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Serenity (2019)
Sort of paralysingly terrible, but enjoyable in the same way as a Fail Army binge.
There are countless movies that try to recreate the camp and unintentional humour of genuinely poor films, but their knowingness often undermines the aim. Here we have a bona fide stinker that takes its screenplay seriously and the result is a real chuckle.
What makes it so funny and endearing is the earnestness of the filmmaking which treats the story as though it has emotional gravity or that the hilarious twist is anything but hilarious. No, no, no haha, it's just really, really stupid but it's executed with such sincerity that it won me over.
I predicted what was going on almost immediately but dismissed it as just too daft to be true; Oh Lordy did I laugh in wide-eyed amusement when it all came together. There are pros: the production values are decent, it has an intriguing setup, it's never really boring and is lead by two major A-list actors which only adds to the amusement - did they read the whole script before shooting commenced?
This film is utterly ridiculous but I'm glad it exists - some people have taken it seriously and fair play to them too. I might watch it again tonight!
The Lighthouse (2019)
One of my favourite films of 2019 is ee!
Robert Eggers improves upon his striking first feature in all areas with this immersive and completely gripping little freak show in which you can almost smell the seagull faeces.
I went into The Lighthouse with trepidation; oftentimes setups like this lay on the atmosphere with ominous naval gazing and deep drones at the cost of narrative engagement - not so here, say I. While there is a huge amount of visual storytelling, the film really ignites during the conversational sparring between the two leads who bicker and sally like an old psychotic couple, ever shifting one's sympathies and expectations. As the story unfolds, the island itself becomes insidiously hostile and frightening, depicted in bleak, surreal monochrome reminiscent of early silent horror movies - all beautifully composed and incredibly atmospheric.
A lot is being said of the two leads, both are being praised and rightly so but this is Willem Dafoe's movie. He is so good that I struggle to think of a more impressive leading performance. He veers between subtle and ripe at exactly the right beats in every moment, delivers the best monologue since Robert Shaw in Jaws and perfectly embellishes Egger's excellent dialogue beyond any reasonable expectation. Phenomenal acting.
Alongside the brooding intensity and psychodrama, the film moves at a click with a roll of intriguing sequences, mixing mystery and dark maritime mythology into a completely original and decisively cinematic experience. I was hooked. Here be great cinema...
Midsommar (2019)
Overhyped, like everything these days but definitely worth a look-see...
Much like Ari Aster's first film, this is a well constructed drama that insidiously morphs into horror, leaving one to reflect on the many signposts that lead to its inevitable climax.
Not so good: The American characters are largely uninteresting and unsympathetic, whether that was the intention, I don't really care. There are also problems with the running time and like nearly every film that comes out now, it needs a damn good trimming. Ironically I hear that the director is prepping a longer director's cut - lordy give me strength!!
Good: this is a very handsome film, the lighting is some of the best I have ever seen and complements the excellent framing and production design, which has clearly been produced with serious TLC. The plot unfolds with a tantalising amount of unease and there are some very effective, well-controlled moments. Its best feature though, is that there is a lot here to unpick and a second viewing will surely unearth some hidden diddlers that were missed first time around.
It has obvious genetic links with The Wicker Man and it's fair to make comparisons but to say it is simply a rip off is a very blunt observation indeed... those reviewers need to learn some nuance. 6.5-7/10
It Chapter Two (2019)
It's not great...
Although the original novel is one of King's most celebrated and iconic, it really isn't anywhere near his best work. Featuring some of the authors most cornball horror elements and a baggy, unfocused narrative that strays into juvenile sci-fi at times, for me It is one of King's weaker novels overall.
So it's a shame that, with this sequel, the director has failed to marshall the more interesting elements of the source into an effective film. It is overlong, tonally jarring and many of the repetitive scares are like something from a kids TV show - I'm really surprised more hasn't been written about that.
I can't deny the calibre of the cast - these are all good actors - but they never play to their strengths, with the exception of James Ransone and Bill Hader, and the adult ensemble fail to gel in the way their young counterparts did in the first film. Between some toe-curling overacting from James McAvoy and Jay Ryan's total charisma vacuum, there isn't much to write home about. There are also big problems with the script and it is ultimately way too long, unfocussed and grossly sentimental.
There are some nice elements here and there and I get that Muschietti harbours a great love for the material but this really is an unexceptional film. I find the gushing, positive reviews completely confounding. 5.5/10
Faust: Love of the Damned (2000)
Deranged, gaudy, fast-flowing trash that is difficult to stop watching.
Say what you will about Bryan Yuzna, the man has found a very distinctive niche in the subterranean levels of the body-horror-comedy market. Although it is superfluous to attempt a summary of this hokum, it is the sheer exuberance and vitality of its execution that you will remember. There are demonic skeletons, grotesque bodily transformations, satanic rituals, eye-popping gore and more blood-drenched T&A than you can shake a stick at. Beelzebub himself even makes an appearance in full latex glory during the deranged climax.
The result is like Dario Argento swallowed an entire sheet of acid before whopping 5 grams of cheap cocaine up his shnoz bucket.
Sure, it's ludicrous tripe but I can't understand how this hasn't found a larger cult audience. If it's a late night gore fest with added laughs you're after, this will hit the spot.
Triple Frontier (2019)
A badly cast and sometimes frustratingly silly actioner, which could have been so much more.
The central pitch of this movie holds great potential and ultimately should have resulted in a bona fide nail biter in the same vein as Sorcerer, Aguire: Wrath of God or A Simple Plan et al; films which dealt with similar themes of fate and obsession in deeply engrossing ways. Unfortunately the prosaic casting and direction dilute the striking premise where unconvincing characters and moral ambiguity reign supreme.
It's not terrible - it's professionally mounted and enjoyable on its own limited terms but it sure ain't no Billy Friedkin movie and certainly won't stand up to a second viewing.
I don't know why Affleck and Hunnam are given work. I really don't. God bless.
5.7/10
Bird Box (2018)
A surprisingly uninspired, low-grade thriller especially considering its reputation and popularity.
With the feverish hype surrounding its release I had been curious about Bird Box since it first hit Netflix, but the presence of the profoundly irritating Sandra Bullock had kept me at bay until I finally gave in. I wish I hadn't...
It's an intriguing high-concept plot that has elements of Lovecraft or Stephen King and the film does a somewhat efficient job of diving into the action without much delay but things quickly go south. Bird Box has little more to offer than a cast of laughably stereotypical characters divined from the greyest of cardboard and a host of jaw-droppingly predictable story beats. There is some unintentional fun to be had watching John Malkovich chewing on the scenery but this is essentially just a derivative star vehicle, which oscillates between dull and mediocre for two whole hours. With a better director at the helm and a ruthless rewrite of the script, a fun 90-minute B-movie could have been extracted; Sarah Paulson in the lead suggests a far more palatable film.
This will probably appeal to Bullock fans (I feel bad for you) and the undemanding, but for most viewers this will disappoint and bore in equal measure. Netflix continues to swell the ranks of a largely unremarkable catalogue of self-produced films that, 15 years ago, would have been relegated to a twilight slot on Channel 5 - sandwiched between repeat episodes of Hex and the Red Shoe Diaries. If the end of civilisation is your thing, there are countless better films out there.
4.5/10
RoboCop 2 (1990)
Uninspired and messy sequel.
Robocop does battle with a powerful drug lord who is transformed into a giant psychopathic cyborg, while simultaneously resisting OCP's attempts to repress his human memories.
At first glance the woeful reviews for Robocop 2 might seem confusing, because everything seems to be in the right place, initially. The production values are fairly slick, the action scenes are shot with an enjoyable bloodthirstiness and there are some funny scenes early on, including some malfunctioning 'Robocop 2' prototypes and a couple of satirical commercials. I also like the scenes in which Robocop becomes an eccentric pacifist. But as the film clunks into the main story it starts to come apart
and fast.
There is absolutely no heart and no energy and one dull scene bumbles into the next like a drunkard trying to string a sentence together. The violence, which starts out cheerfully enough, eventually becomes quite nasty and sadistic. The graphic violence of the original film was used to great satirical effect and was often sardonically humorous, such as ED-209 blowing a company exec to bits at a board meeting, or it had a real point; Clarence Boddicker's biblical execution of Murphy. Here though the violence is just gratuitous, a bit weird and has absolutely nowhere to go - one particular scene comes to mind in which a child mobster is forced to watch the bodily dissection of a crooked cop. In fact the entire child villain thing was irritating and ludicrous from the jump, concluding in a scene in which Robocop takes pity on the little stinker. Don't make me laugh.
Weller does everything he can to breath some life into his character and bags most of the funniest or most memorable moments, but like many things in this film I have no idea what Nancy Allen was doing the whole time, what a waste. She does nothing but point guns at people and frown; this only touches upon the many profound problems with the script and direction.
In the end Robocop 2 doesn't just suffer from the absence of Verhoeven but also from an uneven script humming with unfinished ideas, narrative dead-ends and a serious lack of humour, doing nothing whatsoever to build upon its predecessor's greatness. I have to disagree with some of the more optimistic reviews here; this film isn't trying to do something different, it doesn't appear to know what it's trying to do at all.
I will say this for it though, the stop motion effects were great and it is, at least, a better film than Robocop 3.
4/10