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LawLess39
Reviews
Geostorm (2017)
It is entertaining
It's good SciFi ... not great, but good. I was hoping that the space station would survive the movie ... but not to be. The science? Well What do you expect from the video/do over generation. There are no 'deep thinkers' in Hollywood. Most of the cast looks like bums ... winos ... or derelicts. Even so ... the plot (although nothing new) was good. The Nat. Gas line heating up? Please. The exiting escape in an electric 'Clouseau' car? LOL!!! Still ...
It isn't gross or perverse. It has the obligatory little girl cast as an adult - that doesn't add anything to the movie. There is action ... fast but not blurry. CG is nicely done. For the most part we enjoyed it.
The Mountain Between Us (2017)
Pretty sad
The mountains are stunning. Other than that ... not much in this movie worth watching. We kept waiting for something interesting to happen ... develop. It never did. This is just another 'chic flick'. They make their "perilous journey across the wilderness", don't seem to eat anything. The, rather portly dog, is just frolicking in the snow - and remains portly. In the end ... this was a really boring movie. This is an 1h 52min, of our lives, we'll never get back.
The Orville (2017)
Blah ... just Blah
This must be geared toward millennials? Mindless and boring. I've watched four episodes and I'm not impressed with any of it. I would not recommend this for children. There are parts that are just plain nasty.
There is no clear leader. The *Captain* is the typical Hollyweed male ... a weak ... sniveling ... wimp. The *Command structure* seems to be centered around the bickersons? The first officer is the captains ex-wife and they must re-live their lousy marriage every episode??? The crew is child like and boring. This is a very bad spin off of Galaxy Quest. Which is no complement to Galaxy Quest.
Anyway ... watch it you want ... I'm done with this. This is just one more failed attempt at modern entertainment.
The Mummy (2017)
Keep moving ... nothing to see here.
What a stinker! This looks like a really lousy Mummy/Sahara remake. Cruise isn't much of an actor to begin with ... more of an acrobat/circus clown. Couples minutes into this, we realized we not only wasted $6 (on demand). Still we watch more, in the hope it would improve. This was not to be,2 hours of our lives we'll never get back.
The bimbo mummy goes around making people into zombie like creatures. Then, Dr. Henry Jekyll? Why not Frankenstein too?I am surprised Crowe had anything to do with this. He can't be that hard up for money? This move is 95% CG and 5% acting (if that is what you want to call it). Even Crowe could not save this bomb.
The only saving grace is ... we did not waste our time and money seeing this at the theater.
The Circle (2017)
Lousy movie - good point though
I gave it a 5 for content ... certainly not the cast/acting. Are *Millennial's* and *Snow Flakes* that dull-witted? Hard to believe, but still ... I can see this happening. Bunch of lemmings being lead around by the nose ... by their *smart* phones? Well ... looks like it could be.
Mob rule directed by social media? Yeah ... flash mobs are becoming the norm and are being used for violent purposes, at times. So sure this could be a plausible direction ... outcome ... of the mindless following the heard instinct. Not a pretty picture.
As far as the movie goes? Even Tom Hanks couldn't save this stinker. The cast (or 'The Circle') Was, mostly, the same age group (20's) no children or older (adults) people. They're all frail, spindly, pasty, pail and undernourished looking. They all appear, to be rather imbecilic throughout the movie.
There is a hint of an undercurrent plot (data mining), with some mysterious dude that takes little susie cream cheese into an under ground tunnel. But this never goes anywhere.
In the end Mae (Emma Watson) turns out to be a NAZI/Borg princess. Of all the cast, she looks the worst of the lot. Can't act and has the personality of a toad stool.
This movie must have been made for a specific age group. Other than the *1984* theme ... there wasn't much to this movie. It is a little creepy that somebody makes a movie out of what you suspect already? It is worth watching ... for free.
The Great Wall (2016)
Man-Bun!
I took points off for sub-titles (can't stand them) and ... of course ... the 'man-bun'. Chines warriors are primarily a mans activity. Rarely have Chinese women even been recorded as participants ...points off for this too ... Chick fake flicks always get points off.
But in the end I liked it. We found it entertaining enough. I do not regret the $6 spent. As a free movie ... it is perfect ... up there with the 'Price of Persia',
Europa Report (2013)
Pitiful ... just Pitiful
What is this movie about? The CG wasn't bad ... just wasted on this movie(?). Nothing stands out ... bunch of people ... in a confined space ... very little technology ... in fact it all seemed a little primitive. No touch screens or screen swiping? Whats with the sniveling woman talking through the movie/mission? No drones ... robots ... just jump into a suit and start walking? She finds the only thin ice on a planet that has ice mile thick ... okay.
Way to many close up shots. Then there are the pixelating cam's, that were cutting in and out. Split screens ... blah ... blah ... blah.
There is no clear leadership or direction. All that 'money' for what? All the way to Europa ... for what ... lose the ship ... everyone dies ... for what? A luminescent octopus? Is this hollyweeds vision of the future? we all look alike, act a like ... like a bunch of school girls? This is, yet, another hour and a half of my life I'll never get back! This isn't even worth watching for free.
Passengers (2016)
Boring
I give it a 2, because of what it is ... a movie with no hollyweed morality ... nobody comes out-of-the-closet ... no gender confusion ... just boy sees girl ... boy unfreezes girl ... girl finds out and an hates boy ... have crisis ... girl loves boy and boy gets girl. Pretty simple stuff.
The plot? If there is one ... sucks, of course. Here you have a deep space ship ... on auto pilot ... the defenses are over whelmed by space rocks and the ship tries to repair itself. One does wonder ... if the ship can repair itself (or can't)... why can't it bring the required crew members out of stasis to fix things?
If they cannot go back into stasis ... then how did the girl expect to get back to earth? Our hero managed to 'hack' into the deluxe suite, but couldn't 'hack' into the food synthesizer? But yet he figures out how to repair the engines?
There are no small utility craft or shuttles? They have to use the same - sorry - tether we've seen in a bunch of other space movies?
90% of this move could have been made in a high school cafeteria and shopping mall. This is a waste of time ... unless you want to watch a normal couple, for a change. It would have been better if the crew woke up to their descendants standing there?
At lease it did not make you want to vomit.
Battleship (2012)
Junk Movie
I gave this a '2' ... for entertainment value. However ...
The movie does suck. Clearly it was made for the generation of mindless derelicts that have been sprouting up in this country. IE ... somebodies derelict brother just 'becomes' an officer in the US navy? Officers brawling in the latrine? Still the 'burrito' scene was comical. For the most part ... the music sucked.
There is no way a handful of 'old-timers' and a bunch of idiots could get the steam up and move a Battleship. let alone take it into combat. I've run enough - smaller - marine steam engines to know this. The there is the ...
Power slide into a broadside? P-l-e-a-s-e!
So ... no ... this part don't fly. If Berg is 'honoring' the military and veterans ... why have the main characters (the actors) morons? Even so ... lost in this feeble attempt at Sci-Fi is the very real consequence of know-it-all scientists and bureaucrats making decisions that impact the entire planet - without any oversight or accountability.
Then there is the dude, in shorts, working on top of a high voltage transformer? Doing what? Some of the CG is good and if you watch real close you will get the plot (what the aliens are up too), but you'll have to look quickly.
Strangely ... I'd like to see Gadson make some more movies ... at least he is real.
Deepwater Horizon (2016)
It was entertaining anywa
So I gave it an extra star. Other than the 'big boom' ... all I took away was ... the 'hint' at ... a poorly maintained rig ... by a undisciplined, poorly trained crew that seemed to be more interested in being comics than doing their jobs. For example ... when those valve bonnets started to give out ... they should have evacuated. There was a conspicuous absence of alarms going off? Of course I've had experience with machinery ... hollyweed has not.
Then there seems to be a distancing from BP by bringing up the ... 'it's BP's oil well ... but not their rig'. The phones don't work? The monitors go 'blue' and this thing was still in service? US ships (Oil Tankers for example) have the ABS and USCG regulating them. Do these rigs have anyone (standards) to answer too? There is a on-the-fly 'hand off' meet on the helio deck? That nobody can hear because of the noise? The bang-boom-whoosh CG was good and the 'Die Hard' like scramble to survive was entertaining enough.
There is an entertainment value to this movie ... so, $6? OK. Still ... the the 'oil spill data' at the end was bogus. There was a complete absence of the 'dispersant' BP, tried to hide, used to dummy up the spill numbers and - in the process - poisoned the gulf of Mexico? Oil spills are measured on the surface. So ... braking the oil down and getting it to 'mix' with the water keeps this number ... and the penalties ... down.
Whether is is BP or Transocean ... it was still a matter of protecting their collective 'bottom' lines. This did not have to happen.
The Accountant (2016)
Throw this one back and try again ... nothing here to see.
I have never liked Affleck or his attempt at acting. This movie has not changed that. His 'Jack Web' like performance was second rate - Web was better.
Just when you think the female actors cannot get any scrawnier and child like ... along comes Anna Kendrick. Watching her next to Affleck, made him look like a 'level 3'. OK ... that's Hollyweed, but dam!. Come on folks can you make a movie with some resemblance of 'real people'?
So ... a boy that can't handle everyday life, in that when things don't 'go his way' he destroys everything around him - abandoned by his mother - is somehow transformed into a Ninja/Kung Foo/Jack-the-Ripper, statistical annalist/mob/terrorist accountant? Used by the (US?) military? Who eventually ends up in Leavenworth prison? Fighting for justice and the 'American Way' ... and autism? Those are just the side plots ... that right?
The trailers are the best part of this movie. A beautiful job of marketing. The movie itself? Lousy ... just lousy. It jumps around from 'today' ... 'to yesterday' ... back and forth with no continuity. This is over 2 hours of my life, and $6, I'll never get back.
Jason Bourne (2016)
This is six bucks I'll never get back
What a mess! This was so bad both of us kept nodding off throughout the movie (if you can call it that). First and foremost ... the camera work sucked. It just sucked! I used to be, if a movie had good actors/actresses in it ... odds are that movie was going to be 'good' at least. Not this thing. It joins the growing number of 'junk movies' that are being generated (or regenerated) to see how much money can be ripped off the movie going public ... not to mention cable company subscribers.
Reviewing this junk movie is near impossible ... it makes no sense. A lot of running, jumping, falling (from 5 story buildings?), smashing, crashing, with a good dose of 'kung foo theater' to pull it together? It is hard to say. They were playing 'dodge ball' with the camera so much I couldn't tell what was going on.
The 'academy' needs to open up a separate category for these movies that are designed to nothing more than con folks out of their hard earned money. Maybe a 'golden vacuum cleaner'?
*The Golden Suck Award*?
There are a lot of junk SiFi movies on the market too. They're good to great movies re-engineered into junk 'chick flicks'. However ... with SiFi you can, at least, salvage these junk movies with CG, 3-D and the really big screen.
There is no saving this pile of "Taurus Excretum". Need I go on?
If we ever needed 'The Dude' ... it's now.
The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Not even a bad Spaghetti Western!
This movie almost broke my suck-o-meter. This movie failed on several levels. First ... zero entertainment value. Other than shooting - who knows how many - 'Bad guys'? What did it have going for it? Not a thing. Even that was boring.They just 'walk into it' ... like ... dare I say it? Zombies.
Star Lord makes a lousy gunfighter/cowboy. Denzel makes a lousy gunfighter/cowboy. Then there is the sniveling marshmallow Ethan (Goodnight) Hawke. What's with the Ninja? The rest of the cast? Not worth the keyboard tapping.
The music ... not even bad Spaghetti Western music. They did get it right at the end credits ... but this don't save this stinker. Not even Haley Bennett's cleavage can save this dung bucket.
Save your money and dignity ... watch something else.
The Nice Guys (2016)
I don't get it
There is nothing to this move. Other than some pretty good - adult - comedy spots ... it truly sucks. My biggest issue/problem is how dare they incorporate a 12 year old girl into a debauchery/porn riddled movie! Are the writers pedophiles? Is going to be some 'new trend'? What kind of parents would let their 12 year old daughter be in a part/movie like this??? This just wrong.
The T&A was good ... about time there was something bedsides 'beef cake' in movies! But lose the girl! Then there is the, rather porky, Russell Crowe. This in itself was a crack up. Crowe did good as a mindless thug in LA Confidential, but not in this movie. Other than comic relief ... his character was pointless. Actually the whole movie was pointless.
Gosling? What a douche. I didn't get his part at all ... a drunken, stone retard? Then there was the bimbo ... of all the 'fully developed' women in this movie ... why pick a scrawny girl for a lead role? How can I forget the plot. Easy there isn't one. A porn movie with a social message? I thought better of Russel Crowe ... not so much now.
This movie (for lack of a better term) is a waste of time to watch, and was a waste of time and monies to make!
U-571 (2000)
I liked it
This is another in the line WWII Submarine movies. Such as ...
'Crash Dive' ... 'Run Silent Run Deep' ... 'The Enemy Below' ... 'Destination Tokyo'
To name a few.
There were, a recorded total of, 4 U Boats captured during WWII. None of them were taken by 'commando raid' So yeah .... it is just a movie, so ... lighten up!
There were no Zombies ... Vampires ... scrawny girls firing guns that are to big for them, beating the crap out of dudes three times their size. No slim, blood dripping off everything and nobody came out-of-the-closet. It was enjoyable!
There is a plot!
Although this did not have the 'strong' manly characters of old (except for Harvey Keitel, maybe) ... these folks got the 'job done'.
I found the attention to detail good and allowed me to get immersed in the movie.
This is not a chick flick! So it is understand able it is hard to find male actors that can stand on their own - as men. This does detract from the movie some ... but in the end ...
This is a very entertaining movie.
Incheon sangryuk jakjeon (2016)
Not happening
Paid $6 for this and got ... subtitles! Even the English parts were in subtitles! Got a about 30 minutes into it and stopped watching. This is dishonest. There should be a 'subtitle' alert on movies. If people want movies in their own language ... fine with me. I'm not going to pay for this screen clutter ... it is a distraction and just ruins the movie!
Because of the above ... I found the movie boring and uninteresting.
We are supposed to put at least 10 lines in a review .... this movie isn't worth 10 lines. It isn't worth paying for ... it isn't worth the time to watch it for free.
Maybe there could be a movie explaining why the US was there in the first place?
Star Trek Beyond (2016)
Beyond lousy
This was mostly kungfoo theater mixed with slapstick. Enough of Spock and Lt. Uhura! Enough of sniveling Spock! Hire somebody that can write a SciFi script! Was it really necessary for Sulu to come out of the closet? Another of the big 'so whats'. This movie really sucks. I'm going to try and get my $6 back (on demand).
I can do better than this. If there was a plot ... I didn't get it. The story line(?) ... there was one? A dirt bike? Why not w WW1 biplane ... or maybe a guest appearance from Po (kungfoo panda)? This would have been more entertaining.
It is best that no more of these movies be made. Clearly the talent for making SciFi movies that once was ... is no more.
Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)
What a stinker!
The only thing that was remotely entertaining was some of the CG. They couldn't even come up with an original script! Just a rearranged (cut and paste) version of the first movie. Not even worth the $6 we paid to watch it.
Lot of personal problems (to many) ... does every movie need to be a 'chick flick'?
The acting was lousy ... Casting is lousy... The plot is lousy
To go deep into the details of how bad this movies will take more time than it is worth. Instead of wasting your time on this ... go take a nap!
Movies like this are the reason we no longer go to the theater.
Money Monster (2016)
Sacajawea?
An algorithm? ... yeah ... right ... everyone knows what that is. Even so, this is the underlying 'elephant in the room', it gets very little attention. Sacajawea? Whats up with that?
Julia Roberts delivers a performance that is some where between a turnip and a toad stool ... boring! The movie extras made some easy money ... all they had to do is stand around ... look dumb ... and do nothing.
Clooney was OK ... he snivels and cowers well. He tries but just can't carry this overwhelmingly lousy movie by himself. Clooney was better in 'Oh Brother' and 'Monument Men'. The knuckle-dragger (Kyle)was seriously over done. He did let us know ... "the only way this show is going to end".
This would have been a better movie if the mechanics/logistics of how Wall Street has corroded and succumbed to computer trading. This came very close to bringing the 'house down' in 1987!! The movie is rather dark ... everyone (specially the women) look like they're going too ... or coming from ... a funeral. If there is supposed to be 'a chemistry' between Clooney and Roberts, it must be off screen, it sure isn't part of this movie.
Balfe is a little less boring than Roberts ... not by much. This reminds me of a Jack Web production. Roberts being 'Joe Friday' and Balfe being 'Bill Gannon'. Although Web did a better job.
This movie fails (sucks) on so many levels ... it isn't worth the 'On Demand' price to watch it.
Harley and the Davidsons (2016)
Where's the Bikes!!!
Throughout this ... farce ... all you get are brief flashes of the bikes. The rest is nothing more than a soap opera. I'm waiting and waiting and waiting and ... no bikes! You get wall street thugs, bankers and Edsel Ford(?) ... a dead beat - thieving - son ... visits to an Asylum and the duck pond? Then there are the Davidson brothers ... sitting on their butts or doing other things, like meetings ... racing and parties. While Harley is doing all the design work? This is a tribute?
They go under, a small matter of not patenting anything? Then ... magically ... they recover? Then Ford Co. tries to drive them into bankruptcy ... why?
Somewhere in this mess, I lost the point of this series. Oh all the social 'food groups' were covered. Including the chick racer, riding what again? The outlaw groups ... really? I was expecting bikes ... HD's in particular, but it was not to be. No matter how much of my life (time) I gave up to watch this crap ... nothing. Oh a flash here ... a glimpse there. But nothing worthy of the time spend enduring the chickesque (sissy la-la) plot of this series made it worth watching.
The series 'Then Came Bronson' was a way better representation of what HD is about. The Knuckle Head was/is a beautiful machine. I deserved a lot more than it got in this series.
The commercials were better. Don't waist your time on this. If you have ... you have my condolences. If this is the best Discovery can do, then they need to stop 'doing it'. This should have started out with ... "Once upon a time ..."
10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)
Yawn!!!
The real 'Star' of the movie is the bunker. The 'common area' is nicely done. Roomy, I like the arched ceiling. the cooking area is nice ... I may have gone another direction ... but it does work.
Goodman(Howard)'private space' leave a lot to be desired. The shower looked like an after thought. I would have attached it to the common area, between the stairs and the entrance doorway. Certainly would make it much bigger. Since there was no hint of where the water was coming from ... I'll go with he had a good supply. Then there is the stealth generator supplying and abundant source of electricity.
The food storage looked adequate enough I would have expected more than was shown. I would have had a much better radio comms set up. And .... P-L-E-A-S-E!!! the air ventilation system? There is no way to access the breakers (I didn't see any filtration), once you're secured in the bunker?!?! Who designs an air filtration system that only some scrawny girl can access by crawling through the ducting?!?!? And the intake is where? I'll stop there ... there is a lot more that don't work ... but realism is clearly not the objective of this movie.
Not much in the way of a story line here either. Goodman could have smoked a few J's before each scene and it would not have been noticeable. Who wrote this ... a grade school English class?
What was the purpose of John Gallagher Jr's character? Give Goodman somebody to shoot?
Opening a 40 gallon drum of acid (really?) in a bunker like that would have killed them all rapidly ... never mind standing over it breathing the fumes!
Since 'Mr. Prepared' had no NBC suits, of any kind, Susie Cream-cheese (Mary Elizabeth Winstead)has to make one (Ala MacGyver)out of a plastic soda bottle, shower curtain and ... the handy mans best friend ... Duct Tape!
Later ... the 'Kraken' appears and sucks the soda bottle mask off her face. Then ... hanging from a - dangling - pickup she tosses a Molotov cocktail into he jaws of ... what is that thing anyway?
After a 50 foot(?) drop, nose first, in the truck ... into the ground 'Little Susie' gets into a car and ... at night ... hers being the only light for miles ... makes a speedy get-away ... no 'Kraken' to be seen?
This movie is beyond a joke, it pathetic. Did this really cost $20 mil to make??? Attack of the Killer Tomato's is better than this. I cold make a better movie than this! If you want a good movie about drama in close spaces ... then watch 'Run Silent Run Deep'.
Goodman should toss this stinker into the barrel of acid and go ask the 'Dude' for forgiveness!
The other actor/actress? They should change their names and take measures to disguise themselves ... hopefully this won't stain their careers to much. But ... taking into account the lousy movies Hollyweed has been putting out? Maybe not.
Expecting Actors and Actresses to compensate for talent-less movie makers, although the current trend, just don't get it done. Even though this only cost us $6 to watch ... it was a wasted $6 ... not to mention our time.
Fort McCoy (2011)
True Story?
What part of this is true? Camp (as it was then) McCoy was a POW camp ... that much is true. Officers were typically separated from enlisted. Nobody was allowed to where their uniforms. Where did the boy come from? Although the PW's were treated well (better that or troops were) they did not get to roam around at night. 'Frank' did nothing after the SS officer night walked in on his wife ... nope ... it was only after his daughter told him what she saw the SS officer did (yuk!!!)to the boy (Heinrich)that he manned up and went after the SS officer? True story? OK ...
They go on a picnic with no food? Nobody cooked at all for this family? Certainly the mother didn't do much beside trot around being sensual? Answering the Camp switch board like it was a bordello? At the movies end ... some information on the 'real people' was given ... so ... what happened to her little brother? This movie was a waste of time to watch and a waste of time to make. People should not play with history.
Approaching the Unknown (2016)
130 minutes of our lives we'll never get back!
This movie is a real lousy movie. Are you really going to send somebody to Mars ... trip through space ... alone? I'm sure NASA has heard of 'cabin fever' ... clearly Hollywood has not! The two DUDES at the mid station? Really? That just screams disaster by itself.
This is just another version of 'Alone in the Wilderness' ... except ... Alone in the Wilderness is way more interesting and realistic? Forbidon Planet is a better SciFi movie.
If there is a point to this movie ... we never found it. Then there is the Great Northern Mountain Goat pose at the end ... I'm sure that means something to somebody? BORING!!! Seriously folks ... this movie ranks somewhere below 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes'.
Don't waste your time on this ... go out and do something more entertaining, like ... watching the street lights come on at night ... lawn mowing at golf courses ... etc.
The Finest Hours (2016)
Disappointing
Unfortunately I have been to sea on an old converted (to a bulk carrier) T2 Tanker ... and worked on and stood a watch in the engine room. These ships 'engines' were Steam Turbo Electric. The only way these engine rooms could have been that quiet ... is if the plant was completely shut down.
The men on the tanker would not have been able to stand up. There is no "engine intake" or "ahead" or astern" nozzles. So, for me, that part of the movie was pretty sad ... at least give these men the respect of attempting to make it realistic?
The Coast Guard scenes? Don't know wasn't in the CG. However ... for that little boat to completely submerge (several times)and still have the engine running? The men involved earned some respect here ... this movie fails miserably and fails to acknowledge (through any kind of realism) the acts it took to bring those men home. The other period details were pretty good even though it was mostly CG.
Maybe they should have somebody that has actually been to sea? So I'm going with the lowest I can give. Basing a movie on a true story is not a license to degrade it.
It is 117 (wasted) minutes of my life I will never get back.