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iroquoisjoe
Reviews
Street Fighter (1994)
Straight up over the Top! Good fun!
It is impossible for me to give a score to this film. It is what it is and I cannot find it within myself to judge it objectively.
Subjectively...it was a hoot! All its flaws are irrelevant. If you said, lets make a not serious movie about a popular video game, this is what you would produce.
Raul Julia is over the top! His M. Bison is 100% unhinged and off-the-rails. He is stupid dope nutty funny crazy funny-Fun! Nothing serious about him except his Oscar worthiness. Seriously. When people dedicate themselves to a role they deserve praise when they pull it off. I guess the Academy Award category could be: Best Performance and Acting Devotion to a Super-Melodramatic Maniacal or Deranged character. ...or something like that, anyhow
Anyhow, OBVIOUSLY, to fully appreciate this movie you HAVE TO know (and played maybe) the titular video game. You can enjoy it without that knowledge, but you have to take the stick out of your butt to do so. However, without that knowledge of the game and characters you cannot fully appreciate the references and recognition of the characters.
I have never watched much of Mr. Van Damme nor have had any real appreciation of his work. Here, I think he finally found his element (as far I am concerned) by being essentially a live action cartoon character (or video sprite? Do they still use the term sprite in video programming? Oh excuse me. I mean, "coding". Ha!). Jean-Claude is everything his character should be.
EVERYBODY, in fact, plays their roles well enough for what was needed out of them. I won't even mention the low-lights, because as I have already expressed, they are not worth mentioning CONSIDERING it is a movie about a VIDEO GAME!
I don't even feel bad for the people who could not be able to enjoy this for whatever reason. It will not make much of a difference in life. It is just a bit of over-the-top fun!
Behind Bars: Women Unchained (2017)
Music too loud
There might be some merit in the experimental prison program New Mexico is trying.
Some of the stories are somewhat interesting.
Most of the women seem to be stupid, juvenile and petty. Not a lot of redeeming qualities in the inmates they highlighted/profiled. Through the fault of their personalities and drug use they are bad to their families, bad to their lovers, bad to their children...and unlikely to change.
However, I can not give a full honest review as I fast forwarded through very many parts because the music was too loud and annoying. I mean it was like dub step mixed at a volume that drowned out the dialogue. Making the show impossible to enjoy. Whoever chose the music and mixed it in should be fired.
Purple Hearts (1984)
Could have been measurably better without Wahl and Ladd
I am sure the principal actors did their best, but ultimately they both really lack something...something hard to define.
Ladd at least makes me believe she could have been a nurse in Viet Nam. On the other hand, I have trouble believing Ken Wahl made it out of high school, much less made it through medical school, life as an intern, and then independent doctor.
Still...their romantic moments are sketchy. They both don't convince me of the "irresistible" attraction.
Ladd seems a little too un-emotive and bland...again, probably an accurate portrayal of a war time nurse, forced to distance herself from what she is seeing everyday...thus kind of turning us away from sympathizing with her. By the time she is shaking from her brush with death with the black marketeers her acting seems believable, but just still manages to be cold. Accurate but not endearing. As a side note she looks excellent in a white bra.
Ken Wahl. The less said the better. I am sure he is a likable. I can believe that someone saw him and thought "he's going to be a big star!". They were wrong. This movie proved it. This was his vehicle and, maybe it was that huge unibrow, but every time there was a close up of him...the audience probably focused more on that than on his attempts at "emotions".
Cheryl Ladd also got her big chance with this...and I suspect she can thank her relationship to the man the production company is named after, Alan Ladd Jr. president/founder of the Ladd Co....her relative by marriage. But in the end there was a reason she was relegated to TV beyond this and it shows up here.
The movie was an interesting, but rambling romp. It might have been a sleeper hit or even a regular one...but Wahl and Ladd were not the two actors to put it over the top.
Race to Witch Mountain (2009)
The kind of performance/movie that makes you want to punch The Rock in the face
This was the gf's choice for an action flick and boy do I regret having this in my Action folder.
Somewhere at the end of this movie, the "actor", formerly known as The Rock, gives the camera his 'look of wonder' face as the kid's spaceship lifts-off for the stars. I couldn't bear it any longer...this was where I just looked away from the screen because it was just that bad.
It didn't start out too bad. I just think he has a limited acting range. He was fine as the cynical taxi driver at the beginning... And even as his sarcastic one-liners were becoming increasingly hit and miss as the movie went on, he was at least tolerable as an average joe (with body builder biceps and semi-pro NASCAR driving skills) 'in over his head'.
But then he has to become Mr. deep-down has-a-heart-of-gold friend-to-all-kids-in-trouble type of guy. And that is just beyond his acting range.
Anyhow, the special effects are not up to par. The acting all around is questionable. The music; annoying. The plot...kinda holey. The "love interest"...is uninteresting. The young actress...a good look-a-like replacement for Disney for Lindsay Lohan but having to do a part that is way to weepy. The young actor...he would almost be laughable displaying his stoic yin to his movie sister's emotional yang, but really he seems to have been the casting director's lowest priority.
...and then there's The Rock. I suspect too much of the budget went to him and not to getting good support actors, script doctors and special effects. And thus you get a movie with a main actor whose expressions of wonderment could be mistaken for a person experiencing an prostate exam getting disturbingly personal.
I know he'd twist me into a mutilated pretzel, but it would be worth it to sock him one for putting me through too many close-ups of his bad camera mugging.
I have really been turned off the idea of seeing him in a starring role EVER again.
Star Trek: Of Gods and Men (2007)
If you really love Trek...it's a fun ride.
Here is what I found fun It was just fun to see Chekhov and Uhura carry the show. They get most of the lines, (but even then it is an ensemble cast). Koenig got to do more dramatic lines and action. Nichelle probably got more plot point lines. I would have preferred to see Miss Nichols do more of the action, but that may have not been physically possible for her...as seen by the fact where she was walking in a scene where everyone else was running.
It was good seeing a full grown Cirroc Lofton again , who played Captain Sisko's son in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. In homage to his TV father he sported a bald head and goatee. His acting was just okay...but then he really didn't have any exciting lines to deliver.
Herbert Jefferson Jr or Boomer from the original Battlestar Galactica shows up with some mean looking facial hair. He commands some starship and strike force and at some point tells "Blue Squadron" to go on the attack...which of course was his squadron on the old BSG show. Cool seeing him again. A good nod of the head to 'old-school' sci-fi.
It was good to see original Star Trek's Yeoman Rand show up...although I don't know if she even said any lines. She does get to practice her tribble puppetry skills though and that is cool.
We get to find out what happened to Charlie Evans, from the old series episode Charlie X. Hint: he's bitter.
We also get to find out what happened to Gary Mitchell who although left dead in the second Star Trek pilot shot...is alive and kicking due to the machinations of Charlie. Hint: the universe was better with him dead.
For me the the special effects were great. If you are geeky enough to be aware of different designs that were planned for the Enterprise then you will see how those would have turned out in action. In fact you get to see lots of Romulan Warbirds, Klingon Cruisers, Klingon Birds of Prey, Klingon Super-Battleships, several designs (and paint schemes) of Starfleet warship and just a bunch of crazy starship designs all duking it out with phaser blasts and photon torpedo firings. Oh...the sound effects were fun too.
It was cool seeing Tuvok again, and cool knowing he was directing this film.
There are many things that make this enjoyable but, obviously, you have to have more than a passing familiarity with Trek to really appreciate them.
For example...as a final note, it was cool seeing Arlene Martel as the vulcan priestess maximizing her facial expressions (something Miss Martel is a master at) as she watches Uhura kiss Stonn. But to really appreciate that you have to recognize her as Spock's fiancée T'Pring and remember that she dumped Spock for Stonn...hence her discomfort at not JUST the blatant show of emotions.
All in all...much fun for Trekkers.
Bataan (1943)
Joke: a black guy, a white guy a Mexican and a bunch of asians enter the jungle together....
...if you don't already know the punchline to this joke, you WILL by the time the white guy is laughing maniacally at the end of this movie.
Bataan lags at some points but you should never be discouraged. It's a wonderful piece of U.S. cultural legacy. It should really be on exhibit at the Museum of American History in Washington D.C.
The overall message? We all must/will come together to win this war against a demonically evil but efficient enemy, the unholy Japanese Empire. Proof that we will/can accomplish this hard task is on exhibit in this film which displays the wonderfulness of the valiant defenders of America's farthest colonial outpost bastion, The Philippine Island's Bataan peninsula.
But Uncle Sam needed more troops. If you weren't in a factory making weapons everybody was needed to be in the fight. Hence the producer put in EVERYBODY. blacks, asians, latinos, jews (based on name), and people with names that end in -ski. Perfect! A recruiting poster of a movie for the Army. The promise? You too can be an immortal hero if you give it up for your country...no matter how lowly you are.
And by 1943 standards that was quite a message. That message, apparently, was not lost on southern whites who, according to the IMDb trivia section, protested (in letters to the producer) the black guy's inclusion. One can imagine their dismay. On a huge screen was a huge black man, acting bravely, firing a machine gun, looking relatively Hollywood handsome, thinking and reacting proactively to situations, holding his head up to white folk, TRAINED in explosives, and basically contradicting every denigrating description a racist might wish to attribute to African-Americans. No wonder the civil rights movement kicked into high gear soon after the war. It was all this movie's fault! It sort of makes up for the fact they make the black guy dig every grave in this film until he dies (courageously, in hand-to-hand combat with the enemy).
The Japanese attackers don't fair so well in the positive portrayal department in this movie, but this flick wasn't meant to swell their service ranks. The less said about their portrayal the better, but let's just say that the term 'monkey' and Japanese are used synonymously throughout this film.
The combat is brutal, the killing violent, and the tactics/accuracy more than a bit questionable.
Still, it's a film you should turn out the lights and watch in the dark and imagine you are in a crowded smokey cinema back in the 1940's. Would you feel inspired? Head to the nearest recruiting office? It isn't the most realistic film you will ever see, but it does nicely represent critical time in WWII history. Where it became IMPORTANT to portray every American as useful, noble and good.
Cleaner (2007)
Great acting...ending a bit convoluted.
I think everybody in this was great. Very convincing acting all around. Especially the girl playing Samuel L. Jackson's daughter. She was almost scarily convincing when she finally breaks down over her mother's death and her fears...all understandable, plot-wise.
Anyhow, I don't like the rational of the killing at the end, but at least it was the end and did not spoil the rest of this thriller.
This was a surprisingly good watch.
I did not see it when it came out, but it is a good option for a thriller/mystery.
Watch it for the acting and the genre.
Wholly Moses! (1980)
Wholly crapolly
So bad that it doesn't deserve a review so much as a warning.
I mean, not one laugh. Okay, now if you are a mormon or something and think the Mr. Bean movie was funny because it was mainly inoffensive than this could be for you. There really is no other audience...except maybe precocious pre-adolescents. This MIGHT be worth their while.
Dudley Moore - made me smile once. Richard Pryor - funniest thing in this, and still I did not laugh. Lorraine Newman - the less said, the better. James Coco - seems like a terribly nice guy...I'll leave it at that. John Ritter - no physical comedy for him to do so...basically wasted.
The writer had a single previous writing credit.
I hate to sound conspiratorial, but one does sort of imagine that someone said, "hey, let's capitalize on the popularity of Life of Brian and use this new (or was it old?) script".
Life of Brian had 6 good writers and a cohesive comedic troupe. This movie, seems to have had nothing go right for it.
Watch at your own peril. :-)
Baby's Day Out (1994)
If you ever need a information out of a terrorist...
...make them watch this movie.
I was seriously praying for it all to end long before end credits scrolled (...my end or the movie's end. I wasn't choosy at that point).
I laughed once. It was a moment of weakness. I'll tell you exactly when it came. After the excruciatingly unfunny (and unnecessarily long) baby-burning-man's-crotch scene there was the actual moment when the fire had to be put out and watching one of the kidnappers vigorously stomp on Joe Mantegna's groin in an enthusiastic attempt to extinguish the flames actually made me chuckle out loud. The happiness was short lived.
Eventually, I was fantasizing about someone kicking me vigorously in the gonads to distract me from the rest of the movie. It was seriously that bad.
The 'who cares' implausibilities about what was happening to the baby in question was only separated by the melancholy acting of the 'mother' and 'nanny'. I don't know which was worse.
Ultimately...torrent it (don't ever pay for this) and keep it on hand in case you have to go all Jack Bauer on your neighborhood Al Qaeda suspect. Otherwise, keep it from your eyes. It will hurt.