morganseer Reviews

Inga Lindström: Die Pferde von Katarinaberg (2007) Season 5, Episode 1

Please make it go away

[2/10 · 29 November 2017]

Yet another soulless, humorless rom-something from the German film-churning machine. It is not a comedy, nor is it a drama. It is a cookie cutter something without character. A perfectly manicured woman meets Mr. GQ who arrives on a horse (I kid you not) as the lovely but plastic woman takes a dip in the lake in what some hopeful person labeled as "idyllic setting" in the keywords. (It will seem idyllic only if you like every blade of grass perfectly parallel to every other, and carefully trimmed with scissors.)

The man pursues the woman, and has conflicts with his father. That's as much as I was able to gather from the half hour I could stand to watch it, and accidentally catching the end. For the whole story I will defer to a more patient soul than me.

The look of the movie is as if it were shot on video-overly bright and sterile. It immediately identifies the movie as belonging to the rom-something "genre." It also immediately evokes a desire to step into a smoke-filled Victorian city to get some life into your lungs again.

On the whole I love European and Asian films. This particular "genre" from this particular country excluded. I gave it two stars only because it didn't contain slime-dripping creatures from out of space.

Kreuzfahrt ins Glück: Hochzeitsreise nach Las Vegas (2010) Season 4, Episode 3

Slick, vapid, and pointless

[2/10 · 3 November 2017]

This is a romantic film that consists of perfection and magic, and I don't mean that in a good way. You can forget about humor or substance. I checked out after a painfully dull beginning to watch a documentary, only to come back and find that I hadn't missed a thing.

So let's start with the perfection. Two platinum blond, immaculately dressed German Stepford sisters are sailing on a cruise ship straight into the Nevada desert in order for one of them to get married in Las Vegas, where their mother lives. The sisters are well-formed, but not attractive, since they lack any semblance of personality. Their matching boyfriends accompany them. And yes, you heard right. They are on a cruise ship, and they sail all the way to a lovely CGI Las Vegas.

How do I know it's CGI? Because Las Vegas, though sporting all the familiar buildings and signs, looks absolutely pristine, freshly painted in blinding white and pastel colors. Gone are the t-shirt clad masses. Gone are the sweeping parking lots, and the streets are mostly devoid of cars. The few people we encounter are apparently all upper crust, and their few cars have just rolled out of the dealership. And where are all the people of color? (Well, to be fair, I did miss that hour in the middle). After adding a very pale blue sky, the effect is somehow more reminiscent of a northern harbor than a sweltering Nevada city. Perhaps to accommodate the cruise ship.

The last act does contain some magic. By that I don't mean charm, but the abracadabra sort. It seemed gratuitous, stuck in there just for the heck of it, but hey, I did miss that middle of the movie.

So let's summarize. All fluff and polish, and no substance. I'd call it a fairy tale, but it has no charm and no moral. It's more like watching Paris Hilton put on make-up, except emptier.

I've seen (bits of) many such movies, romances in particular, coming out of the German studios. Glitzy, sterile, empty. They seem to churn them out as fast as Hollywood churns out reality shows. Frankly, I'd rather watch the reality shows, because at least they show signs of life.

The Wedding Day (1956)

Beautiful 50's film

[8/10 · 10 May 2017]

A sweet little Korean movie about an arranged marriage, and the upcoming wedding ceremony. The bride is lovely and the groom is rich, though otherwise an enigma because the marriage broker, blinded by the groom's vast wealth, forgot to ask to meet him. Everyone connected with the bride is excited for her, until a troubling rumor gets out about the groom, and suddenly the bride faces ridicule, and the bride's family faces a dilemma. Should they proceed with the wedding to which they formally agreed, and return the rich gifts, or should they cancel it and lose face? Then one family member gets a brilliant idea...

This is one of those beautifully shot black and white films that looks better than it would in color. Somehow the cinematography reminded me of Black Narcissus and of early Ingmar Bergman films. The story is simple but engaging. The acting style and the story reflect the time and the place, so don't expect modern sophistication, but for me they were just fine. The only problem with the film is that the subtitles were provided by volunteers, and are slightly ahead of the speaker.

Nevertheless, I'm surprised at the mediocre (6.3) score on IMDb. Maybe it's not quite up to the 8.7 shown on Viki, where it is currently playing for free, but I give it a solid 8, because it's a movie I truly love and will probably return to more than once.

Splash Splash Love (2015)

A true gem of a movie

[10/10 · 6 May 2017]

This can be watched on Viki as a 10 episode miniseries, or a shorter version as a movie. This review is for the second option.

What happens when a slightly spoiled girl who does not excel at math (and does not want to put out too much effort), is faced with a CSAT test that will determine the rest of her life? She avoids the test of course. By standing in the rain and getting wetter and wetter, wishing to disappear, then jumping into a big puddle of water, and poof, she's gone. Except that she emerges again, this time in fifteenth century Joseon, at the court of the young King Sejong the Great. Mistaken for an erudite boy due to her clothing, she is brought to the attention of the king, who is trying to solve several problems, such as the Pythagorean theorem and a three-year drought, in that order. The young scholar now has to do a whole lot of math, much of it at the tip of a sword, before the young king figures out her gender and... Well, you get the gist. It's a beautifully filmed movie, with lots of wit and sparkle between the protagonists, and never a dull moment, at least in the short version. Highly recommended.

Zero Point Five Love (2014)

Slightly above average

[6/10 · 6 May 2017]

At an hour and 19 minutes I consider this a full movie rather than a short. It's a film about two young couples who love each other deeply, but must make a choice about their relationship due to external circumstances. Will their choices be for the best for their partners and themselves, or will any of the four regret them?

The film is beautifully shot, well directed and well acted, but it's a character study with a somewhat thin plot. Worth seeing, but will not bring any surprises. I saw it on Viki, for those who would like to look it up.

Island of Grace (2009)

Propaganda film

[4/10 · 30 April 2017]

A young woman has a choice of two men after their plane crashes on a deserted island. The atheist is handsome, superficial, selfish and incompetent, the Christian is plain, judgmental, but all-knowing and all-sacrificing. Which one will win the girl?

Mediocre film with self-conscious acting, a poor script, and an obvious moral. It may appeal to Christians, who may watch it free on the Tubitv app, at least in the near future. The rest of the world may want to give this plodder a skip.

Alien (1979)

Poor choices by characters

[6/10 · 2 March 2017]

This movie has a plethora of reviews that highlight the positives, and I agree with them and see no need to reiterate them. But in my opinion it does have one major flaw that spoiled the overall effect for me, and that is that every bad event in the movie occurs because of a stupid decision on the part of one of the crew members. There is one exception, I won't betray the surprise there, but in all other instances I was shocked at the lack of professionalism among the crew. It's sort of the opposite of intercession by the gods as a plot device.

I seem to be the only reviewer bothered by this, but for me it's a deal-breaker, even in an otherwise excellent film like this. I saw it to the end, but have no wish to go through the frustration of seeing it again.