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The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)
No James Wan, No fun.
I'm a huge horror fan, and I LOVE the first two Conjuring films. They are painstakingly crafted by the masterful Director James Wan. So when I saw the trailer for the Conjuring 3: The Devil Made Me Do It, I immediately knew something was amiss - and that's when I saw this movie would be the first in the series not directed by him. Instead it was directed by Michael Chaves... the guy that directed... The Curse of La Llorana (2019). That was a HUGE red flag for me, but I gave this movie a chance anyway. AND to my surprise I kind of enjoyed it; it was so bad from beginning to end, I actually had a little fun.
- First and foremost, I respect Michael Chaves for being a little more reserved with his jump scares than the typical Hollywood film - unfortunately, he forgot to add in anything scary or original... or worth watching.
- If you like smart and relatable characters, then this isn't your movie. There's a character whose only purpose in this film is to be so annoying that when they die, the audience isn't too heartbroken. The character only exists as a plot device - and so does many other characters. Characters just disappear from the movie once their job in the plot is done.
- There's one part in the movie where the music used in a transition is so inappropriate it ruins the tone of the scene. It's so ridiculously tone deaf and sudden that I was literally in shock. That said, it's so bad it's hilarious and it's honestly the best part of the movie.
- This film is full of terrible CGI possessions and an absurd amount of bone cracking sound effects that have no consequences to the characters or their bodies. They just walk it off like it's nothing. None of it is scary.
- An accurate summary of the movie: Redundant establishing shots / predictable scares / a bunch of non-sensical bs exposition / characters and plot that I don't warrant any investment.
- This movie is so by the numbers and safe it's offensive. This is what happens when Hollywood disrespects the craft of filmmaking for that almighty dollar and I hated every bit of it.
I wish I could give it a 0.
Watch if you don't care about horror and have a few hours to waste away.
The Death of Dick Long (2019)
Eh
This movie has a very comedic tone for it's dark material, but still plays the situation straight at all times. I love this because in real life, tones usually blend together in that way. It has some pretty good moments of tension, it has some good mystery, and although the plot is a little thin, it really benefits from it's fast pacing - I never felt bored watching this movie.
The only problem I have with this movie is *very mild spoiler ahead* - the ending.
it invalidates the rest of the movie and takes all the tension that built throughout the movie and throws it in the trash. Which makes the movie a very disposable experience and a trash watch.
Halloween (2018)
A Waste of Time
This movie was derivative, the dialogue was atrocious ("have to spoken to grandmother?") the gore was cheap and borderline slapstick, there was no tension, I had no attachment or care for any character, and the conveniences of actions for plot were driving me crazy. (the bf throws the gf's phone in the punch so x can't reach her to warn her about the crazy killer out trope? OMG).This movie was so freaking annoying.
V/H/S Viral (2014)
Let this VHS collect dust in Mom's Collection
This movie was utterly disappointing.
Most of the movie includes an over-saturation of CGI effects and unnecessary action. The plot line did not make much sense at all and left me more bewildered than interested; adding to my disinterest was the terribly written dialogue of our wildly underdeveloped main characters. There are also a lot of forced scenes to progress the plot and just like this movie, they were all over the place.
I was also saddened to see this movie shy away from what made it successful: Fear. There are almost no scenes in this entire movie that makes me jump and the intensity in this movie is just lost.