lomelasz Reviews

The Skeleton Key (2005)

Dumb-but-fun voodoo tale

[6/10 · 27 July 2005]

Hired to care for a stroke victim on an isolated plantation, hospice worker Caroline begins to suspect her patient's wife is responsible for his condition. Armed with a key that opens every door in the house, she uncovers a dark history of black magic, voodoo and ritual sacrifice.

This gloriously silly ghost yarn is enjoyable thanks to an above-average cast and a script from The Ring's Ehren Kruger. However, Hudson is given little chance to display her natural vivacity, while the ending is beyond ludicrous but overall, it's a camp spookfest that's more entertaining than some of the horror movies doing the rounds.

House of Wax (2005)

Paris, Chad and co give horror remake an edge

[6/10 · 31 May 2005]

In Hollywood, timing is everything. Mega-producers Joel Silver (The Matrix) and Robert Zemeckis (The Polar Express) have been remaking ancient horror hits under their Dark Castle label for a while, but early efforts House on Haunted Hill and Thir13en Ghosts failed to make much impact. However, their 're-imagining' of a 1953 b-movie classic arrives just at the moment when horror rules the plexes, and with a sexy young cast to boot. Six pals are diverted en route to a major college American football game, and camp overnight near a creepy waxwork museum - and a pit of smelly animal carcasses! A broken fan belt in one of the vehicles splits the sextet into smaller groups... ready for the slaying to begin.

If I'm going to watch young Americans tangling with a creepy psycho who has a penchant for turning humans into waxworks, then frankly I'm happy the ensemble includes Elisha Cuthbert and Chad Michael Murray - the scene where he strips off his wife-beater vest to lend it to his sister is a gesture we can all appreciate. And the whole icky waxwork angle is a novel twist on the usual redneck freakshow carnage.

However, the nudge-nudge humiliations heaped on Paris Hilton - she is videotaped by one of the pals seemingly giving her boyfriend a blowjob - made me wonder: if there anything she won't do for fame? And despite the script's belated attempt to justify the film's extravagant conceit, plausibility is beyond its grasp.

Overall, the clichés - the wrong turn, the creepy backwoods types, the psycho childhood story - pile up, but I'm not going to pretend the film doesn't add up to an entertaining package. Above-average production design and special effects prove valuable assists, making for the one of the most convincingly slimy pictures I've yet to have had the pleasure to witness. Plus, you discover that if you embalm a corpse in wax, then peel it off, the flesh comes away too AND you get to see Paris Hilton's head skewered by a pole!.

The Last Shot (2004)

Quite good but should have been much better

[5/10 · 15 May 2005]

I decided to rent this mainly because of Toni Collette and Calista Flockhart but I don't mind Matthew Broderick or Alec Baldwin. It's from the writer of Catch Me If You Can and The Terminal (both films that I really liked) so I decided to give it a whirl. One word to describe how I felt by the time the credits rolled would be unsatisfied. Yes, the film, although at times very subtly done, has some hilarious moments (for instance when Calista Flockhart starts cursing at a kennel of dogs threatening to kill them). Also, as always, Toni Collette is a hoot as is Joan Cusack. But the film's main flaw is poor plot development. The film has virtually no twists and the outcome is something so simple, you can smell it right at the start of the movie. For me, the film ended too abruptly and way too short (the version I saw was 83 minutes long). Alec Baldwin is good as always as is Matthew Broderick but Ray Liotta is completely and utterly wasted (he's only in the movie for about 5 minutes) and if this was the movie that Calista Flockhart thought could be her comeback then she was sadly mistaken because although every scene she's in is an utter delight, her absence affects the movie at times. Joan Cusack is great as always but as I said with Ray Liotta is completely wasted (she's in it for even less than 5 minutes).

I don't know. Maybe my expectations of this film were too high but all I know is that the film had looked so promising from the outset but really didn't have a lot to give. However, for the few funny moments it has and for brilliant acting from the cast, it earns a 6 but for the dismal attempt for laughs before the film comes to a complete standstill, a point is deducted which gives a final verdict of: 5 out of 10

Cursed (2005)

Campy fun

[7/10 · 1 May 2005]

What Cursed sets out to do is to be a fun, campy horror and it succeeds in doing so. From the Zela the psychic to pretty much everything, you know that this film isn't going to earn a place in the Hall of Werewolf Movies anytime soon. However, just because it's impossible to take it really seriously, doesn't mean you can't have some fun with it. The trick is to not walk into the cinema expecting an original, fresh and clever horror because that just isn't what Cursed is like (which may explain why so many people were massively let down by it); just don't take it too seriously and you could, like I did, find yourself enjoying it. Christina Ricci is fantastic as always as is jesse Einberg who provides the humour (and some corny/cringeworthy bits). Judy Greer is in superb bitchy form while it's a pleasure to see the gorgeous Joshua Jackson back on the big screen. The FX aren't too great but compared to Catwoman, it's Jurassic Park. The music's also particularly good as well and compliments the film well. Now onto the negatives...

Why is Shannon Elizabeth in this? Why? She's barely in it for five minutes but she manages to earn the sought-after 'with' title in the credits. Also, as one reviewer in particular said, there is a lot of chunks missing from the movie. You never see Shannon Elizabeth or Mya getting ripped to pieces by the werewolf (which highlights another problem: lack of gore). In Shannon Elizabeth's case, you just see her getting dragged away and that's that and in Mya's case, the scene fades to black when the werewolf finally gets her. Also, how on earth did Ellie (Ricci) get scratched by the werewolf when Jimmy is on Shannon Elizabeth who's being dragged by the werewolf? It just makes no sense. Finally, Portia de Rossi is spectacularly wasted in this movie. She's in the opening scene of the film and, for me, one of the more appealing characters but after that, it's just one more scene with her when she tells Ellie she's 'cursed' and that's it. I know Portia isn't one of the main players but more could have been done with her character because she is very intriguing (Zela that is).

Overall, it's by no means a masterpiece but it's not exactly Wes Craven's worst effort (I'm ignoring Music of the Heart completely). Despite a handful of negatives (and a cringeworthy appearance by Scott Baio), it's a horror that IS very corny at times but in a fun sort of way. definitely a movie I'll be buying on DVD.

Monster (2003)

Theron prevents the whole film from tanking completely

[6/10 · 28 April 2005]

Patty Jenkins' account of Florida serial killer Aileen Wuornos features an Oscar-winning turn from Charlize Theron as the abused highway hooker who bumped off seven of her clients circa 1990 and was finally executed in 2002.

On the positive side, more than simple imitation, Theron's remarkable performance demonstrates a significant understanding of her subject — a raw, booze-fuelled mound of defiled femininity, rage and self-pity.

On the negative side, the film feels distinctly made-for-TV like and Christina Ricci's performance strikes me as unusually 'off'. Also, Aileen's childhood is rather rudely neglected (with the exception of Aileen talking about it very briefly in one scene in the movie)in favour for a by-numbers telling of her childhood at the start of the film.

Toolbox Murders (2004)

A watchable but failed horror

[5/10 · 15 April 2005]

I thought this film was OK but nothing great. I mean, I thought Angela Bettis was brilliant in it and was pleased to see that she managed to keep the film from falling totally flat on its ass but that's the film's only saving grace (well, there's another one and I'll get to it in a second). It's certainly intriguing and how the victims meet their demise are slightly fun to see but said deaths are rather uninvolving and exist soley to titillate fans of gore. To me, the deaths were, although very inventive, dull. It did nothing for the movie whatsoever. As a horror, the film fails. Sure, it has cheap scares and plentiful of mystery but those who are bumped off...you don't feel any sympathy for them. Mind you, they're killed off that quickly and easily that it's hard to find any sympathy you may have for them. The only person I had sympathy for was Nell (a la Angela Bettis). Mainly because her character is only one in the film that is close to fully developed. Sure, we are introduced to others but what else?. However, there is another thing apart from Angela Bettis that keeps it going and that's the mystery of it all. When Nell decides to turn detective and investigate the history behind the building and those weird symbols, that's when the films jumps from being merely watchable to actually good. But it all backfires spectacularly when the boyfriend shows up and decides at that moment to save the day. This occurrence spoils the mystery plot line and the climax is just a clichéd stalk-and-slash (and the very Halloween-alike ending was a very bad idea). The mystery storyline is crippled at the end when the killer chooses not to kill Nell there and then because of the symbols on her arm. It was just too ridiculous really. Sure, the secret areas in the building was interesting but all because of black arts? Nah. The reason this element doesn't work is because it's supposed to be a horror/drama not sci-fi horror. Although the film does give early implications that the explanation for everything may be otherworldly ie the ominous music when Nell looks at the symbol near the start of the movie, it just doesn't work.

Overall, the film isn't a complete waste of time and doles out a few guilty pleasures to horror fans easily pleased, but for those, like me, who like their horrors well-done, this just isn't one of them.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

A very impressive remake.

[8/10 · 15 April 2005]

First things first; I think I may have enjoyed this better than the original mainly because this remake was more...entertaining. Don't get me wrong, there's a reason why the original is a classic but it what wasn't I'd call entertainment. Disturbing? yes. Violent? sure. Scary? yep but entertaining? Not really. maybe because it was too disturbing (or maybe because Marilyn Burn's continuous screaming throughout got the better of me). All in all, the original just made me feel queasy somehow. In this 2003 remake, not only is it more entertaining, but Jessica Biel makes a far better heroine than Marilyn Burns. The visuals are dazzling and fabulously gritty and the acting is actually rather good. What's best about it is how unexpected the first killing is(more to do with the fact that Eric Balfour gets it first and not Pepper or that guy she's sucking face with at the start of the movie). you don't expect the heroine's boyfriend to be killed off until at least the end where he would probably sacrifice his life to ensure his girlfriends' escape. But nope. He's killed within minutes of entering the slaughter house and becomes Victim No.1.

And now to the scares. Thankfully, the film mostly strays away from cheap scares and decides to offer scares (ie the moment that Erin realises that Eric Balfour is no more when she sees his face skin stapled on Leatherface)that are more horrifying than eg somebody in the background running about. The death of the hitch hiker is another jolt of a moment because it's just not expected (Also the parallells between said girl's behaviour at the start and Erin's behaviour at the end is great). It's a saddening moment when Erin discovers that the trailer where the girl lived is now occupied by cannibals who also stole her baby. Also, when Andy (who's hanging on a hook) asks Erin to just kill him.

By the end, I felt really sorry for the victims and glad that Erin managed to escape (it was a nice touch that she took the girl's baby with her instead of leaving the child with the cannibals that damaged the girl permanently leading to her suicide at the beginning of the film. The only offputting thing is the fake 'police walkthrough' of the slaughterhouse that plays at the start and end of the film. Mind you, on first viewing, I believed it.

Overall, it's a (very) impressive remake and one of the best horrors of 2003. Go see!

Little Black Book (2004)

A pleasant surprise

[8/10 · 15 April 2005]

What a great movie this turned out to be. Not only is it not just another rom-com, but in parts is wildy funny and actually has a brain. Brittany Murphy was made for comedy whilst Holly Hunter and Kathy Bates are both hoots respectively. Thankfully the movie isn't ruined by a predictable and cliché ending and is a pleasure to watch. Plus, it has a fantastic cameo that sets up one of the movie's funniest moments. Along with 13 Going on 30, this is one of the few rom-coms from last year that strayed from formulaic and just invented its own direction. It saddens me that this film has received so many negative reviews because it is actually really good.

The Stepford Wives (2004)

Lots of fun. Nothing more, nothing less

[7/10 · 15 April 2005]

Why is this film getting so much negativity? For instance, most critics complain about the fact that this isn't as dark or as good as the original. Since when was it trying to be like the original? This film is decidedly comedic (with dashes of sci-fi thrown in) and it's all the better for it. Nicole Kidman shines as the bewildered Joanna as does Bette Midler as the hilarious Bobbie. However, the sci-fi parts of the film do not mix very well with the film's main theme. It could have worked but this movie is far too silly to really be a black comedy. Christopher Walken is surprisingly dull as Bill whilst the Stepford Husbands come off looking sad and pathetic (whether this is how they were supposed to be portrayed i don't know). Despite these flaws, The Stepford Wives is a (almost)full fledged laugh-riot that you won't regret giving 90 minutes of your time to. Highlights include Viggo and the Book Club.

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)

Not Lohan's best

[5/10 · 15 April 2005]

This really wasn't a great movie. Aside from the fact that some character development was (extremely) poor, the script itself is lousy. Lohan tries her best to carry the movie successfully but with a script so mediocre, it's impossible. Also, it doesn't help that her co-star Alison Pill is very irritating; love interest Sam is badly stereotyped; Lola's father has a measly introduction and most of all, Lola herself is sometimes unlikeable which doesn't bode well when she's the main character. Although there are some great moments (like when Lola goes on a hunger strike), the movie, as a whole, is a mix of good and bad and rather unfortunately it's mostly mediocre. If you're a fan of Lindsay Lohan like myself, you may feel disappointed but you'll just have to see for yourself.

Ally McBeal (1997–2002)

Ah, those were the days (well the first two seasons anyway)...

[12 December 2004]

Where did it all go wrong? By the end of season two (which turned out to be the last genuinely great season of Ally ever), the show was getting 18million viewers per ep. As it limped to its series finale by 2002, it was only getting 10. Perhaps it all started to go horribly wrong in its third season. Or maybe its fourth? Or maybe the (sadly) dreadful fifth and final? Well, in my opinion things started to go wrong in its third season when Georgia left the firm (and appears very briefly in others after she leaves or just doesn't appear at all), Renee is absent for 6 episodes in a row, Billy is killed off and new character Mark Albert is brought in a hurry. Plus the rumours of anorexia that dogged Calista Flockhart and Portia de Rossi which couldn't have helped. The show was 'revived' in its fourth season with the addition of Robert Downey Jr but still doesn't improve (well at least until its second half where it gets a little better). Jokes that weren't even funny the first time are milked for all they're worth and main characters are neglected (which is very apparent in the final season). By the fifth season, the show was dismal. Bringing in about a hundred new characters didn't help (most were later dropped) and the constant references to 9/11 didn't help matters either. Come the last-ever episode, you feel more relieved than gutted. Maybe if we had discovered that the second season finale was its last-ever ep, i would have been gutted, but despite a few good eps throughout its third and fourth season (and very very few in its final), the show fell from grace permanently and should have been put out of its misery there and then.

American Splendor (2003)

What a disappointment

[6/10 · 12 December 2004]

Sadly, i was disappointed with this movie. After hearing great things about it i rented it. Although Paul Giamatti and Hope Davis are utterly great in the movie, the movie's structure (especially when it flips back from Giamatti to the real Harvey Pekar) is flawed and wholly messy. Tobey the nerd is portrayed as a total retard which i suspect isn't the way the directors wanted him to be portrayed but wind up using him for much-needed laughs. And fail. I did like the fact that these were real people and found it intriguing but not enough to say that i really enjoyed it. It has its moments but what do you know? It was just a movie after all. 6/10