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jmalek2013
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Teletubbies (1997)
Pitiful Excuse for Children's Entertainment
I.....am.....speechless. No words can describe this utterly awful piece of crap. I don't know whether to give this to a priest to analyze or a psychologist to study! IT.....IS......HORRIBLE. The Teletubbies do not even speak proper English!!!! They just moan and groan at the audience. It has no story, no plot, no character, and ABSOLUTELY NO EDUCATIONAL VALUE. All that it consists of is dancing, moaning and groaning, and obnoxious music. This is just projectile vomit caught on tape. I just cannot bear how smiley and happy everything is. Nothing happens! It is just giggling, smiling, loud noises and awful music and singing! This does not teach your children about negative feelings or emotions, letters, numbers, or any of the stuff we learned as toddlers!!!!! A 1 year old could write better stuff than this incompetent excuse for children's entertainment. Show your kid something else like Sesame Street or Thomas & Friends instead of this radioactive pile of bullshit.
DO NOT SHOW THIS TO YOUR KIDS!!!!!!!!!!
A Troll in Central Park (1994)
Stupid
Having looked at titles such as The Secret of NIMH, The Land Before Time and An American Tail, this entire film is complete garbage. There is only one word for an awful movie like this - STUPID. You heard right. It's just plain stupid. The colors look sloppy and makes the animation look totally fake. The songs are insane and idiotic. The story is atrocious. The characters in unlikable and, well, just plain stupid! They are annoying and unintelligent. The acting is awful. The characters actions have little to no impact on the story's plot. They also have no charm whatsoever. Their actions and egos are stupid. All in all, everything about this movie is pure garbage!
Avoid this film at all costs!
Walking with Dinosaurs 3D (2013)
A Major Disappointment
When I saw this film in theatres, I expected to see an adult, eye-opening, documentary about the dangers that the dinosaurs faced in life. I expected a silent, serious documentary with a narrator. I was looking forward to seeing this film, and I was like, "Wow, this film looks like an excellent, eye-opening thriller documentary about dinosaurs. It should be pretty cool, right?"
WRONG.
Walking with Dinosaurs 3D offers us an hour and a half of unfunny juvenile jokes, talking dinosaurs whose mouths don't move, potty humor, and poor voice acting. But seriously, TALKING DINOSAURS?!?! The film's characters aren't very interesting, and in my opinion, they completely slow down the story's plot. The film's "narrator" (which is basically some bird voiced by John Leguizamo) is INCREDIBLY annoying. Hell, every single pointless joke that he cracks literally dumbs down the audience! The movie literally opens up with these kids in their uncle's car driving to some fossil site. I thought that they were playing the wrong movie. I was like WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?!?!?! This is a dinosaur movie, dammit! Then, the obnoxious narrator pops in, and here is where the audience is introduced to the world of talking dinosaurs. About halfway into the movie, some random kid's voice pops in and says which dinosaur each character is and says it's name. Again, completely random and forced. I am not going to say everything about the story since I remember so little about it, but this film is just bad. Although the film's visuals and CGI animation is incredible, this film is very boring, unintelligent, and lacks proper character and film development.
I rate this film a 4.1/10, and unless you are under 10 years of age, this film is a definite miss.