randycoates Reviews

Gremlins (1984)

Not "Christmassy" Christmas Classic!

[26 July 2017]

I really love this movie. I know that some of the effects can seem to be a bit outdated and some of it might seem a little hammy now that we're older but I still find it to be a lot of fun.

Gremlins is a bit of a Christmas classic and holiday tradition at our house, where we watch it every year and always have a good time. It's got decent scares in it but not too scary for most kids, and the actors seem to have a lot of fun.

Also even though they are dated the practical effects are still pretty good and I tend to like them more than CGI effects but that is obviously a personal preference type thing.

And Gizmo is so cute!!!

Special Videos Unit: Video on Trial (2012 TV Movie)

Humorless Ripoff of 'Video On Trial'

[19 July 2017]

Video on Trial is one of the best if not the best show that ever aired on MuchMusic in Canada. If they had just taken classic episodes of that series and aired them on Fuse in the states it would have been just fine and continued that success. Instead for some reason they tried to reinvent the wheel and make changes that were not necessary for no apparent reason and killed the format.

The biggest problem is the new American cast who simply were not at all funny. Even on their own, if you didn't watch classic Video on Trial with the amazing jurors they used to have on there, they still seem awful.

I guess it's not too surprising when you consider that MuchMusic also changed the format of the show and killed it too. Why did they do that? We will never know. It's sad to see a classic show get ripped off and then just make changes to allow it to die but I guess they must have had their reasons.

The Monuments Men (2014)

A Bit Disappointing

[23 February 2014]

I thought this movie was a bit of a disappointment. I am a fan of the films George Clooney has worked on in the past (even though I am not exactly a huge George Clooney the actor fan, but not anti-Clooney either, I could take him or leave him). I do like a lot of the actors in this. As far as I am concerned I don't think Bill Murray could make a wrong move in any movie because he always comes across great just doing his thing, and he does the usual good job here.

The movie is about a group of guys who kind of get thrown together when they form a unit to save valuable art from the Nazis. They don't want it to get destroyed or stolen so risk their lives to get it all back before the end of the war comes.

Disaster Movie (2008)

Hello Me is Writer of Disaster Movie and Disaster Movie is Good Movie!

[29 January 2014]

I am write good movie! Disaster Movie is very very fun and funny. I put fart jokes ha ha! Man come into room and he go FART and he poop in his pants! If you watch movie you see lot of farting and also pooping. There are sex jokes. Talking about boobs and bums and wieners is funny ha ha! I write jokes and they do the jokes in the movie. Fart! Ha ha. Fart! Farts! They drive up to house with pick up truck full of millions of the dollars for me to write them more fart and poop jokes. Carmen Electra has boobs and we have her do jokes. Earthquake kills people and they fart. Stupid celebrity people not safe I write jokes about them that I find on twitter. No one is safe from my funny jokes I make them look like they fart!

Lil' Bush: Resident of the United States (2007–2008)

Pathetic

[23 July 2008]

Please note that there may be spoilers in my comments so look out below, one and all! Lil Bush is pathetic. That is the biggest spoiler of all, because I just gave every the entire plot and everything else to do with the show. The jokes are all just plain terrible. Groan inducing, vomit inducing, just plain awful on every level imaginable.

Whoever made this show should be banned from working on TV for the rest of their lives. I don't like or dislike Bush that much either way but the jokes on this show are just bloody awful.

Who can laugh at crap like this? We get it already, we've been getting these jokes for the last ten years, Bush isn't very smart and he talks funny and he's a megalomaniac. Can you at least try to put a new spin on it or come up with new jokes instead of the same crap we've heard six billion times on late night TV shows already? This show is garbage.

Avoid at all costs.

The Happening (2008)

The Crap-pening!

[14 June 2008]

I hope you are entertained by the title of my summary because it is far more clever than anything you will see in this movie. The acting is terrible. The direction is terrible. The script is terrible. The dialog is so terrible many of us in the theater laughed out loud and yet the movie wasn't quite bad/good enough for the "so-bad-it's-at-least-funny" pile, which Lady in the Water was bad/good enough for. This movie is a complete disappointment on every level. The trailer looked decent so I thought I'd give M Night another chance but this movie sucks and I now have officially given up on him. I don't even like Sixth Sense any more now that I've seen it three times and realize it was overrated even by myself somehow! One last note, why on earth does M Night Shyamalan keep putting himself in his own movies? He really truly can't act at all. He couldn't act his way out of a paper bad. Why is he ruining his own movies? If he's not good enough to get parts in other people's movies he should give up his acting dream.

The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island (1981 TV Movie)

Even Better than the Novel!

[13 May 2008]

This movie is incredible! Amazing! It had everything! It is truly shocking that it was a made for TV production, it has epic blockbuster written all over it.

Name it and this movie has it. The Harlem Globetrotters, greedy developers, Gilligan, Mary-Ann, The Professor, The Skipper, the millionaire and his wife, the rest, tourists, basketball in an exotic Caribbean location....... this movie has everything! EVERYTHING! ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!

You should be grateful, very grateful, that we get entertainment such as this. The world is good.

My Giant (1998)

A Good Movie

[13 May 2008]

I'm surprised the ratings for this movie are so low. It's not a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, don't get me wrong, but it's not a terrible movie either. Billy Crystal plays a talent agent who gets fired by his client then almost drowns. Luckily two giant hands save him from the water, and they are of course attached to the "giant", George Muresan (spelling?) who he immediately tries to sign on as a client because there is obvious potential jobs for such a huge man. He brings him to the states under the pretense of reuniting him with the girl he used to like, only she doesn't want to see him at all. The movie has comedy at times but mostly it is a dramatic movie, which it wasn't marketed as, so I think that might be why a lot of people are disappointed. It's not a really deep story and the acting isn't great (Muresan is a basketball player and Billy Crystal is pretty much just going through the motions) but it's definitely worth seeing and is a good little movie.

Pumpkinhead (1988)

Should Be Called "Awesomehead"

[12 May 2008]

This movie is awesome. It has everything. Vengeance. People getting killed. Blood. Gore. Mystery. An evil creature whose head is a pumpkin. Thrills. Chills. Spills. Several car chases (if I remember right and I am 190% sure that I am).

Pumpkinhead should be called Awesomehead because it is so awesome. Also if it was called Awesomehead then the part where we see the demon and it has the head of a pumpkin, would be more of a surprise. We would all yell and scream "his head is a pumpkin!" and that would be a lot of fun.

Anyway be careful what you wish for because if you wish for Pumpkinhead to come visit you, you and everyone will end up dead. I wish there were more sequels for this totally awesome movie.

October Road (2007–2008)

A Boring, Terrible Stinker

[11 May 2008]

This show is really disappointing. I get the feeling the show or the network is paying people to come on IMDb and vote it tens and write great reviews because there is no way this show deserves an 8.1 out of ten. Or maybe it's the people who work for the show, or their relatives, or just some insane fans who actually like this awful show. I know, it's surprising, but every show, no matter how truly awful it is, has a group of lunatic fanatics who for some reason have convinced themselves that it's the best show ever. Anyway, this show is boring. The acting sucks. The dialog is laughable. BOOOOO, October Road!!!! BOOO!!!!

Space Truckers (1996)

Space Feces

[11 May 2008]

This movie is so ridiculously bad it's unbelievable. There are plot holes you could drive a Pachyderm 2000 Space Truck through (yes the pun is intended), that pun is funnier than any of the jokes in the movie, the special effects look like they were done by monkeys with a light bright, the acting is some of the worst ever (seriously did Dennis Hopper really need the money THAT bad that he would willingly do this movie? Not that I like Dennis Hopper that much as an actor but for crying out loud he's pretty famous he must have had other offers than this!), and it's just plain bad. It's really unrealistic but not in the "so intentionally bad it's funny" kind of way, it's just bad. This movie is awful. Predictable and sad.

Held Up (1999)

If Poo Could Vomit, the Result Would Be "Held Up"

[9 May 2008]

Held Up is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. After watching it, I've decided that Jamie Fox needs to return the Oscar he won. This movie is so bad, it erases everything good he's ever done.

It is not at all funny. Jamie Fox goes to buy a car in Arizona with his fiancée and calls it their "vacation". And if that didn't get her mad, imagine how mad she got when she realized he paid $18,000 for it instead of the $5,000 he said it cost! Apparently he though she was a moron who would never figure out all their house money was used. So she leaves. Hilarity ensues as he tells her he doesn't need her anyway, then chases after the cowboy-filled pickup truck she's getting a lift in to tell her to come back! You'll catch your breath from all the laughing right around the time he gets some hilarious advice from a gas station hillbilly about how to treat a woman by buying her flowers for no reason, etc. He'd go after her and catch her at the airport but - get ready to laugh some more - he locked his keys in his car! HAHAHAHA! Then he pays some kid to get it unlocked, but when the kid unlocks it... he STEALS it! HAHAHAHAHHA! He calls the police but they're all at the small town little league game (did I mention the part where Jamie Fox's fiancée has bad diarrhea so he takes her to a porta-john, and his car alarm goes off, RUINING the home town's chances to score with bases loaded? No? Well it was hilarious too!) Anyway, he's stuck there, and before the only deputy on duty (Jake Busey in no doubt the proudest acting role he's ever been given $100 to perform) can show up, boneheaded Mexican criminals rob the place! It's SO funny because the one guy is saying "don't use our names" but the OTHER guy keeps saying their names! He's so stupid, it's hilarious! Did I mention the Sip and Zip/Gas Station guy has no quarters? Man, what kind of gas station has no change? Luckily the stupid hip-hop-wannabe country kid who hangs out in the gas station playing Atari Joust has lots of quarters and thinks Jamie Fox is his hero, Puff Daddy, because stupid rednecks like him can't tell black people apart! HAHA! That's so crazy! And there's two people from Northern Exposure in the show, but that's not so funny.

When Deputy Jake Busey shows up to fill out the stolen car report, the poop hits the fan and a hilarious stand-off ensues. Jamie Fox is so scared he yells funny things and puts his legs up on the store's door handles for some reason! That was really funny. A lady banged her shoe on the counter and he thought it was a gun so he grabs the kid and screams "Not you you're too young, are you bleeding?" That was really funny because he looked like a panicky fool, and everybody else knew that nobody was shooting a gun.

Did I mention something to do with a mysterious crate the criminals were after? Yeah, that would be the "plot" I guess, but it was pretty pointless, and not quite as HILARIOUS as the rest of the movie (oh hey something else, his new car's radio? It's an old fashioned 8-TRACK PLAYER! LOLOLOL ROFL OMG!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!! That's hilarious!) Then he goes to the airport and they get back together, I think, not sure though, couldn't watch any more of it because I have knives in my kitchen and would have had to kill myself.

Oh except for the scene where Jamie Fox gets a cut on his cheek, then starts to cry like a woman! That was SOOOOO FUNNY! Because he keeps trying to act like this tough guy, but then he's crying and screaming! HAHAHHAAH! Oh man! HAHHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!

Oh and the part where the police report on the news that Jamie Fox is actually boxing celebrity Mike Tyson, because they are also rednecks who can't tell black people apart! HAHAHHAHAH!!!! I could go on and on and on and on and on with all the hilarious and original jokes they had in this movie that would just make you laugh out loud and roll on the floor, holding your stomach. You should know that if you watch this movie your stomach will hurt for weeks because of all of the laughing you will definitely do.

Like the part where they try to cut the power in the station, but actually they cut the power to everyone else in town first. Can't these crazy rednecks do anything right? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Anyway, avoid this movie, it sucks poop.

Canada's Next Top Model (2006–2009)

Awful

[8 May 2008]

Canada's Next Top Model is an incredible useless show with zero entertainment value at all. At least America's Next Top Model has Tyra Banks who is a little bit interesting. The hosts on Canada's version of the show are just uninteresting and awful. The worst is "Next Top Model" Princess Extraordinaire Jay Manuel who is the most annoying idiot I've ever seen on TV. How does such an ugly, full of himself MAN get to be an "expert" on beauty? He is pointless and I want him off my TV. I watched two seasons to give this show enough of a chance and more but they always bump off the only models who have any real talent or potential and go with some REALLY questionable calls including the winners over all each year. Plus on top of that the show and the people on it don't have enough power in the industry to actually help the contestants make anything of their award anyway. What's the last time you saw them in a magazine, on the cover or even in an advertisement? Can you even remember more than two or three names? This show is pointless and needs to be put out of its misery.

The Bachelor (2002– )

Die, Reality TV, Die!

[7 May 2008]

Reality TV was probably invented by the communists, that's how evil reality TV is. Is there anything more FAKE on TV today than the bachelors who are "looking for real love" and the pathetic, desperate women who flock to the show, also pretending they're after true love and not just some fact time on TV? This show sucks. That's really all I have to say but I need ten lines. So, anyway, the bachelors and women they end up picking (they give them romantic red roses it's so sweet and real!) never ever stay together, obviously, but what gets me is this "news" is always in the tabloids as if someone in the world 1) cares about it and 2) is actually going to be surprised that these desperate TV star wannabes didn't actually stay together once the cameras stopped rolling.

Who watches this crap? Idiots?

America's Most Smartest Model (2007– )

Proof that Reality TV Comes from Hell!

[7 May 2008]

What is the point of this stupid forsaken show? I have shouted this question in the faces of billions of people and still no one can tell me which proves this show has no point. How did they come up with such a stupid concept? "Hey you know what a great show would be let's get some models and then ask them all regular questions and then when they get questions wrong we can show the world how stupid they are! HAHAHAHHAAAHAHAHA! People will love this show! And I like it because they are better looking than me so when they get simple questions wrong I can laugh at them and know that I am better than them where it really counts - in the brains department." "Yep you're smart all right." "Let's think up some more shows where paralyzed people marry millionaires and circus freaks!" "You are so smart!"

Sherlock: Undercover Dog (1994)

He's a Dog but he also Talks and Solves Crimes! What a Turd!

[3 May 2008]

The plot outline for this movie itself tells us how bad it is going to be.

"Billy, 10, a dreamer, wants to be taken seriously so he can live with his toy-designer father on Catalina Island. Billy's plans get seriously spoilt when Sherlock, a talking police dog, demands his help to rescue his police detective handler kidnapped by smugglers. But Sherlock likes to keep his talking a closely-guarded secret. So now no one will take Billy seriously until he rescues the kidnapped detective and catches the smugglers..." Uh-oh won't everyone think he's crazy when he says the dog can talk but when they try to talk to the dog the dog won't talk to them because the dog wants to keep his talking a "closely guarded secret"? Will Billy and Sherlock the Talking Mystery Solving Dog be able to thwart the dastardly smugglers and save Sherlock's partner, the detective, who unlike the dog was too stupid to save himself from the smugglers? You won't be surprised at all by the ending or anything else in this stupid movie for that matter.

Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007–2012)

Good Idea, Awful Show...

[26 April 2008]

The CBC has coughed up a lot of awful comedies over the years. Air Farce comes to mind. And now Little Mosque on the Prairie. This was supposed to be a controversial show that pushes the envelope with big laughs. Well, I was right to assume that this show would not be very controversial and wrong to assume that any laughs might be forth-coming.

This show relies on stereotypes to sell the same old tired jokes. It is fitting the show is set in the prairies because these are jokes you can see coming from ten miles away. Typically they'll set up a joke, you'll think "I wonder what the twist will be because there's no way they are going with such a predictable joke", and then they'll do that predictable joke, and then you'll groan and wonder why you gave this show another chance.

I've sat through five episodes of this show and I want my 2 1/2 hours back. CBC please stop spending our tax dollars on such awful shows. It's a good premise and I recognize some good actors in the show but this show is just not funny, not interesting, not controversial, not good at all.

Jiminy Glick in Lalawood (2004)

Good TV Show... Awful Terrible Horrible Travesty of a Movie...

[8 April 2008]

Jimminy Glick is a funny TV show in my opinion based on the few episodes of it I have seen. But this movie was unbelievably pathetic. The guy playing the foreign boyfriend/producer character was so over the top it was pathetic. Marin Short was okay but Jan Hooks was wasted as his wife. The kids were pointless. The only reason I give this 2 instead of 1 out of 10 are the few kind-of-sort-of funny moments that happen while he is interviewing real celebrities. They seem like genuine improvised funny moments, and the extras at the end of the movie while the credits happen (outtakes from these interviews) were also pretty funny. I think that's the real problem with the movie. The reason the TV show is often so funny is because of these unscripted interviews where he and the celebrities make each other laugh. When you put him in a movie with a script and plot it's not funny, at least this movie isn't funny, maybe if the script or idea for the movie were funny at all.... I just hope there is no sequel.

Teddy Bears' Picnic (2001)

Very Disappointing

[7 April 2008]

This film adds up to much less than the sum of its parts, and by parts I'm referring to the fantastic and star-studded cast. With Fred Willard, Michael McKean, George Wendt, Bob Einstein, the guy from Sledge Hammer (sorry I forget his name but he's great) and a ton of other people I am surprised at how bad the movie turned out. I think the big problem was with the script (lacks laughs and isn't a very meaty story, it's just a bunch of gags one after another and they aren't that funny) and mostly with the production value, the sound and video are of very poor quality. This cast deserves better and so does Harry Shearer, who also wrote and directed this. Maybe he was busy working on the Simpsons or something but he is usually much more funny than this movie would have you believe. 3 out of 10.

Copper Mountain (1983 TV Movie)

Horrible!

[5 April 2008]

Jim Carrey doing average-to-poor impersonations and Ronnie Hawkins performing entire songs on stage just to stretch this incompetent travesty of a "movie" to a sixty minute running time. They should have just done it as a video sketch and left it at that. There is only enough plot here for about three minutes of predictable screen time. What is the point of this movie? Why does the band let some guy walk up on stage and impersonate Sammy Davis Jr for five whole minutes, and provide him with back-up music? Why is Ronnie Hawkins performing for nobody? What was Alan Thicke thinking when he agreed to do this? Obviously they didn't pay him much since the entire budget of this film was obviously about three hundred dollars. At least Jim Carrey has the excuse of this being his first film so he didn't need to care how stupid it made him look...... at least not at the time. I'm sure he regrets it now though. One out of ten.

Blue Collar TV (2004–2006)

Give Me My Half Hour Back, Rednecks!!!

[29 March 2008]

Blue Collar TV is so shamefully pathetic, I am actually insulted. How could anyone put this on our TV's and actually expect us to like it? At all? On any level? This is one of those rare shows that is so completely terrible, it's not even funny to laugh AT it. I'm not an elitist jerk who hates the whole "redneck comedy" fad that's been going on for the last ten years or so. I like Ron White and Jeff Foxworthy. I don't mind Bill Engvall. I do hate Larry the Cable Racist but then again, who with half a brain doesn't? But this show has nothing going for it the way their stand-up specials and albums usually do. This show is a series of pathetic sketches and stand-up riffs that the average high school student (in Alabama or not) would be embarrassed to perform in front of their class - so how can these already rich and famous "comedians" justify performing this schlock on NATIONAL TV???

M.V.P. (2008)

Bad Show

[17 March 2008]

I can't stand this show. CBC touted it so much I gave it three episodes to try to get into it but it didn't get any better after the first episode (like many shows do), in face I think it got worse. The writing is terrible and the acting is bad as well. None of the characters are well rounded, three dimensional or likable. It seems that it won't be on much longer judging by the ratings someone posted and just the "word on the street", and that's a good thing. This show isn't the worst, in face it's not even the worst show on CBC (see Royal Canadian Air Farce for that) but it's a bad show with nothing going for it at all. I'd be really surprised if it kept airing much longer.

Unhitched (2008)

"Unhitched" is Unfathomably Unfunny

[2 March 2008]

Unhitched is one of the worst new shows I've seen in a long time. It is less funny than staring at your TV for half an hour when it is turned off. All of the jokes are groan-inducing they are so bad and none of the characters are funny or likable or interesting in any way whatsoever. The writing is so bad it passes through the realm of "so bad it's funny" to become one of the few shows that can be classified as "so completely awful it's not even funny to laugh at".

I can't think of a single reason why a show this completely awful in every possible respect could make it to broadcast. I am used to seeing a lot of garbage on TV but when something like this comes on my TV, that is so pathetically awful it's just begging to be canceled and put out of its misery, I just shake my head and say "why?" and wonder who it is that's going to inevitably be fired for this obvious mistake.

Cancel the show, burn the tapes, and let's all never speak of it again.

Semi-Pro (2008)

Disappointing and Mostly Unfunny

[1 March 2008]

Will Ferrell stars as Jackie Moon in basketball movie Semi-Pro. Jackie Moon is the owner, coach, and star player of an ABA (American Basketball Association) team, the Flint (Michigan) Tropics.

The ABA is about to go bankrupt so they decide to merge with the National Basketball Association, but there is only room for the top four teams to move to the NBA, and all of the other teams will fold. The Tropics are the worst team in the ABA so Jackie decides (so that he will still have a team) to rally his team to start winning some games. But Jackie is not a good leader and not even close to a "star player", in fact he only plays because he owns the team, which he bought with the money he earned from recording a fluke hit song. He decides to bring in a washed-up NBA player (Woody Harrelson) to hopefully help his team make it into the playoffs and finish fourth.

It sounds like a good premise and I'm a big Will Ferrell movie fan so I was expecting a lot but this movie didn't deliver. There are a couple of good jokes and typical Will Ferrell physical comedy but overall it was flat and disappointing. If you're a big Ferrell fan it's still worth seeing but I wouldn't recommend paying for it.

Butternut Square (1964–1967)

Amazing

[24 February 2008]

Does anyone else here remember this show? I remember CBC reran it but that was years and years ago like the late 1970's. Butternut Square is worth watch alone just for seeing where Mr. Dressup's character came from. Ernie Coombs was so great as Mr. Dressup and it's great to see him in this show so young and new to the character. This show was a typical low budget Canadian show but the characters were great and it was such a good show for kids (like me at the time it first came out). I wish this show would be re-run again so that I can tape it for my grandkids to watch one day. If you get a chance to see this show, or tape it, or buy it on DVD if it ever comes out which would be great, do it, you won't be sorry, it was a very good show that the whole family will enjoy.