stuartmconde Reviews

Brightburn (2019)

Someone got paid to write this!

[1/10 · 29 May 2021]

I kept asking myself, there must be more to this movie than bad superman. There isn't as it turns out. It's all just so low effort and cynical. The gore effect are pretty good to be fair but it's all so mediocre.

Some very convenient and obvious plot devices become irritating. Thankfully, it's pretty short. Not a patch on the material that obviously inspired it.

Stay Out of the F**king Attic (2020)

Another Shudder Dud

[2/10 · 27 May 2021]

Why are shudder originals so bad? Why did this movie need four writers? That's right, FOUR WRITERS!! You'd be forgiven for thinking they found the script in a bin.

This kind of thing has been done better elsewhere. All the lazy racial cliches and stereotypes are present and correct which is what I've come to expect from shudder. Not quite sixth form drama level as Netflix but not far off. The characters are so one dimensional that it's impossible to care about what happens to them.

As with Netflix, If it's a shudder original then it's probably gonna suck and this is no exception.

The Power (II) (2021)

Tedious beyond belief

[1/10 · 13 May 2021]

Like most of the new stuff on shudder, it's the usual female centric cast and all the men are portrayed as misogynistic a holes blah blah. Absolute garbage.

Hallowed Ground (2019)

Identity politics movie

[1/10 · 18 January 2021]

This is one of those woke modern female-centric movies that portrays men as misogynistic backward rapists etc . It desperately tries to be feminist and pro lgbt with constant references to the sexual preferences of the female leads which becomes tiresome. Lots of forced girl power cringe moments.

I have no problem with the themes but this is just embarrassing. If you have skin in the game then you'll probably love it but oh boy it's badly acted, badly written and badly directed.

The Vast of Night (2019)

Please somebody bring the scifi genre back to life

[3/10 · 7 June 2020]

I love me some science fiction. This movie however is irritating because it tries so hard to be clever but is actually terribly simplistic. It reminds me of the kind of stuff Netflix does ie the modern day equivalent of straight to video. Also like most Netflix movies, it feels amateurish like a college project.

The opening scene seems to go on forever and the script is jarring and ugly. This makes it hard to follow and means that the characters are one dimensional somehow. Maybe that was the point? The movie feels padded out like it should have only been an hour tops.

Sci-fi feels like a dead genre to me and this isn't the rebirth.

Doom: Annihilation (2019)

I can't even..

[1/10 · 8 May 2020]

Sweet mother Mary and the baby Jesus it's bad. I mean worse than a syfy channel movie. Why can't anyone make a decent Doom movie? I mean it has real potential right? Cyber demons, space marines and those floating cack demon things. I want that not this rubbish...

Bliss (I) (2019)

2 Stars for the metal af soundtrack

[2/10 · 6 February 2020]

Tries hard to be an art house movie with some success. However, the script feels like it was written by children that have just discovered swearing. It's got that crude Netflix feel to it and I think literally anyone with an English GCSE could have written it.

As is customary these days, the male (patriarchy) characters are all idiots and/or obnoxious. In fact all of the characters are obnoxious to be fair!

When I realised where they were going with the plot, I rolled my eyes so hard I lost a contact lens. It's almost like they added it in last minute. I almost feel it would have been better without that. Underneath the trippy dressing, it's pretty standard fare.

Good shredding soundtrack though.

Hungerford (2014)

Why tho?

[1/10 · 31 October 2019]

This was literally one of the worst movies I've ever seen..and I've seen some proper clangers in my time. It's on Netflix of course ...the modern day equivalent of the dvd bargain bin.

It's not even good in a "so bad it's good" kind of way. It's just chronic.

Laughable acting, embarrassing effects and cringe worthy writing. See me in my office!