fivejewels2dogs Reviews

Crazy Heart (2009)

Crazy for this movie!

[26 April 2010]

I love this kind of story. Underdog beats favorite. Down-and-out person picks themselves out of the gutter. Going beyond the normal.

Jeff Bridges is probably one of my top five male actors as he even inches closer to #1.

Wow! What a gritty performance. Best of the year. Plus JB can sing to boot.

Maggie Gyllenhall is perfectly cast. What a beautiful performance. She may not have the looks of a typical Hollywood glamor girl but her personality, acting chops and soul make her very attractive.

T Bone Burnett's music is above country. It's country art. No twang. Just great songs and melodies.

I had to buy the soundtrack. Duet was awesome.

Colin Farrell as Tommy Sweet wasn't so sweet. Left a bitter taste. It was just a bland performance. Not sure why. Could've had more punch and interest. I love Colin Farrell. He's a very good actor. This round I think Scott Cooper misdirected him.

Colin can sing though. Didn't know that.

Nice job Scott Cooper.

My favorite movie in a long time.

Jeff Bridges. Long may you run "dude."

Year One (2009)

Year One Gets One Star

[1/10 · 22 June 2009]

Yup...awful. I will note there were a few good lines given to the guy with the mask and Hank Azaria. OK, Michael Cerra is dead-pan funny, it's his delivery, not the script. Jack Black is again over the top, and his acting is getting way old. (Hey Jack, please try a drama, we get it!) The worst part of this mess is Harold Ramis who did Animal House, Ghostbusters and Caddyshack. Yes, those movies are classic. This movie is not. The Sodom and Gomorrah scenes with Oliver Platt are downright unwatchable, especially with your 13-year old son. It felt like we were watching soft core gay porn. Farting, peeing, pooping is also included. My son was pretty much in shock during our uncomfortable walk back to the car. Passing gas on a crowded bus is funnier.

Cavemen (2007–2008)

Dead Cavemen Walking

[5/10 · 3 October 2007]

Geico commercials using the Cavemen were funny in the beginning. Actually, only the Duck with Mango Sauce spot was funny. Now they're tired & really not funny. Same with the show. The pilot seemed like the 7th episode. We assume that Cavemen live & breathe among us which eliminates any humor. There was no introduction to why they are here. I really think the script was well-written though, but maybe for the 7th episode. It was funny that "Wikipedia" was under construction. If Joe Lawson wrote the script, he belongs in Hollywood. It was very inside, insightful and well written. But any mystery or drama associated with Cavemen living amongst us was not there. The problem is that they made humans so sterile to accepting the Cavemen that it falls flat. Because there are no bad guys or conflicts in the comedy, it just won't work. They may not be walking upright in the near future. Just my thoughts for what they're worth.

The Benchwarmers (2006)

It's not poop!

[7/10 · 11 September 2006]

Normally I pass on movies like this, but my 10 year old wanted to watch it. He laughed through the entire movie. And guess what? So did my wife and I.

It's a silly, no nonsense movie that you can enjoy with your son.

Rob Schneider actually fit into the role very well. David Spade bravely wore a mop for a wig and John Heder is just plain funny.

An added bonus is succulent Molly Sims who plays Rob Schneider's girlfriend, and all she wants to do is get laid. Also, Rachel Hunter and the hot girl that plays Spade's salad girlfriend.

We all had a good time!

Tommy Lee Goes to College (2005– )

"Awesome" "Killer" "Rad"

[20 August 2005]

If you've ever wondered what it would be like to be a human magnet to women and men, watch, Tommy Lee Goes To College". Tommy Lee is in his forties and decides its time to go to college at Nebraska. The Nebraska corn fed beauties swoon and practically faint as he walks by them. The best part of the men is the ones who don't know who Tommy is. It's sort of like trying to find a juror who doesn't know who Michael Jackson is. "I'm Tommy Lee from the band Motley Crue"...pause...silence..deafening silence.

It's time for Tommy to master Chemistry, Physics and Literature. "The guys bananas", he says about one nutty Physics professor whom he visits for mentoring. The professor actually explains to Tommy Lee where the pop culture word "Rad" comes from. "Was crack'n?" he blurbs out walking into chemistry class late. Tommy tries out for the marching band with full knowledge he would have to conform to their music, which seems to go against the Tommy Lee grain. He fails to produce good drumming precision techniques and barely makes the band.

His room mate finally gets comfy with Tommy Lee while they do laundry and starts to probe Tommy about the sex tape. Tommy tales it like a man and tries to change the subject by asking his roomy, "how long does it take to do laundry". It's incredibly obvious that Tommy Lee has never done a single load of laundry in his life. Hilarious!

For who he is, and everything he's done in his life, NBC's reality show does show the charming and very endearing side of Tommy Lee, and how much fun it must be, not to conform, and enjoy life on your own terms.

It is must see TV.

**** Four Stars

The Recruit (2003)

I was recruited until the end

[7/10 · 28 March 2005]

The Recruit has too many sub-plots and twists and turns. Pacino takes on the role as a CIA recruiter with a vengeance. Colin Farrell is spectacular as the recruit. His CIA girl friend (Moynahan) is extremely sexy, but Farrell manages to steal the scenes from her, one by one. It's directed with plenty of drama, mystery and intrigue. But there's something wrong with the movie? Could it be the studio? Or the writing? Don't know, I wasn't there. What I do know is that it's a great idea, but someone along the way messed it up big-time. If I was Pacino, I would have final say on the script and final cut. He must have been fuming. To make him do a Scarface sort of thing was absolutely pathetic. When the movie was over I felt cheated. Out of my DVD money and out of a good ending.

The Sex Monster (1999)

Monsterly Delicious

[24 November 2004]

Every guys fantasy comes to life in Mike Binder's "The Sex Monster." Binder wrote, directed and stars in the movie as Mariel Hemingway's husband who requests that she participate in a three way.

I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. I turned on the TV and began channel surfing for a show to get me back to sleep. I happened upon HBO and the gorgeous Mariel Hemingway. I sat back and relaxed waiting for her to quietly ease me back into a deep sleep. The witty dialogue between Mike Binder and Mariel perked me up so I sat up in bed and lit a smoke. I had no idea what I was watching then there was this scene where Mariel started to make out with another girl in the hot tub. I lit another smoke. Before I knew it Mariel was suducing every hot woman in the movie. I understand the plot twist at the end and it makes sense but was I disappointed when it ended. I wanted more of Mariel. And when it did I was wide awake with an ashtray full of butts. Mike Binder is hilarious. Missy Crider is sizzling and Mariel well, you have blossomed into an absolutely beautiful woman and great actress. Thanks Mike Binder for not letting me get back to sleep. Side note* Mike Binder is from Detroit and good things do come from there, unlike Morons like John Green, the fan who threw a beer on Ron Artest.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Totally watchable from start to finish.

[10/10 · 12 July 2004]

There are no dull moments in this movie. You can't take your eyes off it. Every time it's on cable I can't turn it off, sort of like Braveheart. Razor sharp dialogue, by the master himself, Quentin Tarantino. Delivered tongue-in-cheek by George Clooney and the cast. The gas station scene while they're shooting each other at the same time is very funny. It's funny, ironic, stupid, scary, super gory and watchable. Just don't let your kid's watch it. It's night- mare material. Robert Rodriguez directed and edited this masterful vampire, horror movie. The tity twisters add tremendously to the track, especially with Dave Alvin's "Dark Night" and the track to Selma Hayak's table dance. Delicious.