining

[2/10 · 15 April 2016]

OK, to start with, we watched this film by accident. The description of the film on the medium we were watching on was of a completely different film -we were waiting for "2 teenage girls to have a falling out with shocking consequences"...I selected about 6 great films to watch and my gf chose this instead! What we got was what looks like a pretty awful TV 'Lifetime' style film. The acting and plotting were so hilariously bad it was quite enjoyable poking fun at it while we were watching it. I did literally fall asleep about halfway through but somehow managed to catch up with the plot!. The plot was like reading one of those lurid and ridiculous 'photo story' agony stories in the tabloid newspapers. I still don't quite understand the link between the 'cure for cancer' and the 'virus' in the film. Very bad!

Hellstorm (2015)

Utterly pointless propaganda film insults the German victims

[1/10 · 11 December 2015]

What a disappointment. I was hoping to see a documentary about 'the other side' as there are subjects covered in this film that are hazily documented and not common knowledge - the horrific firebombing of Dresden, the mass rapes when the Soviets pushed into Germany.

Immediately, the titles and graphics were odd - slightly above a home movie and a weirdly droning American woman narrates everything. Then it just got worse. There is absolutely nothing impartial - the film states that the 'victors' side will not be stated as that has already been done. You can't explain one side of a story like this without some balance of detail about the other side - it's impossible.

Unfortunately, facts are in short supply. No sources or evidence are ever quoted, everything is stated as 'fact'. This includes the ludicrous and tiresome constant blaming of *everything* on Jews and communists (can't mention the 'claimed' holocaust, remember) and such oddities as 'RAF fighters targeted opportunistic targets, such as children in playgrounds and women shopping on their bicycles'!!!! This is an indication of the level of reliability of facts and the nature of this 'documentary'... Documentary footage (with unreliable commentary)mixes with weird fake staged footage. Neither are indicated as real or staged - just the constant drone of the narrator.

Not only a huge disappointment, as I was hoping to see some impartial honest reporting of part of WW2 that is often not mentioned, but this pantomime of a documentary is an absolute insult to every German civilian victim that it claims to represent.

Anarchy Parlor (I) (2015)

Very poor

[2/10 · 6 November 2015]

This is no Hostel for a start! If you are after gore, you really won't get any and you REALLY won't care about the characters.

There isn't really a plot, other than a pale attempt at making a copy of Hostel without the extremism.

We have an odd mix of American and British 'no-ones' visiting Lithuania -we know *nothing* about these people throughout the film. People just constantly shout, become violent and have sex for no reason - there is no reason or realism and the plot is no clearer.

This reminded me of a HG Lewis film - with a couple of unemotional gore effects that look like they are from Blood Feast/The 60's.

The only good thing I can say is the main tattoo bloke with the beard had some presence.

Chariot (2013)

Disappointing.

[2/10 · 6 November 2015]

I love these kind of films, these are my thing. I love them. Low budget, enclosed location, interesting premise, mysterious plot with twists, a chance for a low budget script with good writers to show you don't need a huge budget for a great film if it's well written and acted - there are plenty of these out there. This is not one.

This was awful. Atrocious acting - like something out of a bad TV show. Ridiculous characters - not even really stereotypes, as they are so unbelievable you couldn't identify them with any realistic person. An utterly absurd premise that made no sense whatsoever. Oh and a cop out ending on top of that.

I won't go into detail as some people evidently enjoyed it and may want to see it, but this was one of the dumbest films I've seen recently and a wasted opportunity. That it gets >5 on IMDb is quite odd and I read a lot about fake voting from film makers....

The Canal (2014)

Technically good, but missing something.

[5/10 · 11 October 2015]

Firstly, this is well worth a watch, purely for some of the quite creepy imagery it portrays very well. Most of which seems to be borrowed from Japanese flicks like The Ring, Dark Water and Pulse - most of which have already been remade..

Unfortunately it's quite unoriginal and predictable. The plot is pretty much laid out on the back of the DVD and there are no real surprises.

What I liked was the imagery - from the very start there was a great rapid cut of disturbing imagery, including the what looked like Un Chien Andalou. There was also some great creepy imagery of dead people that would give Insidious a run for it's money.

The budget also limits the films somewhat. The location is never explained. We never really get a feeling of any of the character's personality in order to identify with them. The wife sounds European (Dutch?). It's never clear what the husband's job actually is - archivist?? at the start he displays the original film of Bunuel etc. to what look like high school kids? he seems to then take orders from the daughter in that Jack Dee sitcom Lead Balloon?. Oh and the police investigation is ridiculous to the point you wonder if it's supposed to be surreal.

Worth a look for the cinematography and some effective jump scares.

Kilo Two Bravo (2014)

Well, I have to say one of the best films I've seen in ages.

[9/10 · 2 October 2015]

Don't expect some action epic or heroic battles. Expect an extremely tense and emotional portrayal of an actual event. Complete with mistakes.

A bunch of British soldiers wander into an old Soviet minefield in Afghanistan. What follows is one the most harrowing and tense films I've ever seen. Forget American Sniper, The Hurt Locker etc. (Good films as they are). These men (that survived) will always be in the personal hell they encountered.

Not perfect, but one of the best war films I've ever seen.

The level of detail of actual modern warfare is exceptional.

55 and Older (2013)

Enthusiastic, but disappointing

[2/10 · 17 October 2014]

I liked the premise of this, sounding a little like Old School and expecting a recent Hollywood mindless comedy decided to watch it one afternoon...

After some decent credits set to an old style cine film, we're plunged into the actual film - wow, what a strange film!

Firstly, it's immediately noticeable that the production is VERY amateurish:

Sound - weird protracted scenes in near silence to completely inappropriate background 'music'

Camera work - literally looks like it's been shot with a $100 camcorder and occasionally a mobile phone. The focus zooms in and out randomly, whole scenes are blurred etc.

Acting - utterly awful and obviously full of non-actors. The main actor talks like Kermit the frog and I assume the character of his father is his real father, as he sounds the same and can't act at all. Why do all the old people randomly walk around holding out their hands palm upwards like weird zombies?

Plot - absurd, and not in a good way. The main couple look like exactly what they are - 20 somethings with absurd wigs and talcum powder on their face. What is with the weird geeky friend and older boss and their pointless and boring 'dating' lessons and gay jokes - the film just randomly flips to this and back again. At times it moves so slow it's difficult to remember what the film's supposed to be about.

Overall, this reminds me very much of one of those obscure and cheesily retitled ultra low budget 'Troma' releases from the mid eighties, like Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid.

I liked a few things, like the opening 'wake up scene'...OK actually that's all I liked.

Butcher Boys (2012)

The only film I've switched off near the start.... ever

[2/10 · 12 October 2013]

I watched (all through to the end) several bad horror films before this dross. I didn't enjoy them, but they at least attempted to make an entertaining film. I turned this film off after about 15 minutes.

This film reminded me of Troma films from the 80's (except they were much better) . Was it supposed to be deliberately/humerously bad? Maybe I missed the joke? I liked the pre-credits scene...

Isn't anyone else appalled at this dross?

Cigar chomping leather clad 20 something white 'gang' members in the run down areas of the city? I'm sure that's utmost in our fears!

Pure crud.

Break (II) (2009)

Avoid.

[2/10 · 12 October 2013]

Why are there such good reviews for this film? It was dreadful.

As mentioned, all the characters speak English with a stilted German accent while the film tries to portray itself in ..Canada or USA? Why? They even make fun of a 'German' character. Just set it in Germany! We have our politically correct mixed race band of girls - they seem obnoxious but it may just be the weird Germans speaking English supposed to be in Canada...

There is no character development, every idiotic thing in the horror film book is done (the girls get the upper hand and drop all the weapons to struggle away while injured).

Poor.

Entity (2012)

A bit disappointing

[3/10 · 14 September 2013]

From the start, this films promises much. The initial sequence of 'found footage' is very creepy - unfortunately you will discover it's by far the creepiest thing in the film.

The initial post-credits opening is also promising - great camera work, well judged soundtrack and characters talking like real people.

Unfortunately nothing convincing develops from this and the whole documentary crew theme/psychic woman seems half hearted and a little forced.

There ARE some potentially creepy locations used, but despite this, this film commits the cardinal sin - it's just not at all scary.

A far superior treatment of a similar theme is Grave Encounters.

It's not a bad film at all, it just seemed so close to having much greater potential, based on the great start and good ending twist. Just the middle 70 minutes, the bulk of the film were missing something...

Scenic Route (2013)

Spoiler - what a great surprise!

[9/10 · 10 September 2013]

From descriptions what I expected was a comedy, something like 'The Hangover'.

In fact although this film is NOT a comedy I laughed out loud so many times, due to the brilliant black comedy of the situation - far more than any 'Hangover' style film.

What we have here is an actual plot/character driven film, brilliantly written, scripted and acted. It's gripping from the first to the last minute, when you'll be thinking 'what actually happened?'.

I'm so glad I chose to watch this outsider film from my list to watch.

DON'T read spoilers, just see it!

Frankenstein's Army (2013)

Great 'B-movie' horror -very imaginative!

[7/10 · 1 September 2013]

Wow, forget all the whining, this is a very decent B movie horror film, though not without it's problems.

A Soviet infantry recon team advancing into enemy lines ahead of their main force find something horrible...

Firstly, the good, the 'monsters' are INCREDIBLY imaginative and damned creepy and the premise lends itself well to this plot and makes it even more horrible! You could almost take it as an allegory of the inhuman experiments conducted by nazi doctors in death camps. The SFX are SUPERB, with each abomination being very well realised! The props, scenery and locations were VERY well used - from the antiquated items lying around to the muddy East European countryside to the extraordinary labyrinthine industrial? buildings they found.

Secondly, the bad, mainly the use of hand held camera. It is historically ludicrous - a cine camera, with microphone and light, all of modern quality minus a few awkward fades that are supposed to make it look 'old'.

I can understand using the filming method to excuse low budget AND to make some scenes scarier (where it worked) but using it throughout the film was pointless and didn't make much sense in the overall thin plot -why not just use it to record their strange discovery (and include all the first person 'jump' moments)...

The plot of course, is ludicrous, which makes it even more enjoyable. To have the balls to ACTUALLY involve Frankenstein is genius.

I am picking hairs -I thought it was great and both blackly humorous AND surprisingly creepy.

The Guilt Trip (2012)

A gentle character comedy,

[7/10 · 10 August 2013]

I hadn't seen any trailers for this film and with Seth Rogen involved I suspected a low brow comedy.

In fact it's quite a touching 'feel good' character based comedy that's worth a watch.

The performances from Rogan and Streisand and how they play against each other are what make the film worth watching, the plot is shmaltzy, and utterly silly. It doesn't bear examining for realism as you won't find it! A few laugh out loud chuckles, some sentimental dross that seems to work, some good acting.

It was entertaining, but don't expect 'The Hangover'.

Maniac (2012)

Surprisingly okay!

[6/10 · 16 July 2013]

Firstly, I am sick to death of 'remakes/re-imaginings'. It's lazy use of real talent. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the films that 're-imagined' Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror - but being remakes with a copied plot cheapens them somewhat.

Then you have the pointless remakes that COMPLETELY miss the point of the original - Last House on the Left earned it's reputation as a sadistic wallow in sleaze which the remake didn't meet in the slightest.I expected the same of Maniac, as the original's appeal was purely in it's grimy sleaze.

What we have though is a very well made film. Beautifully photographed (with an emphasis on the POV which is bound to attract controversy), an attempt at griminess, no lacking in gore and a simple story in a film that doesn't over-run it's basic premise with a long running time.

The original film had it's problems (Caroline Munro interested in Joe Spinell). At one point Frank meets with an online date who exclaims he was not what she expected (and pretty much describes Joe Spinell).

I don't think this will gain many fans or critical praise (even hardcore horror fans I know were unware it had been made) , but fans of the original will have a chuckle and others will appreciate a well made, tight horror film.

I find it odd that the cast are listed alphabetically (so Elijah Wood is last on screen and not listed at all on the IMDb basic cast list). Then again most of his part was voice over!

The Snowtown Murders (2011)

Dull

[2/10 · 13 July 2013]

I got the name of this film from a list of 'extreme' horror films and was curious.

Dear god, it was slow and dull. The 'characters' were indistinguishable - right from the start I was often unsure who was who (something brought up by other viewers)-I actually thought they may be playing scenes 'out of sequence' and it would settle down to an actual narrative - no.

It's unclear who has any relation to who - almost like CCTV footage you are supposed to interpret. Was a boy in the original family being raped by his older brother? This comes up quite early in the film but I found it impossible to tell what was going on? There is originally a family with a trailer trash mother of many boys(no fathers around. Was that a point)?? All the people look similar, no-one appears long enough to establish a character (the mother of the boys??) She is in it throughout the film but her involvement is offscreen?.

This is one of the most needlessly unfathomable movies I've ever seen: 6+ on IMDb?! I know it's based on a real case, but really? OH, and there is nothing even faintly controversial for any gore hounds if that's what you are after.

Hannibal (2013–2015)

Surprised at how good this is

[7/10 · 14 April 2013]

The (British) actor who plays Will Graham actually has the speech mannerisms of William Peterson (Will Graham in Manhunter). I liked that a lot. I assume that is acting skill.

Yes the cast are all your normal US casting mistakes - everyone is beautiful especially female characters who seem very forced into the story for the point of having some female glamour - it doesn't fit in with the ambitions of the show..

I must say this show is grotesque and VERY graphically violent.

It's unclear what Graham's FBI role is - It is made clear he is an ex cop but not FBI, yet in the first episode he has an unconcealed gun in a hip holster AND approaches a suspect directly when he knows his guilt (inadvertently involving Hannibal Lecter) resulting in at least one death due to possible incompetence.

Yet in episode 2 he is both a fully fledged 'special investigator?', exonerated for shooting the previous perp 10 times and given free reign! Regardless of the silly US TV inconsistencies, the cinematography and sound are exceptional, the show is more grotesque and sadistic than Hostel and there is genuine promise and talent in this - I'll definitely be watching!

Troll Hunter (2010)

Over-rated?

[6/10 · 8 January 2012]

This wasn't a bad film but it was soooo over-rated I felt I had to write a review.

I don't know who this film is aimed at - it was advertised like a cross between Blair Witch and Cloverfield but is far less that either of them.

I assume this film is maybe some kind of joke about the aforesaid films? It's mediocre at best - it's well made for a low budget film and it is most interesting for it's Norwegian photography but as a story it's absurd and I don't believe the film makers ever thought otherwise.

Frankly nothing is even slightly believable in the entire film (especially including the main characters and the 'plot').

That said, it was a quite enjoyable piece of silliness.. and cleverly advertised.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007)

Very disturbing - sticks in your head.

[9/10 · 29 October 2011]

What's the scariest thing you can imagine? How about forcibly losing your own mind and becoming another person? How about that happening to someone you love, someone in your family? That to me is the realistic core of the horror of this film.

On the surface this is initially quite a normal low budget 'fake documentary' style film. You may even be a little bored for a while.

The genius stroke is how this film somehow drags you in and makes you care about the victims (especially one), even while the law enforcement officials drone on ineffectively and you scoff at the whole thing to start with. .

I won't spoil it, but this film is essentially a fake 'documentary' about a serial killer. What really makes it stand out is the attention paid to the victims. It has the horror of Henry:Portrait or Confessions of a Serial Killer but much more.

This really stuck in my head - in a bad way! I've rarely ever seen anything so cruel (and horribly believable) in a film.