Schaumann_1 Reviews

Supernova (I) (2000)

Are u freaking kidding me?

[1/10 · 19 November 2006]

James Spader as big bad space pilot, works for u? then ur weird. This is without a doubt a movie with no potential entertainment. The sfi fi enviorment is failed and gives no feeling of futuristic cinema. I don'twonna waste a lot of words on this one, cause frankly its not worth a lot of words, ill just conclude that when the bad guy blasted another guy into space to a horrible death, well damn i wish it was me, so i could escape this utter piece of c**p. 1/10 filling the last 3 lines with mindless gibberish in order to make room for my demonstrative short review, beware i might seem even more odd now, even though i am quite sane.

Labyrinth (1986)

Extremely crappy movie with extremely crappy performances

[1/10 · 14 March 2006]

Wow, what a deep and utterly piece of crap, i did not found myself amushed at any time. I've heard many people talk about this movie as a cult movie and as magical journey, trust me, its not! Dawid Bowie and Jennifer Connely wasn't able to put any acting into their performances, it like they were told not to steal the attention from the weird puppets. The puppets in the movie was boring and couldent escape their Muppet Show appearance, which made even the scenes thats was meant to be scary, well not scary. If u see this movie on the recommended list in your local video store, SWITCH VIDEO STORE! Thanks for wasting my time Henson! 1/10 (and thats only because i have to give it a rating!)

Sex and the City (1998–2004)

This is the most overrated show in the history of television

[1 June 2005]

This is without a doubt the no.1 on my list of worst shows ever! I tried to strangle myself every time Carrie started brewing on one of her pocket philosophical mind jitters! If you like pink stories about four extremely shallow women who sleeps their way trough Manhatten, this is the show for you. I am puzzled with the fact that women around th world call these four women independent and strong! The women in Sex and the city is extremely neurotic about landing the perfect husband, whats independent about that! One episode had a morale that if women make more money then her boyfriend, it will never work out! Again how does this show women as independent, that they need to be taken care of financially by their significant other! This is a show about all the shallow things in life and how you make these shallow things the most important. I have until this date forced myself to watch almost all of season one, in order to write this comment and the only conclusion I can make is, if you don't work in a art gallery or is a fashion maker, then you have most certainly wasted your life!! LOOOSER

A Hard Day's Night (1964)

You got to be kidding!!

[1/10 · 8 May 2005]

This is an extremely bad movie, it is not remotely funny and the acting from the Fab Four is so bad that I wanted to claw my eyes and ears out! Seriously an inanimate object like a bottle opener could have done a better job, and with more facial mimic then the Fab Four combined! I desperetely tried to mute the movie from time to time, but there was still their cold dumb eyes looking at me, how I got trough this movie is beyond me! Hey don't get me wrong I like the Beatles, but this movie gives the possibility of suicide a whole new perspective! I don't now what John, Paul, George and Ringo got for their performance in this, so called, comedy, but if it was anymore then a kick in the crotch they got too much!

1/10

Be Cool (2005)

Be Cool could not be funny

[6/10 · 5 May 2005]

Travolta, Thurman, The Rock, Vaughn, Keitel and so on. One should think that this star parade of great actors could really heat up this movie, but no. Travolta takes on the role as Chili Palmer again, but this time we have already seen the gangster who tries hes luck in the hard world of movie making, its not funny anymore. This is a typically problem in Hollywood, they think that if the first was good, the second will be twice as good, NO, the first was original, the second cant be, Hey Hollywood try to understand originality cant be duplicated, you got to give us a new twist, not just the same movie again made with a bigger budget. I constantly found my selves Hardly laughing when I was watching this movie, but still it got a lot of cool actors like Harvey Keitel, James Woods, Vince Vaughn and The Rock and for that and that only!

4/10

Downfall (2004)

This is truly film history!

[9/10 · 17 March 2005]

This is with out a doubt, one of the best war films i have ever seen. Of course it could not come from the organized censorship known as USA, it had too come from Europe.

It dives into the madness of a man, a man who is fragile, an emotional handicapped shadow of a human being. But still it also portraits an icon who where worshipped by a great deal of the German people, this man who where a God to so many people suddenly gets a face, a face who is not only expressing hate, but also sadness and fear, but this is always overshadowed by his powerful hatred. This is not a film where you will find your self closing your eyes when people are killed, but rather a movie where you will hold your ears when this extremely hateful man is talking about the world as he sees it, still you can not help yourself, you will not hate this man when you leave the cinema, you will pity this broken shell of a man.

Bruno Gantz as Adolf Hitler is the single most powerful role i have ever seen, he shows Hitler the way we know him from pictures and movie clips, as a loud and verbally violent man. As for the side of Hitler who few knew he gives his most terrifying performance and reveals the fact that we all hoped wasn't true, that Hitler wasn't a God or a demon, he was a human being, a human being just like you and me ad you know what? thats what scared me the most.

Shakespeare in Love (1998)

Bad movie

[5/10 · 8 January 2005]

I must say this movie is very poor, I expected a fun interpretation of Shakespeares life, but what i got was a lousy little romance!! Paltrow gives a bla performance and Affleck with his trademark lack of substance and soul, Fiennes looks and acts like a little beaten puppy, as always.

The only reason this movie does not totally flunk is the scenarios, which are quite nice and of course Judi Dench who is flawless as the Queen of England, so at less you are a fan of the world class actress Judi Dench, this movie will give nothing to its viewing audience. Shakespeares life has never been shown in such boring manner! 5/10

The Forgotten (2004)

Momma VS Predator

[6/10 · 4 January 2005]

This movie starts out OK, I thought it would be a Thriller about a women who had an abortion and could not let go, and would try to convince us, the audience, that her child lived to be nine and then dies in a planecrash. BUT NO!!! Things takes a turn to worse when Momma finds out the horrible truth and this is, ironically, also when the movies goes a bit horrible! OK i like Sci-Fi as much as the next guy, but a disgruntled mother wooping E.T's butt with her motherly emotions to her son is not good Sci-Fi!! And whats with the superman alien, everyone knows that intelligent aliens are friendly little grey guys with big black eyes, the only bad strong aliens are your Pradators and Aliens from the movie Alien, hey Julianne Moore you are messing with the Alien balance!! Still the movie has some great thrills and made into a episode of X-files it would have been alright, so all in all...

6/10

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

We really are a weak race!!

[6/10 · 24 November 2004]

We really are a weak race!

I cant understand why this movie is getting such a beating! I am by no means one of those people, who only sees these kind of movies in the cinema, but i feel i have to defend AvP for some of its criticism. AvP is not a film born out of a great story or plot, you have to see it as what it is, a video game turned into movie script. Lets examine what the video game is about, oh yeah, kill everything that moves, and what is the movie about, funny enough the main scheme is also to take lives in a very painting and acrobatic way! If you go and see these kind of movies, leave your brain at home! and if you are more of a Howards End meets Titanic, then don't see this movie!! As for the movie, I can only conclude one thing out of this movie, boy we really are a degenerate race! with out ruining to much of the movie i can say that the humans in the film do a lot of healthy running, as for the aliens and predator, they have a more kill-the-one-your-with approach to life! Some very grand fight scenes between aliens and predators and some very quick fight scenes between aliens/predators and humans to say the least. all in all i got my blood thirst squinsed, red, pastel green and acid flavour!!

6/10

Collateral (2004)

Did Tom just shoot that guy in cold blood?

[7/10 · 16 November 2004]

I have to say as a first comment, that I'm not a big Tom Cruise fan, but this is maybe the turning point! Collateral is a movie born out of its environment, the night shoots of the city is absolutely stunning a Michael Mann trademark! The night in Los Angeles almost gets a myth-logic appearance. Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx both plays roles that are not common to their repertoire. Cruise is fantastic as the hit-man Vincent, he plays it with such ruthlessness and authority, so hats of for Cruise. Jamie Foxx as the dedicated cabby Max is also a very strong character, Foxx shows that hes not only the loudmouth homeboy, but also a person with an debt in character that really won me over. all in all there's not much to say:

7/10

Luther (2003)

A last work of art by Sir Peter Ustinov.

[7/10 · 8 November 2004]

Luther is a dedication to one of the masters of the Reformation, sow far so good. One thing you got to know before paying money to see this movie though. This is a movie for people with a ferme interest in Christendom or people with a historical interest, there is no violence dominating this film, no sex and no grand sets.

WARNING SPOILERS There are some critical errors in the timeline e.g Luther is still alive in the movie when his German Bible gets published, I seem to remember that he was dead when it first got published! And Luther seems to have a great deal of respect for women in this movie, I would say that this is a error, I cant see the man in the movie as the same man who said, and i quote " Women has the Devil between their legs" Oh well this does not change the fact that this movie is very strong despite its minor flaws.

This motion picture is also your last chance to see Sir Peter Ustinov on the big screen. His performance is perhaps the best in the movie! Joseph Fiennes as Luther is quite alright, although he looks like a beaten puppy all through the film. Oh and one thing more, if you drag one of your best friends, who doesn't get captivated by latin bible recitations, you better prepare for the fact that the next movie you are going to see with this person, is not gonna be your choice!

7/10

The A-Team (1983–1987)

I have one thing to say to the critics: SHUT UP FOOL!!

[8/10 · 13 October 2004]

This is something very cool, and the funny part is, if you didn't see it as a child or when it was a prime time series YOU don't like it!! A-team is not even a un political series, nope nothing controversial here, the A-team never kills a bad guy, they don't even wound them!! but the way B.A. Throws a bad guy over a car or when Hannibal says "I love it when a plan comes together" you don't even notice that this is in fact a family show. When I was a but a wee lad, this was the show I loved and heres the loser part, I STILL DO!! there has been many legendary shows of this period, Magnum P.I., Airwolf and Knight Rider, but A-team is in an entirely other league!! God bless George Peppard and his Legendary A-Team ill follow you in to combat anytime.... And i still do!!!

The Village (2004)

Horror especially the way they change the movie from good to bad

[6/10 · 5 October 2004]

The Village is all in all a nice little film, its not the best movie ever but it is on the other hand also not the worst movie ever. The horror effekt in the movie works quit well, the thrills are good, but the ending is the most horrific, not because of its thrills, more on the count of its suddenly change in character, this i do not like!! It seems like to me that they should have kept the mood of the movie in horror, this is the part of the movie that works best, still in the end they change the whole thing in to a Sci-Fi, dumb move. I liked the first 75 or so minuts of the movie but the last part of it sucked but all in all

6/10