gridsleep Reviews

Trump vs the Illuminati (2020)

Joke's on them

[1/10 · 10 October 2020]

It sounds as if Trump vs the Illuminati was created specifically to annoy actual Trumpezoids. Anyone else who watches this deserves the migraine. Also just crapitalizing on the moment.

The Emperor's New Clothes (2001)

Much, much more than one would expect

[10/10 · 10 December 2011]

Such a simple little story taken to extremes of intense gentleness, not seen very often in this age of cookie cutter histories and juke box melodrama. Ian Holm is never anything but splendid. It is not often one is given a chance to see history not as it was, but as it should have been.

I have wept at many a sad film, and a few novels, but this is the first time I have wept copious tears of joy. The ending is so happy, I cannot even now contain it as I enter these words. It is redemption, plain and simple. The reward most sought after in all providence, and the rarest to be attained. See this film and be changed.

Knowing (2009)

Smegma

[1/10 · 12 June 2011]

An extremely unintellectual plagiarism of Arthur C. Clarke's "Childhood's End", stripped of any depth to make room for three rather unspectacular special effects sequences that contributed nothing to the story. M. Night Shyamalan was able to depict the full weight and horror of a train wreck without showing one second of the train wreck. That is the difference between a writer/director and this train wreck of a film. The technological holes would put a sieve to shame. Why bother contacting children who would be old before the event? Was there eugenics going on or were they just watching if the sensitives would beget more sensitives who would be of the right age at the end? If the whispering was telepathic, why was the boy receiving it in his hearing aid? Were he sensitive, would he not hear it regardless? Why did the aliens work in secret when their aim to save the children would have been welcome to the public? Surely such beings who can leap between the stars would not end up racing around at the last minute as if they had no control over the situation. What were the stones for? Nothing, apparently, except as base material for a landing zone for ships that never actually set down. If the aliens cared about the children, and were so advanced, would they not be aware that they had driven at least one little girl into a psychotic episode, and still do nothing about it? And the picture of two white kids at the end with two white rabbits on a very beige planet with white trees, rescued by white guys with white hair who turned out to be glowing white featureless beings, bore some undertones that left me uncomfortable. The planet at the end was pretty, though, like one of those 1960s apocryphal posters. That's about the only redeeming factor. It would make a nice background image on one's computer. I include all these spoilers in order to relieve you of any curiosity about this abysmal film. Go read "Childhood's End" for yourself. I think you'll find the pictures are better (in your head--reading puts pictures in your head, if you haven't tried it yet--I know, it's going out of style) and it actually means something.

Einstein and Eddington (2008 TV Movie)

Science Rules

[10/10 · 17 April 2010]

The best historical drama since Longitude, Einstein and Eddington not only reveals the extraordinary political and emotional drama of a break through moment in history, but shows that scientists are uniquely human. It is science and art that elevate us above the banal and the animal, and unites us in the common cause of the future. War is an aberration, like cancer. Truth is the only goal that is worth achieving. This film is a great and happy display of the supremacy of truth and the real conquest of reality, not by force of arms but by force of brains. As John Brunner wrote in his apocalyptic novel The Shockwave Rider, (according to Angus Porter) "This is the third stage of human social evolution. First we had the legs race. Then we had the arms race. Now we're going to have the brain race. ... And, if we're lucky, the final stage will be the human race." As long as there are men like Eddington and Einstein, I do not have the slightest doubt that there will be a human race, and we can all be proud to be part of it.

Best Seller (1987)

It's all about character

[9/10 · 9 March 2010]

This is like an old time cop movie, very well served. If this had been made in the 1940s, I could see it starring Humphrey Bogart as the cynical cop and Alan Ladd as the hit man trying to justify his life, with Adolph Menjou as the corrupt businessman. Minus the brief nudity, of course. That's about the only major change between movies then and now, at least movies of this ilk. It's a little corny, but it's tightly woven and well played. The story is standard, so it's the characters that have to carry it. Woods and Dennehy bring really rounded, deep characters to a shallow little cops and robbers story. I started to dislike Dennis for his disliking Cleve, then, when Cleve shows his true face, I disliked Cleve. Then, Cleve shows he is really capable of acts of kindness. And Dennis is capable of understanding and forgiveness. In the end, the bad guys get what's coming to them and the hero is revealed. What more could you want from a good old fashioned film noir, even with all that California sunshine and pastel wallpaper? The only thing that might have made this better is if it had been filmed in black and white.

Back at the Barnyard (2007–2011)

Funny as it oughta be

[10/10 · 29 May 2009]

As with Jimmy Neutron and his many specials, Steve Oedekerk shows true and under-appreciated comic genius. There are few as good as Oedekerk and company for satire in a cartoon vein, from The Right Stuff to Ocean's Eleven and everything in between, it's spot on farce. The characters are likable and truly individual. I would like to see more live action ensemble comedies as good as this, but I don't think the talent is out there (at least, not since Caddyshack.) Watch this. It's good for you, and it's good for your kids. Laughter is the best medicine. The most hilarious aspect are the comments of KillerKlownFromUranus above. He sounds exactly like Snotty Boy from the show, almost as if that repulsive, fat, oily, greasy, ignorant, loud mouthed, cowardly, ugly little pus head actually existed in real life. Life does imitate art, sometimes, doesn't it? If you don't like it, don't watch it.

The Ore (2007 Video)

Between Dune and the Hogfather

[10/10 · 9 April 2007]

This is the essence of film making. Splendid camera direction, acting, and special effects. A very fine and sentimental story translated to the screen in the most minimal form. This could have been a two hour epic but that would have required an hour and forty minutes of meaningless fluff be inserted. Here is pure expression in motion. Find a copy of this and watch it. Small versions are available for download. Go to TheOre.net to obtain the DVD. This is independent film making at its finest. I look forward to further product from these talented people. I must say, though, that the minimum of ten lines of commentary with the threat of blockage from the IMDb site reminds me of the brainless and anally retentive psychology of the ultraconservative management who run my place of employment. These lines, of course, have nothing to do with the review of The Ore, but of my opinion of petty bureaucrats who attempt to shape reality into a form that suits their pea brained outlook on life.

The Tomb (1986)

Tomb Grater

[2/10 · 10 October 2006]

This is not the worst film ever made. I can't think of what that one is at the moment. I'll have to wait for my eyes to stop bleeding.

Actually, there are two mildly redeeming factors. John Carradine, whose two minutes on screen probably comprised half the movie's budget, and Kitten Natividad dancing topless for about thirty seconds total. Yeah, that's it.

Another line. Another line. Another line. Another line. Is that enough for that ridiculously arbitrary ten line rule? Apparently not. Let's keep adding pointless text until this so-called comment meets the minimum requirement for mindless bureaucratic self-aggrandizement. Some suit trying to qualify his or her paycheck came up with this rule, undoubtedly.

The President's Analyst (1967)

The First True Cyberpunk Masterpiece

[10/10 · 2 February 2006]

Mix science fiction, adventure, conspiracy, politics, counterculture, violence, sex, rock'n'roll, computers, androids, hippies, drugs, and the Phone Company. Bake for two hours in a hot air-conditioned theater. Result: Instant cyberpunk. William Gibson can't hold a candle to this gem. The only other film that even comes close is the original Casino Royale. One of my top ten favorite films. Look closely, does everyone you know carry a cell phone? Do you feel freaked now? You'd better. Mwaa haa haaaa. Thank you for using the Phone Company. Seriously, this film was so far ahead of its time, it's still ahead of its time. Had it not been made as a comedic satire, it would have been banned by the Johnson Administration. This is the perfect anti-industrial declaration. But it isn't all back-to-nature, which gets a serious poke in the ribs as well. No sacred calves in this picture, except maybe life and the love of it. It's all a joke, really, as Arthur said in Zardoz (another great gem -- or maybe it wasn't Arthur.) Really, get this film by hook or by crook (nudge nudge, wink wink, be seeing you 6.) Watch it, learn it. It is t3h l33t. Before Akira, before Mona Lisa Overdrive, before The Shockwave Rider, there was The President's Analyst. Ignore this film at your peril.

Battlefield Earth (2000)

It is a good movie from a good novel

[9/10 · 2 July 2005]

Rudyard Kipling would have called Battlefield Earth a ripping good yarn. Of course the characters are exaggerated in scope and action. Have you ever watched a play by Shakespeare? If you don't like this story, you probably don't like Heinlein, Rand, or Bradbury, either. I once heard someone say Bradbury is a bad writer. I didn't hit him...just. People are entitled to their opinions, however misguided. In celebration of the spirit of human indomitability, I would recommend this to all schoolchildren everywhere. I would not propose this story as a tribute to Dianetics or Scientology, the themes herein were formed by Hubbard long before he invented that mock philosophy (and mock it is--Hubbard's view of religion was that anyone with an ounce of wit and a pound of chicanery could invent a religion, and he did just that, on a bet made on his yacht with his millionaire friends. Scientology is a philosophy in the way that MacArthur Park is a rock song.) Just watch this and cheer for the humans. That's all the story is for, nothing deeper than that. Don't tread on us is the lesson.