joanna-71 Reviews

Caprica (2009–2010)

Wake Me Up When Something Interesting Happens

[3/10 · 27 March 2010]

Basically, "Caprica" is the Cylon origin story. The premise of the show is interesting. However, the writers follow so many story lines and clog it with too many POV characters that it bogs down the storytelling. The plot creeps at glacial speeds dissipating what tension it might have had. In any given episode, little or nothing happens.

Daniel Graystone (Eric Stolz) is a military contractor working on a robotic soldier using a stolen chip. Unfortunately, his only working prototype is driven by the AI version of his dead daughter Zoe, who died in a suicide bombing caused by Soldiers of the One (STO), an underground monotheist extremist group.

Meanwhile, Joseph Adama (father of "Battlestar Galactica"'s Commander Adama) is struggling to hold his family together while searching for the AI version of his daughter (who also died in the bombing) in a Machiavellian virtual version of Caprica (which strongly resembles 1930s Chicago).

In addition to the vapid writing, Caprica suffers from a similar problem as many origin stories. We already know how it ends (i.e. the Cylons develop their own civilization and rebel against humanity).

W. (I) (2008)

Offers No New Insights

[3/10 · 1 March 2009]

Oliver Stone made his name by offering new insights and perspectives to history, especially to his films based on events in the 1960s-70s. Unfortunately, his latest film "W." offers now new insights into the man who is largely viewed as the worst president in history.

After suffering through eight years of constitutional erosion and imperial governing, we already knew that former Pres. George W. Bush was a bumbling, spoiled frat boy with daddy issues. We already knew that Bush had an ongoing war with the English language. And most of us suspected that in his delusional mind, he thought he was doing great and couldn't understand why people don't like him.

Unfortunately, the movie "W." offered nothing new. No new insights. No new perspectives. Just a highlights reel of the past eight years.

And with the exception of Josh Brolin, most of the performances were appalling. Thandie Newton, who is a very talented actress, came across more as Olive Oyl (of Popeye fame) than Condi Rice. Jeffrey Wright, also talented in other roles, came across as very wooden.

Save your money and don't bother buying the DVD. And don't waste two hours of your life watching a poorly-acted rehash of the previous administration.

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Lots of action, not so much story

[6/10 · 1 December 2008]

On the one hand, I like the new Bond (Daniel Craig). I like that the writers/directors did away with a lot of the cheesy wise-cracking dialog and monologing villains ("Since I'm going to kill you, Mr. Bond, let me tell you my evil plans.") In Quantum of Solace, it's one mind-numbing chase scene after another. Car chases, boat chases, motorcycle chases and even parkour-esquire chases on foot, though not as spectacular at the beginning of "Casino Royale".

What's lacking is a cohesive story. There are hints of story. There's even scraps of subplots. But if you're looking for a story arc (much less a character arc) to put the pieces together and make sense of all of these chase scenes and assassinations, this film is firing blanks.

Burn After Reading (2008)

Interesting Characters with No Story

[3/10 · 14 September 2008]

Elmore Leonard once explained that in his writing he removes the parts that people skip. The Coen Brothers might do well to take this advice into consideration. I kept wanting to skip to the next scene in hopes of finding something interesting.

The Coen Brothers have a gift for creating quirky, interesting characters. But in many of their movies, including "Burn After Reading", they fail to create a similarly engaging plot. In short, the movie is all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Much of the movie seems to focus on the entangled web of infidelities between the characters. I guess I can't blame them since the spy plot line is thin and weak, which provides all of a minute's worth of action in the 90-minute movie. But the Coen's fail to make even the love triangles and quadrangles interesting. And if you can't make sex interesting, you have a serious problem.

I keep hoping that the Coen's will rise to their potential and create a movie that goes somewhere. After "Burn After Reading", I'm still waiting.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)

No redeeming qualities!!!

[1/10 · 12 January 2008]

They should have named this Epic Movie 2 because the writers managed to cram every over-the-top cliché' from every bad, made-for-TV, Sci-Fi Saturday fantasy tale.

The only decent performance out of the whole thing was from LeeLee Sobieski. Sadly she had a small part. Jason Statham's performance wasn't awful, but his character was such a cardboard cliché'; the humble farmer with phenomenal fighting skills and with a mysterious past.

I don't quite understand why Ray Liotta was dressed like Liberace. I expected him at any moment to stop controlling the evil beasties and start playing the piano. He certainly had the cheesy banter and flamboyant moves down pat. His dialog reminded me of the villains from Scooby Doo.

Speaking of Scooby Doo, normally I like Matthew Lillard. He was perfect as Shaggy in the Scooby Doo movies. He was funny in Without A Paddle. He has great comedic timing. What he doesn't have is the presence required for his role as the slimy Duke in this cinematic disaster.

As for Burt Reynolds, well, he gave us his best Cannonball Run performance. His rug looked nice, though.

Kristianna Loken managed to dig out the same costume she wore in BloodRayne, another disaster from director Uwe Boll. And she had the same wooden performance.

And last, but not least, the soundtrack was as subtle as an elephant stampede. The whole idea of a a soundtrack is to enhance the scene without actually being noticeable. In this case, someone took the Renaissance Fair Greatest Hits album and slapped them on the audio track in the oddest of places.

Some movies deserve to be seen on the big screen. Some only rise to the level of a $2 rental. This one should be a cautionary example to film students at UCLA as how not to write, direct and produce a film.

Viva Laughlin (2007)

Soap Opera or musical, they can't decide

[1/10 · 18 October 2007]

It would be almost decent if the actors would stop bursting into cheesy (and I'm talking extra cheese with a side of cheddar) musical/dance numbers every five minutes. I'm not kidding.

I can understand how Melanie Griffith (playing a character named "Bunny" - yeah, a real stretch!) and Wings Hauser (the kiss of death to any show) would be desperate enough to sign up for this train wreck, but Hugh Jackman? At least he has talent.

I'm all for trying out new concepts for TV shows, especially because the industry is so resistant to innovation. But with innovation comes a lot of flops. And Viva Laughlin is the flip-floppiest!

Sorry, guys! Try again!