phillamg Reviews

Cherry Tree Lane (2010)

Dire and amateur attempt that has no zero substance or reason

[2/10 · 25 June 2010]

Over nearly a decade of seeing films at the EIFF you naturally come across some bad films. Cherry Tree Lane falls into the category below that, the one were referring to it as "film" is an insult to other films. In short the whole "film" is a padding out of a 5 minute scene from a drama club or the like that doesn't even manage to make a full 90 minutes (estimated 75 minutes). The dialogue could easily have been improvised by the very young cast and the only directing tricks Paul seems so posses is ultra close-ups or foreground-object whilst we watch the scene in the background.

Leaving the second screening the audience were shocked at how bad the film was and for the second half, people were laughing at moments of apparent tension due to the complete lack of any substance or idea. The most laughable thing of all is this was actually up for the Audience Award! With one exception this is quite possibly the worst British film ever made (the worst being The Great Ecstasy of Robert Carmichael).

6 Souls (2010)

Engaging story but questionable directing

[7/10 · 10 April 2010]

Based on a previous review here suggesting that fans of The Ring would like this I went to see Shelter and I think the previous advice needs more clarification. If you liked The Ring then yes, you'll probably like this. If however you thought The Ring had pointless cut aways and sudden close-ups just to try to build tension or make you jump, then you will be as equally frustrated with this film. Still in the latter group, I would assume that you loved Ringu and therefore you will appreciate the story this film is trying to tell despite the occasional ham-fisted way it goes about presenting it.

Jonathan (male lead) is really quite good, although Julianne comes across far too much as if she has been cast as Dana Scully. In truth this whole film would have been more believable if this had of been the story line for the X Files 2 movie. Knowing that going in will probably help get past the weird opening 30 minutes where it swings from place to place until we settle on the story it is wanting to tell. Despite the plot holes and some questionable decisions by the characters, I did leave the film feeling pleased and positive about the whole experience.

Moon (2009)

Un-original Story but Well Acted

[6/10 · 21 June 2009]

Just finished with this at the EIFF. Sadly the story was a bit too obvious. If you've seen any form of Sci-Fi before, then 30 minutes in to this film you'll have most of this story worked out, and 45 minutes you'll have it all worked out. In fact, there is nothing in this story (or the imagery for that matter) that hasn't been done in the TV Comedy series Red Dwarf. It ends up feeling like a straight version of "the best of Red Dwarf".

Sam Rockwell does put in a very good performance but that is the only high point. The directing is straight-forward and the dialogue is nothing-special. This is not to say that it's a bad film, it just that the main focus in this film, the plot, is unlikely to keep anyone enthralled. By the end you just want to know if you've guessed the specific number correct (I'll leave that comment vague!).

Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007)

A movie guaranteed to make you smile! Good, but not great

[7/10 · 25 March 2007]

After too long on our screens Mr. Bean returns but not in his usual way. Instead of crazy laughs per minute (as in Bean and the earlier Mr. Bean TV episodes), this is a road trip movie with some gaps in the action. There are laughs but some of the scenes are more clever than hysterical. Nothing however can take away from the joy of sharing in Mr. Bean's exploits as he tries to reach his simple goal, a holiday at the beach. Everyone left the film with huge smiles and several had tears of happiness (not tears of uncontrollable laughter). If you want to see a happiness inducing pick me up movie then this is one of the best around.

Snuff-Movie (2005)

Clever script but never scary

[6/10 · 28 August 2005]

This film kept every guessing until the very final seconds of the film to try to understand it. The plot is very twisted and you often feel split as to what is actually happening and that's were the problem lies. Because you are detached trying to think about the (not especially graphic) scenes you are seeing you never feel engrossed in the movie or empathise with any of the characters. You always expect that you'll be fooled any second now. For the final 10 minutes I think I figured out what the medium sized plot was all about (either that or there was a prop goof) but while I was 99% sure, I had no idea how to explain it or how it fitted in with the entire film. That may sound complicated and convoluted but believe me, the script really is. Well shot and well acted, but just not scary, even on a simple gore level (watch Haute Tension for that).

The Great Ecstasy of Robert Carmichael (2005)

Honestly the Worst Film I've Ever Seen (And It Beat Some Real Bad Ones)

[1/10 · 24 August 2005]

First a technical review. The script is so slow, it is really a 25 minute story blown up to 1 hour 40 min. The dialogue is so flat and truly one-dimensional. The "acting" is pathetic, they seem to really have lifted schoolchildren out of class to read a few lines from an idiot board. As for the whole "point" of the story, namely "war is bad" (oh, there's a shock!) is really non-existent. Without out the "lets shock 'em and get great publicity" scene nobody would be talking about this film. It is so bad it actually bothers me to think what better things the money used this could have gone on. Believe me I've seen some bad "emperor's new clothes" films but the one thing I can say for them is at least they were well shot and well made while the camera wobbled during two scenes in this! Read all the other reviews - avoid at all costs and don't talk about it.

Anatomy of Hell (2004)

Waste of time and precious cinema film

[2/10 · 26 August 2004]

No point to this "shocking" film at all! Director has just been speaking to us saying wanted to extend her previous film Romance to look at the female sex (the actual anatomy). So no motivation to make a good film then nor any desire to include any of the core ingredients to make it watchable! Instead she desperately wanted to work with Rocco again and go over one more time an exploration of women but this type anatomically. This just sounds like someone who has been dumped and needs to get back with her guy and relive the feelings again. How this series of images (I refuse to use the word 'film') ever got funded and produced is beyond me. Don't listen to the Emperors New Clothes Brigade saying it is a work of art like Baise Moi (weak film) or Irreversible (very good film) - just watch Irreversible again...

Másnap (2004)

So much promise... Avoid!

[3/10 · 22 August 2004]

In short avoid this film.

Before watching this film the director told the audience that it may not make sense as we watched it (as time is not sequential and the lead character has memory problems) but by the final scene it would all reveal itself to us.

*** Slight Spolier but very important ***

He lied. The direction and the changing time points without of knowledge kept us interested and we needed to know how it all knits together but the ending was so weak with no explanation of why the character(s) were motivated to do it. Very disappointed.

Trauma (I) (2004)

Well made but poor story

[4/10 · 22 August 2004]

The poor story combined with Mark Evans (director) saying he doesn't know what type of film this is makes this another British disappointment. Despite so much effort into selling this as a thriller and a lot of plot work in the first half they just abandoned it towards the end as they couldn't finish it properly. It is, in the directors words, a film about a depressed man (so not a thriller let alone horror).

Mark Kermode tried to defend it and but the fact that Colin Firth and Mark Evans left half way through the film to go and get a drink instead of watching it all speaks volumes. The Edinburgh Film Festival should be screening better films than this. It would never have been screened if it wasn't British and the director and leading actor weren't there.

Additional:

*** Slight Spoiler ***

So much of the story is lifted straight from Vanilla Sky (well, Abre los Ojos). Car crash with woman he has feisty relationship with, loss of memory, narrative provided by chats with psychiatrist, second woman he falls for, is he mad, what is real...? As for cheap screams from the girls in the audience by bring in very fake spiders, well Arachnophobia got slated for that over a decade ago and quite rightly so.