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Oppenheimer (2023)
Oppenhussy
Yeah, so I went to see this too. Whoever called it the feel good hit of the summer was so wrong. What a drag. It's basically like a bunch of self-important horny nerds arguing over who's quirkier and can seem more tortured.
Cillian Murphy was awesome as usual. That Safdie guy who looks like what an alien sketch artist would draw if you described a Russian manbear. RDJ was there doing his this like usual. Great job Rodney.
Overall I have to give Oppenheimer an 8 because it's Christopher Nolan and even though some of it was boring as hell he's still a great director and the movie was of great quality. Also I didn't like Barbie because it made me feel bad for being a man but I can't say that or people will tell me to kill myself.
The Ritual (2017)
Wow that was incredibly mediocre
I thought The Ritual was fine. I started watching it and was like ok ok this isn't that bad but if there is a cool twist then it will be even better.
Spoiler alert: there is no cool twist.
Interesting storyline that is offset by formulaic, goofy dialogue that is decently acted, if not with a bit too much seriousness.
Sound design was incredible. Ambient noises, animal sounds, backing tracks- all really great.
Incredible imagery. Some really good shots. Beautiful color palette.
Some great jump scares and spooky camerawork.
Overall, I was hoping The Ritual would be a hidden gem even though it's all over Neckflix so it's not that hidden. And it was just alright dawg. It was just ok for me.
But I mean for a bunch of unlikable Europeans-of-indeterminate-origin who go on fun little boy weekends (very European) they could have done worse. I will forget this movie in the next 35 minutes.
Halloween Ends (2022)
Halloweak
I love Halloween. The franchise as a whole and, specifically, the original film. Over the years I've learned to enjoy the eery atmosphere of many of the sequels and to not take them as seriously as or expect them to rival the original film. Rob Zombie's Halloweens were bad, but they were a novel route for the franchise to take and they were able to capture a new audience and bring fresh attention (and tons of revenue) to the series. Most Halloween films, regardless of how poor the dialogue (RZ's Halloween) or how cringy the acting (H2O) still manage to include some memorable scenes, kills, or lines. With Halloween Ends, it somehow, inexplicably, fails to do anything- it is almost a non-movie.
When I went to see DGG's Halloween I was ready for a reincarnation, the second coming of a groundbreaking horror film- what I got was a poorly written, goofily acted, badly directed mediocre horror film. I tempered my expectations for Halloween Kills, and in the time between Halloween and Halloween Kills, I realized that his Halloween wasn't all that bad if I wasn't so serious and hopeful and just took it for what it was. So needless to say, when I saw Halloween Kills, even with my expectations set low, I still thought it was a pathetic, silly, self-serious movie. After another watch, I was able to find some redeeming features, but the deficits in the script and story were still unmissable. It is a mediocre movie.
And that brings me to Halloween Ends. Wow. I skimmed the reviews and sensed it was probably pretty bad, but I was not prepared for the (anti)horror that awaited me! Halloween Ends was 95 minutes of instantly forgettable interpersonal drama between characters who we wouldn't care about even if they were played by decent actors. Everything about the movie is bad. Everything. I am sitting here trying to remember something I liked and I can't. It felt like the writers had different set pieces they wanted to include or thought were cool and shoved them all together into this movie. I guess this is what happens when there are too many cooks in the kitchen. Or maybe just the wrong cooks, because the first two were awful as well. Either way, Halloween Ends- and it's definitely over for this round. They beat it to death.
Nope (2022)
Yikes- maybe I'm not smart enough?
The trailer for Nope was one of the most tantalizing I've seen in a long time. The incongruous nature of the shots in the trailer made it seem the film would be slick, smart, and filled with wild characters. Unfortunately, the movie felt like a bloated and unintelligible mess. While there were some beautiful shots and some very decent acting, it felt like Jordan Peele crammed a bunch of unrelated ideas into a film that really seemed to have no point. This was the first Jordan Peele movie I've seen and I was really disappointed.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Texas Snowflake Massacre
It's no surprise that after decades of sequels and remakes and sequels to the remakes, the TCM franchise feels a bit reductive and stale. This film, which shares its title with the original, is just another subpar addition to the rest.
The story is goofy and completely unrealistic as well as unrelatable. A group of 20-somethings buy a ghost town and then bus in their likeminded friends to help gentrify it- getting murdered by a chainsaw-wielding maniac is more likely than this storyline.
The cast is made up of all ethnicities and genders (cool) and the filmmakers made sure to shoehorn as much social commentary (not cool) and of-the-moment tech (Tesla's autopilot, live-streaming your own murder) into the barely-there plot as they could. The main catalyst for the action in the story was the attempt to tear down a tattered old confederate flag, spotted by one of the triggered yuppies. It was hard to tell, at least for me, if the film was poking fun at the more extreme left (characters unable to control their emotions when they see a gun) or if their behavior was an attempt to endear them to the viewer. Admittedly, the rednecks and the yuppies were treated with a similar amount of respect when it comes to their depiction.
Also, the timeline makes no sense.
The acting was decent, the jump scares were plentiful, and the effects and gore were masterfully done.
Halloween Kills (2021)
Worse Than Expected
I am a huge fan of the franchise (RZ's Halloween II notwithstanding), even the cheesy redundant sequels, but this was something else. I went into David Gordon Green's 2018 Halloween with super high hopes, expecting a game-changing horror movie, and I was sorely disappointed. After I rewatched it later, I realized that it wasn't a completely awful movie, it just wasn't the incredible quality I had hoped for. The dialogue was nearly Rob Zombie level bad, the story was goofy, and the whole thing was just kind of off. But when I watched it again, I could really appreciate the suspense (especially at the end) and the 'fun' quality it had.
With that said, I went into Halloween Kills with very low expectations. I skimmed some of the reviews and I lowered my expectations more. I figured if it was as bad as it was being made out to be, that at least it would be 'fun' like the 2018 Halloween. I was wrong.
I can honestly say that Halloween Kills might be one of the worst mainstream movies I've seen. Some of the choices made by the filmmakers were absolutely insane. The story was incredibly hard to follow, with flashbacks popping up randomly, characters being introduced and then not being seen again until much later, and the horribly corny acting.
Halloween Kills wanted to be topical but it wasn't. It wanted to be funny. It wasn't. It wanted to be gory and realistic and cartoony all at once and it never accomplished any of those things. It was tedious and contrived and frankly kind of embarrassing to watch. It was like watching someone bomb at a comedy show and not being able to leave. The movie is an hour and forty five minutes long and I enjoyed maybe twenty minutes at most. What an incredible let down.
Night Stalker: The Hunt for a Serial Killer (2021)
Netflix Bloat and Overzealous Directing
Night Stalker has one major component going for it: the story of Richard Ramirez was meant to be told. There are no shortage of ghoulish details and past traumas to be unearthed, but the way they're displayed leaves much to be desired.
The oversaturated close-up re-enactments (bloody hammers dropping to the floor in slow motion, guns being pointed at the camera and then firing, etc), the pointless night shots of cars driving around, and interviews with superfluous individuals take up much of the series' runtime and drag out and deaden what is originally a thrilling story.
The director seems eager to separate himself from the rest of the murder-doc crowd by employing what he obviously thinks is 'slick' editing, coupled with glossy night shots and music video editing.
But ultimately all this flash is for naught, taking an otherwise horrific true tale and turning it into a goofy, hard to watch film.
My Scientology Movie (2015)
Over-Promises, Under-Delivers
This has got to be one of the most disappointing movies I've seen and when it was over my mouth was literally agape at just how bad it was. I should preface this by saying that I am an absolute HUGE fan of Louis and my disappointment was amplified because I was hoping (expecting) to see something on par with his previous work.
The film is stilted, disjointed, and feels poorly thought out. The lack of any real new material forces the crew to constantly cut back to the half-baked casting calls and 're- enactments' which never make sense and don't serve much, if any, purpose. The crew seem to set out with no real goal but to create a studio version of Scientology for Louis to take part in. That never comes to fruition, which is a good thing because it was a terrible idea in the first place and a horribly weak cornerstone to place the framing of the film on.
Normally I find Louis' mode of interviewing very interesting- his characteristic long pauses and 'innocent' way of questioning his subjects through absolute frankness makes for surprisingly revealing answers, but here it just feels deliberately insulting. At one point in the film, a major player and ex-Scientologist is harassed by some members and is visually upset. Instead of using this to push the ex-Scientologist to another level, Louis instead decides to needle him some more with a not completely unnecessary but unbelievably poorly timed question.
Pointless and disappointing are two words that immediately came to mind after finishing this film. Right near the end, the ex-Scientologist that was harassed insinuates that the gloves are coming off; I finally got excited, expecting some big revelations from this man, only to have the credits roll.
This film set out with no goal and ends exactly that way- accomplishing nothing.