supatube Reviews

The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

Marche Funèbre

[5/10 · 22 April 2024]

Why did it feel like a slow agonizing walk towards death at times and then other times it was transcendent?

So the good: Carrie-Anne Moss.

She's particularly good in this with a small amount of screen time but she makes it work.

Trinity and Neo Reconnect. It's wonderful. In fact every time they're in a scene together it's wonderful but their reconnecting moment is very nicely done.

The bad: Double super super awesome bullet time.

Really stupid.

So much looked corny. Like I felt truly embarrassed for some of the moments and I don't even know anyone who made the scene. I was jut totally cringing and how lame some of it looked. Felt. Registered as.

The ugly: The story.

It starts off interesting enough but as it unpacks itself the film starts to be more work and less adventure and starts to evoke feelings of boredom over excitement. And then it gets stupid. And lacking. Because it's hard not to see John Wick but clearly not John Wick because it's just not on the same level. More lame less slick. You feel me?

I wasn't expecting much. And maybe my expectations were met but it seems easier to have surprised a mediocre outlook.

Swing and a miss.

Saltburn (2023)

It's predictable but still takes it's time getting there.

[6/10 · 7 March 2024]

It's about 20min too long. Some shots last way too long. I think it's suppose to discomforting but it's not really sensical nor thought provoking just pure shock value. And shock if you're a straight old lady. But the moment the plan comes to fruition the film pumps the breaks to a halt.

The last scene is a great scene. Super gay. Super fab. But stupid, so my boredom didn't mop up the gratuitous nature as I should have because I just wanted it to end.

If you pay attention to the beginning the outcome is not surprising.

It did remind me of Promising Young Woman. Great start, predictable outcome with some unpalatable shots making it another 'once off viewing' by the same director.

I didn't hate the film, I just got bored.

Leave the World Behind (2023)

Act your heart out, I'm still rolling my eyes.

[4/10 · 23 December 2023]

Stella performances for an extremely silly script and totally lame idea mixed with over the top dramatic music and you have this little film. Although it's not little. It's painfully long. Strange dialogue. Uber strange. Oh, did I mention the OTT music? The thriller aspect relies too heavily on the sounds.

Some very abrasive characters, nothing to follow to the end. Even if the performances are captivating there's just no meat to chew on.

It's also really pretentious. And pseudo-intellectual. And preachy. I felt like I was stuck in self help seminar I never asked to be part of and my obsessive nature demands I complete the task that has been presented to me. It's a great characteristic to have but has soul sapping properties when forced to watch something like this "end of the world as we know it" story to the bitterly disappointing end.

John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)

Beautifully painful

[6/10 · 23 October 2023]

Beautiful shots, nonsensical, totally over the top and absolutely gorgeous shots.

Great action, like a dance, a graceful symbiotic flow between action figures moving in a grotesque unison.

The story is a tough watch. The dialogue is a layer of processed cheese on top of processed cheese. Yellow, oozing, run of the mill cheese. Heavy for the pallet, impossible to take seriously, too corny to be stylistic and really quite painful.

Also, was he blocking pulleys with a suite jacket?

Is this film a case of having too high hopes... or is it that the wick serious have to always be watched in periodic order? Was the fourth installment ridiculous because i didn't rewatch 1-3? It does make sense.

For now I'm not overly impressed but I'm willing to give it a second go somewhere down the line.

Lolita (1962)

A movie watched because of name alone.

[3/10 · 13 June 2023]

Painful.

Dull.

Nauseating.

I couldn't believe this was a romance. Felt like horror. The music gave a comical impression. Overall it's painfully long with dull settings and nauseating performances. If it weren't for the name Kubrick I might have luckily missed this drab.

I thought maybe it's gonna build to an explosive end, so I held on and kept going. Wow. It really falls apart in the final act. It gets grosser - if you can imagine that. Why was the sixties so unabashedly creepy? Where's the shame? The self aware shame?

Swing and a miss from of films finest story tellers. If you've never seen it and were wondering if you should, don't. Keep the image of Kubrick the way it is.

Come and See (1985)

Overhyped... way too overhyped

[4/10 · 25 January 2023]

It's good...ish but because it has such a notorious reputation I was expecting so much more. I was expecting to be captivated. I expected open mouth staring at the screen. I expected Tarkovsky meets Lynch. I got bored. Over and over again. Felt like I was caught in a Minghella film - overhyped, over decorated and boring.

First it doesn't feel like reality. Everything seems stilted and obviously posed. The film carries a heavy symbolic theme that I find it strange people say this is like real war. It's surrealist so... yeah, totally confused there. What was based in reality? Location shooting? The few bullets? The few explosions? The dirt?

Second, the acting, I can't help but disagree. The acting is so off I couldn't help myself from giggling. Felt like a priest was phrasing things weird in church and I'm not allowed to laugh because it serious. It's not good in my opinion. It's corny. Really corny, childish acting. Very sad, very mad, very glad.

I had to watch this film in three sittings. I lost interest, went back, tried to pay attention and stop giggling alas to no avail I giggled myself to sleep. Twice. If this film is based in reality then I know how I would have died in WWII - boredom.

I Came By (2022)

Fairly depressing

[7/10 · 27 September 2022]

It starts off pretty quick and the pace allows the events to pounce out fairly unexpectedly and that kinda circumventing one's expectations does persist throughout the film. Unfortunately it lets out too much steam by the end by doing this that I didn't even care about the resolution. Perhaps a lack of resolution would have been more dreadfully stark instead of hopelessly depressing?

I can't fault the production value or even the entertainment value, it was worth the watch. I just probably won't ever watch this movie again.

Creepy, a little tense at times and sad. Did I mention how depressingly sad the story was to sit through...? Well it bears repeating.

Masters of the Universe: Revelation (2021)

I wasn't gonna watch it...

[8/10 · 2 June 2022]

...and then I did.

I don't understand the distracting choice to make Teela and Evil-Lynn look like Karen's at Burningman but other than that this entire saga was great to watch.

Great animation, fantastic voice acting, choice jokes and wonderful pace. Even the bad haircut (I mean is she shaving daily?) couldn't ruin the fun I had.

I think the bad reviews are based on peoples expectations for what they wanted and not an accurate description of what is offered even with the grotesque abs (so unimaginable power = massive abs + buzz cut) on evil Lynn. WTF?

In the end they expanded on themes first explored in the Masters of the universe cartoons from the eighties. Making this about Teela feels like exploring territory that the cartoon only touched on. I for one always wanted to see Teela find everything out, she was always in the dark about everything.

The Art of Self-Defense (2019)

Tough

[4/10 · 30 January 2022]

It's long for what it is. Like 15min of unnecessary footage. Unfortunately the comedy is sparse and forced, like ridiculously overtly odd sounding speech patterns that seems to break the suspension of disbelief for the sake of trying to make a comedy.

It was a tough meal to swallow, like a hot stew on a summers day, it was overwhelming just to get through to the end.

Also, the characters are all such awful people that their arch's literally include them rising up to sort of barely normal humans and back down to oddly deplorable.

Malignant (I) (2021)

Super weird

[7/10 · 1 January 2022]

... and kinda gross.

The effects go in and out of being awesome and then not being so.

The acting is all over the place. Some character feel like they're playing a spoof while others are cropped by the mystery.

The story is so strange I hated it and loved it and hated it and loved it.

In the end it's rather quite a ride, the prison scene makes it all worthwhile whether one loves it or hates it.

Two thumbs up for a slightly weird and gross journey with a sweet end.

Don't Look Up (2021)

How unaware of the self is Hollywood really?

[4/10 · 27 December 2021]

It's painfully long. Like 40minutes too long.

The jokes are too far apart.

The drama is painfully un-self aware - its like they don't understand the amount of waste and lies their industry peddles.

It was interesting to watch a slew of actors act circles around Meryl the best actress in the world Streep.

But the film, It's just not good enough for the massive carbon footprint it imprinted on the world. It's not worth "dying" for. The carbon expenditure needs to match the films importance/entertainment value.

This film doesn't cut it.

Did I mention that it's too long? Plus it gets preachy. Hollywood, the land of the broken family and drug addicted youth is going to preach to the world the importance of family. Vomit.

The Falling (2014)

English earth girls are easy.

[3/10 · 22 August 2021]

What a bore. Right from the beginning this film throws itself at you like you're a man on a pub crawl in Putney, London. It's too forced, too easy, too open and very drunk. The only mystery is the point to the intricate details which the film has no interest in really exploring.

So I thought I'd write this review in real time as I watch it. And I'll admit I have hope for it. There is so much potential. It looks great, the costumes are brilliant, the acting is fantastic, the colors are superb but whoa it just gets worse. Okay, some of the acting isn't fantastic, it's actually a total miss but I don't think it's bad acting, it's bad directing.

It also has the distinctive sound of a Dear Diary entry, or a slam poetry evening with the same haunting song that follows the plot making it all so student film in its symbolism and metaphors. Trying to unpack it gives me a head ache. Like unpacking someone else's suitcase. It's not fun.

Half way through and I see no end in sight. How many times am I gonna have to listen to this song?

Closer to the end and to answer the last question, a lot.

The Exorcist styled jump cuts are so odd. I can't quite place why it's done like that, what exactly the cinema language is. I know there is a reason and I know it's not clear. It's another miss for me.

It's better. It's dragging but it's better. The film has sobered up, it's talking clearly and I am more interested in hearing what it has to say.

I spoke to soon, it got worse. The art of cinema language is lost to the vulgarity of just letting it all hang out. The film is drunk again. A drunk mess on the floor crying about the cards it was dealt. I'm getting myself an Uber away from this drunk immediately. I suggest you do the same.

Caveat (2020)

A cool down of a film

[7/10 · 18 August 2021]

For some reason this story starts on an unbelievable high and I mean that literally, it's unbelievable but that unbelievability is what is so intriguing. One keeps wondering, ok how does he not pull out and somehow one believed his course of action.

The film however starts to cool down by the half way mark and never really picks up the tension again. It tries but I don't think it quite gets there.

Nonetheless it's a great little indie horror flick if that's you sort of thing.

Aftermath (IV) (2021)

It's okay, totally watchable and okay.

[7/10 · 14 August 2021]

The pace is terrible. Right off the bat. And it doesn't get better but once you've gotten that irritants under control this film might surprise you. Albeit coming from a low expectations point of view.

It feels b-grade made for tv stuff but it's totally watchable. It's as if the corn and cheese on offer isn't great but one can't stop stuffing ones face. I got through it and I thought I wasn't going to, so there's that. And the story just gets ridiculously corny as it plots on towards it's inevitable conclusion.

The themes are so reminiscent of Catle Freak from the early 90's. Themes of infidelity and forgiveness, attempts at moving forward versus getting trapped in the past and ideas of honesty battling trust. Plus there's weird things that go down.

Saint Maud (2019)

Dragging you to the end

[8/10 · 14 August 2021]

Slow burner can be code for 'amazing ending' but it can also be code for 'boring with some violence and gore'. "Saint Maud" is slow but the film simmers at one temp the entire way and then it burns. So In essence it can be both codes.

The score is engrossing, heavy bass and trippy strings, it's all very cool. Amanda is fantastic. But maud is very much one note throughout the film with a bit of a curve at the end.

Luckily it's not a long film but you find yourself asking somewhere in the third act "is it worth it?" Yeah, I think it is.

Super (I) (2010)

It was a little painful to get through

[4/10 · 13 August 2021]

So many nerds recommended this movie but it might just be for nerds only...? I don't know, what I do know is that it was a task to sit and watch it all the way to the end which is down right the best-ish part.

He's gross, his sidekick is awful, the makeup is ok, the action is fair, the pace is slow, the story is depressing and it felt more like an offbeat slice of life art house drama with a deranged superhero angle. I guess there's material to dissect and analyze but please don't make me watch it again.

It's a no from me. I wouldn't want to put anyone not totally in love with superhero movies through something like this.

Valley of the Dolls (1967)

B is for?

[4/10 · 13 July 2021]

Boring.

Camp classic? I think not. It's like a slower more boring version of a sex and the city movie. I had such high hopes hearing camp classics such as "Mommy dearest" or "Showgirls" likened to "Valley of the Dolls" but the high camp drama was petty girlie melodrama with zero overacting and not much to laugh with or at. I kept finding myself impatient with every silly characters near end. Why couldn't it just end? As for the ending, it'll leave zero impression.

I wish I had watched "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" again, now that's ridiculous high camp entertainment.

I Care a Lot (2020)

That was a scenic route

[4/10 · 18 June 2021]

And not in a good way.

The film had me. I was in the car going on their journey. They promised sites I had never seen and emotions I had never felt and perhaps they were right because I had never seen something so irritating, ever.

Maybe it would have gone done like a smoothie if the flow was smoother instead it tears into you as if you're swallowing razor blades. It's tough.

The ending is actually pretty good but the road trip to get there is not something deserving of a sequel. I won't take this trip again, it's a no from me.

Boss Level (2020)

This was fantastic

[9/10 · 18 June 2021]

I had a middle of the road kinda expectations for this flik because of the lack of buzz around this film but was I pleasantly surprised. So many fantastic elements neatly intertwined with action and comedy. Two thumbs up and totally recommended for entertainment junkies that prefer the rush of fast-paced-action and less setting up what-super-powers-they-have-and-where it's-derived-from.

The Little Things (2021)

It's a great tension builder...

[7/10 · 18 June 2021]

And then poof, it doesn't provide the desired release. One can't rip the film to shreds for the unsatisfactory climax as all the notes are right. And when it's right it's right. But the film chooses to preach the ending and final point instead of providing the emotional satisfaction one is looking for in a great suspenseful thriller.

It's great until it's not so great anymore.

Jonah Hex (2010)

Politics and a grunge guitar is a choice...

[4/10 · 18 June 2021]

Which I don't think works in the story's favor as the music pulls one out of the Wild West and the modern injection of political ideals is just a little weak sauce. So much so that I went to go read up on the original ingredients.

How Jonah Hex came to be so disfigured is far more interesting than this film delivers.

I wanted to like this film because it has so many cool elements but for that reason it lands up being more underwhelming than I can explain without completely trashing it. And I don't actually want to trash it. It's ok. It's really really ok.

Dam (2021– )

Worth the binge

[8/10 · 22 March 2021]

It's looks really great, there's a certain intensity in the beginning and it keeps you there for the most part. Eventually the pace starts to drag, the beautiful shots linger too long and it slips into melodrama instead of horror. Hopefully a second season will evoke more action and less crying. More intensity and less feelings. I still recommend the binge watch.

Daniel Isn't Real (2019)

It's a mild acid trip

[7/10 · 12 August 2020]

Psychological horror without demanding too much thinking. Basic good and evil. Good pace but a mild third act. Everything before the climax felt like the climax or maybe I just finished early? I wanted more, it was there, it's so palpable you feel like you can reach out and grab and squeeze it. Perhaps the script? I loved this mild curry but I could have handled it fiery hot. If this was an acid trip I think I needed to double drop. I've run out of mild puns.

Broil (2020)

Did that even make sense?

[8/10 · 12 August 2020]

The film just starts, boom, I wondered if I missed something. I loved that. The acting is odd but totally committed. I loved that too. I questioned the time line so often which totally confused me. I loved that. The story is weird and I found myself questioning what I thought I was watching. I loved that. It's kinda gory and kinda corny and kinda vicious and kinda cheesy. I loved it.

I didn't think much of this at first and found myself staring at it, captivated.

Winter's Bone (2010)

What an awful bunch of people.

[4/10 · 17 August 2017]

It's been seven years since its release so i figured i'd give it a shot because Jennifer Lawrence is really great at her craft. Boy what a let down. The story is really depressing but on top of that it's really boring. Slow paced and boring. I figured this was done to really get into this young girls problem but the only thing that's prevalent is how these kids she's doing all of this for will probably grow up and be like everyone else in this horrible town. On top of that the accent is so hard to understand, it's not so much that they speak English as it is they chew the language and spit it on the floor. I might have enjoyed it more if more of the towns folk landed up dead. But they don't. Just a slow boring ride on a broken roller-coaster towards a really obvious ending. The mystery wasn't mysterious, the tension wasn't very tense and the family wan't worth saving. The acting was good, but what does that matter if the characters are just plain awful...?