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Brian Simpson: Live from the Mothership (2024)
Sorry but this just wasn't not for me.
As the title says this just wasn't for me, I didn't laugh once, evidently the audience wasn't exactly blown away by Brian's comedic talent either as they barely laughed too. Don't get me wrong there certainly was plenty of whopping and cheering, laughing, on the other hand, precious little of that, the audience reaction was more appropriate for a rally than a comedy show.
By the end I found myself incredibly frustrated by this show, Brian Simpson is clearly an intelligent person, he's just not very funny. The jokes are also well told, they're just not funny. Brian is definitely good storyteller he just seems to completely lack that funny spark, I can imagine sitting around with him having a few beers, shooting the breeze and having a grand old time, I suspect the laughs would be few and far between though.
Maid (2021)
Hard to watch, mostly because it's dull, very very dull
This show has been called raw, in your face, gritty, and one of the best things on Netflix right now, I just found it boring. People are calling this difficult to watch because it pulls no punches, I have to agree, it is difficult to watch, in my case I found it difficult to watch because it was just so uninteresting. It is one of those dime and dozen woman who runs away from an abusive partner shows, which there have been no end of for about the last 40 odd years. The music tries and fails to create tension while you watch a woman frantically tidy a house and daydream. The camera work is uninspired and cookie cutter stuff. The plot is razor thin and filler heavy, did you just watch someone cleaning for 15 minutes? Yes, yes you did.
I get that people treat domestic cleaner like crap, I've been one myself, I even had my own domestic cleaning company, for the most part it's a thankless job, but my word, does maid lay it on thick.
For me, this show can be summed up thusly: her husband's an abusive d*** and she's about as interesting as watching paint dry.
Robyn Hood (2023)
Robin Hood written and created by someone who doesn't understand Robin Hood
How best to describe this program: dumpster fire.
Robin Hood: a nobleman who returns from the crusades to discovers his land and wealth have been stolen by the crown, his home has been destroyed during his absence and the people of Sherwood are being taxed to death by the corrupt, greedy and avaricious Prince John and his lacky the Sheriff of Nottingham. Robin is proclaimed to be outlaw because he tries protect the people of Sherwood from Prince John and the Sheriff and until the virtuous King Richard can return to take back the throne from his brother. He only turns to crime after being made an outlaw, he robs from the rich to return that wealth to poor who it was originally taken from through taxation. At it's core Robin Hood is a story about a man who accepts the lose of his social position and the privilege it brings to fight corruption and protect the common people until the true ruler returns to set everything right.
Robyn Hood: A teenage rapper who is the lead vocalist in a group called the Hood, she lives in a housing project called Sherwood and his plans to move to Mercia to get a fresh start and have a better life. Her home is owned by a corrupt and wealthy land owner who controls the local police force headed by the perpetually angry Sheriff, John plans to evict all the residence so he can let the properties to a 'better class of people'. After her mother is shot in the spine and paralysed by a police officer during a protest against the evictions she enlists the help of her group, an old childhood friend who just left the military (Little John) and a hacker with access to cutting edge technology (tuck) to steal from a John Prince so she can pay her mother's medical bills. After the group realise their heist has netted them more than they needed they argue over what they should spend the excess money on, new amps to use while making their music videos, food for the community or just keeping it, they decide to blow it on a party for the people of Sherwood. In this reimagining of the Robin Hood tale Robyn is a talentless wannabe musician who consistently trespasses on private property and assaults police officers while making music videos, as soon as she is presented the challenge of paying her mother's medical bills she immediately plans a theft to meet that challenge, she is virtuous because the show keeps telling us she is and not because of the self evident virtue of her actions, in reality she's pretty scummy.
It's is clear that Director X and his cowriter don't really understand Robin Hood; in the most popular and widely know version of the story Robin begins the tale as a nobleman who is made an outlaw by Prince John, he only turns to crime to protect people. Robyn, on the other hand, starts the show as a petty criminal and the second her back is against a wall elevates to more serious crimes. The show makers only seem to see the outlaw element of the character and completely miss why he became an outlaw, they also seem to forget that as soon as King Richard returns he stops being an outlaw and returns to being a nobleman.
As for the show itself: the plot moves at a snails pace, the script is laughable, the sound track is painful, the costumes are horrible and the acting is awful. The perfect example of the poor writing and mind-bending logic of this show is the scene in which Robyn is visiting her mother in hospital after she's been shot only to discover that a woman who is paralysed has been inexplicably deemed a flight risk (yes a flight risk, this is despite the fact that she gets shot during a protest against being forced to leave her home) and handcuffed to her bed, what did they think she was going to do, crawl away?
Hollywood (2020)
Good start, loses steam by the middle, goes on too long and ends with a snore rather than a bang.
The first few episodes are good, the characters were, for the most part, likable, Jim Parsons being a standout here, despite his character being, on paper, the most unlikable person to walk the face of the globe he has an intelligence and charisma that wins you over. There was a bawdy humour that helped carry the plot that was at times contrived and slightly anachronistic. The universe of the series is sexually exploitive, nepotistic and filled with predatory deviant gay men who force themselves on others.
By the time you get about half way through the show the writers seemed to have lost a lot of the momentum from the first two and a half to three episodes and the reality of the show begins to overtly diverge from the real world, the humour is drying up, the characters are becoming more self important, the plot of the peg is metamorphosing from a story about a white girl ground down by life who kills herself into a black girl who triumphs against all odds (I say against all odds because that's the way Hollywood frames it but in reality she triumphs because the owner of the studio has her back and won't let her fail).
By the final episodes the plot is moving at a snail's pace, Peg is now completely and entirely Meg, the plot has changed entirely, the story that was so important it needed telling isn't being told because nepotism has won the day. We have 45 minutes of endings that aren't endings despite how much they feel like endings and you want them to be endings (personally I was getting Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King flashbacks when the film just refused to end) the characters have become massively self congratulatory and self important, the reality of the series has become confused and contradictory (are they oppressed for their sexuality and colour or are they celebrated, are they being picketed and theatres refusing to air the movie or is it a smash hit across America that played everywhere, broke viewing records and had no picketers or protesters objecting to it and won a slew of awards that uplifted random people who we've never met before but are apparently significant to the main players).
My final thoughts on this show are that despite the stunning mediocrity of the cast and overall lack of acting talent (Jim Parsons (who really stole the show) and a handful of the veteran actor being the exception to that statement, they really carried the show) it was generally enjoyable enough to make it make it worth watching, the last 45 minuets of the last episode were entirely surplus to requirements, added nothing, dragged down the show by its inclusion and was ridiculously self-aggrandising, cut it all out, trim a few minutes of fillers from the earlier episodes and you have a six episode show which is more engaging, doesn't spend so long patting itself on the back and has a much stronger ending.
Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)
Failed to hold my attention.
I found myself surfing the net, organising my DVD collection and then, by about halfway through, playing fallout 4 while this played in the background. It wasn't funny, there was very little interesting about the film, it felt very cheap, the side characters were moronic and whiny, the plot was thin to put it charitably and there was no atmosphere to the film. The sister weren't a threat, they kept getting outsmarted and overpowered at every turn and their song and dance numbers became annoying quickly.
The first film was funny, slightly silly and a had few campy moments that didn't spoil the film, this poorly put together, boring, soulless, humourless shlock was awful. I wanted to like to the film because I enjoyed the original, I just couldn't this sequel and trying to watch it quickly became a chore.
Everything's Gonna Be All White (2022)
Pretty idiotic really
"White people never got over losing the civil war" that's a genuine quote that perfectly sums up the intellectual integrity and capacity of the show's creator and the commentators. The whole show is packed full of little gems like that, you spend half the time facepalming and the other half laughing hysterically and the sheer level of stupidity of the 'hot takes'.
The real stand out of this program is just how much of a self-righteous berk Amanda Seales is, at no point does she manage to say anything even approaching clever yet constantly has a look of 'nailed it' on her face after everything she says, she is either the victim of malicious editing or is a severely intellectually stunted buffoon who nobody should take seriously.
The Father (2020)
Difficult to watch while simultaneously being difficult to look away from
For anyone who has ever had a loved one who suffered from dementia this could be a painful film to watch but worth it never the less, for anyone who has never had to go through that I think it will be eye opening. The cast all give excellent performances especially Anthony Hopkins, the film both compelling and deeply upsetting.
Ripper Untold (2021)
Scant plot, poor acting and weak twist
I have given this film 2 stars because it did at least make an attempt to provide an original answer to the question of who Jack the Ripper was, it was a slightly ridiculous and deeply unsatisfying answer but at least they tried. With more budget they could've paid for better sets, better actors/actresses, better script writers and better camera operators and mitigated these failings, that said the costumes were pretty good and the props weren't too bad either. Had more money had been spent on this film it could easily be a solid 5 out of 10. All in all not the worst low budget film I've seen but not a film I would choose to watch again.
Russell Howard: Lubricant (2021)
Boring, stale and preachy
This set has Russell's normal physical comedy and constant stories about his mother father and brother, it's gotten stale and played out now because if you've seen him before you heard it all before and it was funnier then.
He has some material about covid, but it seemed forced and like he's trying a little too hard to be edgy and instead he just come off as unoriginal and like he begging for applause, don't get me wrong I'm not an anti-vaxer, in fact I've had both my shots and my booster jab, I just think it felt like he was desperate for an easy laugh and, for me it feel flat.
He has some stuff about women being great and clever and amazing and strong and men being useless dolts, which, predictability was met with whoops, cheers and applause but no laughter because it simply wasn't funny.
He had some 'jokes' about how women shouldn't listen to people who tell them what to do with their bodies while telling women what not to do with their bodies, the irony of which escaped him completely.
There was the revelation that he fingers himself in the arse while he's asleep, that didn't really surprise me or illicit any laughter from me.
He had a bit about his brother nearly dying during an epileptic fit after which his brother started sleeping in the same bed as him, Russell was shocked to learn later in life that his brother only started sleeping in the same bed as him because he was afraid of dying in his sleep, apparently Russell is not all that smart and couldn't put that particular puzzle together on his own.
I think the audience reaction said it all for me, people cheered and clapped constantly but laughed rarely, in the end it felt more like a rally than a comedy special. His older stuff is definitely better, hopefully he finds his feet again in his next tour.
The Last Duel (2021)
The thin story line which doesn't justify the length
Not the greatest film, the costumes are excellent, the casting is very questionable, the acting was pretty meh, there is enough story for a 45 minute episode of a TV series but not a 2 and a half hour one, and, finally, the actual due
l which lasted about 5 minutes was a huge anticlimax. All in all it felt like a high budget made for TV movie, I found it boring and difficult to get through.
Hostiles (2017)
Heavy on scenery light on story
I'll preface this by stating that I really wanted to like this film, I do enjoy a good western.
This films has good moments and some great acting, mostly on the part of Christian Bale who, in my opinion, ends up carrying it, it's also a mess that seems like it was originally meant to be a series but the writer was too lazy to finish it so decided to compress what he had gotten around to writing into a film.
The core problem with the film that reduces it to simply mediocre, it's excruciatingly long given that the actual story is a very straightforward one, a story which it often meanders away from to follow a pointless subplot or treat you to yet another 5 to 15 minutes of scenery. To me Hostiles felt like a squandered opportunity which needed to pick one plot line and fully explore it, instead they decided to try and shoe horn in half a dozen sadly underdeveloped B plots which all get resolved too easily; this seems to have been done in the pursuit of deeper themes that all ended up feeling incredibly shallow, a good example of this is Christian Bales hatred for 'the savages' which he manages to get over extremely quickly, he goes from "keep them in chains and if they move shoot them" to "quick give them guns" in a matter of minutes.
In the end I was left conflicted: on one hand I was left feeling deflated by the underwhelming story, on the otherhand I was impressed that the director managed to wring so much film out of so little substance.
Borderline (2016)
Not funny or original, badly acted and boring.
It's like someone took the office and blended it with come fly with me and removed all the jokes and wit, most the characters are two dimensional and the 'humour' is painful. I don't think I can overstate how unoriginal this program is.
Bridgerton (2020)
Melodrama heavy, confused costume design and odd casting choices
Bridgerton is a solid 4 out of 10.
The acting is often way over the top and constantly had me in fits of laughter when I was supposed to feel sympathy or anger, the costume and set design is wildly inaccurate as is the casting. On the casting, I'm not saying that a person needs to be a dead ringer for the historical figure they're portraying but they should at least in some way reassemble that person, none of the actors look in anyway like the real people, Queen Anne is the worst offender. Basically this is pride and prejudice with far less effort made to look the period it's set in, more incredibly over the top acting and a far less interesting plot (something I never thought I would be able to say)
Godless (2017)
Could've been great, sadly wasn't
Let's start with the good:
- There are some interesting plot points.
- Generally solid acting from most the cast which is pretty star heavy.
- Decent production values.
- Stunning location, genuinely beautiful to look at most of the time.
- Excellent first episode.
The bad:
- Most of the interesting plot point are underdeveloped because far too much time is squandered on 'fleshing out' the supporting characters.
- The supporting characters have their histories explored more throughly than the main characters who' back stories are rushed through so quickly you almost get the feeling the writers wished they weren't there.
- Le Belle is a plot black hole that sucks in and destroys everything around it and really could've been completely removed and the plot would make a great deal more sense (the finale would have to be staged somewhere else though).
- All the hardened gunslinger are terrible fighters who are built up and then sacrificed in the service of the frankly imbecilic final episode, the ever so scary buffalo soldiers for instance who killed countless Indians are whipped out effortlessly.
- Merritt Wever, who did win award for her part in this show, God know why though; her character is basically a walking female power fantasy who excels at everything she does with no effort, this wasn't helped by Merritt sleep walking her way through her scenes. Every time she was on screen she sucked me right out of the show.
- the finale, total dumpster fire which relegated all of the actually intermediating characters to being incompetent buffoons so they could be defeated by the women of Le Belle in one of the most unearned victories in the history of the world.
- John Doe is a total waste of screen time he could've and should've been removed, he serve no purpose other than reminding us that the writers have very short attention spans.
Resident Evil (2002)
dull
Simply one of the most boring, predictable and generally anticlimactic movies ever made, only being surpassed in it' awfulness by it' numerous sequels. The acting is sub-par (even by Milla Jovovich's standards), the plot is laughable, the action is dull and repetitive and the Matrix style bullet time effect is over used.
For fans of the games, this film has nothing to offer you. In fact you're likely to end up hating Paul Anderson, that is, of course, if you didn't already hate him for his previous travesties.
For fans of zombie movies, this film has nothing new to offer to you. All you will get from this film, and indeed the plethora of abortive train wrecks it's spawned, is an uninteresting rehash of things you've seen before, nothing has even been used in an original way. For fans of horror films, this film contains no suspense and is about as likely to frighten you as offering salt lick to horse is likely to frighten it. This is an action film pure and simple, an all style no substance action film at that.
For fans of well-made movies, the genre of which really doesn't bother you, look elsewhere. If you are masochistic enough to feel you that you just have to see this film for yourself don't say I didn't warn you.
There is a very special group of people who will love this movie, namely 14 year old boys with below average IQs and way too much testosterone. The only redeeming feature of this film is the soundtrack, but if you like that kind of music you'll probably have every song you hear in this film already.
My suggestion save your money and get yourself a tin of paint, you'll have a lot more fun watching it dry than you would do sitting through this steaming pile of horse manure.
In summary, the Resident evil the movie will probably go down in history as the most expensive B movie ever made. If you actually liked this film I have nothing but pity for you.