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Reviews
Night Court: Wheelers of Fortune (2024)
Had such hopes for the Wheelers return...
They could have gone a million different ways with it, and they all would have been good....except this one. This episode has either the highest, or has to be like top 5, for the series thus far. It's only because everyone was so happy to see the Wheelers.
The writing is still poor, so is most of the acting, and the riffs they choose to take off on leaves you sydh. I've been dying for the writing and directing and production just to catch up with the *real* Dan Fielding, just that one thing. Yet every time I choose to catch an episode, it's just as disappointing as the last.
Granted much of the 80's and 90's humor didn't age well, but Dan can and still should be the quintessential cynical pr**k and intellectual snob - it's still funny.
Dan (back in the day): He was armed, Your Honor.
Harry. (To defendant): Is that true, did you have a gun??
Defendant: It was just a little gun, Judge.
Dan: (with abject incredulity) The term you're looking for is *SAWED OFF*!
Pretty much all of the Wheeler's stuff has aged well (most all of it's on YT):
June: We perjured ourselves, Your Honor.
Bob: And we lied to you, too.
Harry: Well then why'd you say you were from West Virginia?
Bob: It was the most exotic place I could think of....
.........
June: Everything Granny had, she left us in this coffee can.
Dan: What? A dead rat and a pack of Necco wafers? *chuckling*
Bob: Unfortunately no, it was 2 million dollars. And we ate the Necco wafers.
And the canned applause HAS to go. As of now tho, my hopes thoroughly dashed and I give up.
The Last Duel (2021)
How TF did this get a decent rating??
The story is super fake. The cast is worse, and the plot line and acting are even more subpar than that. Stop aggrandizing crap, backed by the fake, and a tornado of tsunami with a hurricane backlash at its face.
If you're going to have a s**t story just say so.
If you're going to have a fictional story "based upon" that is barely s**t upon s**t, then just say so.
Can we not find or write something that isn't dredged from under the bottom of the barrel??!!
Apparently not, even though the writers strike is over and there have been many a good story relegated to File 13, during those times of non-strike and all other times the unknown has provided tasty fodder for your palate??
Black Mirror: Mazey Day (2023)
Next to worst episode of the series (hint S04E05 was the worst)
CONTAINS SPOILERS and ANGST......
Werewolves? Reaaaallllllyyyy?? Was Kripke consulting on this? I mean you all just took an episode of Supernatural and relabeled it as Black Mirror. Shame.
Plus, this whole series is how technology can ruin people's lives in ways most haven't even dreamed of yet. This is an epic fail. I can't stress enough how much of a ripoff this episode was of the Supernatural series.
And the paparazzi angle doesn't qualify as a technological aspect here. Also, paparazzi themes have been done to death. There are entire movies (plural...surprising, I know) about it.
Extremely pedestrian, mixed with a huge ripoff of another series. Maybe you're out of fresh ideas and have lost your relevancy. Are you going to say it's because of the writer's strike? No, no, no....these were penned and in the can well before that came about.
I mean seriously. I cannot overstate my extreme disappointment how and why this series suddenly went off the rails here. It's just near incomprehensible. Not sure I'll be returning for another helping.
Black Mirror: Beyond the Sea (2023)
Mostly well done.
CONTAINS SPOILERS AND WISHES....
I will mirror the numerous sentiments that Josh Hartnett was extremely underutilized. His parts were super on point in this episode, but could have been soooo much better. Not that Aaron Paul wasn't doing well, but c'mon -- this is Black Mirror. We should have seen Josh's visage slipping through the 'body double' more and more, which would have given it that intrinsic Black Mirror - doesn't - hold- back feel that we all know and love.
The ending was a surprise. I mean it was clear that Josh's character was suffering - abject trauma, PTSD and many other factors, but I didn't see him killing the other family. And this is where BM is good at pushing across the line: Josh knew that there was nothing Aaron Paul could do to him, because the ship required a minimum of 2 people to operate, Now 2 people will need serious mental health care when they return to Earth.
I can't imagine the fallout from their employers and the government when they get back, but they will have a LOT of time to talk about it between themselves during the journey. Yet, also, what more could they possibly be punished with upon their return than the hell they've been living through to that point??
Lucifer (2016)
Really??? Season 5......
Could someone at *least* go get Dan??!!
You all have spent a lot of time doing meaningless and outright stupid stuff. Not to mention the abjectly confusing stuff. Can you all not get your stuff together for just a moment to free Dan??
Seriously.
Stowaway (2021)
So many tropes, and too much time allotted to get them all in.....
Yeah, here come the spoilers:
1. Some one who shouldn't be working in the space program seals in another worker inside the ship. Seals = they can't get out; because seals are meant to make the crew safe from the vacuum of space.
2. Some other folks who shouldn't be working in the space program don't do a headcount/name check going in and out of the boat.
3. 1 ruined air/CO2 processor does not equal death for everyone, as there are redundant systems, and backups of all parts. (Lessons learned from all former space missions)
4. Space training 101 is replete with: tether yourself to the ship, while tethering anything important to yourself. It goes without saying that it's most especially when you don't want to die. Which is always.
5. Scientist who wants their "work" recognized over human life should never, in any circumstances, be allowed into space with other humans. (Think ALL Alien movies, whether synthetics or humans)
6. If oxygen is running low and a spacewalk is needed to refill the O2 in the ship, but a space storm is preventing a safe space walk for a few hours: Do NOT just find a martyr. Everybody just suit up and/or use the O2 from the infirmary/med kits until it passes so O2 can be gathered and refilled for all things. (Yes, if you can get/make O2, then ALLLL things can be replenished/refilled...and one canister can refill another)
7. Space is space. It is ALL made up of 0 gravity and a huge vacuum. 0 gravity and all vacuum is the same at point A, as it is at point B, or C, or D, or ZZZZ -- assuming none of those points transverse a wormhole, blackhole, or other equally unlikely space tragedy.
8. Toni Collette did an amazing job telling "Houston" to eff off, AND to do their jobs in finding workarounds, but ultimately succumbed to the script. {She's right....how are there *not* like 10k people working on their shortsightedness to right that ship? (not her words, but there's a ton of people should have been working on the problem instead of telling her to essentially blow the poor guy out the airlock)}
9. While Anna Kendrick's plight was handled almost inconceivably well by her at the end (some amazing acting), it was entirely unnecessary.
The plot line was super frayed, the dialog standoff-ish, and as much as I like Daniel Dae Kim....this is the last, in a long line of badly/similarly acted characters, that I ever wanted to see.
Coming 2 America (2021)
Say ba*tard one more time....
.....and throw in constant misogyny and horrible "jokes", and of allllll the movies that never see the light of day, this one should be at the bottom of that pile.
Arctic (2018)
Smart. Untroped. Brilliant.
Mads gives an amazing performance. The litmus test of acting is to build a character without ornate scripting. He did it brilliantly.
I was expecting dates, times...through flashbacks and dreams, but this was abject storytelling without need or want for backstory. While the script may have been of few words, the acting was soooooo on point. It was almost a breathless endeavor for the watcher. The ending was no winner or closure...and I applaud that for a second time.
There's no question it is a drag-you-in-won't-let-you-go story. And here comes the spoilers.....
We have no idea how long he'd been stranded, but clearly, it was for a significant period of time - he had timers on his watch for dayfall, nightfall, and even knew how fast or slow a storm would roll into the area.
So many unexpected scenes. Who/how many were on the plane with him? I guess if you're going to carve out an SOS, and you realize you're on volcanic rock, that contrast should work, but gotta clean the snow off every day.
Send up a flare and bring down a rescue helicopter...that's messed up. Yeah...you've taken care of the helo survivor...barely...but you're probably gonna die because of it.
Amazing you haven't run into a polar bear before now, but you should have buried your fishing catches anyway. While I *do* love salmon sashimi, I totally get why you loved it cooked with instant noodles....salt, so it has a real meal taste.
Waiting until spring to make a trek on a path you've not known is sure suicide. I totally thought they were dead....blood coming from the mouth is a bad sign, no color in lips and face, tell tale. You were right. Spring in the Arctic....that's a problem.
The Midnight Sky (2020)
Brilliant - so, spoilers
This was a super film. I've watched it 3 times, and am about to watch it again, because I know I've still missed symbolism and nuances.
*LOTS OF SPOILERS*
How do the negative nellies not recognize a lifetime of regret, while meeting certain death/terminal illness death??
He found Earth 2.0. It was necessary to do so. While pitching it, he met the love of his life - whom he pushed away, because he felt time spent to it would take away from his work.
His SO lies about not being pregnant as she knew he was trying to cut all ties with relationships and emotional attachments. Which is why he asks later when he knows the score, if his daughter knew about him, while ignoring his child, and associated responsibilities.
So now all alone...never so alone in a lifetime, he feels his regrets to living a real life, as his SO lamented before. His mind wanders to the "what if" - he could have spent time with her like he knows he should have. What if his SO could still be alive and well if he'd maintained a decent relationship with her.
A lifetime of regrets, along with his terminal status, manifest his daughter as real and accompanying him on his journey of the last days. A race to save his now adult child and done one last good thing, for both humanity AND his child, before his terminal illness takes him.
The acting is brilliant. Save the hands length distance between Sully and Ade. The story is well developed, along with the characters, and the intense symbolism of the story.
If you don't get it, take a break from any mind numbing tv time, so you can look at this amazing story with fresh eyes.
Professionals (2020)
If you turn the sound off.....
...and turn on some Slayer, it makes it tolerable. Two stars solely for Brendan Fraser, because he still looks good. Period
Reef Break (2019)
Inconceivable
....or I would have thought, but someone actually conceived this inconceivable idiocracy (and I don't mean the movie, that was good). This show does nothing but "celebrate the idiot, pretend we are so into it".
I can't even say what it's "worse than", because in all my tv time -- from back in the day when there were only 3 channels -- I've never seen anything this bad. I gotta go wash out my eyes....and ears. Ugh.
Whiskey Cavalier (2019)
3 for potential only
If they stop rehashing every cliche from every other of this type movie/tv show vis a vie Moonlighting (cuz that's how far back this reduce/recycle/reuse project goes for the schtick). And get rid of Scott Foley -- he's just so very unbelievable.
And can we not STOP adding the traditional horrid weaknesses attributed to women in every friggin thing: She can kick your arse....but will fall hopelessly for lead guy cuz she suddenly wants ice cream. Not.
The writers and producers really need to watch the Supernatural episode "Bad Day at Blackrock", and get a few hints about how to write male and female leads that don't fall into bed. Also give you a few hints on how to take the amazingly talented Lauren Cohan's character in the right direction.
Or you can always scrap it. There'll be another sad recycler to come along right behind you.
Annihilation (2018)
Will not suffer another Alex Garland production
I suffered through Ex Machina because a tech buddy said it was "very telling for the future of AI". No. It wasn't. I suffered through a portion of 28 Days Later, because I was on a weathered in, horror binge, and it was "recommended" (also because: Dr Who). I never connected the 2.......until Annihilation. Trademark Alex, yes. Good viewing, no. Plot holes (and general reason, in my opinion) not only abound, as mentioned in many, many, reviews, but it's just pain bad, bad, bad.
The 2 stars are solely for the well done CGI - and good writer/director/producers, should use this company to their fullest. The remainder can be tossed in the bin.
Liar (2017)
Absolutely Perfect!!.....had they left it at 1 episode
At the end of the episode, it was so well written, it left a ridiculous amount of questions as to who was the liar. Then they couldn't leave it alone, they had to make more episodes on the same story line and they mucked it up like seasoned professionals.
You should do a 1 episode theme at a time, leaving everyone wondering who is the liar..?? There's beating a dead horse, then there's standing on a beach next to a dead whale that has doubled in size, gaping at it in awe, and anticipatory glee. You are neither. You are the exploding gas.
Life (2017)
If you saw Alien....save your money.
Folks, I'm sorry, but it's Alien revisited. I think Alien is free on like Amazon and maybe Netflix now, so if you've never seen it (which I think is only toddlers and unborn babies), it's the better film. Life even goes as far as to include the Alien-like, last minute, keep your attention, twisty-turny, blah blah.....but getting through the rest of film is almost nothing but deja vu.
Burn Notice: Made Man (2010)
How does this have a "street value"?
I hardly think this is a spoiler at this point, but they're helping a Security Guard who works at the docks, where the "bad guy" wants to steal a shipment of microprocessors (aka CPUs). I've built my own computers and servers since 1991, so I have a hard time having "suspended animation of disbelief", because even then, I could get CPUs (of the highest speed) almost anywhere, so I don't know how they could have some "street value", whether in 1991, and especially 2010. I love this show, but don't know how (even) in 2010 they could, with any legitimacy. claim there was a "street value" on CPUs. Even if today, you aren't a hardware/hardware building type of person, I'm sure there's dozens of people who could look it up.
MacGyver (2016)
So bad I don't even want to write it, but must warn others.
Couldn't watch more than the first 12 minutes. No one can pull of their characters. None of the characters have character, and for the love of dog, new Mac can't even narrate worth a plug nickel. First action scene in that critical 10 minutes, Mac introduces his "crew" (completely unbelievable for the 0 depth of actors they cast). So Eads character is supposed to be former Delta Force, and while he's waiting around for Mac to be Mac, does NOT bother to disable any potential chase conveyances. Therefore, they are immediately chased by shooting bad guys and their fuel line takes a hit (eye roll for how many times has this been done?), they are on proverbial fumes. Signal colliding conveyances and a *huge* explosion (no one has believed this scenario since the 80's). So then I turned it off and my original IQ is slowly returning.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Nothing I've seen before has been this crazy close to perfect
I must advocate for everyone, everyone, to watch this movie. I cannot, in 5000 words or less, convey to you how amazing it is and how many different aspect points from the spectrum of the genre it incorporates -- entirely to the benefit of the viewer. If you've seen the viral snippet with Colin Firth in the church, I can tell you that the entire scene is THE ultimate perfection in cinematic history. It is funny, violent, irreverent, violent in a Tarantino sort of way, punny, action wrought with gratuitous violence, oh so wrong, perfectly scripted, amazingly executed (save, I don't know why the lisp), and absolutely NOT what you would expect from a British film of this genre. It's not that kind of movie. I mean it has an unexpected Colin Firth, Commodore Norrington, Mark Hamill, Michael Caine, an unexpected Samuel L. Jackson, and the Princess of Sweden. None of that makes any sense as far as casting, and it's PERFECT. I expect thanks.....
Restaurant: Impossible (2011)
Where's the beef??
I loved the first several seasons of this show, because it was all about the FOOD. Sure, it involved fixing the kitchen/giving the place a facelift to make it an attractive package, but it has devolved to "HGTV/Marriage counseling Hour". I, like many people, will go into a hole in the wall, as long as it's relatively clean, but mostly IF THE FOOD IS GOOD. The last few seasons the food aspect has been less than 5 minutes out of every hour episode. So the recent places may look nice, but the food is still going to suck.
Here's something you'll hear every episode: The designer of the episode will say "There are sooooo many dust collectors", or "We HATE nik-naks!", only to put up a thousand new dust collectors and nik naks to replace the ones they just hauled outside.
It was funny when Robert used to take a sledgehammer to a wall or whatever, because then he'd walk off to the kitchen and make something delicious. Now he hangs around the remodel or goes to the trailer and makes phone calls. Very disappointing.
I thought this was a FOOD network show. What happened to the FOOD part of the show??
Cellular (2004)
Total sleeper -- will surprise and keep you on the edge of your seat
I didn't see this movie until probably 2007. I don't even remember it being advertised. Then someone recommended it for a stormy weekend that most folk were already planning a marathon. Said it was the sleeper of the last 5 years. Ddaaahhhnnnnngggg....could NOT have been more right. I mean Amazon Prime *still* rents it for $4. It's *that* good. It's a buy and keep for sure.
I don't want to give away spoilers or more than the synopsis, because *you* need to watch it for the plot twists and superb acting yourself. The script and character development are both amazing. Chris Evans, William H. Macy and Kim Bassinger give highly praiseworthy performances. And if you think I purposely left out Jason Statham, I did not, so *don't* think you know his type of character acting when watching this movie.
If you've read my other movie reviews, you'll know I'm a tough sell to 'animate my suspended disbelief', but this one, I think any of us could see happening in the current news. No point in dragging this out. Just watch it. Enjoy. Thank me later.
San Andreas (2015)
Wrong in every possible way
First: I like Dwayne Johnson -- Scorpion King and The Rundown were very well done. Others, not so much. This was not a good choice for him in his film career. I am astounded that it's rating this high, as it is complete drivel. I was really looking forward to it, given the ratings, and now there's no way to get a refund.
Double spoiler alert. Here is the movie in a nutshell, which also tells you everything wrong with it:
LAFD rescue expert Ray (The Rock - note that he and all his rescue team are retired, seasoned, special military rescue squad, whose last tour was in Afghanistan), abandons his rescue assignment after a huge earthquake in neighboring Nevada to go rescue 1) his almost ex-wife, then 2) his daughter, when other quakes hit in CA in succession. All of which was predicted by Paul Giamatti, super hero, best in class, geo-seismologist scientific dude from Cal Tech. Paul is reluctant to believe the warning system he created, and keeps praying instead. Prays at his computer, prays under the table, prays on national TV. Paul, you're supposed to be a world class scientist -- STOP PRAYING and get to the data points already!!
So, no one even calls The Rock to see where he's gotten off to. He absconds with billions of dollars of taxpayer paid and some privately paid high tech helicopters, equipment, planes, boats and automobiles, abandons his "post", all for personal use in rescuing his ex-wife and daughter. Ioan Gruffudd has a small, inane, and totally unnecessary part in this film in which he is a total whiny *wat. Dwayne's daughter's part in the movie is written semi-smartly, but with lots of cleavage. The abrupt end to that semi-smart piece of writing comes when she takes a time-out to make out a little with the sub-hero while a pick-a-catastrophe Armageddon is happening around them in every direction.
Meanwhile, The Rock and his imminent ex are running about willy-nilly in planes, boats and automobiles in a very stupid and unfunny manner trying to get to the daughter. Never once taking with him -- out of all of this stolen rescue equipment and whatnot -- any first aid kit, defibrillator, rescue gear.....not even a bandaid. Turns out, he doesn't need them. It doesn't just ride the line of miracles and (cine)magic, it erases them as it burns across those lines like a boss. It's like it was scripted or something.
So, all's well that ends well. After a dozen or so of the most massive earthquakes in recorded history running up and down the San Andreas fault, gas line ruptures, water line ruptures, communications losses, aftershocks, random fires and a tsunami the size of which would have flooded to freaking Vegas; Marin County, just across the narrow channel separating the SF Bay from the Pacific -- and the SF Penninsula from the mainland north of the Golden Gate Bridge -- was absolutely untouched, and all the survivors were gathered there, on that first lovely hilltop, surveying the devastation. Magic is great, isn't it??
I couldn't suspend my disbelief enough for this movie. I will also avoid Carlton Cuse projects for the remainder of my natural life.
28 Days Later... (2002)
28 days later = Rapey
28 days into a newly zombied London is all it takes for the British military to start looking for women to gang rape. Forget about the fact that there are zombies everywhere, infrastructure and government are completely gone, making both survival on a daily basis and long term difficult at best. What is their main concern though? Sex. Life's just not worth living without women to bang, and some poor slob was going to eat his own gun....UNTIL...dearest commander, the former Doctor, promised to find them women to gang rape. Yes, friends, who knew that the first rule of zombie and post apocalyptic survival in those first few death filled and insanely frightening weeks is having women handy to gang rape. And because it is sooooo very important, this secondary plot quickly overtook the primary plot, as these broken military soldiers ignored their own safety to their horrific demise, while trying to get their rape on. I just saw this movie (May 2015), and can't believe it actually won awards. It is absolutely round the bend ridiculous, and I'm glad I waited for the free viewing and didn't actually pay money to see it. Supporting this type of BS where a rape culture is not only OK, but overrides basic human survival, just encourages these nutters to keep making these idiotic films, so let's not do that.
Lucy (2014)
Lucy...you got some 'splaining to do.
Luc Besson must be stopped. This movie should have been called "XBOX 360", because she doesn't know (or even act like she knows) X about anything, so just turn your car around and drive back home. And then there's Morgan Freeman. I love Morgan Freeman. I am not sure why he is there. Remember Morgan Freeman when he was on the Electric Company? Ahhh....good times, corny stuff. Still had a better plot, character building, and substance than this movie. Let's face it, Luc's pinnacle was with Leon: The Professional and Fifth Element, and then his movie graph fell right off a cliff...which is why they keep mentioning Leon and Fifth Element today. And Scarlett, well, I can really only blame myself when going to those movies. It's gonna turn up on your streaming subscription plan one day, you know. You can wait, trust me, you can wait.