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JamesMitchell451
Expert ranter
I am fascinated by Box Office and movie finances
I cannot stand the following directors (Uwe Boll, Friedberg and Seltzer, Farrelly Brothers, Vince Offer)
Excessive moviegoer
Cannot stand fanboys
Lover of comic books
Lover of everything Science Fiction
My most hated movie of all time is InAppropriate Comedy
My favorite movie of all time is Aliens (1986)
My favorite director is Christopher Nolan
My favorite actor is Leonardo DiCaprio
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Savages (2012)
Oliver Stone is back with what is perhaps his most dark film yet
Savages tells the story of a woman and her two boyfriends who run a successful drug business. The cops don't care, and their business really isn't that violent... that is until the Mexican drug cartel shows up and is like "you are going to come work for us, and if you say no we kill you." Naturally the two friends are like "No, screw you." The cartel retaliates by kidnapping their girlfriend, now they must get her back. So how did this film turn out? Is it as good as Platoon? Is it as bad as I hear Alexander was? Hell no to the first one, and no to the second one. While it has its flaws, it still knows how to entertain you and even makes you think a little bit. The main characters are assholes, yet you actually want them to succeed and kill the asshole cartel boys, who are EVIL. Who each character represents is kind of left up to you, obviously Jon Travolta represents "The man" otherwise known as the United States (Which I sort of find insulting, yet it is kind of true. He, in all honesty is actually the best part of the film). I'm actually torn on the villainess in the movie (The leader of the cartel), you want to hate her because of all the horrible things she has done and yet her origin story makes you feel incredibly sympathetic towards her. The main characters, while I was interested in what happened to them, I was far more interested in what was happening to the villains. The script here is sort of a mixed bag, the dialogue at times is so horrifyingly bad that you want to bang your head against a wall. Yet, at times it is also smart and well written. And as for the story, while it works it feels so drawn out despite it being as simple as it is. And as for the acting, it is for the most part really good and you can tell the people who played the villains had fun with their parts. The violence is also a mixed bag. At times, it is so extreme sometimes that it almost becomes one of the goddamn Hostel movies, and I've made it clear how much I hate those. Yet, whenever the shooting starts the movie gets so much better and you start to forget the problems the movie has. Savages is a good movie, but it most certainly is not a great movie. Yet, it is also a welcome return to form for Oliver Stone. It gets more right then it does wrong, but be warned: The film lives up to its title. Also the ending sucks.
Ghost Rider (2007)
One of the most embarrassing superhero movies of all time
Okay let me see: You got a b-list Marvel comic book character, you get Nicholas Cage to play him, and you get a questionable director behind the camera: What made any of us think this was gonna be good again? When a motorcycle-riding stuntman offers his soul to Mephistopheles in order to save the life of the one he loves most, he is forced to play host to a powerful supernatural entity whose flaming skull visage strikes fear into the heart of his enemies in this feature-film version of the long-running comic series. By day, Johnny Blaze (actor and comic- book devotee Nicolas Cage) is one of the world's best-known stuntmen, but when the sun goes down and he is in the presence of evil, the death- defying daredevil bursts into flames to become the indestructible, motorcycle-riding antihero known to the world as the Ghost Rider. ( Jason Buchanan, Rovi) So Nicholas Cage can sometimes be good in a movie. And other times he can be awful. In this movie, he falls under the latter. Everyone in this is AWFUL!!!!!! Eva Mendes, well I'll give her a pass because I wasn't paying attention to her acting but everyone else is so dull, flat, and lifeless. You would think goddamn George Lucas directed this movie. The plot doesn't fare any better I might add. The villains are more of a laughing stock than a threat, and the main baddie Blackheart does nothing but act all emo and be all like "I'm gonna destroy the world cause I got daddy issues". The action scenes are mundane, and flat out just not interesting as well. Just like the rest of the movie I might add. And you know what is even more surprising: They made a sequel to this! And it is somehow even worse.
Blade Runner (1982)
One of the best science-fiction films of all time
What can be said about Blade Runner that hasn't already been said? There is the period of time before Blade Runner, and there is the period after Blade Runner. Thanks to Ridley Scott's brilliant directing, this plot of a man hunting down a group of rouge human replicants is brilliantly paced so that you never get bored. There is always something visually stunning on screen 24/7, in my opinion the best part of Blade Runner is not its smart script, great story, or Oscar performances, it's the film's gorgeous and breathtaking visuals. A true piece of art, Blade Runner is something that every human on the planet should watch.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
No Joe
2009 and 2010 were the worst summer movie seasons, like ever. For every good movie that was released during them (District 9, Toy Story 3, Inception, Iron Man 2) we had a ton of awful movies that accompanied them. And G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra was one of the bad ones, yet not as bad as some of the others were. It is just flat-out stupid.G.I Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is about... well, it's about a team of soldiers trying to stop terrorist from unleashing ghost ooze against the world. The story is so stupid, that it is insulting to stupid movies to classify this as stupid. There is no beginning, there is no middle, and there is no end. It is just stuff blowing up with no rhyme or reason. Who is this Cobra, what is their ultimate goal, where are they getting this technology? If you are a fan of G.I Joe (Like myself), you may have the answers... but there is no way in hell anybody else will! Cause they never bloody explain anything!!How is the dialogue? Awful, bloody horrendously awful. The nonstop action cliché' moments are downright embarrassing, from lines such as "You could do that?" to "Now you will die, without saying a word" the dialogue makes you cringe, and all of this is poorly delivered as well. The acting here is as fake as the horrible special effects. Speaking of which, the action scenes downright rip off Michael Bay's Transformers movies. Of all the action movies they could've ripped off, why Transformers? Rise of Cobra is a bad film, now you know... and knowing is half the battle.
Star Trek: First Contact (1996)
One of the best Trek films ever made
People act like the Star Trek Reboot and its sequel are the only times Star Trek has veered into the genre of straight up action: Those people however seem to forget about this installment. Star Trek: First Contact's plot is that Captain Picard and the crew of the Enterprise must stop the Borg from altering history. Now, I'm going to let you know right off the bat that the plot is the weakest part.Despite it being well told, it contains numerous plot holes that are kind of hard not to notice. And yet, that is overshadowed by the great acting, smart dialogue, terrific special effects, and phenomenal action scenes. First Contact is also one of the darkest of the Star Trek films, and it works well as the pacing picks up and the film gets more and more intense to the point where you are on the edge of your seat. First Contact stands as the ONLY good Next Generation film, and it is even better than Wrath of Khan.
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)
Even worse than the first
Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance is a truly awful movie, not only is it an embarrassment to this character that is featured in the title, but it is an embarrassment to the superhero genre as a whole. So, it is a ever so slight downgrade from its predecessor. Nicolas Cage reprises his role as Johnny Blaze in Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance. In this gritty new vision for the character, directed by Neveldine/Taylor (Crank), Johnny is still struggling with his curse as the devil's bounty hunter - but he may risk everything as he teams up with the leader of a group of rebel monks (Idris Elba) to save a young boy from the devil... and possibly rid himself of his curse forever. -- (Sony) The plot is that Johnny Blaze, played by Nicholas Cage, must protect a child from the devil and his forces. Sounds fun right? Well it is... for about 20 minutes. The rest of the film is complete dog crap. The plot is a nonsensical mess full of plot holes and outright stupid moments (In the end he turns into, basically the angel rider... I am serious). This script is poorly written and shows that whoever wrote it has no knowledge of the character, and the dialogue written is atrocious and unintentionally funny. The acting here is a slight improvement, but seeing as how the acting in the previous film was some of the worst ever shown in a superhero movie that isn't saying much. Nicholas Cage still looks like he's on meth throughout the whole thing, and everyone else is barely trying. The only positive I have is that the special effects look decent. Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance downright sucks. It is clear that it was meant to be campy fun, but that doesn't work with a character like this with an established history, and it ends up being utter poo because of it.
Safe House (2012)
Dumb as hell but enjoyable nonetheless
Denzel Washington is just awesome. Like seriously, you could have the worst movie in the world and yet you'll still love him. That takes talent. Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds star in the action-thriller Safe House. Washington plays the most dangerous renegade from the CIA, who comes back onto the grid after a decade on the run. When the South African safe house he's remanded to is attacked by mercenaries, a rookie operative (Reynolds) escapes with him. Now, the unlikely allies must stay alive long enough to uncover who wants them dead. -- (Official Site) Now let me just come out and say it: the actors do a phenomenal job with what they're given to work with. And as expected Denzel steals the show, and he and Reynolds work well together. I think it's well directed, I like some of the cinematography which is gorgeous, and I like its dark gritty atmosphere. Now the problem here lies in the script, it is so predictable and paint by the numbers. The action is at parts choppily edited and that annoys the everlasting hell out of me. Overall its great cast, pacing, and action help elevate Safe House from its script to it being the status of a Above-Average action movie.
Bring It On (2000)
Surprisingly good
Dance films fall into two categories: God-Awful and Good. This one is thankfully the latter. The films main character Torrance Shipmun (Kristen Dunst) is a cheerleader who discovers that her cheerleading captain stole all the dance routines that made their team so good from another team. Now, Torrance must prove their team's worth in a competition. The only problem I can really say that I have with the film is that the plot is a sort of "has been there done that" affair, but the characters are still likable and believable. One of the best things about this film is the humor, it really isn't a cheerleading film but more of a spoof of cheerleading films, and it works really well. It addresses what I've always thought: That if you are a guy, you will think that cheerleading is stupid. The film admits some of the stupid aspects of the "sport" and uses it to great effect; the jokes are really funny and put a really big smile on my face. Never once did I ever feel bored, I was always entertained. The acting is good, but the real star is the dances, which look spectacular and are incredibly fun to watch as well. Hell, this whole film is plain fun, guys on dates will think its fun, and girls will be having a blast with this. As a film for regular moviegoers, it is good, but for girls who like these dance movies it is spectacular.
Halo Legends (2010)
A must-have for fans of the game
HALO Legends is like Batman: Gotham Knight and The Animatrix in that it is a anthology movie that contains eight episodes chronicling the much beloved HALO video game universe. The tales told include (but are not limited to): A soldier with no emotion fighting off Covenant forces in a badass power armor suit, a group of ODST's and a SPARTAN assassinating a Prophet, the origin of The Flood and The Forerunners, and a SPARTAN down on his luck. All of the episodes are well animated, containing some breathtaking moments, and the many action scenes are pure eye candy. The dialogue is well penned and well voiced, with the strongest episode being the origins of the SPARTAN program. However, the one episode that really sticks out in a "not so god" kind of way is the one about the unlucky SPARTAN, in that it tries to be all jokey and stuff. Problem is, not all of the jokes are funny. But despite the one episode being mediocre, the rest of the episodes are incredible and should be seem by anime fans, and if you are a HALO fan like me this is a must buy.
Alone in the Dark (2005)
oh dear..... oh please god no
Uwe Boll has finally come out and made his worst movie yet. Alone in the Dark is ASS! Normally, i would try to give you a synoposis of the plot, but there is no plot here! In the beginning of the movie, there is this long ass text scroll that is like if they took the opening Star Wars scroll and made it as boring as possible and guess what... it makes no sense! As for the main star in the movie: Christian Slater, as bad as he was in The Wizard, he is so much worse here. He isn't even trying here. In fact, no one here in the cast is trying. I hope that those checks contained a lot of 0's. Alone in the Dark contains one of Uwe Boll's most annoying trademarks, and that is the awful action sequences. They are all shot in such boring angels, that I almost fell asleep during them. Plus, they are literally shot in the dark so you cant tell what is happening. The special effects in this movie are so bad, even Stephen Sommers would say "Damn do those effects look bad." There are parts so bad I almost felt embarrassed, like in one scene a soldier was supposed to be dead and yet while people are walking away she lifts her head up. I mean, how did that get past editing? Some people say that Uwe Boll is the new Ed Wood, no, at leat Ed Wood had a passion for filmmaking, Uwe Boll on the other hand just doesn't give a crap. I would say that he is the least talented director in Hollywood, but I believe we all know which infamous duo has earned that title(Hint hint: They directed Vampires Suck and Disaster Movie).
Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)
Oh hell yes
Your mission, should you chose to accept it: Sit back, relax, and try to enjoy my review of Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol This is not just another mission. The IMF is shut down when it's implicated in a global terrorist bombing plot. Ghost Protocol is initiated and Ethan Hunt and his rogue new team must go undercover to clear their organization's name. No help, no contact, off the grid. You have never seen a mission grittier and more intense than this. -- ( Paramount) The movies script is pretty good, other than the mediocre villain it contains a great action packed plot, great dialogue, good character moments, and great humor. The characters, unlike the previous Mission Impossible movies, are now fully fleshed out. They have good chemistry and their banter is a joy to listen to. The fact that the actors do an incredible job portraying them also helps this. Now to talk about the best part of the movie: The action. WOW. This movie contains some of the best action scenes ever on film in my opinion. It keeps you glued to your seat, it is basically a summer blockbuster in terms of thrills, even though it came out in winter. That part where Tom Cruise is climbing that ridiculously tall building is in my opinion the best part of the movie. Great script, great acting, kick ass action scenes, and good directing help land Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol on my top ten favorite spy films ever, which is no small feat. 0 Comments | Send This | Bookmark and Share
Alien³ (1992)
Not as bad as some say it is
Alien 3 is obviously the most divisive entry in the sacred Alien series, some people love it, some hate it. I lean more towards the first one, I think its a good movie, but not a great one like it should've been. Alien 3 picks up some time after where Aliens left off. An alien egg has somehow managed to get on board the Sulaco (How it got there, I don't have a goddamn clue.) A fire breaks out and all the cryopods are ejected into space and crash land on the barren desert prison planet Fiorina 161. Ripley is once again the only survivor... the only human survivor that is, if you know what I mean. Alien 3 has its problems, chief among them being the killing of Hicks and Newt. It is so cheap and overall stupid it makes you angry that they killed them in THAT way. There are way too many characters, like 50 inmates I think, and most of them look alike. Ripley acts out of character several times, and it makes her seem... off. Also I don't like the part where they kill the dog, it just seemed pointless to me.. they could have done that off screen. However, Alien 3's pros help outweigh its cons. While the killing of Newt and Hicks is a slap in the face, it does help set the dark mood of the film. The cinematography looks so dark, bleak... and gorgeous. It is truly creative in its set design and also memorable. While most of the characters don't get enough screen time and development, those that do are actually fascinating. Like that guy who is a former rapist, well now in the prison he is a preacher for the prison's religion. Alien 3 is also very psychology ambitious, themes like religion, forgiveness, hate, and revenge are all brought to the forefront here and are handled very well. The acting in Alien 3 is really good, especially from Sigourney Weaver as Ripley, as is the script and most of the dialogue (several cheesy lines aside). The alien (yes, there is only one this time again) is a hit or miss. It is a hit in that it is a new fascinating variant of the xenomorph that we haven't seen before and I find that scary. It's a miss in that it looks really bad in some parts, like it looks cgi though it actually isn't. Alien 3 is a good movie in my eyes, while it has its flaws I still view it as a worthy entry into the Alien saga, and this is where the series should've ended. But no... Hollywood had to milk it with the next installment... and oh boy is it a doozy.
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)
Ugh... another one
Damn 20th Century Fox, can you possibly rip off Harry Potter any more? Speaking as someone who read the book, I will say the book is much, much better. Here they changed way too much, and not for the better. The basic plot is that one day Percy Jackson finds out that he is a demigod, he is being accused of stealing Zeus' fake ass lightning bolt and his mother his kidnapped by Hades. Now he must rescue his mom and find a way to clear his name. The plot is tiresome and mundane, unoriginal, and downright stupid. It also contains some poorly written characters, horrendous dialogue, and terrible performances from everyone in the cast. Hell, the only good thing is that the effects look good, not great mind you. I hate it when people say this, but I have to say it here: The book is better.
Prometheus (2012)
Thank god somebody still knows how to make one of these
Prometheus has finally arrived in theateres. The big question is: Is it a prequel to alien or not. Well, yes and no. Yes in that it takes place hundreds of years before the events of Alien, and no in that it doesn't feature the Xenomorph (Not for long at least). But Prometheus is still a awesome film regardless. Here is the plot: A bunch of scientist are sent to an uncharted planet to discover the origins of mankind, and end up uncovering something far more terrifying than they could've ever dreamed. I really don't want to spoil the plot. The script here is pretty good with a terrific narrative that has all sorts of twist and turns. Trust me, there are surprises in here that even I didn't expect. The dialouge here is very good and truly fleshes out the characters, molding them into people that we can root for. I didn't want any of these characters to die, though some obviously do. I don't know why some people are saying that they don't like these characters, I think that these characters are well written even if they sometimes do dumb crap. Which character I liked the best: it would be a tie between Charlize Theron's character and Michael Fassbender's character. Last but certainly not least, I would like to praise the film's visuals. It looks truly sci-fi-ish and gorgeous. The one problem that kind of irritated me was that it didn't truly answer any of the interesting questions it brought up. The mythology of this film is a fascinating that as soon as it was over, me and my friends wouldn't shut about about it for at least twenty minutes, I don't know about everyone else but I want to learn more about this film's universe. Prometheus is a welcome return to form for the entire sci-fi genre, and should be looked on in the future as a truly good film. Welcome back Ridley Scott, we missed you.
Vampires Suck (2010)
To those who like this movie: Go to hell
To Jason Friedberg and Aron Seltzer: Please stop making movies. Your films are not funny, they never were funny, they never will be funny! If you can't even do a spoof of Twilight right then you are a horrible disgrace to the art of film making. It's not that the jokes in this film grew old months ago, they grew old years ago! You still have the stupid door in your face joke, the poop joke, and constant unfunny references to things like shows and other movies. For example, there is one scene where the girl ask who the Edward spoof guy is (His acting is even worse than Robert Pattison's look like Leonardo DiCaprio) and her friend list a bunch of names, the Bella spoofer says "No, not the douchebags from the Jersey Shore". Do you understand how insulted I felt to be watching this bs? If anyone you know thinks that this is a funny, well made film you have my permission to smack them with a baseball bat.
World War Z (2013)
Saves the worn out zombie genre
I gotta admit: this sounds like a dumb idea on paper... Take a monster well known to be at home in the horror genre and put it in a summer blockbuster. Well I'll be damned, it actually worked pretty well. The story follows a UN Doctor who must travel around the world to stop a deadly zombie outbreak threatening to destroy the entire human race. The plot, while it deviates from the book in many ways, is really well done and really well told. Brad Pitt stars as the main character: Gerry Lane. Brad Pitt pulls off his role perfectly, and truthfully this is one of the best performances of his career. You buy him as a really smart family man who just wants to ensure his family's survival. The other actors do well in their roles as well, and their characters are pretty interesting and well fleshed out. How are the zombies: F*cking AWESOME! Now, I now some hardcore zombie loyalist (Otherwise known as idiots) are all up in arms cause according to then "They aren't true zombies. Why couldn't you make them slow?" Let me ask you guys a question: which do you find scarier: A slow ass zombie or a sprinting zombie who charges at you. Obviously you would say the latter. Fast zombies make for a far greater threat, and a better apocalypse. Slow zombies would get their asses kicked truthfully. And the makeup for the zombies here is really well done, and they are really threatening. What truly sells World War Z is the great action scenes. This is a summer blockbuster so naturally this is expected, but still: WOW. But by far my favorite part is when they have to sneak around the zombies: The suspension and levels of tension are almost unbearable. And the fast pacing of the film ensures that you will never grow bored. Overall, World War Z is a success. With great performances, awesome zombies, great pacing, and gripping terror, World War Z is truthfully one of the best zombie movies we have had since since the 2004 Dawn of The Dead Remake, and is actually better than 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later.
The Darkest Hour (2011)
What happens in Moscow is best left in Moscow
Holy crap! I knew Russia made terrible movies but holy crap, this has to be the of the WORST science fiction films I have seen in years. If I had to choose which was worse: Skyline or well.... THIS, I'd have to choose this. I'd go as far to say that I'd rather watch Skyline twice than The Darkest Hour. At least Skyline had good special effects in its failed attempt to make up for its mess of a script and plot. The Darkest Hour's special effects are on par with an Asylum movie. Here is the plot in a nutshell: Asshole teenagers go to Moscow for some business deal, get screwed over, start hanging out at bars, and then aliens invade. However these aliens are invisible. That makes it cool right? Wrong! Now, this is directed by some talentless hack I've never heard of, but it's also produced by the same asshole who directed 2008's Wanted. And a lot of the problems I had with wanted make an appearance here, such as the clumsy climax, or those stupid moments that make you want to bang your head up against the wall. To me Wanted wasn't a good film either, but holy crap it looks like the Matrix when compared to this. The script is such a mess from beginning to end, nothing happens after the invasion begins. NOTHING. All the characters do is moan or bitch about stuff you don't care about, and Emile Hirsch... that dude needs to fire his agent, or whoever keeps picking these roles out for him. Out of all the unlikable characters you are forced to spend 89 minutes with, his is the worst. The dialogue is atrocious, you'd think this was one of the Transformer sequels with how poorly this was written. The action scenes are poorly shot, poorly edited, choppy as hell, and overall unwatchable. The special effects look really bad, which is not really that odd since this movie had a budget of $30 Million, but still! And as for the aliens, well... I'm still laughing at them... once you see how they look when they are not invisible you cant help but laugh. Like really! Really guys, I've seen a lot of dumb crap in my 15 years but this here is truly remarkable in its stupidity. WOW. The Darkest Hour may sound like an epic title, but the movie is anything but. Unoriginal, uninteresting, and just stupid, The Darkest Hour is a prime example of a film that SYFY would look at and say "No way in hell will we show that on our channel. We have low quality standards, but they are not THAT low."
The Evil Dead (1981)
One of the best horror films ever
Very few films can mix humor and horror like The Evil Dead. The film is about a group of teenagers who are going to a cabin out in the middle of nowhere. While there, they find a book called the book of the dead, one of them recites the words and in doing so, releases unleashes a bunch of demons. The acting is top notch from everyone, along with the creepy as hell demon voices that are guaranteed to give you the creeps and the sound of the winds increasing outside, it wins in the auditory department. This film is gory. Yes I've seen hundreds of not thousands of films and this is the only film that the gore looked so real and disgusting, I actually threw up. There is no horror film out there right now that can match this film in terms of violence, between demons getting their heads cut off and buckets of blood (literally), I recommend that you bring a barf bag. Another thing is that this is the scariest film I have ever seen, even more so than The Exorcist. The way this film builds up suspense and tension is unrivaled in any film in any category, not just horror, and the best part: most of the scares aren't jump scares! It is also unrivaled in the humor department, heads are getting cut off and yet it is intentionally funny, the sort of humor that you'll find in Zombieland and Shaun Of The Dead (Though this film came before both). Add all this, plus the most creative camerwork in the industry and you've got the formula for one badass film. If you like movies of any sort, go check this out. And even if you don't like movies (I've never met anyone like that though) you should still go out and buy this movie. The Evil Dead is a masterpiece, I cannot recommend this movie enough.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
The biggest cinematic disappointment in history
There is a very good reason why this film gets shat on so much and is often called one of the biggest cinematic disappointments of all time: It flat out sucks, and if anyone ever tells you otherwise than they are either a dumbass Star Wars fanboy or a stupid little kid. The story is basically the Jedi have to stop a trade corporation from doing something to a peaceful planet by some means that are never explained to us.Let me just come out and say it: The movie doesn't make any sense. And the plot itself isn't exactly what you would call "Interesting" or "Complex" either. Like, why are we talking about trade routes in a Star 'Wars movie, who gives a crap? Like I understand that this has to lay the groundwork for the entire Star Wars saga, but that doesn't give it an excuse to be this boring. How is the acting? Not much better than the plot unfortunately. While Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor do good in their roles (With what they're given to work with), everyone else in the movie is AWFUL! Jake Lloyd is awful, Natalie Portman is hollow, shallow, and just boring to listen to, and Jar Jar is annoying as hell. And speaking of Jar Jar: Why is he here? If you thought the Ewoks sucked... they still do, but Jar Jar is so much more annoying than those walking teddy bears ever were. He is clearly meant as comic relief, yet every joke he makes is the equivalent to a fart or crap joke. I don't find him racist, just annoying and by far one of the worst characters in cinematic history. However, I will say this about the movie: The action scenes are really cool (What few of them there are) and the film has really damn good visuals. Like, seriously I give massive props to the effects team, cause the film is pure eye candy. This was the Avatar before there was well... Avatar. And the action is crisp and easy to follow and honestly, really thrilling (With the exception of the podrace, which goes on way too long and is not all that interesting to watch). The duel at the end between Darth Maul and the two jedi is a true sight to behold. However, there is way too much going on at the end: You got the battle up in space, the battle between Dath Maul and the jedi, the queen attempting to infiltrate the palace, and the gungans fighting the droid army. The jedi duel should be in the movie, the infiltration should be in the movie, everything else should be cut out. And another problem with the end is they way they kill off Darth Maul, like it has no meaning cause we didn't even know who he was! At least with Boba Fett in Return of The Jedi we knew who he was and what he wanted, so despite his embarrassing death he remained badass, Darth Maul on the other hand goes out in the stupidest way possible, and we have no clue who he was or what he truly wanted?! Did he want revenge? Money? Power? We never find out. So yeah, while the film has impressive visuals and battle scenes the movie itself, with all of its boring political talk, shoddy script, and overall boredom it is easy to classify this as the biggest cinematic disappointment ever, though Attack of The Clones was so much worse than this.
Pulse (2006)
One of the worst things we have ever produced as a species
Oh boy have I waited a long time for this. My hour of revenge is at hand, at last Pulse you will suffer my wrath!!! When wireless technology puts humans into contact with an unstoppable force that's determined to claim the lives of the living for the souls of the damned, it's up to a group of determined teens to close the gate before it's too late in director Jim Sonzero's remake of Kiyoshi Kurosawa's apocalyptic horror classic. A doorway between the human realm and the spiritual realm has been opened, and now the technology that once made humankind the ruler of the planet has become its digital Achilles heel. With every call made and every e-mail checked, life is slowly being stolen from the living and claimed for the dead. With no way of turning off the connection and no means of reasoning with a force they cannot understand, a desperate group of college students must discover a means of stopping the takeover before the entire planet is transformed into a cosmic haunting ground for wayward souls in search of a home. ~ (Jason Buchanan, Rovi) Let me just come out and say it: I have no problem when ghost interact with technology, if it is done well. Granted, I don't think a movie has done it well (Does the Grudge 1 and 2 count?). But this movie is just silly. The movie tries to be all "Preventing the apocalypse" and stopping an invasion from another realm, problem is that that those causing said apocalypse are ghost. Yeah, I'm sorry but am I the only one who thinks the idea of Ghost vs Humanity is the stupidest idea ever?! Zombies I'll buy. Aliens I'll buy. Demons, I'll buy. Ghost however, ghost stories like this are supposed to be small scale. When you try to incorporate the larger picture it kind of fall apart. Here is how it basically is: An army of the Grudge ghost vs the entire human population, military included. Casper is trying to destroy humanity. Completely effin stupid. There are no scares in this movie. Even the jump scares fail miserably, which is kind of pathetic actually. And the acting and script... you know what I'm going to say. But what truly seals this movies fate is the ending. That ending has to be the worst ending I have ever seen in a movie ever. Basically everything that happened in the movie... IT DIDN'T MATTER!!!! I haven't been this furious at a film because of its ending...ever. Like this is everything that an ending should not be. This movie can kiss my funky ass.
Silent Hill (2006)
Visually competent... but unfortunately....
Silent Hill is one of those series that I could never get into. Silent Hill 2 was good, but the only other Silent Hill game I have played is Downpour and that one was abysmal. I know a lot of people are going to say that I should play the games first, but I'm going to dismiss that because it really shouldn't matter. A mother and daughter flee to a strange abandoned town to seek out answers to the daughter's nightly psychological turmoil in Brotherhood of the Wolf director Christophe Gans' adaptation of the popular survival horror video game. Sharon (Jodelle Ferland) is a very sick child, yet rather than seeing her child suffer the cruel indignities of the medical profession, Rose (Radha Mitchell) ignores her husband's (Sean Bean) pleas and absconds with her ailing daughter to the fog-enshrouded town of Silent Hill. A town drenched in darkness and inhabited by a strange collection of menacing specters, Silent Hill seemingly swallows young Sharon whole upon arrival. Determined to get her daughter back at any cost, Rose sets out to explore the mysterious Silent Hill, only to discover an evil so powerful that it possesses the ability to transform anything it wishes. With the deeply disturbing history of the town slowly coming into focus through the dense fog, Rose soon realizes that both she and her daughter may be little more than simple pawns in a much larger, and seemingly supernatural, game. (Jason Buchanan, Rovi) Let us talk about the things the movie gets right: The music. They got the composer from the games, Akira Yamaoka, back to do the music. It is a great, creepy soundtrack, as expected. And they nailed the LOOK and FEEL of Silent Hill, it is a gorgeous looking film. The monsters look really good and the best monster of all makes an appearance: Pyramid Head. However, everything else about the film falls apart. The script is a cobbled mess, with no clear idea of where it is going and why. They leave things under-explained, or explained to the point where it doesn't make any sense. (For example: What was up with that ending). Also, there aren't really any scares, which is irritating to me. Also, the acting is pretty mediocre. The little girl does good, but everyone else it feels like is just phoning it in. And the film's pacing is all over the place: at times it goes too fast and you are like "Wait what? Why did that happen?" and other times it is so slow you're like "Can we please move along?". I know some fans are going to tear me apart for this, but I'm sorry: Both this and Silent Hill Revelation are terrible movies, video game adaptations or not. But on the other hand: This is a masterpiece when compared to the piece of crap sequel that came out just last year, IN 3D!!!!
R.I.P.D. (2013)
Yeah.... move along people nothing to see here
So yeah I'm just gonna come out and say it: RIPD is the biggest Men in Black ripoff ever. Don't feed me BS about "oh that's how the comic was", after seeing this I don't think I'm gonna ever read that comic. Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds headline the 3D supernatural action- adventure R.I.P.D. as two cops dispatched by the otherworldly Rest In Peace Department to protect and serve the living from an increasingly destructive array of souls who refuse to move peacefully to the other side. Veteran sheriff Roy Pulsifer (Bridges) has spent his career with the legendary police force known as R.I.P.D. tracking monstrous spirits who are cleverly disguised as ordinary people. His mission? To arrest and bring to justice a special brand of criminals trying to escape final judgment by hiding among the unsuspecting on Earth. Once the wise- cracking Roy is assigned former rising-star detective Nick Walker (Reynolds) as his junior officer, the new partners have to turn grudging respect into top-notch teamwork. When they uncover a plot that could end life as we know it, two of R.I.P.D.'s finest must miraculously restore the cosmic balance...or watch the tunnel to the afterlife begin sending angry souls the very wrong way.( Universal) Now, I came into this with the lowest of expectations, and what do you know it met them. Unlike the good comic book movies this summer (Iron Man 3, Man of Steel) RIPD places an emphasis on the chemistry between Bridges and Reynolds, problem is that it is nonexistent. I don't buy these two as partners. Now to be fair, the actors respectably do good with what they're given to work with, with Bridges being the best by far. Another major flaw is that the script is total garbage. It has a villain whose motives are nonexistent, and an impending doom which when you see it you can't help but laugh. The special effects are average, they're not terrible but they aren't good. It's a good thing I'm reviewing this now, because in a couple hours I'm going to remember nothing about this movie. While there is some fun to be had here, RIPD leaves you with a hollow feeling inside. It's not as bad as critics are making it out to be and it isn't the worst movie of the summer, though that isn't saying much.
The Colony (2013)
A enjoyable film
The Colony is... an interesting movie to say the least. Now, that 0% score on rotten tomatoes is totally friggin stupid. Laurence Fishburne (The Matrix), Bill Paxton (Aliens) and Kevin Zegers (Dawn of the Dead), headline an all-star cast in this savage and unrelenting thriller about mankind's greatest enemy: himself. As an endless winter engulfs Earth, humans struggle to survive in remote underground outposts. When Colony 7 receives a distress call from a nearby settlement, Sam (Zegers) and Briggs (Fishburne) race through the snow on a dangerous rescue mission. What they find at the desolate base could mean mankind's salvation-or its total annihilation. Terrifying discoveries will unfold that will change the rules of survival forever. (RT summary) Now, this film has its problems. The clichés are all over the place, the so called "Threat to humanity" is incredibly predictable and we've seen it a thousand times before. So what makes me give this a 6 out of 10?. Well, the film first of all is gorgeous looking. I love the locales and setting. I love films like this where the biggest threat is the icy cold. I like the action, which is really well shot and well edited. I like the make-up effects, and I really like the actors and this cast of characters. Now, the ending of the movie is A.Predictable, B.Predictable, C.Predictable, and D.Lame. Overall The Colony is an above-average sci-fi action flick that, while it definitely won't win any awards any time soon, is a fun ride.
Starship Troopers (1997)
Did I miss something?
Starship Troopers has to be one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen in my entire life. There, I said it. I am so goddamn sick of stupid idiots out there calling it "A jaw-dropping experience"(Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times) or "Massive, hilarious and thrilling." (Gregory Weinkauf, ÜberCiné) Those idiot critics are f morons. There ain't nothing deep about this crap pile: it's a dumb sci-fi shoot em' up that only works about a quarter of the time. The story, what little there is, is that a bunch of space marines have to stop a race of fake ass cgi bugs from wiping out humanity. There are those idiots out there that are probably like 'But it has such dark themes such as humans being where they don't belong and questioning whether or not we have the right to exterminate a species" Yes, the movie does carry those themes but they are so poorly executed and used to no effect. If you want to see a deep, mature, dark, science-fiction epic that carries those themes and does them justice, well James Cameron's Avatar is for you (Then again, that movie also has its fair share of problems). Starship Troopers is nothing but a cliché, dumb as hell meathead war story. The acting in Starship Troopers is wooden, stale, and just bad. These characters are seeing the friends being torn to pieces and suffering gruesome deaths and yet they show no goddamn emotion about it. The dialogue doesn't fare any better. Some of it is so bad that it makes you cringe; it tries to add in some dark humor but fails miserably. The characters are unlikable monkeys that you never grow attached to and you begin to hate their guts over the course of the film. The special effects look like they were created on Windows 87', I mean seriously, this came out in 1997 and this is the best that they could come up with? Seriously? The positives that I have about this movie are the awesome action scenes and that if you can somehow manage to turn your brain off than I can see people enjoying it. Why this has become a cult classic is a mystery to me.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
What is the deal with the hate?
Now I know if anyone reads this review they are gonna tear me apart. But you know what, it is time for me to reveal my thoughts on this movie. Everyone's favorite archaeologist adventurer dusts off his hat and trusty whip for yet another globetrotting trek as Indiana Jones returns to the big screen nearly 20 years after racing for the Holy Grail alongside his father in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989). Harrison Ford reprises his role as the iconic, snake-loathing screen hero in a sequel that also finds Karen Allen returning to the series for the first time since 1981's Raiders of the Lost Ark. Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Jim Broadbent, and Shia LaBeouf round out a cast that also features Cate Blanchett in the role of villainous Russian operative Agent Irina Spalko. Steven Spielberg calls the shots on a script penned by David Koepp (and adapted from the screen story by executive producer George Lucas). ~ (Jason Buchanan, Rovi) This movie has some problems, I will not deny that. Some of these ideas are flat out stupid, (The fridge, inter-dimensional aliens, the monkeys) those things all suck ass. And the villain's plan is never quite clear. But this is a fun as hell movie. The action scenes are really well done, the acting is good, the script for the most part is good, and the movie delivers the thrills one would expect from the franchise. Now to address the fans idiotic complaints: "The movie is not realistic!!!" No duh sherlock. But the other movies weren't exactly grounded in reality either, I mean: a box that makes peoples faces melt off, a grail that gives you eternal life, people, that is a stupid thing to criticize a movie for. "There are aliens in the movie!!!" Well that to is a bs argument, what the hell else were they gonna do? There isn't much you can do to top the holy grail! Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a fun, well made adventure/action movie that I really enjoy. Again, I fail to understand why this movie is so hated.