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Evil Dead Rise (2023)
Redefinition of horror.
I never imagined I'd be *that* guy asking if the conventions have changed so much that the younger generations can't find common ground with the outgoing ones. But what better ground for the reconciliation - if there ever was a rift in the first place - than the franchise spanning the whole of a millennial's life, loved by the young and the old alike.
Yet reading through the reviews I can't stop wondering if we watched the same film. Funny? Scary? Imaginative?
Nope. Just one big, hollow nope.
If you take a look at the long list of films from the genre which made you feel uneasy long after you saw them - The Omen, Poltergeist, The Exorcist, Dark Water - you won't find one single thing in common between them and Evil Dead Rise. This film isn't even capable of fulfilling its main role: you will probably yawn over the "scariest" parts.
If there is something new to this, it's the redefinition of the genre with the horror of having to sit through the whole spectacle.
Kaleidoscope (2023)
It's so bad the fourth wall keeps getting broken due to secondhand embarrassment.
I started wondering whether an AI, like ChatGPT, might have already been used for writing in film, because it all makes perfect logial sense, but... It shows a huge lack of understanding about the humane things you are writing about. It could just as well be people writing about stuff they have no idea about; maybe that's the connection: just as AI is learning about the world secondhand, i.e. Through reading, writers learned about the substance by watching Die Hard (which was, interestingly enough, referenced in the show at one point).
On a side note, making the main protagonist younger (for the mandatory "story of origin" episode) with prosthetics puts this show closer to Ed Wood level. Almost there.
Bridge of the Doomed (2022)
Would be good, or at least better, if it was unpretentious.
I never bother with writing reviews, but I went into these while I was still watching the movie hoping it would indeed turn out it's a film which takes itself less and less seriously as it goes on, which would make it a solid flick. It's sort of like an inverse Ed Wood dilemma: if the filmmakers made this for fun, it would probably become a cult film over time.
Unfortunately, it's actually the extreme opposite: all the ten-star reviews are obviously written by a same person, which is evident based on the writing style. So not only are they cursing the film world with another worthless piece of zombie apocalypse trash, but they want us to believe it is good.
Well, this film doesn't satisfy even the basic minimum. I hate I had to waste time writing this.