crazymother Reviews

When a Stranger Calls (2006)

Phone-omenally Terrible

[1/10 · 20 March 2008]

I once fell off the top of an ice-cream truck whilst trying to rescue a parakeet from the roof of a bus stop. I landed on top of a traffic cone and had to spend two weeks in hospital recovering from a ruptured intestine. It was not pleasant but it was more enjoyable than watching this film.

Entertainment is not watching a "teenager" ringing everyone in her phone book for an hour and half asking if they phoned her. That's all the film is! I might as well have spent the time in a call centre.

Film Plot: Girl gets a weird phone call; she gets very worried and then proceeds to ring everybody she knows telling them how worried she is. No twist, no surprise…. That's it!!! Tip: Next time a stranger calls, just hang up, there's really no need to make a film about it.

Fair City (1989– )

Not even a one...a pure disgrace!

[1/10 · 20 March 2008]

Recently a friend of mine who was visiting Ireland from Italy asked me to explain why so many Irish people laughed when they talked about the TV show Fair City. Judging by people's reaction to it he thought it must be brilliant new sitcom. I thought it would be best to show him an episode so he could see for himself why it had people doubling over laughing. Surprisingly the unbelievably poor quality of the show was not lost in translation. The story line, acting, and sets are universally recognised as pure unadulterated sewage.

The majority of people that commented on this already are completely within their right to express their disgust at the fact that this is shown on Irish TV and paid for by the Irish Tax payer! The one person standing up for the show so ardently obviously has some connection with it because nobody could be so naïve to think that the complaints are unwarranted.

If Edward D Wood Junior had ever had the opportunity to make a soap opera, he would have made Fair City. That is perhaps the best way to describe it to people outside Ireland. The sets are like something off a children's TV with the walls of every house or apartment painted blue, red, orange or green. Wallpaper does not exist in Fair City. The walls even shake when a door opens or closes… it's a shambles. There are only 5 places a character can be in the show, the Shop, a House, an office, the bistro, or the pub. There is no room for manoeuvre, every episode; these are the places the characters will be.

The "actors" are unique in the world of TV as they are perhaps the only actors to regularly be overshadowed by the performance of the set. The walls actually move more than some of their faces. The Irish state television RTE, regularly use these same actors as "celebrity" guests on their second rate talk shows. Its an absolute disgrace that people in Ireland can be on up to 40% rate of tax and be expected to enjoy listening to "Bella" from Fair City ( perhaps the most well known character and even then nobody knows his real name), talking about himself to another substandard product of RTE Ryan Tubridy! Everybody knows Irish TV is a closed shop ripe with nepotism and scarce on talent. Fair City is the perfect example of this. Friends and family getting jobs they clearly don't have the talent or intelligence to do. So don't listen to Miss (touched a nerve) eventsbydonna, you have a right to express your anger at this TV crime. Fair City and all the people responsible for it should be brought to justice! We deserve and demand a better return from our taxes!

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)

Bloody Boring!

[2/10 · 20 March 2008]

There seems to be a tendency for movie fans to label "great" anything that Tim Burton and Johnny Depp collaborate on. This is the only reason I can think of that "Sweeney Todd" has been ranked so highly on this site. I am a big fan of both Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, but this does not cloud my judgment. Sweeney Todd is an average film at best. Like all Tim Burton films the imagery is beautifully dark but surely at this stage this is the least we expect of the man. Apart from the cinematography there was little else I liked about it.A rolling stones-like English accent and Gothic make-up does not constitute a brilliant performance in my book.

The scenes were repetitive, especially when the killings began; this was more boring than horrific. Little effort was made to move past the imagery of the deep red blood contrasting with the dark setting. It seemed that Burton thought that this was enough to keep the audience satisfied. It wasn't. A man sitting near me in the cinema actually fell asleep for half the film and I didn't blame him.

Ultimately I thought the film was mediocre and I won't be watching it again. I am still a fan of Tim Burton though and hope his next project is a vast improvement on this one. Sweeney Todd will no doubt appeal to Burtons many Gothic fans who will worship the man regardless but for other less ardent fans this is possible one to miss, or watch once to satisfy curiosity.

Fatal Deviation (1998 Video)

Back Kick Heaven

[9/10 · 18 March 2008]

I don't know many people that have seen this film; however, the few I do know don't seem to like it. I can't understand why this is. It seems to include all the ingredients necessary to make a martial arts masterpiece... insane martial arts moves... intricate plot... sublime acting and Mikey Graham from Irish Boy Band Boyzone.

The lead actor/character, James Bennett, is perhaps the most significant martial arts actor since the late great Bruce Lee. He delivers a fantastic acting performance delivering his lines with the eloquence of a Shakespearean actor while delivering his back kicks with the ferocity of a kangaroo. Indeed Bennett's back kick is certainly his most effective weapon which is why he chooses to use it all the time.

Another character of note is Bennett's mentor the monk. Every great martial arts film has a mysterious elderly master and fatal deviation is no different. However, it does approach this aspect of the genre in a unique way. The monk, Bennett's master and trainer, doesn't seem to have any training himself. Basically he just gives Bennett Yoga like advice and hides behind trees.

Last but certainly not least is the performance of Mikey Graham. Mikey Graham was a member of an Irish boy band called Boyzone which enjoyed major success in Ireland and Britain throughout the late nineties. Always the bride's maid and never the bride, Mikey had always been considered one of the less important members of the band. He was never as popular with the fans as his colleagues were. Fatal Deviation was expected to put Mikey to the forefront... it should have. Playing an extremely brutal gangster was always going to be tough for the clean cut pop star but his stellar performance was comparable with that of Daniel Day Lewis in "Gangs of New York." Look out for his use of "angry eyebrows" to portray how angry he feels.

To conclude I feel the film has been unduly criticized, and for true martial arts fans this is a must see.