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Danniboi
Reviews
RoboCop (1987)
'Twas the stuff of nightmares!
For some reason I have yet to understand, our school teacher decided that this film was suitable for 10 year olds, and brought it in for us to watch as an end of term treat. Of course, being only 10 at the time, and brought up on a TV diet of kids cartoons, I was completely traumatised by the experience. This lead to months of nightmares about people dissolving in toxic waste, and me becoming terrified of the twitchy microwave in our kitchen. Thanks Teach!! Anyway, Now I am 35, completely desensitised to violence in films and I stumbled across this on Netflix and decided to watch it again with adult perspective, to see if I really hated it as much as I thought I did.
It is as gory as I remember so anyone looking for lots of blood, squishy corpses and explosions, this is the film for you! It hasn't aged well, but some of the effects are still decent. It is fun to revisit the 80s and all that 80's cheesy dialogue, obsolete technology and ridiculous bad guys, complete with a greedy, evil corporation running the show.
Definitely worth a watch if you are into this genre. I'll be interested to see how the remake turns out.
Apartment 1303 3D (2012)
Ummmmm. . . . yeah.
WARNING - SPOILERS!
The only scary thing about this film is the fact that it managed to get even 3 stars on IMDb.
Stupid annoying characters, badly written script - ("Apartments don't kill people, people kill people"), awful acting and tired old horror movie clichés that aren't even meant ironically.
The bint who moves into this place was on the verge of a nervous breakdown just because the lights went out, an ironing board fell on her and a supervisor asked to see her tits. When the ghost (who also isn't scary) does eventually makes an appearance she doesn't even attempt to save herself and basically turns into a whimpering, crying rag doll. Somebody that useless would not have made it to adulthood.
And finally and perhaps the thing that irks me the most, playing scary suspense music over scenes that aren't scary does not make them frightening. it's just kind of insulting to the person watching, as though we need to be told when to be afraid.
Do not encourage people who make movies as bad as this. Watch something else - you deserve better.
Grave Encounters (2011)
A thoroughly creepy movie!
This is one of those films I saw a trailer for ages ago, added it to my rental list and promptly forgot all about it. When it arrived in the mail, I had no idea what it was, and reading the synopsis, I didn't expect much, but put it on anyway. As an avid horror movie fan, I was pleasantly surprised, it was a treat!.
Yes, this is yet another 'found footage' movie, but it is the best I've seen in a long while. Although the concept is not that original, and there is the odd predictable moment, there were lots of genuinely frightening scares and definitely some things I had never seen before (And hope never to see in the real world!). At the beginning, I made very definite judgements about the characters, but I later changed my mind. They revealed far more depth, were flawed and believable and I sympathised with them as the movie progressed. Watching this movie dredged up the disturbing claustrophobic feeling I got playing Silent Hill 4, trapped in a building, teased by the promise of escape, but with no actual way to get back to the outside world as the freaky madness slowly closes in until there is nowhere left to go. It actually made me want to step outside my front door just to make sure outside was still there.
I highly recommend this film to horror fans.
Gimme Gimme Gimme (1999)
Mixed bag.
This is a good show for people who like crude comedy and just want to unwind and watch some mindless fun after a hard day. It has some great lines and dialogue and isn't so crude that it made feel physically sick, like some shows I've seen.
However, having said that, this show is a bit of a mixed bag. There are some episodes that are absolutely hilarious, and others that are just stupid and pointless. Kathy Burke and James Dreyfus are entertaining to watch and there are some really funny one-off characters (such as Tom's suicidal home help guy). Some of the reoccurring characters got on my nerves though. I know Jez and Suze are supposed to be obnoxious, but it stopped being funny quickly and they simply became annoying as the series continued.
I re-watched it recently and found myself becoming less entertained by it as it progressed. Whilst the third series had a few decent moments, it was mostly stupid rather than funny. (I did like the ending though).
I think the best episodes are definitely in the first and second series.
By the way, after reading some of the other reviews here, I don't appreciate being called stupid, drunk or stoned for liking a show. Calling into question someone's intelligence just because they like something is pointless. This show isn't for everyone. If you don't like it, at least write a review that says why, instead of insulting other people because they don't agree with you.
The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Not bad.
I quite like this film and I think everyone who starred in it was entertaining to watch. Meryl Streep is awesome as always, and so is Emily Blunt and Stanley Tucci. Anne Hathaway is likable in the lead as a woman thrust into the fashion industry without any real clue as to what she is letting herself in for.
However what ruined the movie slightly was Andrea's so called friends. They were mean, unsupportive and judgemental, especially in the scene where she gave them all expensive presents discarded by her picky boss, only to have them make fun of her and try to make her look like an idiot in front of Miranda, and the scene at Lily's exhibition where she is basically accused of cheating on her boyfriend for receiving a peck on the cheek from another bloke. (OK, she does actually sleep with him later on, but that is besides the point). If Lily didn't want her skulking in corners with random guys she shouldn't have designed her exhibition that way and then told Andrea exactly where to stand only minutes before. Andrea's boyfriend was OK, but he wasn't very supportive either, considering the fact he knew full well that Andrea planned to leave the position at Runway after a year or so and also how stressful her job was. Andrea was genuinely sorry about missing his birthday. If she had acted like she didn't care or said that she planned to stay at Runway I would have understood his sulking a bit more.
Apart from that, an entertaining hour or two.
Tron: Legacy (2010)
Should this movie be called Tron: Legacy?
First of all, this movie has almost nothing to do with Tron. This movie is about Flynn and the mess he's inadvertently made in a harmless, isolated server.
I'll echo what so many other reviewers have said, in that this movie is visually beautiful, I give it 4 out of ten mainly for the visual effects and that the actors did their best with what they were given, and that is where it pretty much ends for me. With the budget it had, as well as being the sequel to a groundbreaking film, I would have expected a decent story to go with the effects.
I was really hoping to see what happened to more of the original characters, but although Tron's human counterpart put in an appearance, Tron himself was hardly in it, and it seemed as though he was only shoved in there to make the title of the movie relevant. He didn't do anything except look slightly menacing, spout a line from the original movie and then sink into oblivion. And why was he kept in a helmet? If Jeff Bridges can be made eternally young by the power of CGI, why can't Bruce Boxleitner? I was also disappointed with the plot, or lack of it. I saw this at home and had to go back and watch the second half again because I fell asleep on the sofa halfway through.
Aside from Quorra, (pretentious spelling of an ordinary name), the remaining females in this movie wore stupid shoes and looked like they were plucked straight from a makeup commercial. They looked like silicone sex dolls. Predictable and boring.
Finally, Cillian Murphy and his character was completely wasted. Why introduce Dillinger's son, played by a fantastic actor and then not use him anywhere else in the movie? This movie is very pretty, but my advice is to skip it and go buy a packet of glo-sticks. Don't give money to movie makers if they can't deliver a decent story to go with the effects.
Survival of the Dead (2009)
Stupid people deserve to be bitten.
I sat through this hoping there would be some good moments, but it was just DUMB! Just a few of the many things that annoyed me about this film, other than the fact that it was made at all:
Why would these people care about money if society has fallen? Surely in the event of a zombie uprising money would only be useful as kindling or toilet paper. They wouldn't need to buy anything, just smash a window and take it.
Nearly every case of a human getting bit by a zombie could have easily been avoided, especially as most of the people in this film are armed to the teeth. The incident where the supposedly wise living twin gets herself bitten by her zombiefied sister is especially pathetic. After running around on an island of zombies for months, no-one would be that stupid! And if they were real trained soldiers, surely they would never get into a situation where a slow-witted zombie could sidle up behind them and leisurely take a bite out of their neck.
Do lesbians masturbate in public in front of men? Only in porn movies as far as I'm aware. If a point is going to be made of a characters sexuality, surely it should have some actual relevance to the story other than the horny Hispanic guy is barking up the wrong tree.
Awful characterisation, especially the Irish clans.
The zombies aren't scary. They are even kept around as home-help. Also there simply aren't enough of them to pose any real threat, except to the impossibly stupid characters in this film of course.
I could go on and on, but I wont. I think Romero's original films are brilliant. I'm going to re-watch those and try to forget about this mess.
Knowing (2009)
A bewildering experience.
**WARNING - SPOILERS** Prof. John Koestler (Cage), gets his mitts on a piece of paper with a long sequence of numbers on it that – to cut a long story short - predicts the end of the world. As one probably would in these situations, Koestler sets out to try to prove this to anyone who will listen in a desperate attempt to save mankind. Meanwhile Koestler's son starts to see strange blond people skulking about in the woods around their house.
This movie had my eyes glued to the screen until the last 20 minutes or so. It was interesting, scary, disturbing and I couldn't wait to see what happened next. My movie snacks lay forgotten, the plot had me hooked. The plane crash sequence frightened the hell out of me and so did the story and Koestler started to uncover more of the mystery surrounding the final numbers. even the ridiculous blond people were eerie. Then the movie started to draw to a close and I opened a bag Maltesers to counter-balance my disappointment.
I found the sequences leading to the end predictable and ridiculous, and I think the scene with the children reaching their new home was out of place and unnecessary. I would have been happy just to leave that part to the imagination and watch earth's spectacular doom on its own. Their departure could have been concluded the same way without the scene. Their new home has an Eden-like vibe to it, complete with all-too-immaculate CGI scenery and a big shiny tree. It kinda reminded me of a shampoo commercial for some reason. I also thought that if the aliens/angels had taken that much trouble to make sure that the human race would continue elsewhere, they would not have just dumped these kids somewhere on their own and left them to their own devices, free to make all the same horrendous mistakes we humans seem to be all too proficient at. Maybe I am just skeptical, but I see a 'Lord of the Flies' type situation developing very quickly in this new place.
Despite this I was impressed with the subsequent ending scenes, set apart from many apocalyptic movies churned out by Hollywood. Aside from the few children and white rabbits the aliens/angels whisked away, no one and nothing is spared, and the desperation and despair of those who remain, along with the destruction of E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is impressive. It makes a change from the typical ending where the resourceful and virtuous heroes crawl out from their clever hiding places to cry and clutch each other joyfully before skipping off to rebuild their shattered lives.
I give this movie 7 out of 10 - Silly and predictable towards the end ("please don't let it be aliens, please don't let it be aliens. . . awww, damn - it's aliens"), but also thought provoking and disturbing. Nicholas Cage is better than I have seen him in a while.
Ultraviolet (2006)
Not as bad as I was told, but not great either.
This film isn't THAT bad. I got it because my brother chucked the DVD at me in disgust and said I could have it, after I asked him what it was like. He told me he thought this film may have given him eye cancer and he wished he'd watched it before buying.
The first time I saw it, I lost interest due to the weak plot and character development and ended up doing something else while it provided background noise, although I did like some of the far fetched gadgets that were being utilised by Violet when I did glance over. I want a paper phone that makes me 3D! The tardis-like storage containers would really make life easier too! I put this movie with my others and forgot about it. Then recently I decided to give it another go, because I hadn't given it my full attention before. I watched the special features first to learn a bit about the director and what he wanted to achieve with his film. I must say I enjoyed it more the second time round, although I know the directors' intentions should be clear without having to watch 'the making of'.
Like i said before, plot and character development are the weak points in this film for me. I could have quite happily watched it with the sound down. Some of the lines make no sense or are slightly vomit inducing. I also didn't know enough about the characters to worry about their plight and the plot seemed like an afterthought. Parts of the motorcycle sequence were a bit jerky, like I could tell it was attached to a rig, but it wasn't so bad that it bugged me. The action sequences are vary fake and more like ballet, but it is still pleasant to watch, especially with gorgeous Milla in the centre of it all. The costumes are awesome and I like the air brushed comic-book type quality of the picture. I also loved the vivid colours. It makes a change from all the depressing quality of blue filtering which seems to be used by many sci fi movies. Human skin isn't green! I agree with people who say that Equilibrium was a much better film as far as story and plot go, but I have seen movies far worse than this. I think watching it a second time round gave me a chance to see it without any pre-conceived expectations based on more successful blockbusters. I wouldn't have bought it though, and I'm glad I didn't pay to see it at the cinema.
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003)
Stick with the first film.
I am always wary of sequels, although I have seen a good few that are as good or better than it's predecessor. This movie, unfortunately, is not one of those.
I found this film embarrassing and insulting to watch. It made a mockery of the first film, which was, on the whole, a great, fun movie. Reese Witherspoon is impeccable in the lead role, as in the previous film, though that is where it's good points end. The Plot is a very thinly disguised copy of the first, with roughly the same scenes, gags and jokes as before, except this time, it isn't funny. Bigger and louder is not necessarily better.
There are some great actors in this film, including Sally Field, which is why I expected more from it.
Truly disappointing.