stiffdogg Reviews

Final Fantasy X (2001 Video Game)

Listen to my Review. This game rules.

[11 June 2004]

Hi. Stiffdogg is here again. And this time, I hope those assholes in Hollywood are listening loud and well. Final Fantasy X is a kickass game, and I think it deserves to be a movie. I mean, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within was a snorefest times 2, and Final Fantasy VII is getting a movie (what do you think Final Fantasy: Advent Children is?), so why not a truly deserving game like FFX (not that I'm saying FF7 is unworthy because it is worthy). I mean, the blitzball mini-game was awesome to play (I am a blitz whiz), the Final Fantasy staples return (chocobo racing, a character named Cid, a pretty-boy as a main character), but I thought the way they took a mythylogical civilization dedicated to machinery (Zanadu) and put their own spin on it (they called the civilization "Zanarkand" (pronounced "Zahn-ahr-kahnd)) and named the bad guy after a bad thing (Sins are the worst thing you could do, so why not call the big, bad thing "Sin"?) and employed a colorful cast of voice actors who did a beautiful job blanketing the storyline with more twists than a pretzel factory. The only downside is that many people don't like games turned into movies (there are a lot of haters to the "Super Mario Brothers" movie (I am not one of the haters). However, I think a game like Final Fantasy X would make a good movie. Question is, how do you dial down a game you take over 60 hours to play down to 2-4 hours? Oh well, those Hollywood idiots will find a way. Anyhow, play FFX. You won't regret it.

Donkey Kong 64 (1999 Video Game)

DK is back and better than ever!

[11 June 2004]

Ook Ook! Aah aah ahh! Ook eek aaahhh eek ooh. Eek eek ook ook ahh ahh ahh ook eek. Eek aah ook ooh eek ooh eek ahh? Eeep eek ook aah aah ook. Eek ook ahh (feces throw). Ook ook Donkey Kong! Eek eek! (Translation: Hey everybody reading my review! IL' stiffdogg is here with a review on Donkey Kong! This monkey melee of an adventure game for the Nintendo 64 is DK's first frolic in 3D, and I hope he has many more. It seems King K. Rool, the demented doofus and king of the Kremlings has returned to blast the DK Islands, and DK, Diddy Kong, Tiny Kong (related to Dixie Kong), Lanky Kong (Unknown Relation), and Chunky Kong (related to Kiddie Kong) are the only monkeys who can foil the foul fiend. DK familiars will recognize Cranky, Funky (what the heck is a Donkey-Dude?) and Candy, but does anyone recall Wrinkly Kong (died in Donkey Kong Country 3)? Anyway, this game is definitely worth playing, with its hilarious moves (check out Lanky's Baboon Balloon!), a multi-player battle royale, and a strange finale you won't stop laughing at. DK has never looked better. Viva la Donkey Kong! Try this game at least!)

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996)

Uuuhhhh, Beavis and Butt-Head Rule! Huh, huh huh.

[10/10 · 11 June 2004]

Uuuhhhh, hey. I'm, like, J.T., and I say Beavis and Butt-Head Do America rules. NOTE: THERE ARE SPOILERS! It starts out innocently enough: Beavis and Butt-Head's TV is stolen (oh horror of unspeakable horrors!), and they go out looking for it. So, when they can't find it, they try to get a new one. In enters Muddy Grimes. Your typical smuggler: constantly drunk, bad attitude, wears jeans, and sounds like he has a permanent hangover. When he mistakes B & B-H for two other guys (it's common to do that when your wasted. He actually hired the guys who stole Beavis and Butt-Head's TV, of all people), the dynamic dumbasses (B & B-H) jump a plane to Sin City, Las Vegas. There, they stare like girls at Usher at a semi-nude statue of a woman (boooiiinnng!) during the very cool Red Hot Chili Peppers cover of the Ohio Band song "Love Roller-coaster," eventually 'meeting up with a chick' which turns out to be Dallas Grimes, Muddy's wife and the guy he wants dead.

Eventually, Beavis and Butt-head meet their fathers. It's no wonder these two are so into metal: their fathers were roadies for Motley Crue! They're born to metal! Anyway, the best part of the movie was 'Beavis's Hallucination,'where a heat-fatigued Beavis imagines images of zombies, big-breasted women, cannibals, ratfinks and a kickass song by White Zombie called "Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks and Cannibal Girls." One thing I wish for this movie, on the DVD they had the Red Hot Chili Peppers music video for "Love Roller-coaster." Anyway, if you are a hater of Beavis and Butt-Head, but you love King Of The Hill, I've got news for you: they are both Mike Judge's brainchildren, dumbass! Anyway, check out Beavis and Butt-Head Do America or I'll sic Buzzcut (the gym teacher with a short fuse and a military way of life) on you, terd burglar!

Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

Be Kind To Nerds

[11 June 2004]

OK, let me make one thing clear: If you didn't like Revenge Of The Nerds, Mr. Alpha-Beta Beautiful Person, beware. Nerds are capable of serious things. In Revenge Of The Nerds, the nerds take their sweet revenge on the jocks, cheerleaders and other beautiful people. One such thing was the infamous "liquid heat in the jockstraps" prank. Personally, I like the "itching powder in the padding" joke and the ever-popular "feces in the cleats" bits. Also, as an insult to injury, the nerds executed a panty raid on the Alpha-Beta sorrority house while Wormser and Lamar (two of the nerds) put cameras throughout the house so the nerds (except Lamar because he was gay (which I don't have a problem with)) could have a live porno. The best part, however was the Musical/Skit Competition. Whoever thought techno beats with a gong and a freestyle rap with kickass dance moves would sink jocks in cheerleader uniforms. Finally, one thought for the beautiful people: be kind to nerds. Chances are, you'll end up working for one.