ChrisQ Reviews

Van der Valk (2020–2023)

What a waste !!

[1/10 · 29 April 2020]

Since I was in my late teens, Amsterdam has always been my favourite city.

Marc Warren is an excellent actor. I certainly enjoy old episodes of Van Der Valk with it great theme tune and where that character is played by Barry Foster.

So what could possibly go wrong?

Well apparently everything. After half an hour, even the smashing views of Amsterdam weren't enough to prevent me from hitting the "off" button. I simply couldn't stand it any longer.

Why waste money filming in the Netherlands. To make this drama even a fraction credible, it should have been filmed along the Thames estuary - perhaps at Tilbury. At least there, the characters might have appeared faintly believable.

Opinions always differ - but those who enjoyed this dreadful remake are clearly easily pleased.

Atlantis (2013–2015)

Sinking without a Trace

[3/10 · 17 November 2013]

Having just finished watching Episode 1.8 of Atlantis "The Furies", I feel there is little hope for this drama series.

Being an ardent fan of "Merlin, I expected "Atlantis" to be a 21st century make-over on numerous Greek myths and legends. Who is going to dispute why those stories came into being? The BBC certainly needed to fill the slot lately occupied by Merlin, a series that was a runaway success for 5 seasons. So "Atlantis" was obviously to be "Son of Merlin".

Jack Donnelly, Mark Addy, Robert Emms, Jemima Rooper, Sarah Parish and Juliet Stevenson chosen for the main roles are all good actors and acquit themselves well. The sets and scenery in Morocco are well done and are reasonably convincing. Even the production team itself includes people that had worked on "Merlin". With that in place it is hard to see how it could go wrong.

However one thing rather oddly missing is story. The episode storyboard is badly paced and where were the script writers? Dialogue is painful and sometimes frankly embarrassing. Incidental characters are well… just incidental and never developed further. The pace of each episode is leaden, interspersed with the odd-bit of brawling. You would get to see more action if on you stood outside any bar at the weekend than ever you would see in Atlantis.

The episodes have teetered from almost passable to the damn-right boring. After struggling to watch the 8th episode I was left with just one question "Why did they bother making it"? I gather the BBC intend to make a second series. Can I humbly suggest that they also hire some script writers and story tellers?

Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day Five (2009) Season 3, Episode 5

Is this the Swan Song? I certainly hope not.

[9/10 · 13 July 2009]

This 5 hour epic is a very difficult production to judge impartially.

I can truthfully say I sat on the edge of my seat throughout - unable to second-guess much of what was to come and that is a strange admission from a mature adult. Perhaps I could have guessed if I hadn't been quite so immersed in the story.

Of course everyone could pick holes in a fantasy drama. Why would the Secret Service employ a temporary secretary? Why wasn't the MI5 actions explained in complete detail? Would the Prime Minister really treat his senior staff in such a manner? The sheer scale of the production and the phenomenal acting and brilliant direction made any such niggles totally trivial.

So for those people who have never seen Torchwood - this can be taken as an unconditional recommendation.

However for those who have followed Series 1 and 2 - there is a big problem.

Torchwood has always been high on humour. The last episode of Series 2 and the whole of Series 3 is harrowing in the extreme. Few, if any lines, could raise a chuckle. Most of the narrative was far from funny while a grim despair pervaded the story.

It is hard to believe the BBC has any intention of continuing Torchwood after this - which might account for some of John Barrowman's comments in interviews. I hope I am wrong because it has gone from strength to strength - both in terms of writing and acting - but I fear it might be following "Firefly" into oblivion.

All credit must go to the writer/producer Russell T Davies, the fantastic main cast, the brilliant supporting actors and everybody associated with the show. This was a production to be proud of.

Mansfield Park (2007 TV Movie)

Jane Austen for the intellectually-challenged

[1/10 · 19 March 2007]

I watched 40 minutes and couldn't bear it any longer – the television went off and I returned to some light reading "Lobotomy for Beginners".

It was hard to say what aspect of this production was most displeasing - dialogue made up entirely of sound-bytes or the acting by numbers.

It was difficult to determine the period in which the drama was supposed to take place. There were throw-away references to Lord Nelson and slavery but Edmund, the cleric-to-be, played by Blake Ritson was the only actor who one could believe inhabited the early 19th century. The other bright-young things had make-up and costumes more appropriate to a 21st century fancy dress party - the bleached-blonde Fanny, Billie Piper being the least credible character.

UK commercial television obviously believes heaving bosoms, pouting lips and deep meaningful looks make a good story. Fortunately Jane Austen had other ideas.

If you want to find out the story of Mansfield Park, buy the 1983 mini-series DVD.

War of the Worlds (2005)

A Wasted Opportunity

[3/10 · 7 October 2006]

Great, a film remake of one of my favourite books. I was quite looking forward to see what Steven Spielberg would make of H G Wells' famous tale.

As the final credits began to roll, I was filled with an overwhelming relief. Not, I hasten to add, because of an end to the tension but because the sheer tedious banality of the screenplay was finally over.

Technically the film was brilliant. The sound, special effects, lighting were all up to Spielberg at his best.

The actors also acted their parts with panache. However due to the dialogue they were required to utter and the emotions they were forced to portray, I quickly wished aliens had selected them as the first victims.

What is it about Hollywood screenwriters - particularly the ones that mangle the majority of "Blockbusters"? It is obvious they wouldn't recognise a cliché if it bit them on the ***. Please, please can someone convince them to try to make their characters two-dimensional at least.

Well the film only cost £3 in a second-hand DVD shop so I can't really complain. I suppose I better just empty my sick-bag and settle myself down to the next offering

Marple: The Sittaford Mystery (2006) Season 2, Episode 4

Ms Christie must be spinning in her grave

[1/10 · 30 April 2006]

This is another of the incredibly awful ITV's "Agatha Christie's Marple" series. The only similarity between The Sittaford Mystery and the book of the same name is that several character names have been retained - not alas Miss Jane Marple. She, like Winston Churchill, don't actually appear in the book.

The screenwriters have obviously produced a story they feel that Ms Christie should or would have written - if only she had access to their fertile imaginations.

It stars a host of well-known British faces. Each actor must have picked up their script, read the nauseating dialogue in disgust and then preceded to overact in a manner that would do credit to a Pantomime dame. (In fact Geraldine McEwen has even been kitted out in a Widow Twankey costume).

After 45 minutes, I discovered tedium had caused me to gnaw my left leg off. So off went the TV and I returned to my book "Lobotomy for Beginners". I suggest others tempted to watch this bilge should consider doing likewise.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

An Unexpected Treat

[10/10 · 29 December 2005]

This was meant to be a "stocking-filler" - just a movie on a cold Christmas holiday afternoon. A children's story from over 50 years ago - probably with so many anachronisms and cuteness it might even be kitsch.

Having already suffered the appalling massacre of JK Rowling's 4th book, I knew I could manage anything. However, when "Disney" came up in the opening credits I settled down for a good snooze. Definitely this was not a film this "Grumpy Old Man" could possibly enjoy!! Well how wrong I was!!! The cast was excellent. All credit to the 4 children, great young actors. The animation was stunning and the scenery, wow!! I was enthralled right from the start.

There were a few tongue-in-cheek pieces of "modern" dialogue - but I found them to enhance the believability rather than the opposite. I would have to be a real old *** to find fault at all.

Reading a couple of the (very few) negative reviews for this film – I wonder just what those critics expected from Narnia. This was a superbly-made children's fantasy!!

Bleak House (2005)

Absolutely Riveting 10/10

[30 November 2005]

Bleak House is not a book I have read. I was however aware that the central story concerned the never-ending courtroom litigation of Jarndyce versus Jarndyce. As a child, this book, I decided was way too boring to read. How wrong I was. I never dreamt that a Dickens novel could become such an obsession in later life.

This dazzling adaptation is serialised in the same way that Dickens serialised his masterpiece in the popular press. Each half-hour episode ends on a cliff-hanger. We, the viewers, are forced to count the days until the next episode is screened. ( and there is only 6 more to go!!!) It is impossible to find fault with the production. The characterisations and directing are the best I have seen from the Drama Department of the BBC. They have managed to capture the gloom, grime and squalor of the late 19th century convincingly.

Each actor is ideally cast. Charles Dance as the lawyer Tulkinghorn is evil personified. Gillian Anderson as Lady Dedlock, totally unrecognisable from her X-File days, is fragile and enigmatic. Particularly noteworthy in the host of Dickensian eccentrics are Pauline Collins as Miss Flite, Johnny Vegas as Krook and Philip Davis as "Shake me up Judy" Smallweed and Burn Gorman as Guppy. However it is invidious to single anyone out of such a stellar casting.

I cannot give this drama a higher recommendation

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Another missed opportunity

[3/10 · 28 November 2005]

GOF, like the last 2 films in particular, has left me feeling disappointed and extremely annoyed. The directors and screen writers are moving further and further away from the books. They feel they must create Hollywood-style blockbusters - high on spectacle and special effects but low on plot and characters.

Harry's first task involved him being chased by a dragon around Scotland demolishing castles in the process. This was almost as ludicrous as the flying car and train sequence in Chamber of Secrets (or the incredibly tacky ending when Hagrid returned to the school).

OK, I know some settings were very pretty - the Yule Ball and Underwater 2nd Task particularly so. However it is paramount that the audience had thoroughly read the book - otherwise many parts of the film would be absolutely meaningless.

From start to finish the film appeared to be a race against time with subplots and characters disappearing by the score. The Quidditch World Cup was a non-event (Who won? Who cared!).

Barty Crouch Junior suddenly appeared in what looked like a battlefield and apparently had devastated everything himself.

Did Harry actually tell Dumbledore that he had just found Barty Crouch Senior hurt/maimed/dead in the forest or did Dumbledore just rush out the office on the off-chance?

I am not naive enough to believe that every line from the book must be preserved. But the concept of "I am the the director and know better than the author" has gone way beyond the acceptable here. Little of JKR's wording has been retained. Worse still the characterisations have been drastically altered.

Dumbledore is no longer the solidly dependable guardian figure who believes in Harry and Harry's destiny. The wonderful character of Rita Skeeter could have been omitted from this film for all the effect she had. The goofs and omissions surrounding Sirius Black were appalling. None of Voldemort's Deatheaters seemed interested in his resurrection - let alone being scared to death. Where was the snivelling Wormtail at the rebirth of Voldemort? The Peter Pettegrew in the film could have passed for a TV chef.

The humour of all eccentric characters has been eliminated and their appearance in the film serves just to provide cheap laughs.

Book 4 is the pivotal book of the series. Its central characters are now young adults full of teenage angst. Evil has been let loose upon the Magical World which stands at the brink of catastrophe. Little of this comes across in this film. This movie ended with Hermione telling the boys to write to her over the summer????

I know that we shall soon hear that this is the nth highest grossing movies of all time and everyone associated with will be nominated for Oscars. There is such affection for JKR's books that this is inevitable - no matter how bad the movie

The HP films are just travesties of what they could have been. It is a crying shame that Peter Jackson didn't tackle this project

Supernova (2005–2006)

What a hoot !

[15 November 2005]

A comedy about Astronomy professors in an observatory?

Yup that is exactly what it was! I enjoyed the sheer wackiness of this brilliant little gem.

Some of its humour comes from clever in-jokes about matters astronomical - some from the cultural interplay between the English professor and his Australian colleagues and some from the lovable eccentricity of all seven characters.

Occasional contrived situations did occur but the excellent cast carried them off with verve.

The BBC decided that the show might have limited appeal only and so, giving it little publicity, consigned it to a graveyard slot on a minority channel.

What a shame they hadn't the guts to substitute Supernova for one of their multitude of prime-time soaps - they might have got a pleasant surprise.

Troy (2004)

What happened?

[1/10 · 29 October 2004]

This film had everything - a great director, a great cast, a great story and a great budget. So what on earth happened?

Having missed the film on its short run, I have just watched the DVD. It was a hell of an effort.

The dialogue was hysterical, the music was painful, the actors were wooden or unbelievably hammy and the story, having survived for 3000 years, had been turned into a TV soap opera.

Afterwards I switched on the computer to read IMDb reviewer's comments. I came across a couple of critiques nominating this film as "the Best Film of 2004". Surely the writers were being tongue-in-cheek because if Troy really is their idea of a great film, I feel sorry for them - they are far too easily pleased.

This was one of the biggest wastes of talent I have ever seen 0/10

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

This could have been a great Disaster Movie - but .....

[4/10 · 8 June 2004]

*** Very Minor Dialogue Spoiler ***

When will the Hollywood "Disaster" movie makers realize that 'Special Effects' alone will not make a great film?

Every single big-budget film of this genre follows the same pattern · Character (or situation) warns of disaster ahead · Suspense-filled prelude to the disaster occurring · Disaster occurs · Incredible special-effects of the aftermath of disaster · Heroic, indefensible actions in the face of titanic odds · Sacrifice of several lovable characters · Cheesy ending · (and speaking as a Brit) God Bless America!!!

This film should have been a classic. · The premise was plausible (watch the Discovery Channel) · The cast assembled was good · The special effects team were superb · The direction was passable. · The film looked great.

BUT · Why were the scriptwriters allowed to create such appalling storyboards and scripts? · Why did we have to endure such farcical, paper-thin, cliché-ridden characters? · Where were the two nuns whose role is always to comfort a dying child - they were sorely missed?

I did however manage two guffaws - · the first when it was suggested that Mexico had decided to allow refugees across their borders as a result of the USA cancelling their debts to American banks · the second when there was an announcement that Third World countries would happily welcome the influx of millions of refugees.

Despite all this - I did enjoy the special effects within this film. They are probably among the best I have seen.

However - Score 4/10 Not good enough – must try harder!!!

The Pianist (2002)

Beautiful film but OH! - so very hard to watch

[10/10 · 8 June 2004]

I wanted to see this film when it in the cinemas - but thought it might be difficult to watch.

When the DVD was released, I bought it but still found reasons to leave it till later.

Finally I viewed it in two halves. It is a magnificent piece of work - desperately sad, perfectly acted and made with infinite care.

It is profoundly unsettling to ponder on the behaviour of humankind. Why are some capable of such monstrous inhumanity while others behave with unbelievable selflessness to total strangers in need?

The few reviewers who thought this film lacked action and was boring, can I respectfully suggest they stick to less demanding fare in which no thought process is required at all.

For others who have not yet seen this film - please do so - but be prepared to be very moved by it.

Adrien Brody will surely never surpass his brilliant performance in the role of Wladyslaw Szpilman. Roman Polanski has made the movie of his career. 10/10

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

Like the Curate's Egg - Good in Parts

[5/10 · 2 June 2004]

In my view "The Prisoner of Azkaban" is J K Rowling's best work.

From what I had read, I expected that Alfonso Cuaron would scrap the "Hollywood" style and his film would reflect the darker nature of this story.

He certainly did achieve that. The film was beautifully filmed and was genuinely eerie in places. His animation of the Hippogriff was fantastic - most believable.

Of his actors - David Thewlis as Lupin was not as I pictured the character but did an admirable job. Gary Oldman as Sirius however was woefully under-used. Michael Gambon was an excellent replacement Dumbledore and all three central characters turned in fine performances.

Nevertheless I left the cinema feeling disappointed. I had a feeling that the POA should have been a great film - but wasn't!! If I hadn't read the book, I think a number of scenes would have completely baffled me.

My prime objection was that I felt I had just been watching a 4 hour film in Fast-forward mode.

Every scene was pared to the bone and over in 90 seconds or less. With the exception of Harry, Hermione, Ron and Lupin all other characters were reduced to mere 3 line cameos.

Also what happened to the continuity? - "The Leaky Cauldron", is now presided over by "Igor the Truly Terrible" and has been transported next to a railway terminus. A landslide has caused Hagrid's cottage to end up at the bottom of a hill. Lakes appeared to expand and contract from scene to scene.

Because of Cuaron's mad rush to produce a shorter film from a much longer book, many essential plot items disappeared.

Did I miss an explanation of the Marauders Mapmaker's names? That surely was essential to the story. Harry needs to know this to believe his father saved him by using a Stag Patronus. Another key element of the book was Hermione's need to obtain the Time Turner so she should get to all her lessons. The film barely touched on Hermione's impossible school timetable.

Obviously a scriptwriter's job must be to condense - but I felt the essential feel of the book was lost somewhere in the translation. With this in mind, I am certainly not looking forward to seeing any slimmed-down version of the next couple of books. I might just give their films a miss.

I hope that the distributors will follow the LOTR example and the fully-extended 4 hour version of this film will shortly be available on DVD.

Score 5/10

Bad Education (2004)

Thought-provoking and beautifully crafted film

[9/10 · 30 May 2004]

This is the first film I have seen by Pedro Almodovar.

Having attended a Catholic Boy's school in the late 1960's, I found this a very thought-provoking film. No! I don't mean that I recognised any of the characters - but the film evoked half-forgotten memories.

All the actors are wonderful to watch - adult and child alike. Gael García Bernal, in particular, plays a difficult role in a sensitive way.

The plot is beautifully crafted with the story moving forward in such a way the viewer is never sure what is coming next.

I would throughly recommend this film and it has left me with a desire to see more of this director's work. I guess I will just have to start searching the DVD listings.