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Reviews
House of Dreams (1963)
Eerie? No, BAD. Very BAD.
It's not often I write a negative review of a film; as an independent film maker myself, I rarely think of expressing a negative opinion of a film. But "House of Dreams" is perhaps the most disappointing movie I've watched this year. The acting is wooden; the direction is odd. But the main distraction is the god-awful, ever present, electric organ music. This isn't like from an electric keyboard; this music was played on one of those kid's electric organs from the early 60's, and it just ruins this cringe- worthy production. It's so overbearingly bad that I practically tuned out the last ten minutes. Don't take my word for it; check it out for yourself. You can't say I didn't warn you.
Crack in the World (1965)
A Terrific Disaster Movie
"Crack in the World" is a terrific disaster movie. The plot is simple: a scientist disregards another scientist's evidence and sets off a nuclear reaction at the boundary between Earth's mantle and core. In so doing, he practically has doomed mankind. The conflict between Dr. Sorensen (Dana Andrews) and Dr. Rampion (Kieron Moore) isn't just over geological theory; it's also over Sorensen's wife and Rampion's former lover, Maggie (Janette Scott). The two men truly have a rivalry between theory and Maggie, and when it turns out that Rampion is proved right, Sorenson rids himself of Maggie while literally declining in health to the cancer that he's been treating in a matter of days. It's only in the end, when it looks as though there's a chance of survival for Earth, that Sorenson finds a new purpose: he's going to record the ending for posterity's sake.
Overall, the acting and the special effects are quite good, and the supporting cast is excellent. Highly recommended.
Meat Loaf: Three Bats Live (2007)
You know, I love Meat Loaf, but...
I really was disappointed with this production when I caught it on HD tonight. First of all, Meat Loaf came out wearing a Cousin It wig that wasn't creepy; kinda reminiscent of the original. The band was playing well, and suddenly Meat Loaf started to sing. And I was heart-broken for him. Gone was the tempo that makes "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" and back-seat (or front-seat) pounding hit. Instead, he was just OFF, off-tempo, slightly out of tune, and completely out of breath. It was like watching "The Who" butcher their performance at the SuperBowl. It was like watching "Perry Como" take 30 mins to sing "White Christmas." It was just wrong.
The same thing happened with "You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth" -- another high tempo sound, and he could barely sing it. He even seemed to be missing some of the words to the lyrics. So when when "I Won't Do That" came up, I was thinking, all right. This song's at a tempo he'll be able to handle. But he couldn't. He just couldn't. I turned it off.
The man will always be one of my music idols, and I will remember fondly all the wonderful memories I have of his music and the situations I'd find myself in while listening to it. But go get out the CDs or download the originals. This performance will sully your view of Meat Loaf, and honestly, I wish I hadn't seen it.
Race (2007)
Thoroughly Unlikeable
Take the pod races from Star Wars, substitute a jackass for Annakin, and you've practically got "Race." Throw in a scene in an asteroid belt, add some really immature animation (every female character is big breasted with nice, pointy nipples, twenty-inch diameter tummy and a heart-shaped fanny), inane dialogue and utterly worse narration from "sportscasters" during the races, and you've pretty much got this movie. None, and I truly mean it, none of the characters are likable. The lead "Trance" is probably the most egregious of these. He's an utter jerk. How can you root for someone like him to win a race? The aliens are speak with all sorts of faux accents, especially bad Cockney ones.
Yes, it's probably kewl to watch for the prepubescent crowd, but it's not really worthwhile to spend an hour and a half on.
Seventh Moon (2008)
Shaky Cam Strikes Again
I'm not sure why there's this horrible fondness as of late for using hand-held steadycams, but it certainly makes an almost unwatchable mess of what is a very good story, very good acting, and seemingly a good production.
The story itself is an engaging one: honeymooners trapped in remote China with the undead seeking their lives. It's strongly steeped in Chinese mysticism, and had me from the get go.
The acting was really good. I'd never have thought someone like Amy Smart could pull off a role like this, and she did a great job.
Unfortunately, the use of shaky cam just detracts so much from the movie that parts of it are almost incomprehensible. Directors need to realize that this particular technique is being OVERDONE and makes for really bad cinema.
Hopefully this trend will soon fade... Otherwise you can't help but wonder how many more movies will be ruined by this technique.
Murder by Death (1976)
I want to like it better than I do, but...
I've watched this movie for years on TCM, and I remember the ABC broadcast with its extra footage with great fondness. The stars of the film are clearly Peter Sellers, David Niven, Peter Faulk and Maggie Smith. They literally steal the show with their performances. Eileen Brennan, James Coco and Elsa Lancaster also do a fine job. Sadly, Alec Guiness, Nancy Walker, Estelle Winwood and James Cromwell are practically wasted.
The problem I have is not all the cute little character-driven lines, and some of the reactions are perfect.
The problem lies within the mystery. The story itself is terribly flawed. Having watched it over and over, it's clear to me that it's so contrived that it's just, well, bad. (And I also think that Dora Charleston actually solves the crime, and no one notices. A fact that should have been highlighted.) Over all, I will continue to watch the movie whenever it's on, but it's not as good as many make it out to be.
Le spie vengono dal semifreddo (1966)
Too Bad to Watch
I'd heard this thing (movie is too generous a term) was watchable for the presence of Vincent Price. Sadly, it's not. The entire thing is so farcical and slapstick that even the most juvenile of viewers would find it distasteful.
Perhaps in the 60's when the farce was made, it would've been enjoyable -- had there been cameos by various American actors -- but there's not a single funny line or instance in its entire running time. Not one! Avoid this one like the plague. Given so many good films from the 60's in such as a state of disrepair or anonymity, it's amazing that this utter drek was dragged out to be shown on an HD satellite channel.
In the Year 2889 (1969)
A Remake of A Mediocre Sci Fi Film
I stumbled across this film on Encore Action the other late night, and was surprised to see that it's a complete remake of the original sf film "The Day the World Ended" (1955). Even the dialogue is almost word-for-word. Ironically, this version though colorful just doesn't grab the viewer. The characters seem one dimensional (the original features two-dimension characters). The cast of this film are virtually cardboard cutouts. The cast from the 1955 version featured bit actors like Touch Connors (better known as Mike Conners in recent years) and Richard Denning and they outshone this inept cast completely. I would recommend skipping this version altogether and looking up the original, preferably the wide screen format as opposed to the 16mm print that seems to be running on AMC these days.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007)
Better Than Indy 4
Below I just sat down with the kids this afternoon and watched the DVD of National Treasure: The Book of Secrets, and I was utterly charmed by the whole thing. The villain's motives are a little shaky in logic, but hey, that's a common problem with movie villains anyway. But I was struck by how much better and how much more entertaining this film was than Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, especially since both movies are basically in search of the same goal: the city of gold. Frankly, National Treasure 2 was simply a better telling of the story, far more believable, and far more entertaining. Sure, Indy's got its charm because of the actors and style, but having seen Indy in the theater and National Treasure on DVD, I wish the reverse were true. I'd've loved to have seen National Treasure on the big screen, and I'd've waited until Indy was on DVD to see it.
Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet (1965)
Voyage to Prehistoric Planet Definitely Enjoyable
When I think of science fiction films from my youth, this was always one of my favorites, mainly because of the use of the original footages from the Russian film PLANETA BURG (Planet of Storms). All in all, the editing of Marsha (Faith Domergue) into the film along with Professor Hartman (Basil Rathbone) actually adds a bit to the film. Another movie with the same stock footage (VOYAGE TO THE PLANET OF THE PREHISTORIC WOMEN) fails to accomplish the pulp science-fiction feel of this film. The robot, the hover car, the spacecraft, the spacesuits, they all are wonderful visions of what we as kids in the 60's thought space would be like. It's a pity that the real Venus turned out to be so hostile to life as we know it, because I would've loved to have visited this wonderful alien world of the imagination. Of course, in a sense I have while watching the movie, and I think I'll go and watch it again. Very well done, and highly recommended.
The Flesh Eaters (1964)
Just Watched this on AMC
I'd never heard of this flick until I managed to catch it late night (okay, early, early morning) on AMC. I must admit, that despite some of its cute hokeyness--three out of the four females manage to find away to strip down to their bra or less, mad scientist whose motives are muddled--and some outright implausibilities--a sea plane and a cabin tent which manage not to get blown away during a hurricane--it was vastly entertaining. I simply refused to go to bed until I watched the thing to the very predictable evening, but that to me is the mark of an entertaining movie. Sit down with a bag of popcorn, put on your suspension of disbelief caps, and enjoy this one!
Epic Movie (2007)
Not Worth the $10 I Spent to Watch It
All in all, it's just another lame parody with the same ol' cast of characters making fun of other films. The problem with this one is that the main four characters just aren't all that funny or sympathetic. You can't laugh at them all that much, and you can't feel for their predicaments, so you just sit there and watch them go through this series of (un)fortunate events and hope to hell to get a belly laugh every now and then.
And there are a few...mind you, a FEW, genuine laughs in the movie. But the audience has already seen them if they've seen the trailers.
It seems to me that the production companies when they come up with this level of bad movie--better than DATE MOVIE, not as good as the lame SCARY MOVIE 4--it's a matter these days of coming up with an ad campaign to get as many people into the theater the first weekend, and hope to hell you recoup as much of your money as possible. They spent WEEKS advertising this, and for what? Maybe ten minutes of belly laughs and the rest just a meandering morass of muck.
My recommendation: wait until it's on cable or comedy central.
CrossBones (2005)
Worse than We Thought It Would Be
Late last night, I sat down and finally watched CROSSBONES. My family had been at one of the hotels where scenes were actually shot (my kids are mentioned in the "Making of" section of the DVD as they were the "scallywags" who helped bury the treasure -- and my wife and I are actually seen sitting behind the director), and we were amused by the whole production. The folks making the movie didn't take themselves too seriously, and it looked as though they were going to have a decent little grade-C flick.
We were absolutely disappointed to fund that we were wrong.
MAJOR SPOILERS INCLUDED BELOW----- The movie takes a good twenty minutes to set up the premise (including a ridiculous scene where the pirate rows a modern rowboat from one of the little keys islands to another, only to find a topless woman getting sacrificed by the natives). Then we have a montage of scenes where the characters in this movie spend at least another twenty minutes introducing themselves (ostensibly for the SURVIVOR-style show they're producing). The pirate comes back to life in a mysterious manner (one of the contestants spills blood on a rock, and the pirate suddenly comes out of goodness knows where and sucks his blood like a vampire) and proceeds to whack everyone they've spent all this time introducing in the next twenty minutes. The last twenty minutes of resolution involves going back to Ft. Jefferson and getting the treasure amidst the pirate whacking a few straggling SURVIVOR-types and the producer for a typical "shock" ending that was ambiguous at best. -- END MAJOR SPOILERS
The problem with the film was not the acting (not great, but I've seen worse), not the photography (some of it's pretty good in fact), not the production values (hey, it was shot for a direct-to-DVD film, what'd you expect?). It was without a doubt the writing. If you spend twenty minutes setting up the movie and another twenty minutes introducing the characters, then you've wasted thirty minutes on a needlessly complicated plot and expository character development -- having the characters tell us who they are instead of letting the script SHOW us who they are is just really amateurish writing.
I usually can find something positive enough to give a better rating for movies of this type, but not this time. I've got to agree that this is one of the worst movies ever made.
Team America: World Police (2004)
Basically Sums Up How the World Really Is
It's truly ironic that a PUPPET movie could point out to everyone how the U.S. sees itself, how actors really act, how the rest of the world genuinely hates us and why I don't go for Jerry Bruckheimer's movies. The guys at South Park are probably the best social commentators in the US today. No one, not even the Hollywood Elite, is above getting lampooned by them, and the targets of their satire should sit up and take notice that their behavior has been noticed. (Heck, I'm surprised that several members of the Film Actors Guild haven't sued their pants off.) Goodness knows I hope that they continue poking fun at the entire world for years to come.
Fantastic Four (2005)
Best Marvel Comic Adaptation Yet? It's a Possibility
Having three kids (14, 12, 10) means compromising on movie choices. I wanted to see "War of the Worlds," and my youngest overruled it saying it would be too scary. So, the kids talked me into FANTASTIC FOUR. I must admit I never cared for Marvel Comics as a kid (I preferred JLA and GREEN LANTERN), so I wasn't all that keen about seeing this film.
I was completely wrong.
The film was fantastic, no pun intended. Yes, there could've been more action, but this wasn't meant to be an action film. It was an origins story, and it was a pretty darned good one at that. The actors, in particular, gave a good deal of believability to what I always considered one of the most ridiculous comic concepts (i.e. cosmic rays causing super powers).
In fact, I daresay the acting is what drew me into the film. All five leads are simply incredibly believable in their performances. Ioan Gruffudd does a wonderful job of capturing the naiveté of a scientist. He's completely unaware that he's being used throughout the film, and this flaw endears his character (and the performance) to us. Jessica Alba gives a lot of depth to what could be a superficial role (I loved her reaction to her brother's nicknaming her "I'm the Invisible GIRL?!") Chris Evans captures the fireball free-spirit of the Human Torch, and Chilkis ends up being incredibly emotive under all that rock. Julian McMahon captures the slide of Victor von Doom from evil manipulator into outright evil insanity with perfection.
Storywise, it's an origin piece, so there's not always a lot of action. But the pathos of the Ben Grimm character, his personal crisis of a wife who leaves him over his crisis, von Doom's capitalizing on this crisis/weakness, and then the irony as he meets a young black, blind woman reminds him that things could be worse. I couldn't help but wonder why the incredibly talented Chilkis would've taken part in the movie as the opening sequence rolled. By the end of the movie, I couldn't help but applaud his decision to do so.
So I have to ask myself, is this the best Marvel Comics adaptation yet? *sigh* I thought both Spiderman 1, and I liked X-Men 1&2 were really good. I thought Daredevil was unnecessarily criticized, just as several comic aficionados are doing with this one. But in all honesty, I didn't want to go back and see those movies again. And I didn't bother watching Spiderman 2 until it was released on DVD. But I want to go back to see Fantastic Four again. So yeah, this one works for me. And if you go into the theater without the preconceptions, I think you'll be in line with me, too.
The Core (2003)
Journey to the Center of the Earth -- Revisited
"The Core" was surprisingly entertaining and engaging for me. Having heard nothing but bad comments, I was in no hurry to watch the film. To be honest, a lot of movies are simply expectation games. I went into this film this evening expecting nothing, and yet was entertained.
There are six basic ratings I use when deciding to see a movie. 1) Going to catch it in the theater. 2) Going to catch it on pay-per-view. 3) Going to rent it at the video store. 4) Going to watch it on cable. 5) Might watch it if there's nothing else on. 6) Pay me, and I'll watch it.
This was definitely a good "wait until it's on cable" movie. Don't expect a lot going into it, and you'll have a good time. And nice to see Hilary Swank in her role as a space shuttle pilot. Hers was definitely the best role in the film.