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anthony_ballis
Reviews
The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)
The Cloverfield Parody
Wow, a really poor film.
Was initially picked up as an independent script called 'God Particle', and was then morphed into a Cloverfield film with a big budget marketing campaign. And it really shows. Another film where its clear the production company decided it was best to trick people into seeing the movie instead of, you know, making a ood movie. You can see the suits around a board table: Good marketing - check, forced connection to a somewhat popular cult fiction universe - check, Russian 'villain' - check, CGI - check, hey look at how much multiculturalism there is! - check.
Let's make some money, don't worry, its just Netflix subscribers we're talking about.
Poor acting, terrible unlikable characters, patronizing crap 'science' jargon and explanations, basic disjointed plot, couldn't decide whether it was SciFi or a spooky supernatural plot (some awful scenes which there was not even an attempt to explain), and the forced Cloverfield element is just the flies on the turd.
Once upon a time this would have been 'Direct to Video', it seems that in 2018 this means 'Direct to Netflix'.
Downsizing (2017)
Bait and Switch
This film was a political bait and switch if I have ever seen one.
The film was advertised as a situational comedy with adult humour and 'attempts' to stay true to this slightly in the 1st act (albeit poorly, with hints of the overarching message being hinted at).
Then the film narrative is hijacked as if the communist manifesto was cut and pasted into the screenplay for the remainder of the film. The true nature of the film as a propaganda piece was revealed by the clear need to falsely advertise the content and the obvious lack of effort put into maintaining a general plot.
Featuring caricatures:
-Racial stereotypes
-White males being either weak and walked over, or just deplorable (unless a 'climatologist' or environmental activist)
-Bad consumerism and capitalism
-Anyone not white being oppressed and/or virtuous (why does an artificially built 'perfect world' have a shanty town built specifically for all the non-white people who only speak Spanish by the way?)
-Enlightened hippie-communes
-Money hungry white women whop show no remorse or empathy
-Bossy and sassy Asian women (but its funny! She's being mean to him haha!)
-Corrupt and sociopathic Slavs
-Drugs being fun and liberating
-Saintly social-democrat Scandinavians
-Someone speaking broken English being the major comedy relief (how adorable!)
-...and lots of dicks! Unnecessary dicks!
Clear political propaganda. The producers merely dressed up the Church of Climate Change to look like a cinema, locked the doors once everyone had paid to come in, the beat the audience over the head with their sermon for over 2 hours.
Avoid this degenerate propaganda piece.
Grandma's Boy (2006)
Wow. Awful.
I get what they were trying to do. A stoner film with randomness, drugs, gross humour and tits rolled together like a tight joint. This "film" fails in every category.
The 'plot':
A 35 year old man (going on 50) is a video game tester. He gets evicted as his room mate spends all their money on hookers. Apparently the protagonist was not able to find a flat to rent so he moves into his friends house who has a clear learning disability. He then ejaculates on his mother while jacking it to a doll then moves in with his grandmother and her friends. He then meets a pretty prop who he wants to have sex with. Everyone derides and ridicules one loser (who is also a 'genius prodigy' responsible for the rest having jobs), but the other losers are celebrated and are apparently cool dudes who normal professional women adore? Villain is defeated when the protagonists grandmother beats him in a video game clearly made using Unreal Engine that he apparent coded on an Xbox (not a computer, only has one copy as an XBox disc?). A chimpanzee fights an elephant. The End
Featuring:
-Jonah Hill sucking on a tit -Sexual predator seduces slightly retarded man-child who is young enough to be her grandson (not creepy unless its the other way around apparently) -Women portrayed as and called whores throughout the film -Unnecessary randomness -45 year olds playing 30 year olds acting like 15 year olds. -Desperate virgins -Idiotic writing -Awful acting -Unlikeable protagonist -Ridiculous caricatures and stereotypes -Wasted talent -Fart jokes just because
and much, much more. I'm not sure if the multiple 10 star reviews are bought and paid for. Part of me hopes that they are...
Avoid this film, my wife is still mad at me for putting it on.
Waiting for Forever (2010)
Sat in shocked silence. Atrocious film
I wish I could give a 0.
This film was unbelievably poor. I am able to sit through absolute trash; but this I could barely finish. They even had a somewhat decent cast to work with, but the plot, pacing and themes were shocking. I am sincerely surprised this was even released, let alone given any sort of positive reviews. Even if people were OK with the disgraceful messages in this film, the film itself is an extremely poor production.
It is about a struggling young adult who is obsessed with a girl he was friends with and hasn't seen since he was 10. He suffers from trauma from the death of his parents and as a result has been following this girl around the country (stalking) for the last few years and watching her from a distance in pajamas, a vest and a bowler hat (wow, so unique and quirky!). All of his friends and everyone he tells about his stalking for some reason thinks its sweet and tears up in the romantic vibes. I'm not joking. This is considered sweet in the movie.
The character of his brother makes some sense, and suggests that his bro in mentally ill and requires help as result of his behaviour. His own wife apparently says the same thing behind the protagonists back; but enables him to his face. When the brother outs his wife for being a hypocrite, after the protagonists decides to show everyone how comfy his pajamas were by having a violent seizure on the ground, we as the audience are supposed to think he is terrible. I did not. Instead of treating this like a much needed intervention, the film depicts the brother in a negative light and tries to have us think of the protagonist as misunderstood and victimised. The actor playing the protagonists actually comes across as mentally retarded, Forrest Gump level. Was clearly supposed to be lovable and quirky.
I'm not sure what world the writers live in where they form the impression that any themes in this film are normal, or any dialogue is representative of actual human beings conversing with each other.
In dot form: - Main character was supposed to be quirky and lovable, came across as creepy and clearly mentally retarded to some extent. - Main love interest is wooden and unable to display emotion. It was clear that the writer/director was not aware of what genuine emotional reactions are. - Random murder that has no bearing on the plot in any way; what!? - Stalking is a great way to romance someone; they will eventually fall for you if you do it for long enough. Its not creepy at all, and apparently legal. - Everyone is OK with stalking, if they are not then they are just nasty people who do not understand love who should be derided. - Mental health issues that are potentially dangerous to others are to be enabled by those around you, instead of addressed. - If someone is being stalked, don't tell them, just tear up and say "awwww..."
Don't normally leave reviews, but like the protagonist, this one was special...
The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)
Fantastic atmospheric thriller
I thought this was an amazing atmospheric thriller. The music and suspense was as good as any film I have seen previously. The plot was pretty good, but was more grounded in reality at the beginning before slowly unraveling in the most creepy and suspenseful way possible.
No spoilers here, but I though the ending was slightly lack luster given the solid experience that came before it. Hard story to end though, so I can see why. A few glaring plot holes affected immersion, but they were few and temporary.
Wonderfully acted by the two protagonists, they had genuine screen presence and it was easy to immerse myself into the film due to the quality performances.
Cinematically beautiful, great shots, lighting and excellent sound all combining to create a wonderfully tense, suspenseful and creepy as hell atmosphere. For someone who loves suspense and a slowly growing plot in my horror movies instead of full action and gore, this one was a real find.
I highly recommend it, but be warned, my wife was not able to get through the whole thing (she is a bit jumpy though).