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schlagerman
Reviews
Bikini Island (1991)
Like the models, attractive but vacuous.
Look, no one is going to watch this movie hoping to be uplifted by the plot or blown away by the cinematography. This is, let's face it, in the T and A category of movies. So one would expect a little T and A, right? And that is just what you get....a little. Very little. The T and A in this movie should be short for TeAse. Because while the film-makers have every opportunity, and set up even more, to show a fair amount of nudity, they really show very, VERY little, and that is a shame. Because, while the actresses are extraordinarily attractive, and fun to look at, most viewers who are going to bother with this movie are going to want to see some more of them than what is shown.
It's only the beauty of the models (especially the main character) in this movie that made it worthy of even three stars. The film-makers themselves, for using so many clichés of the exploitation genre, but not even delivering on the exploiTAtion factor, should get zero stars.
Save yourself the trouble and the hour and a half of your life you'll never get back and go find something else on cable.
Dog Bites Man (2006)
Where's the comedy?!?!?
Okay, here's the problem I had with this show. I am a huge fan of comedy. I am a professional entertainer whose act relies a great deal on comedy. So there I was, watching a show that is supposed to BE a comedy, on a television network devoted TO comedy, a network that has the word "comedy" in its NAME, and yet I didn't laugh. Not one laugh, chuckle, guffaw, giggle, snicker, snort...nothing. I only gave it two points because the one girl, Andrea Savage, is a hottie. That, and the fact that I was hoping for something to be funny at some point, are the only reasons I watched the first episode all the way through. I am sure when the creators thought up this show, it was a great idea, but unfortunately, this idea just did NOT translate into anything resembling something humorous or funny. Comedy Central: This is the time you should eat your young. Don't allow "Dog Bites Man" to live.
Mad Dog and Glory (1993)
The worst ever!
Okay, I haven't seen "Gigli," so this may not be the worst movie of all time, but it is the worst one I have seen. Now, you would think that any decent movie with Robert De Niro, Bill Murray, and Uma Thurman would be worth a watch, and it would....but this movie is not in any way decent or redeemable. My best friend and I watched this on video, and when it was over, just looked at each others, as if to say, "What the hell was the point?" The only other time we seen a movie together that elicited that kind of reaction was "Batman & Robin." Ironically, once again we had Uma Thurman in a dog of a movie. At least in "Batman & Robin we get to see Uma in a skimpy green outfit, which to me remains the only redeeming feature of this movie...which gives it one more redeeming feature than "Mad Dog and Glory." Save your money and don't rent this. And if it comes on cable on a rainy day, you are better off watching the spelling bee on ESPN. For that matter, you might be better off watching static or a test pattern. Mad Dog and Glory remains my most hated movie...ever.